Phoenix: I remember when I was seven and late in elementary school, I'd be like "My mom made me late," and my teacher would say some dumb shit, like "It's your own responsibility to make sure you're here on time.”

Phoenix: I was seven years old the fuck do you want me to do? Drive the car?

Maya: You have to pick your battles.

Franziska: I am! I’m picking all of them.

Klavier: Yeah I looked both ways before crossing the street, I looked both "handsome" and "radiant", too bad I got hit by that car  

Franziska: The high horse analogy just doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t understand why I should want to get off my high horse. My horse is so tall, he is enormous and titanically powerful, he will stomp on my dissidents and scatter them like cockroaches. It’s a good place for me to be, strategically.

Edgeworth: Where are you going?

Sebastian: To get ice-cream.

Kay: To commit a felony.

Sebastian: We’ll decide on the way.

Phoenix: *Playing piano at the Borscht Bowl Club*

Customer: Do you take requests?

Phoenix: Sure!

Customer: Stop.

Athena: I would survive a horror movie.

Athena: The murderer would show up and I’d just be like ‘Sir your vibes are disgusting.’

Sebastian: I spend my days just vibing :)

Edgeworth: You’re not “vibing.” You are in severe psychological distress.

Apollo: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage, you fool, I’ve been the same height since I was twelve.

Phoenix: I’m well aware that I’ve accidentally set myself on fire and it’s none of your business. I don’t need your pity water either. Let me burn in peace.

Athena: Z is just a sideways N.

Apollo: It’s 2am please stop.

Athena: Zo.

Maya: All I’m saying is there’s 7.6 billions of us and only one God. We could take him out if we wanted to.

Edgeworth: Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on here?

Blackquill: It’s kinda complicated but Gavin-dono-

Edgeworth: Got it. Forget I asked.

Phoenix: Trucy, there’s no monster under your bed.

Trucy: I know, it’s behind you!

Phoenix: What.

Phoenix: I’m a firm believer in ‘if you’re going to fail, might as well fail spectacularly’.

Trucy: It’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free: pouring water into your socks.

Apollo: Why would I do that?

Athena: It’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free.

Trucy: Being cute is really hard because even when I’m angry, everyone just kinda giggles at me and says “aw you’re so cute when you’re angry” like, no. Stop. Recognize my power.