nosurprisespleases
a jinx
don't linger it stinks in here
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Pain is grounding.
Pain is reliable.
Pain is company,
And distraction.
Pain is relief.
It is the strongest replacement of reassurance and love,
And the closest thing I found to replace touch.
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Cleaning myself up,
Tucking myself in.
#lonelly#tw depressing stuff#d3pression#svicide#sadgirl#im unloveable#self h@rm#tw sh related#self h@te#selfh@rm
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No amount of alcohol can distract me of this nagging thought
I see a screwdriver digging the palm of my hand
A hammer breaking the bones of my toes
I can't stop envisioning it
I want to hurt so bad
Please make it stop
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If that scaffolding fell on my head
Maybe it would set my brain right
Or stop it all together
I guess that would be better
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Usually they seek lonely places to die
But he cuddled me, snuggled me, overwhelmed me with his presence
Like he knew what was about to happen
Every moment he had left
Were to be spent in my arms
He knew how I would miss the warmth, and the smell, and the presence
I will be forever grateful for this
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Alejandra Pizarnik, tr. by Yvette Siegert, from The Most Foreign Country; “I am…”
[Text ID: “my wings? / two rotting petals”]
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Shattered on the ground
I find no one next to me
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Everyday I grieve
The beauty I believed I had foolishly
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My face is melting away
I want to rip it
But just like mud the ugliness just sticks to my fingers and spills on my elbows
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I'll only ever inspire pity
And have to make peace with it
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Analicia Sotelo, from Virgin: Poems; “Do You Speak Virgin?”
[Text ID: “I’m afraid I am a blind goat / with a ribbon in my hair, with screws for eyes. / I’m afraid wherever I walk, it’s purgatory.”]
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How can I not let it swallow me whole,
When it engulfs me in such a sweet, warm blanket
Where it is so dark I can become nothing
And pretend I don't have to bear the weight of being alive
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Icy cold twist in my stomach,
Just like the old times
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I fantasize so much about ways I could hurt myself,
It's kinda addictive
Imagining how many times I could make myself bleed
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I allowed myself to try and pretend I could be the first choice.
But I guess I forgot how replaceable I was.
Slowly losing you doesn't hurt as much as knowing my very best isn't enough to keep you around.
I feel so little, so bland.
I don't know I I could ever think I could do this.
The only thing I think about is how am I going to manage living in a empty house with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest
#tw depressing stuff#d3pression#sadgirl#im unloveable#self h@te#there is absolutely nothing lonelier#loneliest
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Naomi Shihab Nye, from Fuel: Poems; “Hidden”
[Text ID: "If you tuck the name of a loved one / under your tongue too long / without speaking it / it becomes blood"]
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Every tear I shed holds the memory of you
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