nightskogen
turn hell hound
jude. intp/leo. wicklow, ireland. author/editor. I fucked your dad. Currently reading: Babel
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Reblog for a larger sample size, if possible.
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I’m having a spirited debate and need a larger sample size
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(greeting someone u would die for) well well well… look who crawled out of the primordial FILTH
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sure I could become a slut. but you see, I'm scared
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— love version of, Richard Scott, from 'after Verlaine'
[text ID below cut]
[text ID: tonight I watched you sleep / naked on the futon / face down sweaty like a small child / and knew that everything else was bullshit
it's so hard to stay alive these days / or sane / so keep on snoring danny / while I guard you like a rottweiler
being in love with you is fucking awful / cause one day you'll stop breathing / in this grey light you look already dead
but then you smile thank fuck / what are you dreaming about baby wake up / tell me if the word soul still means anything]
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sharks every time theres a cataclysmic extinction event: damn thats crazy. anyway
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crying at these comments on the instrumental cover of 50 cent’s P.I.M.P
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the worst part about having huge autistic fantasy worlds in your head is that it takes like 8 billion years to turn that into something substantial you can show people
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i think that the "i do not control the ____" memes are generally tame and do not lend enough credence to the genuine absurdity of the original line that is
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#this really is so important#my mum raised me to be neither independent nor dependent#so I was just left to flounder guessing what I was allowed and not allowed to do#thankfully most of these things ive never had a problem with but then there are a few I REALLY do struggle with#in the conflict of Taking Myself Too Seriously as if someone's judging my every move over my shoulder
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