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Virgulino
Não direi, não farei, não irei, não sentirei... mas possivelmente falharei.
Pensava, faria, iria, teria... hoje só navego em altos mares de pesadelos, onde nada vejo e só a insônia norteia-me.
Oh, senhor eu mesmo, donde vinha a energia infinita finita, aonde foi, que farás/farei?
É só o pesar... largar o timão e deixar o mar guiar, como um carro desgovernado na neve, teimar em segurar o volante só piora.
Que o mar de incertezas e pesadelos norteie a bússola de minha loucura.
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you can't straight out a crooked path made of stones
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I don't know why
So never mind;
Your heart is a swarn of flies.
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Nethescurial
My greatest virtue is silence and unbeing;
It was always the me from now that i saw back then... all the mischief that i never would have done before already paid in advance.
Yet nothing rolls and payment is due again, with nightmares so terrible they might as well kill... someone else.
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A lost Carol
Achamoth just wake up and stop this foolish nightmare of being.
There's no other worse jest than dreaming nigthmarish lifes of vain ruins of "what if" that will never be real in those hellish and endless dreams of yours.
Wake up, Az.
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Null Moon
I should just go... no blood on my veins, no moon on the sky;
only this monochrome night.
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Dreams
Yesterday i called for the mister problem solver;
For days i've been dreaming of solving things with the wishmaster;
For years i've been planning on calling it;
For hours i called the one in the mirror;
And now forever the master of mists stays;
And now forever he stays within, never leaving the walls in which he was called;
Yesterday i called for it, yet today he won't go away;
Today and for forever he will stay... Stay until the end of all nights on earth.
It doesn't matter now.
It doesn't matter how.
It doesn't matter who;
The one that stays until the end of days.
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He
He always comes, but never leaves;
He comes with nice promises, good ideias and a smile;
Good plans and always the way to solve the issue;
Until you realize the method... until you realize the morbid way in which you are doing things;
Until you see the results, with a bonus of dirt in every hand.
Then he... he never leaves anymore.
And after it is too late to realize, he is me.
It was always me.
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ghost, i will give you all of me
But father, i do not feel anything;
I am nothing but an anti-god tree.
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Ja dizia Pablo De La Paz
Tu não terás outro cachorro como o primeiro;
Tu não terás outra mãe ou outro pai;
Eu não terei outra pessoa da família como ti, ou tu como a mim... algum as coisas simplesmente são uma única vez, apesar de que tu tentes arranjar diversos outros substitutos; o mesmo valendo para amigos, ao menos aqueles confidentes.
Agora... mulheres? Teu coração fostes feito para únicos parentes;
únicos amigos - humanos e não humanos - mas mulheres? estas tu nunca tens e nunca terás a falta duma na vida, caso sejas consciente o suficiente, garoto efervescente.
Gurias vem e vão, parindo ou não, mas nada retendo no ir e vir. Reserva teus sentimentos para aquela, rara e, na realidade, única que tu transformas em família, pois o resto... só atraso. Não que ao menos uma exista, então que a memória de teu primeiro vira-lata seja motivo para enxugar as lágrimas com whiskey.
Que teu amor próprio tenha prioridade sobre o amor para qualquer outrem fora teu pai e mãe, dado que estes realmente mereçam mais lágrimas que teu primeiro, canino, amigo.
Quem dera eu tivesse, décadas atrás, alguém para jogar isto... quem dera eu tivesse a epifania de ver que pai não é nada, que estando, estado e tudo mais nada mais são que algemas.
Quem dera meu foco fosse meu velho cachorro, minha avó e meus poucos primos com quem jogava super nintendo.
A vida é, no fim, dificilmente simplista, mas com sentimentos tendenciosos para o buraco negro de massa concentrada que é o difícil, o sentir, o pensar.. o "se" não se prende apenas à lama, é um buraco negro de força gravitacional escalar e infinita, donde nada sai, aonde tudo vai, e onde vago em pulsos a depenar o pensar, divagar e viajar no "talvez".
Mas de que jeito, digo e digiro, rodo e rodo no onde vais... só sais, o acúmulo é de bagagem e, consequentemente, massa, e estas, quanto maiores, mais requerem energia para a viagem que sempre deve ser leve.
"Ipanema é tão legal, o meu pai é general" Que afoguem-se com champagne, apesar de que a falta do sentimento real já é o engodo da alma e da criação.
Estou para ver, qualquer eons que seja, um herdeiro mais produtivo que um vira-lata.
Mas penso, penso, penso, penso e, principalmente, perco tempo: vale a pena, o troféu, a conquista? Quanto desde que o topo já se foi? Quanto desde que o resto passa?
O infinito, outrora longínquo objetivo, hoje amedronta-me pela velocidade que vem.
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The Shinning
you just aren't a men until you know what a bourbon is, or even why men drink it. Have you ever drank a glass of whiskey with tears in your eyes? They just evaporate, your nose is completely free to breath and you and you have another thing to keep going.
Growing up is that: knowing how our society evolved by alcohol and from alcohol by drying up our tears. Because loss, darling, is always there...
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Price or more downward
There used to be nothing, every night... no bad or good, no dream or nightmare, no grief or sorrow...
And yet now, without dreams or desires, I'm once again seeing only nightmares... nothing else and nothing more.
An omen to my future in each one of them? A reminder that i... i'm still the same? The will to do anything is long gone, as is my madness, but not my sadness.
Is this a comeback? There's no future without me seeing, hearing and feeling those eldritch things?
A price i'm willing to pay, this windless sea of day-to-day is way worser than the madness i once had. Took me too long to understand how the eldritch life is like a sweet dream compare to being "normal".
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Hélio
They... they keep being grateful about random miracles, while others do it;
They... they keep believing that those random that survive are proof of their only and true god;
They keep expecting... and expecting... and expecting things from heaven, now and in the after death;
They keep, yet in the dark.
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Avenida Beira Mar
And I still remember... a memory and i wept.
The scars they... they cut soo deep;
Please.... please... please ease my burden...
This is my greatest fear... so often do i crawl... so often do i cry
For me there would be no more loneliness nights, missing the dead.
No more sorrow, no more pain... but the scars, oh they still cut soo deep.
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Bleeding moon
All wishes and work to bind them;
All wishes and work to tie them;
All wishes and work to bring them close;
But all wishes and work just broke the ties;
But all wishes and work just faded into unseen faces
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Journeys end in lovers meeting
Time is fluid here... one may be haunted by his future self when... Well, death is timeless here, and home is where the heart is.
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Turn off the lights
Seems like there ain't nobody to turn off the sun when you lose;
There isn't someone to start the rain;
Nobody will stop, people just carry on;
Except you.
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