Yes — the drama gods came through on this onscreen ship 🥺💕

I miss you Ba ngoai 💔 I wish this was a bad dream that I will wake up from and know that you are still here with us. Life is so unfair. You should of still been here with us. Can’t believe it’s almost been 1 year 💔 my heart aches and hurts every time knowing you are forever gone.

MY FAVORITE COUPLE 🤍🤍🤍🤍

Employee of the year 🤍✨ #otolaryngology #7years

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This is 100% like something out of a shoujo manga.

I literally teared up reading this. It wasn’t about winning the award. It’s about what Dr Worthen wrote that made this special for me🤍✨ I can’t believe she nominated me.

I’m so lucky to have such an amazing doctor I work with everyday. She never fails to remind me every day how much she appreciates me. It’s a good feeling to know your doctor appreciates you and notices what you do and acknowledges it 💕

Our forever silly little princess 🤍✨ look at how silly and goofy she is. I can’t with her sometimes 😫😂 She always does the cutest yet silliest things that melts our heart away.

Time needs to slow down. Riley is growing up so fast 🥺

a love so beautiful: appreciation post | the friendship - “I didn’t have any friends when I was young. I’m quite happy hanging out with you guys.” - lu yang

ig: pepamack

_catherinehelene

Part 4.

Aug. 18 2020, we got the last call. No more suffering ba ngoai 💔 I know she fought her hardest. She’s finally at peace. I still can’t believe this is all happening to my family. It doesn’t feel real. It’s been 8 months and it still doesn’t feel real that my grandma is gone. I miss hearing her voice. I miss her everyday. It breaks me when Riley ask about great grandma. Time to time Riley would say “when cố (great grandma) feel better she will come knock on our door and play with me. I wish I can hug and kiss her” 💔 Riley definitely remembers my mom and grandma coming over to our house before covid happened. & every time we FaceTime Viv and she’s in our grandma’s room we would tell Riley say hi to my grandma’s picture and she would say “why bà cố not talking to me” 🥺 My heart breaks having to tell her cố is in heaven. My grandma loved Riley so much. She always wanted to see Riley. I’ve never made enough time to take the girls to see my grandma as often as I should of. Something I would forever regret for the rest of my life. I wish we had more time with her. Seeing her in the casket so lifeless broke me into million pieces. Her body was stiff. she looked different. Tried so hard not to cry on that day because my mom said we cannot cry in front of my grandma or else she will linger on earth and not want to leave 💔 it was hard. I still wish this was a bad dream that we all would wake up from and I’ll get a call from my grandma. I know she’s watching all over us & one day we will see each other again. I love and miss you so so much Ba ngoai 💖

Part 3.

Every update call I had to brace myself because I feared of hearing the worse & I did not want that day to come. That night, 8/17. The doctor called me and told me we have 1 hour to talk to each other about what we want for my grandma at this point. She said she does not think my grandma would make it until the next day. My heart collapsed into pieces as I tried so hard to hold in my tears. I wasn’t ready. Suddenly I felt my whole body became numb. I just wished i could see my grandma again. The doctor said my grandma is on maximum support on the ventilator, they’re giving her special medication for her blood pressure to go up but despite everything she continued to get worse. I’ll never forget what the doctor said; “at this point were causing more suffering than benefit. She’s showing us her body is trying to die and we’re not letting her die. We’re artificially keeping her alive. At this point as someone who wants to care for your family member I think we start to feel really conflicted. we feel like we’re doing more harm than benefit for her and we’re prolonging her suffering and dying process —we’re causing that to be prolong and it’s not a compassionate way to care for her” It was so hard to digest every word the doctor was saying. we all wanted and wish so damn hard for miracle to happen at that moment. Despite everything the doctor said—- my mom, aunt and uncle made a decision, as long as my grandma’s heart is still beating we believe miracles do happen. I couldn’t sleep all night. I cried all night. I prayed for a miracle to happen. I never did thought I would lose my grandma this soon.

Part 2.

Never in a million years have I imagine losing someone I love to covid.

I miss my grandma so much 🥀💔 —- 08.18.20 12:08 pm my loving grandma gaved it her all. I think about her every day. I miss her everyday. I can’t believe she is forever gone. We never did thought she would not make it home. My grandma was 77 & she had many more years ahead. To know that I will never get the chance to talk to her again & have her watch Riley & Delayna grow up & see me walk down the aisle—- hurts so much. It pains me to know she is forever gone. I wish things didn’t happen the way it did. I wish my grandma didn’t caught this virus & that she would still be here. That night she got admitted for what we thought was a minor cold & thought it was her diabetes acting up. We were all wrong. My heart sunk. My whole body went into shock when I got the text saying my gma tested positive for covid. Like how the fuck? Wait a minute. This has to be wrong. She doesn’t even go out. No fucking way. What test are they using? Is this a joke? I couldn’t believe it & I did not want to believe it. So much emotions we’re running through my head. I was scared and so worried. You hear all this shit on the news of people dying every day because of this virus . Just a million things were racing in my head. I didn’t want anything to happen to her. The hardest part was not being able to be there with her. Due to covid restrictions family members were not allowed to visit at all. Luckily, we were able to do FaceTime & talk to her. The look on her face when we told her she tested positive for the virus. She just wanted to go home. We told her hang in there grandma, you need to feel better first before you can go home. Meanwhile my grandma was in the hospital fighting her battle with this terrible virus —-my mom who also tested positive for covid was fighting hers. Its crazy. Insane to think this virus was in my house. My mom literally babysits the 2 little ones every day. She comes over and stays at our place until we get home from work— hugs/kisses them —yet none of us got it. It’s a miracle. The day my grandma got admitted was the same day my mom said she didn’t feel well & that was the day that I came home early from work & was talking to mom for the longest. It wasn’t until the 5th day her symptoms started to worsen. My mom was in so so much pain. I felt so bad. I was so worried for her. It’s such a scary feeling to know your love ones has this virus that is killing people everyday.Everyday i prayed for a miracle to happen. That somehow my grandma would feel better with all the treatments she’s receiving and every update call is good news and not bad news—That my mom will fight through this & beat this virus down. Unfortunately a miracle did not happen for my grandma. As my mom was getting better my grandma wasn’t. My grandma was put in a medically induced coma 1 week later. From remdesivir to convalescent plasma to proning. It was 3 am when they called. — they had to put her in a induced coma. My heart just sank. I cried my eyes out. I was broken. You hear all these things about being induced coma. Trying not to feed off so much from the negative energy and think positive was so damn hard. I felt like we were slowly losing her and it was just a matter of time. We were all in denial. We were all praying so hard for a miracle to happen. Seeing my grandma through FaceTime while they had her prone was so heartbreaking. Anyone out there who has lost someone they love to covid will understand the pain we had to go through. It was extremely hard and heartbreaking having to watch our grandma through a camera fighting for her life and worse part is not being able to see and be there with her. She did not deserve to go through this. No one deserves to go through this. I wished so hard this was all a bad dream. I cried my eyes out every single day praying for a damn miracle to happen. I just wanted my grandma to be OK. I just wanted to hear your voice again.

Part 1.

Wow, it’s been over 1 year since I’ve wrote anything. Everytime I want to write I find myself writing the first couple sentences and not having the urge to continue.

So much happened in 2020. I’m emotionally & mentally drained from everything. I don’t even know where to start.

The start of 2020 who would of known we would be living in a pandemic right now.

2020 started off with Layne having a peritonsillar abscess that made its turn real BAD. What started off as a strep quickly turned into an abscess and him ending up in the hospital for a week. I know. Hospitalize for peritonsillar abscess? I guess it was his luck. He was suffering. I felt so bad. I felt so helpless. The feeling of knowing & seeing your other half go through extreme pain yet you can’t do a damn thing.... sucks. It’s hard to watch. We were so lucky & fortunate to have Dr Worthen there. She’s the best 💖 I’m so lucky to have her in my life. About to go on maternity leave she made sure Layne was taken care of. Prior to getting admitted we saw Layne at the clinic & Dr Worthen attempted to drain the abscess. ———— ⤵️

Somehow after draining it, Layne got worse. worse as in his airway was closing. Just imagine your throat and tonsil swelling to the point where’s you could barely see the back of your throat. It was bad.

& that was our start of 2020.