apologies to followers for that blast from the past. I was avoiding work by reading my old textposts and actually? that shit was hilarious you're welcome

Is it excessive displays of emotion that are outlawed? Because people are emoting. The new partner guy was proud of his placement and presumably batman and emoted contentment and one assumes occasional lust at his wife. And the kid is definitely emoting. Currently he is emoting: I am a massive dick head.

Oh no! Not wallpaper!

A disco ball? A perpetual motion thingy? How are these big time emotional items? And why is he behaving like he’s touch starved. Is stroking things supposed to be cinematic shorthand for feels?

A SNOW GLOBE. ARE YOU ACTUALLY SHITTING ME? THE BEST ITEM THEY COULD COME UP WITH TO SYMBOLISE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD WAS A FUCKING SNOW GLOBE?

NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE FIGHT SCENES. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME? DID HE JUST HIT THE BULLETS AWAY?

A raid! Wait. What were they making? Was it alcohol or bread? It looked like a loaf of bread on the table. I’m going with  bread.

NAKED RIDDICK! SYMBOLIC NAKED RIDDICK. TRYING TO BECOME FERAL RIDDICK. OMG THESE MOVIES ARE THE BEST THING. THEY CAN DO NO WRONG. NONE. SHUTTUP UP THEY ARE GOLDEN. HE JUST RESCUED A PUPPY. A FUCKING PUPPY BECAUSE HE’S SYMBOLICALLY NAKED FERAL RIDDICK WHO IS SECRETLY A MARSHMALLOW.

The obvious counterpart to vagina dentata would be penis clavus, right?

… Is it. Eating it’s own intestines?

Oh shit.

RIDDICK. DON’T LOOK NOW. BUT THERE MAY BE A GIANT DICK RIGHT BEHIND YOU. AND NO. I DON’T MEAN VAAKO.

WHY IS IT THE CAR MOVIE FRANCHISE THAT TOOK OFF? WE COULD BE HAVING SCIFI FERAL RIDDICK/EMOTIONLESS VAMPIRE KARL URBAN. WHO WOULDN’T WANT THAT? THAT IS WHAT IS MISSING IN MY LIFE. THERE NEEDS TO BE 6 MORE OF THESE MOVIES MADE.

Poor creepy john cho

Creepy john cho creepy john cho creepy creepy john cho no.

I was wrong! One POC in Clive’s pod! 7 new charac slots and ONE. Count it, ONE. Count it again, I’ll wait. Yes. One was filled with a POC. It’s like they have Marty and his dad and Roscoe and they’re like THREE BLACK GUYS? THREE? IN ONE SHOW. PHEW. WE’RE QUOTA-ED OUT. BETTER GET SOME WHITE FACES IN THERE, PEOPLE MIGHT THINK THIS IS THE WIRE.

Omg. It’s victorian gentleman’s club-mean girls. You got your Botanists, your zoologists, your Explorers…

Is… That Arabic? Fake Arabic? Really badly accented Arabic? Vampire Arabic? Idk. Eva green looks really hot in this.

Victorian England… Fog! Opium dens! People wearing hats!

‘the taxi network’? Is that like sherlock’s homeless network but with more Asians?