thinkin’ bout you all the time

bout you all the time

thinkin’ i’ve been thinkin if i had you in my life

Ain’t nobody gon love yo like i love yo..

Just the Beginning

Been having issues in my marriage and it’s at the point to where it’s a make or break. I wrote him a letter today. I’m so heartbroken.  Dear John,                          I never saw this day coming. I had always thought we would grow old, with our kids living in a house and just living out our lives like they portray in the movies. But real life isn’t fairytales, it’s not. It’s full of struggle and many problems that we always have to overcome because it helps form us to become a better person. One day we will reflect on how this specific issue helped us form to who we will become. For right now, I just have some things to tell you. 

          I have loved you since the first time we started doing anything. I knew you were the one for me, apparently, it’s not a feeling that is reciprocated. You have decided that someone else is best for you. You rely on her more than you do on me and that breaks my heart. It was a betrayal that has really has left a mark. Right now, you might not see it as anything but as time goes on you will see how this was such a big issue and why it became such a big issue. I have given up so much and given so much of myself up for you and you don’t realize it, not yet anyways. That’s okay though, because of all the other distractions that we had. It didn’t help that we made a lot of decisions that were made too early on in our relationship.      

       Let me start from the beginning. I should’ve never pursued you in the first place because you were already taken, and I guess now it’s just karma biting me back. I trusted my heart and ignored my brain and everyone else warning me against you. I did what I thought was the right decision because I was listening to my heart for once. If you’re asking if I regret being with you, the answer is no, but I do regret how we went about it. When my mom pushed the issue and cornered me, I stood up for you and myself. I have consistently fought my parents and everyone else when they had something bad to say about you. I ignored them for the longest time because I refused to believe that I loved someone who would fall out of love with me. I guess I was wrong, I don’t blame you though, I’m not the easiest to love and I guess that’s why I’ve always been given away or ignored.        

     Many times, throughout our relationship we’ve overcome so many things and fought through so much and that’s what a good, strong relationship consists of. You may not have seen when I fought for you or when I fought for you but I did. I’ve been fighting for years behind closed doors, to your family, to both mine and your friends, and even people who knew you but you weren’t friends with. So many people have told me you’re a bad person and you don’t know how to love correctly. It got so much I left my family and I’m still shunned because of what I did and what I said. So, for you to say I never fought for you is not true because I have always fought for you. I’m still fighting for you I still defend you against everyone and I always will.         

    I know these past couple of years has been rough and didn’t seem like I had that much energy and all I did was sleep. I apologize for that, but when you constantly have people telling you that he doesn’t love you and that I’m only a phase really takes a toll on the brain. I was emotionally drained, no one believed in our relationship, I did so I fought until I couldn’t fight anymore and all I got out of it was “You’re so lazy all you do is sleep all the time. You don’t help me with anything, not the kids, nothing.” I apologize that fighting for everything has left me so drained.          

  I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you and I couldn’t keep you happy, that you had to go find another. You may say that I’ve done the same, the issue is I never fell in love with any of the guys that I was really close with. Ben was a friend since high school, he might have loved me but I never loved him. I trusted him and valued his opinion. He was one of the few friends that kept encouraging me to get through the hardest of times in the beginning. With Mat he was there to help keep my mind off the negative thoughts and showed me I still had another person who believed in me and also encouraged me to keep striving in my relationship because he saw how happy you made me aside from other issues we may have had. I started to see how they were starting to get in the way and decided to cut ties with them. I gave them up for us. Ken was another story. I was in a disastrous state that I made a poor choice. I slept with him to see if I had with you was real, and it was. It was my worst mistake I did. But it had me realize that I wasn’t going to miss you for your physical touch but I needed you for you. And that’s why that night I needed you in multiple ways. That was my biggest regret that I will always have to live with.        

     We have overcome a lot of varying issues, but somehow our relationship always worked out. I honestly don’t know how what’s going to happen this time around. Seems like were just exhausted and don’t want to fight anymore but the only reason why I’m still trying because I know that everything will crumble once we’re both done.           

  In all honesty, I’m just scared and disappointed in everything. I appreciate everything you’ve done for both myself and the girls. At one point I thought I finally had my life figured out and that I was finally being done with be disposed of but I guess I was wrong. You threw me out and replaced me a while ago. I just was refusing to see it. I’m just scared because I’m being replaced with the next one. That’s why I had fought against you being friends with her and to continue to see her, because this is what always happens, and apparently what you always have done. I can’t change that about you. Only you can fix that. Just know we both have our faults and there’s only certain people out there that are willing to stick around after you apologize and try to fix everything. I was one of those people. WAS because you seem to be moving on, I’m no longer going to fight because you just don’t know anymore.       

     I wish we could fix this, I really do. But the only person who can fix this is you. Just know once you walk away, you walk away and lose me. Yes, I will always love you because we have had such a strong bond and the only person I have trusted. I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted you. I was very open with you with everything and told you everything even though I knew that stuff I told you would hurt. I still told you because I would have no judgement.      

       I hope you’re prepared to live with any consequences with whatever decision you come to. If we stay together it might be a little rough at first but we’d overcome it and be stronger. If you decide to leave than be sure that you are willing to give up everything that is about me. I’m going to be honest I am going to miss rolling over to face you in the morning or the middle of the night. I’m going to miss being able just to walk up to or laying next to you and being able to kiss you just because I can. I’m going to miss our showers. I’m going to miss the great sex and the chemistry we have with each other.        

       If we decide to continue on from this, there will be a struggle. It’ll be hard at first but overcoming it would be so rewarding. Our love would be stronger than ever. We would have each other and our family would remain whole. We would still have bond and each other.         

    You may not see how Jackie is an issue and that she never was. But think if the situation was flipped. How would you treat the situation differently if I told you I loved Song? I pictured being with Song and had a dream about us being together. How would you feel if I was constantly messaging him in front of your face every time, we would have a conversation and even in front of your family?            Again, I truly do love you and I always will no matter what. You’ll always be my Booboo. No one will ever take your place. I’m not saying this because I’m just so heartbroken, but I literally would not have time to find another person to start dating or anything like that. If you decide that we just no longer will work my focus will be the girls and my job. But really think if this is really what you want. You may be hurt right now, but think of how this is going to affect you later in the future. Also, how would it differ if I wasn’t in the picture what would be different? I love you and I really hope that the decision you come upon is the one that really is the right one.            

  I love you and trust that you will make the right decision….                 

  Raquel Yang                           

Just the Beginning

Been having issues in my marriage and it’s at the point to where it’s a make or break. I wrote him a letter today. I’m so heartbroken.  Dear John,                          I never saw this day coming. I had always thought we would grow old, with our kids living in a house and just living out our lives like they portray in the movies. But real life isn’t fairytales, it’s not. It’s full of struggle and many problems that we always have to overcome because it helps form us to become a better person. One day we will reflect on how this specific issue helped us form to who we will become. For right now, I just have some things to tell you. 

          I have loved you since the first time we started doing anything. I knew you were the one for me, apparently, it’s not a feeling that is reciprocated. You have decided that someone else is best for you. You rely on her more than you do on me and that breaks my heart. It was a betrayal that has really has left a mark. Right now, you might not see it as anything but as time goes on you will see how this was such a big issue and why it became such a big issue. I have given up so much and given so much of myself up for you and you don’t realize it, not yet anyways. That’s okay though, because of all the other distractions that we had. It didn’t help that we made a lot of decisions that were made too early on in our relationship.      

       Let me start from the beginning. I should’ve never pursued you in the first place because you were already taken, and I guess now it’s just karma biting me back. I trusted my heart and ignored my brain and everyone else warning me against you. I did what I thought was the right decision because I was listening to my heart for once. If you’re asking if I regret being with you, the answer is no, but I do regret how we went about it. When my mom pushed the issue and cornered me, I stood up for you and myself. I have consistently fought my parents and everyone else when they had something bad to say about you. I ignored them for the longest time because I refused to believe that I loved someone who would fall out of love with me. I guess I was wrong, I don’t blame you though, I’m not the easiest to love and I guess that’s why I’ve always been given away or ignored.        

     Many times, throughout our relationship we’ve overcome so many things and fought through so much and that’s what a good, strong relationship consists of. You may not have seen when I fought for you or when I fought for you but I did. I’ve been fighting for years behind closed doors, to your family, to both mine and your friends, and even people who knew you but you weren’t friends with. So many people have told me you’re a bad person and you don’t know how to love correctly. It got so much I left my family and I’m still shunned because of what I did and what I said. So, for you to say I never fought for you is not true because I have always fought for you. I’m still fighting for you I still defend you against everyone and I always will.         

    I know these past couple of years has been rough and didn’t seem like I had that much energy and all I did was sleep. I apologize for that, but when you constantly have people telling you that he doesn’t love you and that I’m only a phase really takes a toll on the brain. I was emotionally drained, no one believed in our relationship, I did so I fought until I couldn’t fight anymore and all I got out of it was “You’re so lazy all you do is sleep all the time. You don’t help me with anything, not the kids, nothing.” I apologize that fighting for everything has left me so drained.          

  I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you and I couldn’t keep you happy, that you had to go find another. You may say that I’ve done the same, the issue is I never fell in love with any of the guys that I was really close with. Ben was a friend since high school, he might have loved me but I never loved him. I trusted him and valued his opinion. He was one of the few friends that kept encouraging me to get through the hardest of times in the beginning. With Mat he was there to help keep my mind off the negative thoughts and showed me I still had another person who believed in me and also encouraged me to keep striving in my relationship because he saw how happy you made me aside from other issues we may have had. I started to see how they were starting to get in the way and decided to cut ties with them. I gave them up for us. Ken was another story. I was in a disastrous state that I made a poor choice. I slept with him to see if I had with you was real, and it was. It was my worst mistake I did. But it had me realize that I wasn’t going to miss you for your physical touch but I needed you for you. And that’s why that night I needed you in multiple ways. That was my biggest regret that I will always have to live with.        

     We have overcome a lot of varying issues, but somehow our relationship always worked out. I honestly don’t know how what’s going to happen this time around. Seems like were just exhausted and don’t want to fight anymore but the only reason why I’m still trying because I know that everything will crumble once we’re both done.           

  In all honesty, I’m just scared and disappointed in everything. I appreciate everything you’ve done for both myself and the girls. At one point I thought I finally had my life figured out and that I was finally being done with be disposed of but I guess I was wrong. You threw me out and replaced me a while ago. I just was refusing to see it. I’m just scared because I’m being replaced with the next one. That’s why I had fought against you being friends with her and to continue to see her, because this is what always happens, and apparently what you always have done. I can’t change that about you. Only you can fix that. Just know we both have our faults and there’s only certain people out there that are willing to stick around after you apologize and try to fix everything. I was one of those people. WAS because you seem to be moving on, I’m no longer going to fight because you just don’t know anymore.       

     I wish we could fix this, I really do. But the only person who can fix this is you. Just know once you walk away, you walk away and lose me. Yes, I will always love you because we have had such a strong bond and the only person I have trusted. I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted you. I was very open with you with everything and told you everything even though I knew that stuff I told you would hurt. I still told you because I would have no judgement.      

       I hope you’re prepared to live with any consequences with whatever decision you come to. If we stay together it might be a little rough at first but we’d overcome it and be stronger. If you decide to leave than be sure that you are willing to give up everything that is about me. I’m going to be honest I am going to miss rolling over to face you in the morning or the middle of the night. I’m going to miss being able just to walk up to or laying next to you and being able to kiss you just because I can. I’m going to miss our showers. I’m going to miss the great sex and the chemistry we have with each other.        

       If we decide to continue on from this, there will be a struggle. It’ll be hard at first but overcoming it would be so rewarding. Our love would be stronger than ever. We would have each other and our family would remain whole. We would still have bond and each other.         

    You may not see how Jackie is an issue and that she never was. But think if the situation was flipped. How would you treat the situation differently if I told you I loved Song? I pictured being with Song and had a dream about us being together. How would you feel if I was constantly messaging him in front of your face every time, we would have a conversation and even in front of your family?            Again, I truly do love you and I always will no matter what. You’ll always be my Booboo. No one will ever take your place. I’m not saying this because I’m just so heartbroken, but I literally would not have time to find another person to start dating or anything like that. If you decide that we just no longer will work my focus will be the girls and my job. But really think if this is really what you want. You may be hurt right now, but think of how this is going to affect you later in the future. Also, how would it differ if I wasn’t in the picture what would be different? I love you and I really hope that the decision you come upon is the one that really is the right one.            

  I love you and trust that you will make the right decision….                 

  Raquel Yang