So I ordered a custom dog tag for myself, which I've wanted to do for a while, but I've been really nervous that the seller might realize it wasn't for a dog because the name on it would be just a regular human name, but I figured people name their dog things like John or Samantha or wherever sometimes so it should be fine.  Anyway I went to track the package today and realized the name that the package is addressed to will be the same as the name I asked for on the dog tag.  I want to die.

Dude they definitely changed the milkbone recipe, they do not have the same texture anymore. Wish there was a way for me to submit a complaint without admitting I eat dog biscuits. So pissed right now.

It's true

nothing beats coming home after a long day of work putting on my collar and giving my chew toy a good chewing. today is good :)

I finally did it. 3 days ago I went out and bought a dog collar, like a literal dog collar for dogs from pet smart. I've been wearing it as much as I can since then. I've been sleeping in it. I keep it in my pocket when I can't wear it and reach in and touch it when people aren't looking.  I've started counting down the hours until I can go back home and wear it again when Im out.  I've started sneaking away to wear it for a minute or two during the day.  Today I drove to work with it on and took it off a block before I got there, then when I got off I drove a block away and took it out and put it back on.  I wore a collar a lot as a kid, mostly in secret after I realized it wasn't normal. I only stopped when I lost my collar in middle school. I had tried to stop before but I would always end up digging it out and wearing it. Sometimes I would keep myself from doing it for months, a lot of the time I would only last days. It's not even a kink thing, I mean pet play sounds great, like really great, but when I'm wearing it I don't feel aroused (usually) I just feel calm and complete, like I can breathe freely.  It just makes all my worries seem small because as long as I'm wearing my collar it's ok and I will be ok.  I feel crazy, I feel like a crazy person.  I feel like something as stupid as wearing a literal dog collar should not make me feel like this.  I'm scared about what people would think about me if they knew.  The only people who even know are my therapist and a really close friend and I don't think they understand how serious this is for me.  It's more than just the collar too.  I've started barking when I'm alone for no reason, it just makes me really happy.  I dug my old soft toys out of storage and I've been carrying them around in my mouth and nuzzling them at night.  I want to groom them with my teeth and my tongue like I did when I was a kid but I've stopped myself so far.  I want to do so much more.  I want to chew up a stick.  I want to shred a paper bag with my teeth.  I want to buy myself a dog crate.  I want to go a whole day without saying a word, only barking and whimpering.  I want to get pet.  I want to get called a good dog.  I want to sniff the people I love and roll around in their dirty clothes.  I want to lick their faces.  I want to bark and growl when people I don't know get too close to them.  I feel like a freak.  I shouldn't be acting like this.  I shouldn't be thinking like this.  I'm a normal person.  I'm well spoken and witty and smart and caring, I have people who look up to me and rely on me.  I have a car and a job and a bank account.  I'm independent and strong and tough and I want to act like a literal puppy dog.  It doesn't feel correct.  Part of me wants to just burn this collar and pretend I've never done any of this.  Just go back to pretending to be a normal average unremarkable person but I'm the happiest I've been in years.  I'm excited for the future for the first time in a long time.  I feel like I have the energy to fix my life.  I don't feel the need to drink myself to sleep every night.  I feel happy, hell happy probably undersells it, I'm ecstatic!  And so I'm going to keep going.  I'm going to try some of the things I've been too embarrassed to try before and I'm going to try and find people I can be my honest and full self with and try opening up to the people I already have.  And I'm going to wear my collar and bark and be a puppy girl, for a bit at least.  Anyway sorry for how long this is, if you made it to the end thanks for reading I guess.  Just felt like I needed to get all this off my chest and out into the world.  I'm going to go and try to sleep now. night tumblr.