mylouddiary - Tumblr blog

mylouddiary · 1 year

Text

Entry 4

Its really fucking hard to motivate myself to write, and it doesn't seem to help when I do. So I give up for now. I know it's pathetic, but no one read my shit anyway.

Buh-bye

Cassie

#tumblr diary #depression

0 notes

mylouddiary · 1 year

Text

Entry Three

I was getting high and fucking a dirt bag Monday, so that's why there's no entry.

Today's been more of the same so far, already a little tipsy, vodka again. I really wish I could afford alcohol that doesn't taste awful. It'd probably keep me away from coke and molly, at least a tiny bit.

I keep listening to Kiss Off by Violent Femmes over and over, I don't know why, it's like I'm addicted. Paula probably hates hearing me sing it terribly non-stop, sucks for her.

I see a point in giving a blow by blow of my day, seeing as every day is almost identical. So I'll talk about my thoughts, only slightly less repetitive.

I've been thinking about whether it's fair to assume every man has the capacity and temptation to rape me. I don't even trust dudes who say they're gay, because people lie all the time. It's how I feel personally, but I feel like a lot of people would disagree.

Buh-bye,

Cassie

(If you read this far I'll provide provocative pussy pics)

#tumblr diary #depression

0 notes

mylouddiary · 1 year

Text

This song is so fucking good

youtube

#violent femmes #Youtube #depression #tumblr diary

0 notes

mylouddiary · 1 year

Text

Entry Two

And I already came crawling back here to write more, listening to shitty music and making shitty drawings wasn't enough to distract me. Content warning: fucked up shit, just don't read it

I've been thinking about how I kept going back to my abusive ex. I must have enjoyed the drama, probably the same reason I decided to shit on here. He may have been a creep but I've literally fucked child molesters, so maybe we were even. Maybe I was punishing myself, that'd also make sense.

Still no food for me today. Probably will eat sometime tomorrow, so all the invisible people that care can stop worrying. I ran across an advertisement about some diet plan while scrolling this site, makes me wonder if they already stole enough info from me to know I having an eating disorder or if it's just a fucked up coincidence.

I resorted to drinking that bottle of shit vodka. Alcohol is so comforting for me, even more so than abuse and self-harm. Only thing better is shrooms, I'd suck so many dicks for some shrooms right now.

Fun fact: if you added together all of the penises I've sucked for drugs you could reach France. Though the airline might question the cocks in your carry-on.

Buh-bye,

Cassie

(If anyone read this far I'll send you a picture of my tiny tits)

#depression #tumblr diary

0 notes

mylouddiary · 1 year

Text

Entry One

So I've decided to put my thoughts and life to text, and publicly too because I'm such an attention whore. I hope to write an entry everyday, maybe it'll help me keep track of time passing. I don't know what I'm going to write yet so possible content warning for the following: sexual assault, child abuse, substance abuse, self-harm, and boredom.

Today hasn't been amazing for me, about a two forks mood rating. On a positive note I slept decently last night, only two nightmares, both featuring my shitty dad. I really hate that someone I haven't seen in two years is still managing to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Away from the topic of sleep now. I laid in bed listening to music for a couple hours, just until my bladder threatened to betray me. Grabbed some shorts, a t-shirt, and panties before walking to the bathroom with my best unintentional zombie impersonation. Peed, decided not to shave, then took a long, hot shower.

Once I finally escaped the seductive embrace of warm water I dried off with two towels. As I was patting my hairy legs down I took a shameful peek in the mirror. I really want smash the thing, seeing my own body only harms my mental health. But if I did take action against my reflective foe Paula would be angry with me and probably buy a new one.

I dressed myself and sat on the toilet for a few wasted minutes, just procrastinating before having to risk human interaction. Eventually I left the bathroom and headed immediately back into my bedroom. I watched about 40 minutes of Critical Role's first campaign, only recently found out about the group. I got the real urge to call up an asshole and get some coke, but I came to this website and started writing instead as a distraction. I'm not trying to sober up entirely, but some moderation is necessary.

I'll probably drink at least a few shots worth of cheap vodka before the day is up, but I think that's better than doing lines or cutting this early.

I suppose that's the end of today's ramble. Sorry if you read it all and expected something more interesting. No fucking clue what tags to use on this.

Buh-bye,

Cassie

#depression #tumblr diary

1 note · View note