Okay so what do I need to do today, hmmmm I can’t think completely straight right now cuz of the convo that is going on im sure I like had a list of things to do. I suppose I did look on well gosh, and ill look again on Friday hmm I sense a beef coming but im not too sure, info want to eat my lunch now grrrr, okay so I would actually like to take a look at my LinkedIn today, maybe we can try and make George one later, also I am excited to go to primavera finally I just nee to actually sort that out tho, I think ill just have to firm the price !! But at least my lunch today was free yay! Just need to not spend too much tmo and I do hope Tilda will spend the money, I think that she is orbs a good person and she wouldn’t forget on purpose but maybe if I like fill up it makes it a bit obvs, I am so excited to go on hols tho !! George  needs his fucking passport fixing, omg I could put this into gpt to get a to do list ! Im fully gonna AI my life up, why did I never think of that before, then I don’t have to read my my writings of a crazy person ! I would like to get a bit of work done tmo, but maybe I can go home so I wont spend anything on like parking or food !! Also maybe ill just put 20 In and see how far it gets me, I hope it lasts ! Ill have to put at least 30 in before Bristol eek !! Okay Also deffo gonna get the coach to London ! To save money, maybe I can get some drugs in Bristol that will last me until the weekend after, im just so stressed to see my payslip eek that is nooooooot gonna be good, oh well, maybe if I create a few budgets, at least ill hopefully get a tax refund or a decent bit I would like to sell more things and maybe make some more clothes, maybe I can suggest that we pop to Coalville on the way back from Ikea, is there anything else that I need to do hmm, maybe I should add more to my list of things that I can do when im at home. But yeah I should look at my LinkedIn, maybe I should also do my LinkedIn today, then maybe soon ask for some guidance on what I should write on my cv about George eat, and I should start posting, I just hate it tho am I done, no but I should also just print out my appraisal form, okay and we will actually make him a linkedin later 

Coalville on the way back from Ikea, is there anything else that I need to do hmm, maybe I should add more to my list of things that I can do when im at home. But yeah I should look at my LinkedIn, maybe I should also do my LinkedIn today, then maybe soon ask for some guidance on what I should write on my cv about George eat, and I should start posting, I just hate it tho am I done, no but I should also just print out my appraisal form, okay and we will actually make him a linkedin later 

Uh okay so my Mac is being slow, which is a bit annoying, im still stressing about primavera, its okay everything works out in the end, I think im just going to have to take a real good look at my spending habits tbh, I don’t think im toooo bad, I just need to stop getting tempted ! Maybe I should just delete TikTok off my phone, I actually think I just should tbh, but make my account private first and just deleted, idk why that was jus crossing my mind ! My time at George and when Jenna said 9 years old don’t have tiktoks, yes they do omh !! Okay so I reckon until payday I can try and spend like no money, its just so annoying that I like have to pay for the car park !! Okay today then I should post some things on vinted, I should just go through my wardrobe and do it, I don’t think I should really clean the whole thing out yet I should try and get loads of work done this week, tbh I could do like a massive actual clear out when I finish uni, oh yeah bc also if I want to go on hols with the gals then im gonna need a bit more money, I am allowed to spend money on myself I just need to stop feeling so guilty about it, bc tbh everything I spend is just like gives me a bit of guilt, okay so I wish I could go back to that like phase I had at the start of uni or whatever when I was litterally buying nothing !! At least im also not like dying my hair anymore, I used to spend so much on that, I just done needed all these things I want !! Its so silly, I just keep getting influenced ! Okay maybe I need some workout leggings but that’s it ! At least I have my cute workout gear now, I wont need any more for a long time, also at leat it only is like 10 now tbh, not too awful, also like if I want to go on TikTok later I should just I kind of actually fancy like okay also at least like in my appraisal I can say I want to start applying for head office, maybe they can help me with that, just so unsure about being a buyer, idk why I wanted to be a buyer so much at first, it is a bit more glamours tbh but id actually love to be a pit designer the most they look like they had such a cute fun time and looked so chilled out all the time lol I am not sure about him working there tbh, I reckon he’s way better off at urban , stuff like that is a bit scary when it comes to like getting paid ect. Okay now im gonna post some things on vinted. 

Okay so I do feel as if my mind is a little busy, I swear if people keep making noise im gonna be fuming !! Im guessing there id no teaching cuz no one is here, I need to book a holiday with the gals !! Idk wtf I am going to do about barcelona, why on earth did I think that id be able to afford it/ not have to sell my ticket. I feel so stupid !! I should have got the protection :( am I  even gonna be able to sell the ticket even now, if not I’ve wasted sooooo much money ugh idk what to do honestly maybe I should put it on ticket swap and just see, like maybe I could just put it on for a bit less.  Just so fuckin peak agh and a stress its okay tho, I suppose they could go on the waiting list, just so annoying if it docent sell out then its just like I’ve wasted so much but its okay I just nee to firm it. Oh I just don’t know !! Idk what Dylan will say when I tell him im no longer going, its just difficult, should I just firm it and have the experience, I just want to go on so many holidays but I just spend so much day to day, I do just think I need all these things all the time, like what am I gonna get my mum for mothers day?? Im not sure hmm pjs ?? But that’s gonna take my account down even lower, at least I did have a nice time this weekend ! I just need to stop spending like 10+ every fuckin day ! Cat okay I just need to work on my project, and when I get home tonight I can tidy my room yayyyy, im so okay with the shoes ill just post them tonight, maybe for £85 but just say open to offers then I think if I do that like I wont, okay so tonight, ill grab my new trousers, tidy my room, post those shoes, hmm what else not sure, deffo have a shower, maybe I could do that as sooon as I get home, but like yeah that would be the best then I can proper style my hair ! And then I feel like it later later on I can do my work, or like go on animal crossing or organise something, I do have so many things to do I don’t think ill be bored, ill also need to prepare all my clothes / outfits for the whole week, and empty like all my bags, I really don’t wanna go gym today but ill feel so much better for it. I should really write like a little work/out schedule, maybe ill look for an app now. Okay feeling a little more positive now, geo being so negative is taking a toll on me, honestly all im thinking about now is starting to move to London, but just like yeah, hopefully it does go ahead because my dreams were kind of crushed last time :( oh well !! At least ill be home relatively early today, if I do just do this much work every day hopefully ill have a good amount done, I need to like tell millie im going to Bristol, I do feel bad for George you know, I think he needs to prove everyone wrong now and like work hard to get this job. I want him to do well, like really well, it will make me very happy ! Hopefully we both get at least living wage, 

God do I don’t have much time but, I will finish this later, I’m going to really try and do this work later after my shower, I know I’m gonna be so exhausted !! I would have some energy drink but I’m scared I wont sleep after !! It seems like so, okay so if I make my little space cute and aesthetic then ill be happy hehe, I suppose on Friday night ill get all mystify ready for the weekend, I just really need to remember to do this holiday ! Ill do that later so I can type on my cute keyboard, maybe ill enjoy it more and if I have an aesthetic desk setup maybe I should like do some filing on my nails too !! I’m also happy I got those cute pink juicy joggers they will look so good with 

Okay hmm im feeling a bit off now, im sad that I didn’t get started on this earlier ! Also I will need to go into town at some point, and ill get lunch there, im not sure where from tho hmmmmmm boots meal deal maybe ?? That’s always a Peng option im not sure how I feel about buying that jumper, I do love it but I just spent a lot of money on it, and I have a headache rn hmm I do just need to start on this sourcing, as soon as I get started ill feel so much better, that’s what happens like every single day !! And I know it does, I think im like on the easiest part right now tbh just feeling a little achey and off, maybe ill go to the library sooner tonight, at least everything is pie now !!!! And I have my cute pens ! Just wish I remembered at stapler tbh. Or like even just paper clips, maybe I can go into tiger and get some hahah, I need to stop with this spending tho!! I was so good up until today, hopefully my idk I can’t remember, oh yes hopefully my lunch Is fine for tommorow, and imvery happy with that tan, its not too ark but like the perfect colour, also should I have got more this month thinking about it ?? I feel like I worked so many like 18 hour weeks hmm, maybe they were after the cult off but im not sure that they were ?? I want my coffee to be cold grr I wanna drink it !! At least this playlist is good, I need to stop caring about what other people think !! Im just starting to flag so much. I need some of that weird fucking drug tbh ! Okay now im going to think of some sections, or should I just like write it and do it as it goes along ?? Hmmmmm okay ill try, that’s all I need to do ! Just try !! 

20th feb

so Okay mind is going off a bit, I do however think ki am going in the right direction, maybe ill try and get a good chunk of this done today! The issue is I do fear it will take me a while :/ hmm hopefully not, I think soon my mind will start to focus, as I hope… but when I get home, even if im so tired ill get a fit ready ! And check the weather lol I always forget to do that, but ill get a fit ready for Wednesday, then on weds ill do the whole day of work then come back and get ready then go out ! I deffo wont be too late I don’t think, and hopefully its warm so I can wear some next level cute outfit, ,I wanna wear those little white socks so bad ! But legs so pale ! But I couuuuld wear like skin tights but thing ones under omg ! Then I bet they would stay up way better too , just so unsure on what shoes, I could wear like my lace up dress , but I think ill have to one fix it and two wear like something on or with it, im not 100% sure on what tho ! Ill have to do some outfit building tonight too !! I don’t think ill be too tired.. I fucking hope anyways ! It does feel so nice just getting home feeling clean and not having to unpack days of dirty clothes. I suppose I could just do that now then I can just deal with it in a min, im so glad julllianna wants to duo my shifts !! I wonder if I could get my pestle done tommorow?? That would be a fucking miracle, and probs would be as fast as I need to work to get it done lol !! But tmo like if I get my outfit completely ready eat I might not find it so bad to get up, its when I like just leave everything till the last minute that I have a shit morning lol, but at least then I can have my free brekkie, get on with my work then just go to work at 1.30 so annoying  next tues 2-6  im not even working next tues anymore ! Which is positive, but its just so annoying I feel like I get put in so much, its fine tho I really can just focus this week, I have the time to so im going to do it. Like im going to focus righttttt now almost, I just had to think about my plan the next few days, and I can get a good few hours of work done now, maybe until like 8 that would be nice !! Lets see if I can focus , it would be good if I wasn’t cold tho walking home, oh well ill live ! And if it really comes to it I could do some at Georges tommorow, anyway I think its important that I spend time away from the computer, because then it always sort of leaves me wanting more, at least im motivated again tbh. 

31st

Okay so like is my anxiety getting way worse, yes I think it is, bc im not smoking,  but then I feel like I don’t wanna smoke. Im so unsure, I think I should really get some cad oil, maybe that’s like the compound that will help my anxiety. Okay also how is this porridge hurting my tummy again uh oh !! I do feel more motivation and more of an urge to try harder and improve my life. Like how I feel way more motivated to like go to the gym or whatever. I do really think that im starting to feel the effects of not smoking now tbh. I wish George could too. I might ask him too, ill say ill really think it will improve his life, and ill say like look Theo has done it, im sure you can too. I would love it if he could also what work am I gonna do today ?? Maybe like collab bc I can just focus on it, maybe ill try get that done. Then it will be sourcing focus, bc I do really need to focus on that. At some point ill need to give my CV a look at ! I have this weird feeling. About getting a job, I feel like my childhood is actually finally over, like the feeling of actually moving out for good kind of makes me feel sick. Like my room is so committable, will I never feel like that again?? Just scares me a bit, but then I should feel comfort in my own home, I feel like wherever I live wont really feel like home tho ! Scary scary, well that was deep, im unsure of what else I actually should be doing today, I am glad that I’ve kept up with my writing. I suppose it does help my creative juices flow. I feel like I can’t nap today, I feel like I can only nap with people I feel more committable with !! Oh well, okay done for now.

31st jan

Okay so what do i really like want to do today, well i do love typing on this keyboard, its so cute !! Even if it did cost me a decent amount of money. I really do want a baby pink workout set, and like those pink shorts from urban, its giving spring and that makes me happy, its a new year now so i can make some changes and live a more aesthetic life, okay so in a sec i should get all my bags out the car and bring them upstairs and empty them all, then i should probs just tidy my room a bit and like clean my floor, then ill have a coffe and get ready, then ill do my hair then tbh i would like to get some work done but maybe i can try and put my drawers back together, maybe i can try and fix them by doing the thing where i screw the side hmmm, then yeah i deffo need to get on will collab and sourcing, and deffo do a bit of FMP, like getting my thingy form out. Then ill start really thinking about where i can take the research. I’m so happy with my grade !! Ideally do want to know my feedback tho, hopefully i can get a first in everything this year !! I’m so happy with my keyboard and stuff its so cute, thats another thing i want to get done, clean my cases for both my iPad and MacBook !! I dont enjoy how they look rn. I wonder how my work i can really get done on just my ipad, if i tried tbh probs anything but my design work, like i can deffo do some sourcing, maybe some like FMP research idk !! Nee to think about dis, then if i get the chance i can take a walk, and maybe treat myself to some cute workout gear, also need to remember the lessons i have today tho lol !! 

starbucks

okay so i do need to get started, i am like procrastinating a bit, i do know why tho !! i really do waant to get as much as i can get done today, I'm just worried about the toilet situation tbh, maybe if I leave my coat here it will be a bit easier, an then take my laptop and bag, lucky I don't need it rigggght now then ! just the annoying thing with being alone, omg I completely forgot my headphones wtf !! also before I go back to uni I should try and clean up all my like cases, its so embarrassing getting out gross iPad case and MacBook case all the time ! i would buy nicer ones but I feel like they are so difficult to find ! these ones are cute colours but they just stain so easy and I'm so fricking tired rn, I really do hope that I can get a lot done today, guess I should start doing it then ! i actually do really like working here its actually like really calming, bet its soooo nice in the summer too, it gives such LA vibes lol shame I haven't got a nicer view, oh well!! okay think ill put on my headphones now and get started.

Okay so agrhhhh why am I struggling so much today !! I feel so tired :( all I can rethink about is Amsterdam !! Im not surprised tbh It is so close, now im re thinking what Dylan said to me the other day, I can’t really remember the convo tbh, ill have to say it to him next time when geo isn’t there, I feel like he was asking me questions and being nice but I wasn’t saying anything hmmmmm interestinguiiing I hope no one ever goes on my computer and finds my Tumblr I would be so fuked, I am suprized no one has come across my page yet I’ve got no likes or anything !!! How can I make myself more stimulated so I actually write my essay, hmmmm I think u need to stop being so hard on myself tbh, okay gonna check my messages now then im gonna start !!

Oh god why tf do I feel sick rn, after my coffee !! This is so peak and I still feel so tired, like I could literally go back to sleep, maybe I should do something else like my hair, like something I know ill have to do later anyways, hmmmm. Also I should do my breakdown cover and then get me and geo travel insurance, idk how I wanna do my hair anymore !! Hmmm at least I wont have to leave until like 4, and I can make geo get his bags ready eat and get my shoes !! I hope he can find my shoes I need a poo now of course !! I have this thing I just have the urge to go on animal crossing so bad rn ! Well if I take it to Dylans maybe I can, also I just realised maybe my headphones will connect to my switch ! That would be epic ! I need to do my nails tonight too lol agh !! I would have kept these on but since one broke that’s so embarrassing! Think ill end up with chrome again tbh ! Maybe soon ill go back to short chrome, I wonder when my parents are actually leaving, must be soon bc they have closed their door again I kinda wanna read some of my books !! But no need to be good, ill feel so much better if I finish this essay, then next week is for my report !! Which im not feeling confident with yet… but im sure I will soon ! Okay and I do also wanna use those cute pastel highlighters omg !! Maybe I should write down my daily plan eat and then I can use them, I kinda feel like I wanna sit at my desk today ..okay so uh oh not a good sign, think my mouse could have packed in okay kinda annoying that I can’t have my headphones in but its okay, kind of time to just focus on my work now I guess !! I have ages anyways maybe I can get 2 paragraphs done? 

Oh god why tf do I feel sick rn, after my coffee !! This is so peak and I still feel so tired, like I could literally go back to sleep, maybe I should do something else like my hair, like something I know ill have to do later anyways, hmmmm. Also I should do my breakdown cover and then get me and geo travel insurance, idk how I wanna do my hair anymore !! Hmmm at least I wont have to leave until like 4, and I can make geo get his bags ready eat and get my shoes !! I hope he can find my shoes I need a poo now of course !! I have this thing I just have the urge to go on animal crossing so bad rn ! Well if I take it to Dylans maybe I can, also I just realised maybe my headphones will connect to my switch ! That would be epic ! I need to do my nails tonight too lol agh !! I would have kept these on but since one broke that’s so embarrassing! Think ill end up with chrome again tbh ! Maybe soon ill go back to short chrome, I wonder when my parents are actually leaving, must be soon bc they have closed their door again I kinda wanna read some of my books !! But no need to be good, ill feel so much better if I finish this essay, then next week is for my report !! Which im not feeling confident with yet… but im sure I will soon ! Okay and I do also wanna use those cute pastel highlighters omg !! Maybe I should write down my daily plan eat and then I can use them, I kinda feel like I wanna sit at my desk today ..okay so uh oh not a good sign, think my mouse could have packed in okay kinda annoying that I can’t have my headphones in but its okay, kind of time to just focus on my work now I guess !! I have ages anyways maybe I can get 2 paragraphs done? 

I can’t fucking. Belie ve him I am so sick of this, im getting all my things and im going home tommorow, I don’t even want to talk to him I don’t think he’s even properly sorry I still feel like cry ing , is it too much to ask for for someone to not treat me like this im so fucking sick of it , I swear if I pay for this hole holiday an d have to pay for everything that’s just gonna vbe so fucking peak, I should put his passport under those books again , he’s fell asleep because he’s tired because he’s drank so fucking much I just feel so fucking sick of it noe I just want to be treated nicely. He’s just pissing me off at the minute tbh idk how much more I can take I haven’t felt 100% happy with him in a while now its getting too much 

I can’t fucking. Belie ve him I am so sick of this, im getting all my things and im going home tommorow, I don’t even want to talk to him I don’t think he’s even properly sorry I still feel like cry ing , is it too much to ask for for someone to not treat me like this im so fucking sick of it , I swear if I pay for this hole holiday an d have to pay for everything that’s just gonna vbe so fucking peak, I should put his passport under those books again , he’s fell asleep because he’s tired because he’s drank so fucking much I just feel so fucking sick of it noe I just want to be treated nicely. He’s just pissing me off at the minute tbh idk how much more I can take I haven’t felt 100% happy with him in a while now its getting too much 

I can’t fucking. Belie ve him I am so sick of this, im getting all my things and im going home tommorow, I don’t even want to talk to him I don’t think he’s even properly sorry I still feel like cry ing , is it too much to ask for for someone to not treat me like this im so fucking sick of it , I swear if I pay for this hole holiday an d have to pay for everything that’s just gonna vbe so fucking peak, I should put his passport under those books again , he’s fell asleep because he’s tired because he’s drank so fucking much I just feel so fucking sick of it noe I just want to be treated nicely. He’s just pissing me off at the minute tbh idk how much more I can take I haven’t felt 100% happy with him in a while now its getting too much 

Okay just need to get back into the writing again, just tricking annoying now bc my tummy is hurting so much !! Okay lets try and get this section done !! I reckon with some more extreme focus time ill be able to!! That’s todays goal, then tommorow the same ! I could really do with some painkillers ill look right now, then ill take them finish coffee then focus. At least I have really spent a lot of time today on this, then after that its my report, hmm I know that im going ton struggle but its okay, I need to at least hand something in, I think once I get some critical writing about the countries then it wont be too bad, and have that bibliography, plus I don’t even think that ill have to do much regarding more on the swots and pestles, ill just have to do the after, okay its okay !! Then maybe in my last few days ill try and find some collab, unsure tho, just so difficult with time, I hope. ican find this fucking dress !! mqybe it is at home ! i just have no clue, would I have put it in the wash ?? I'm just so sure I would have seen it when I've been going in those boxes ! hmmm ill have another look tmo, then in can sit in my nice room with my nice heated blankie and write my essay, maybe even at my desk ?? hmmm I don't know if id like to have my back to the door if I have my headphones on lol !! my tummy isn't hurni8ng as much anymore hopefully it stays that way, I really cba for pain !! kit must be on time this month too, or early ? it just seems like kit wasn't long ago I had another, weird tbh ! who knows, anyways work time now !

28th dec

Okay so how am I feeling today, kind of wish I hd an earlier start tbh, but what can I do, need to find that dress today im sure its here George needs to be more carful with his money its stressing me out !! I want to get a really good chunk of this essay done today, I ideally would like to get it done this week, ill fin ish this lis truss paragraph then maybe do a bit of a tidy then get back to writing just so im in a nice tidy room !! Then I can tell him to take all his shite down, and oh I can also find those leds to take to Dylans and when I get back ill have to find all of my other ambient lighting too !! Lucky I’ve got so much lol at least today I can literally do this all day, I do kind of hate my hair, okay and also im in a really buzzing mood so I should actually start whilst I’ve still got it !! I’ve basically got 3 full days left to do this, well not really Friday but until 3pm on Friday lol. And at least im not spending money rn either lol. Tmo morn I will go get my parcels too. Need to stop with da stressing bc I am a bit as always hahahaha agh, right time to write my essay, even tho I do want a coffee but that can wait a moment. I thought George had them aside for me :( I want them !! Would probs wear them over my fenty pumas, or like my new balance ?? Im not sure If that would be weird or not !! Also wtf am I doing about breakdown cover, I need to get a new one asap, there’s no way im driving to Heathrow without one, fucking imagine if we gott stuck, massive stress. Im already stressed but its okay, just so many anxiety !! Its fine I have to put myself out there to have a good time it will be so worth it. Now just think about writing this fucking essay !! Also I need to ask those guys if they are actually gonna like do any work for collab, im not I reckon I could lit do it like the night before lol. I actually don’t have time for this shite !! I really want a coffee too hmm life is seeming to feel positive right now 

Im feeling very anxious agin, its been building up all day its really not good I’ve spent so much money im just thinking now about all the money George owes me it always gets forgotten about hmm quite stressful, he knows I have no money too im just feeling extremely negative rn , think I need too eat my dinner, shower, then ill try do some work, I know it will make me feel better. I wonder what time it will be. Why do I always get like this. It is unusual. I am a little stressed. Geo best send me some money towards Amsterdam too, plus tbf I will write down all of the presents I’ve bought vs him and we can compare something in me just always makes me want to just be on my phone just to take this weird pain away. I know the actual way to take away the pain lol, it just requires a tiny bit of effort lol, I do wan t to see eden tmo but I wish it could just be like out the house, its a whole thing having someone sleep round, I do miss her a lot tho, look I can be excited for tmo just need to stop stressing what is this anxiety its so confusing !I can dream of summer, although I did still struggle. I felt so good this morning, why does it all fade, how do I manage to get so bad !! I think it is guilt partly, like the guilt of speding so much atm. I can’t say I’ve not had a good time tho, and hey at least I’ve got a holiday to look forward too. Ill just need to be paid back in full for it !! What ill do now is actually no ill do it in a min. Im sure my dinner will be ready soon… although I can’t smell it !! Look im going to have a nice night I promise, and I will get some work done later even if it is late, at least I have made a start on it this week. Its just like am I going to stay at Georges tmo night.. im unsure !!!actually I should propose to him, that we stay at mine Christmas Eve night, and we exchange prezzies in the morn, then he goes to jesses ?? Maybe that could work !! Ill also ask liv what she’s doing on Christmas Eve that could be cute af too I would just have to make sure about the weed thing lol !!