So that’s basically how it went down

as any really good writer will tell you, there are 7 basic types of story:

rags to riches

man vs man

man vs bee

voyage to meat world

coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb

amateur pornography

godzilla

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

Oh boy am I pissed off about having to participate in capitalist America

which is definitely not an omen

My ideal aesthetic is what I'm calling "sexy tomboy". That is to say, I am 100% femme through and through, but I want to look like what a straight man's idea of a "masculine woman" is. I wanna be masc in the way that LaCroix is fruit flavored, just a little extra something to make things a little more interesting

Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

When people get a little too gung-ho about-

wait. cancel post. gung-ho cannot be English. where did that phrase come from? China?

ok, yes. gōnghé, which is…an abbreviation for “industrial cooperative”? Like it was just a term for a worker-run organization? A specific U.S. marine stationed in China interpreted it as a motivational slogan about teamwork, and as a commander he got his whole battalion using it, and other U.S. marines found those guys so exhausting that it migrated into English slang with the meaning “overly enthusiastic”.

That’s…wild. What was I talking about?

I just had the most bizarre and satisfying GTS trade ever.

You see this offer right here? At first, I dismissed it as impossible because Voltorb evolves into Electrode at a much later level than 10.

But then, in all my nerdery, I remembered that in-game trades with NPCs from before gen 5 give you Pokemon at the same level as the one you chose to trade, which can lead to underleveled evolved Pokemon. And it JUST SO HAPPENS that Electrode is one of those Pokemon in gen 1. In order to get it you need to trade a Raichu, which can be under level 10 because Pikachu evolves with a stone and is catchable at level 3. And then I discovered the Brock Through Walls glitch, which allows you to go literally anywhere in the game before you even have any badges.

So I did what any rational person would do on a Wednesday evening and spent $9.99 on the 3ds Virtual Console version of Pokemon Blue, glitched myself to Celadon City to buy a Thunderstone, let all my Pokemon faint so that I could warp back to Pewter City since its the last Pokecenter I healed at, caught a Pikachu in the nearby Viridian Forest, evolved it, glitched myself into Cinnabar Island, and claimed my completely legit yet also illegal lvl 7 Electrode named Doris.

Now I was half sure that Pokebank would realise how messed up this Pokemon was and not allow it into gen 7...

...but it went through perfectly.

So, thanks for the Poipole, Mars of war2. 😜

Either this person really really really wanted a specific kind of Electrode from gen 1 that only supernerds would bother to get, or they were being a stupid troll and I just played them like a damn fiddle.

Write a horror story in the format of an Internet search history

wikipedia Tell me about this man's personal life

Technophobes need to apologise for "just put it in plain English you stupid machine!" because, well for one the decline in accurate error messages in favour of simplicity has contributed to the rise of tech illiteracy, but also because now whenever an "app" has a net connection error it will pop up a box saying something like "oo ooopsie! Your super duper feed went poo poo. We'll try again soon!" which having said to me by a corporation is about 8 million times worse than having to hear the word "network".

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.