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missing u
it's been 5 weeks since the last time we talked. I miss him so badly. I thought I have accepted the fact that we will never be okay. I thought I would never miss him. But all the things we've done together flashed into my mind making me to miss him again. I thought I'll be okay. I thought I can go through without him. I miss him so much. I can bargain everything just to be with him again. Will I still be happy again? Will we be okay? Please tell me. cause I miss him so much and I can't do anything about it
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Somebody that I used to know
Ang sakit lang. Sige na akong effort para maibalik si dati ming turingan pero gabos na ito balewala lang saiya. Nagluto ako para may makakan sya. Tigakakaulay ko. Pero mayong epekto saiya. Garo ako taong tanga na sigeng kaulay sa sadiri nya lang. Dae ko aram kung tano ako nakukulugan. Nakukulugan ta dae na kami nagiintindihan o dahil ta gusto ko siya? Mapagalon kaibahan ang tao na hiling saimo multo. Every time na nataram siya or nahihiling ko siya, naiinsulto tapos nakukulugan ako. Pero kung papapilion ako na magkaayos kami or dae, mas pipiliin ko na dae na lang ta habo ko ng makulugan pa. At tsaka selfish man sya na tao, mayo syang pake sa feelings kang iba. Nagdakula na payo niya porket dakulon saiyang nagkakagusto. Ikaw na. Someday I'm gonna regret that you've been part of my life. Sana maayos na papers niyo, sana maghali na kamo para mawara na ning feelings ko saimo. Punyeta kaya yan, kung kiisay isay naman kaya akk naiinlab diputa. Hayop. Tano kaya naging bakla pa ako. Punyetang life to
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I hate myself
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi di ako marunong bumitaw. Yung tipong alam mo na ang sagot pero dahil sa isang kilos niya lang, itong puso ko di pa rin natigil tumibok para sakanya. Alam kong masasaktan nanaman ako lalo na pagnaghiwalay na kami dito sa dorm at di niya na ako pansinin. Naiiyak lang ako na ganun ang mangyayari. Ito yung mga panahon na sana naging babae na lang ako, nasa sana may nagmamahal na sakon ngayon at nagaalaga. Na sana di ako narereject. Na sana may pag-asa ako na makamit yung mga taong mahal ko. Na ang sagabal na lang ay yung kung pano ako mahahalin hindi dahil sa kasarian ko.
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I love him in ways that I can’t explain to other people. They don’t understand… it’s not their fault. -rynnt
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Losing him
I'm here thinking of the time that we will soon take different path in exactly 3 months. I'm so sad because I will lose someone again. I know that we will never get a chance to each other again once we separate in this dorm. And I know that we are onlt close here but when we are outside, I think we are stranger and I think that he thinks of me as that too. That's why, these days I slowly detaching myself from him because I just can't accept the fact that the future will separate us and that's what the most heartbreaking thing that will happen to me this year. No more kulitan with him. But I hope I'll be okay in the future. I still have feelings for him. I thought it was gone.
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I love him in ways that I can’t explain to other people. They don’t understand… it’s not their fault. -rynnt
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Hays
Makulugon nanaman boot ko. Inda ko, pirmi na lang baga ako nakukulugan. Makasawaon na. Nahihirak na lang ako sa sadiri ko. Garo feeling ko napakamayo kong kwenta. Makasuyaon ka, puta. Edi wow. Pagal naman ako magintindi saimo. Bahala ka naman. Basta dae taka na tatabangan sa sunod ta pag ako nangangaipuhan, garo mayo lamang sako nakakagirumdom. Garo si mga tigtarabang ko, mayo sana. Kung dae lang kudta ako arog kaining klaseng tao, haloy na akong mayong pake saga bagay bagay. Hays. Nakakahibi, nakakamundo mga pangyayari sa buhay
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1am thoughts
I'm here typing again because of the fact that I am sad again for no valid or definite reason.
I somewhat regret saying thkse thinga to him. I just took a risk because I thought there would be a chance for us to be together. But that was just a lie. I fell again to the dark spell of love. Hays, I hate myself for being such a fool. I felt that I am a pitiful person who seeks comfort and love to others so desperately.
on the other hand, I think I'm falling to this guy. but I wish I hadnt because it is making my heart ache again because I know that it will still also be a fail and I will end up crying again.
when will I be a happy? When will I get the love that i deserved?
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Gusto ko lang magexpress ng feelings ko sayo. I thought na dae maabot sa point na magkakagusto ako saimo. Remember yung sinabi ko nung naginuman tayo na kung sino hinhintay ko. Actually I lied to you because di naman talaga si Reynante yung hinihinitay ko kundi ikaw. 2015 pa nga ako naghihintay eh pero that's okay. I'm glad kasi I had the chance again to talk to you that day kaya sobrang happy ako na dumating ka. Namiss ko ulit yung panahon na lagi tayong magkausap. I know naman na I have no chance na magkagusto ka sakin. It's just that hindi ko na kayang itago lang to for another couple of years kaya gusto ko lang sabihon saimo feelings ko. Sana dae pa rin magbago paghiling mo sako. Sana kaulayon mo pa nanggad ako.
This is the message I sent to him today. The message that shows my feeling towards him. The message that took me 2 years to send. The message thatbreaks my heart.
Actually I send it because of the fact of the thought he will love me back but that was false. It breaks my heart knowing the truth that I once again rejected by the man whom I truly admired the most in my entire existence as a human being. It's just heartbreaking that you have zero percent chance to be with him. He said that he knows it right from the start but why did he made me feel this way. Why did he do such things that will make my heart flutter. I am so fucking stupid to not realize that he will not have any affection for me. I am fucking stupid for doing this. I wish your response is that you love me back too. But we are in reality, we are in crucial word that make us feel worthless and attacks our heart until it bleeds.
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Night 3
I realized I should stop myself from loving you. Bye, Sean.
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Night 2
I'm so sad right now. I'm feeling down. I wish you were here to make me feel happy again. I wanna quit. I wanna end my life but I'm do damn scared to do it because I don't want my family to suffer. I don't want them to think that they have wasted their money for nothing. But I'm too damn tired of this, I don't think I can still go along with this. It feels like I'm an alive corpse doing the same routine to survive but not to learn. All I need is you but all you need is not me and that's quite devastating for me. I'll just wait for you forever I guess. I miss you. I miss my self.
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This is exactly what I'm going through rn
i know i need to let you go.
in fact i’m beginning to hate myself for not doing so.
i say nothing because your name is the only thing that slips off of my tongue and no one wants to hear me vocalize you running circles around my mind anymore.
i wonder how you interpret the songs that you showed me so long ago. do you think of me or does another girl belong to them?
i’m constantly checking your social media accounts because i still want to know what you’re thinking of even if i know it’s not me.
despite needing to let go of you
i don’t want to.
v.m
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There is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.
J.R.R. Tolkien (via lifeofquotations)
Day 1:
I miss you ulit. Syempre di naman biglaang mawala ka sa isip ko. I hope you're doing fine. I'm still waiting for the time that we'll have a chitchat about random things till dawn. I miss you, I don't know if this is the right choice for me but I'm letting go of you for the meantime because I can't hold the heaviness when I know the fact that you're in love with some other girl. I'm always here if you need someone to hold on.. I love you. Good night.
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Now I know the answer.
The answer I've been waiting for.
And that's a NO.
Yes, you heard it right.
We don't have a chance.
He rejected me.
Once again, I fell so hard.
My heart is broken into million pieces again.
I have to out it back together to stand firm again.
So this is goodbye?
Or should I say a new beginning?
Thank you again.
But remember, I'll always wait for you no matter what.
I will just close my heart to everyone.
Because it needs some healing.
Because it's so scarred already.
Love you bae/sean/kog.
Hope you and your future gf will have a happy ending.
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Bae
Hello, I miss you na. Akala ko may part 2 yung convo natin nung nagchat ka ng "thank you" pero after kong magreply, seen lang natanggap ko. HEHE
But that's okay, maybe ganun talaga. Maybe di ko na maibabalik kung ano tayo dati. Maybe may iba ka nang pinagaabalahan kaya wala ka nang time makipagbiruan sakin.
Alm mo halos lahat ng pinagkwentuhan ko about sa nararamdaman ko, sabi nila kalimutan na kita at huwag umasa. Pero alam mo ba na kahit ganun pinagtanggol pa rin kita kasi ikaw yung mahal ko at mamahalin ko.
Siguro nga wala talaga akong pag-asa. Siguro nga di tayo nararapat sa isa't-isa. Siguro nga babae lang ang taong para sayo.
Pero di bale na bae, titiisin ko na lang. Hahayaan ko na lang na biglang pumiglas tong puso ko sa puso mo.
Miss na miss kita, for 2 years I never felt so happy since the day na nagkasama tayo ulit. Akala ko nun wala na akong damdamin para sayo kasi tinuon ko na sa iba yung pagiisip ko. Pero bae, salamat ha. Salamat kasi naramdaman ko nanaman na makilig. Naramdaman ko nanaman maging masaya. Narinig ko nanaman sa pangalawang pagkakataon na may pipili din saking lalaki. Thank you kasi you made me so special. Thank you whether your intention is good or bad, but still you make me happy.
Babalik nanaman ata tayo sa panahong di tayo maguusap. So ilang taon nanaman ako maghihintay? 2 years? 4 years? 10 years? Sana lahat ng paghihintay ko maging worth it lahat. Pero kung hindi man, sana maging masaya ka at maging succesful sa life at sana ako rin, maging successful sa life.
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