Oh Master Gray, you must not shy away from your emotions. I must bestow my condolences for the death of your beloved. As much as you may want to admit there's nothing left for you and you must move on, you deserve more days in mourning. The man you are today may say that it was your own fault that Sybil committed suicide but Master Gray, you must now that you shouldn't put all this stress on you. Now I am nothing but a maid really, but I have known you since childhood Master Gray and I can tell you that no one else has seen these years go quite as fast as I have.

As a child, Master Gray, I must say that you have changed tremendously. Even though I am no where close to involved in your life as some of your other chaps that you bring in here, I do say that there is a change present. Even though every child is not like the man he/she grows up to be, something is different by the way you are interacting. Now, Master Gray, I do sincerely apologize for your loss but you must not feel that it was your fault. You are scaring me with the way you behave around the house, the same house I saw innocent young Master Gray walk about. And who is this man Henry I have heard about so many times? And why did you ask me for that key to those locked classrooms? Did it have anything to do with your beloved Sybil?

Either way, Master Gray, don't be so hard on yourself because you are concerning me. Like I say, I am the maid of the household but even a maid knows what's going on. Just don't let her death affect you too much because I know how meant she meant to you. My condolences once again, Master Gray. 

After Sybil’s Suicide:

Dear Diary,

Tragedy has struck. Oh poor Sybil is dead! I just got word from Harry’s letter. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m completely numb. Last night, I was awake, thinking about the terrible things I said to her. I don’t regret it for one second, because her true shallow self was revealed to me, and her acting was humiliating to both of us. But at the same time, I was planning on continuing on with the marriage. Marriage would surely help heal her pain from the insults, and at least I felt love for her once before. No other girl has ever made me feel love and I don’t think I will ever love again in this lifetime. I can’t believe that she committed suicide because of me. I should be feeling guilty, but I can’t. This is a blessing in disguise, because this girl must have had psychological problems if she loved me enough to end her life over it. It’s a relief to know that I won’t have to deal with her problems anymore, because she’s six feet deep, dead in the dirt.

My good friend Harry always knows how to make sense of such strange situations. I should feel glad for Sybil. She got to live out the end of her life as a tragic work of art. Harry explained to me how her life was almost like Romeo and Juliet, except for the fact that I backed out of our love pact before the story ends. Now that I think about it, there is no point in grieving if she had an artistic end to her life. I guess he was right about living only for passion and joy that comes with my youth. If I had followed his advice earlier, this little complication with Sybil would never have happened. I guess it’s time to turn a new page in my life and strive towards pleasing myself rather than others.  

It almost feels like Basil’s portrait of me grew uglier overnight. Maybe I’m just imagining it, since I’ve been preoccupied worrying about Sybil. But what does it matter? As long as I’m as youthful and handsome as I’ve always been, I don’t care how ugly this drawing gets.

Regards,

Dorian Gray

Research and Writing 3

Well after I finished all my abstracts, I really forgot to post my last blog. But pretty much, I was struggling to get my last critcism approved because I kept looking for criticisms on my novel specifically and many of them were unavailable. So I tried expanding my search to the author in general, regardless of the book. I ended up finding a criticism where it was about Camus's work in a specefic novel "Le Primier Homme" which he mentioned a little of "The Stranger" but after reading it I could see how similarities between Camus's works. 

Research and Writing 2

I showed my three criticisms this week to Kreinbring and he denied one of them. It's no big deal, I'l just go back to the library this weekend. I have one of my abstracts done and plan on just knocking out the second one before going to the library to re pick my third abstract. Really, its not too difficult writing the abstract as it is reading the criticisms and making sense of them. 

My first criticism wasn't that difficult as it was short and to the point. I'm currently in the middle of reading this 20+ page cretinism whose length I approximate to be about 1/5th as long as my novel. No worries though, it'l just take time (Really i'm just trying to calm myself and stay focused). Also, this criticism keeps referring to a book called "La chute" or "The Fall", the plot and the characters in it. So I decided to do a bit of research on it (as if this project isn't enough research, right?). I'm still in progress but basically its a story about a lawyer and Camus's thoughts in "The Stranger" and "The Fall" conflict slightly, according to scholars. 

http://capdegrop.blogspot.com/2010/08/la-caida-la-chute-albert-camus-1956.html

Reasearch and Writing 1

Over the break, I had the opportunity to go to the OU library and saw several AP Lit students there (shoutouts to you). Searching for the work was confusing at first but it came pretty easily once I figurred out how everything worked. There were tons of literary criticisms for Albert Camus' "The Stranger", but many of them were links that were no longer available. I still found about four criticisms that I could use easily so I am very pleased with my trip.

I am now just reading through them and taking notes. The abstracts actually scare me a little because some people in the class that have tried them told me they're difficult to write. i'l figure it out when I get there but for the most part, as I am reading through, I'm understanding a lot of what these scholars are writing. 

Reading the Work (5)

Just because Meursault’s morals conflict with societies morals and rights and wrongs, he is punished for them. The ending of this novel made me think into depth really about just all aspects of my life and how I can relate to Meursault’s pains at very few points in the novel. But after I while, I just find the book some depressing bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate the book and the way it got me thinking and I would definitely recommend it to someone else. But for me, it just seems like some people thought too hard about purpose and things to get to the point of staying stationary and concluding that the world was useless. I understand there’s a bigger picture here but that’s what the whole book seems to me at the end; concluding that the world is useless. Amazing book really, but it got me depressed. 

Reading the Work (4)

As the book is approaching the end, I almost gain an appreciation for the main character Meursalt even thought he frustrates me throughout the novel. The only reason I appreciate him is because he is real with every aspect of his life, including his relationships  Now, even though no one wants to admit it, I think it is difficult to be real in relationships. You don’t want to make another person angry by being real but you also don’t want to lie to them which would also hurt them. It’s almost with this conflicting clash of societies morals and your own. Something as simple as saying “I love you” to someone is something Meursalt takes very seriously throughout. When his girlfriend tells him she loves him and asks him if he loves her back, he simply tells her he does not. Now this non emotion is what gets him placed in jail but that is the whole conflict of the novel! I’m starting to see some conflict within the main character and the end of the book is where it all comes together. 

Reading the Work (3)

About midway through, Meursault is making more sense to me. The characters around him interact with him more and some things about him start to show that he’s more human. I had a misconception that he didn’t care about anything that was happening around him around the world but I was wrong. It’s just that things that matter to normal society conflict with what matter to him. It may seem like he hates everything but I think he is just being true to himself, even if it seems cruel and depressing. 

Reading the Work (2)

The novel is a continuation of this depressing mood but some things start to change. Even though, the main chracter still continues to be indfirrernt to his mothers death and when asked about it by other characters, he almost brushes it off. Not only does his attitude remain stagnant but his life continues as if nothing happeend. But I think this continuation of life by the character tells the reader more about Meursalt. The character of Meursalt starts to devlop more and  I finally see a some emotion from him.When  sepaking about his coworker, Marie, he says at some points that in this moment, he wants her. And when they're together, it finally seems that Meaursalt is actually happy.

I want to just brush off the scenes that come such as these because they almost seem pointless to me. But now that I look at it, the story is only a little more than 100 pages and there has to be a reason for writing this book. It seems like the author is trying to say that nothing matters around the world. Might seem like a small message but I'm starting to get some idea where this is going. It just seems strange but a lot of times, while reading this, I just get so angry. This is the first book that I've read who's main character actually stirs up some emotion. Sometimes I just want to yell at him and ask why he doesn't care about him. Maybe that's what makes the novel stand out.  

Reading the Work (1)

Before my first blog, since my book is so short, I kind of just gave one push to read all of it and took notes as I went. I'll split them up into sections starting with today. 

Already the first page into the novel, it has an extremely depressing mood not only because the subject, which is about the main characters' mothers death, but the attitude of the main character. Meaursault, who's mother has just died, shows no emotion whatsoever and is indifferent toward interaction with others. Being neither happy or unhappy makes me confused as to how to characterize him. He doesn't like anything around him but it's not like he completely hates everything around him. He's almost just there. So far, I'm confused as to where the novel is going but there's obviously hundreds of pages ahead of me so I'm curious.

Algerian Authors

As I looked down the list of books that were considered of literary merit, most authors were from these European countries such as Great Britain, France, or the like. Out of curiosity, I was wondering who even approved these books and officially declared them a  part of the literary merit realm. I also casually wondered if a Muslim had written any book that was of any literary merit. I finally came across an author who ended up being from Algeria named Albert Camus and wondered if he was Muslim. Even though he ended up not being so, the subject of his book which I talked about in my last blog, sparked my attention. The novel "The Stranger" stirred up a lot of talk when it came out and was about philosophical thought.

While some students struggle with writing enough or reaching a word limit, my problem in is that I write too much and can't condense my thought. Honestly, I thought about reading a book that was a decent length, around 400 or more pages. But I thought about it and I honestly could probably write a 40 page paper on it (Well I really don't know honestly but you get the point).  I just thought choosing a smaller book would force me to restrict my thoughts and a book like Albert Camus' "The Stranger" was perfect. Even thought short, it has so much content and even criticisms on it. So I'm reading this for my paper. 

Picking Book

I don't want to make the excuse that I don't read a lot of literary works because I'm so busy because I really do have time to read. So when this project came up, I wasn't really exciting that we had to write a 20 page paper for it but it did excite me that I finally had to force myself to read something meaningful. In terms of picking a book, I always wanted one that explored philosophical thought and the way humans think and work mentally. In all honesty I just searched for literary merit works and found a few books' who's subject was just what I wanted. The Life of Pi interests me but I know several other students will want to read it. At this point in time I looked into multiple books by Albert Camus.

Headphones: Disconnect me from the world in times that are hard or even exciting. It almost creates a virtual room that I can escape to when I'm feeling emotional. Weight: 20 lbs

Blood Diamond

Blood Diamond, one of my personal favorite movies, is an excellent example off an anti war movie. While the movie is full of action, blood, and gory scenes, it highlights the negatives of war and even makes everyday Americans who buy jewelry take a step back and think about the roots of a diamond. Even though that might have not been the main focus, the point of the movie was to show the negatives and horrible parts of war. It might be glorified as one thing but thousands of innocent civilians are killed and several children made soldiers just because of the greediness of a select few. The scenes in it are made bloody for a reason to show the audience the negatives of war. 

Favorite Poem

Nothing Gold Can Stay

By: Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

Keyboard love

Core Moral Belief

My Core Moral Belief:

Be grateful/thankful for what you have through actions, not just words.

I think over the last few years, especially when I hit high school, people have done a lot for me in terms of staying up late nights to do projects, major tasks in Leadership, or even just being there as a friend and the other way around. I've done the same to others. And obviously, verbal thank you's were also exchanged when task of great magnitude was taken on by myself or someone else. But what've I've noticed is that you don't really care if someone says a verbal thank you because saying the words "Thank you" doesn't require efforts. Pay people back in equal terms. Well honestly, it doesn't have to be equal, it just has to require more work and energy than just the words thank you. Actions speak louder than words because action requires energy and work. If one really appreciates something, than a thank you in action is the only thing that will keep that force that's appreciated by your side.