morganupstead
✨ of course i love him he's my partner✨
•morgan••20• •very addicted fanfic reader••major swiftie•• mostly one chicago with my other obsessions mixed in••jay halstead has it bad for hailey upton••my asks are always open• •chenford hawkami upstead burzek •
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Okay I’m the worst and I read this but never reblogged it. Rectifying that now.
I LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE ABOUT KOJO IT LITERALLY MAKES ME THE HAPPIEST HUMAN EVER.
This was hurt comfort + a happy ending in the best of ways. The only ways I can tolerate it😂
sweet nothing sleeping
summary: lucy has never been so happy to have fallen in love as she is when she’s falling asleep
pairing: tim bradford/lucy chen
word count: short??? i wrote this on notes app don’t ask me to count
warnings: none
a/n: this was written at *many* a 2am but it was my coping mechanism for the chenford breakup so there will be nothing but fluff and happiness here!! but also sorry in advance for any typos. written for my @morganupstead who gave me this idea ages ago and I just took forever to write it LOL
••• ••• ••• •••
cause they said the end is coming
everyone’s up to something
I find myself running home to your
sweet nothings
She’s had a long day.
The list of grievances wracked up in a single shift has been nothing short of astounding. For example: a man no less than an hour into her first stretch of patrol who puked on her. A bar fight gone horribly wrong, and he was drunk out of his mind so when she showed up at the tail end of a swift punch to the drunkard’s gut then… well, you can figure out the rest. Then another man threatened to sue her and the entire LAPD Mid Wilshire division because he refused to be told by a woman to stop ejaculating in public. Nothing but insufferable misdemeanours one after the other, without end. The robbery homicide tailing the end of her shift was the worst. Lucy doesn’t know what’s more horrible: how violent the young married couple’s death was, or how her first thought was that she wished she could have been the detective on a flashy case like this. Knowing she was even capable of putting her career before her compassion and duty left her gutted.
It leaves her now with a bitter aftertaste of guilt and shame. That coupled with the exhaustion and ridicule of her other calls makes for a particularly dreadful combination. Normally she can see Tim in passing and vent to him about things, but he’d been stuck in some new Metro training program all day. Updated protocol or tactical practice, or whatever they wanted to call it. Based on the state she sees Tim in at the end of one of those days, she’d call it something more akin to torture. It also means she had no support system throughout the day whatsoever apart from Nolan’s typical words of encouragement, which were swell but never substantive.
Since Tamara’s moved out, things have been lonely too. She misses her old roommate. If nothing else, at the end of the day Lucy still had a young and vulnerable kid she had to feed and house and clothe. Cooking for them always felt like a backup ritual, a healing sort of constancy, and that’s gone too.
So she heads to Tim’s. Her foot feels like lead on the gas, pushing down hard and inching dangerously closer to speeding the closer she gets to his place. It’s like her heart can feel the distance closing and misses him even more, the weight of her bad day crushing her heart and leaving spider fractures. A magnetic pull is always at its strongest the minute before contact, after all.
For the most part, Lucy’s been able to hold it together. She’s kept things professional, never complained, held her head high. And even as she trembles with anticipation as she knocks on the door, there’s a part of her refusing to let go of that facade.
She knocks at the door, but there’s no answer. Three louder knocks after a minute of waiting, and still nothing. Only after a third round of knocking does she think to use the spare key he’d given her last month.
“Hi,” Lucy calls out as she enters his place. No immediate response, but that’s no matter. She puts the keys down in his key bowl and hangs up her jacket.
The sound of nails skidding against the floor alert her only seconds in advance to Kojo’s presence. He runs up to her full speed but comes to a screeching halt when he reaches her. With his tail still waving fervently, he tries to sit down. (Tim’s trained him to understand that petting and general affection from guests is contingent upon his very handsome sitting.)
“Kojo! Hey there buddy,” she greets him with a soft laugh, like an old friend. Lucy knows by now, even having owned him once, to scratch him behind his ears. The gesture earns her a right good lick from chin to cheek on the left side of her face.
“Yeah, you’re a good boy, aren’t you? You’re a good boy,” she tells him as she keeps petting him. “Now where’s our Tim?”
She looks around half expecting Tim to appear in the hallway, but no sign of him is to be seen anywhere, save for the sound of his television from the next room. Football. Figures.
“Alright, Sir Kojo, King of the Canines,” she declares, patting him on the head and gently urging him forward by the collar, “let’s see what your dad’s watching.”
The two of them make their way to the family room to see what he’s up to. For a football game, Lucy’s already surprised that he isn’t shouting at the TV and jumping up and down like he normally does.
When she enters the room though, she doesn’t see him watching sports. Instead, she sees a passed-out Tim on the couch, snoring in his Rams jersey, remote loosely balanced in his hand. She tilts her head, curiously soaking in the scene.
She should have expected this. He’s been working as hard as she has lately. Though she isn’t entirely sure as to why, he’s been taking on extra shifts and doing double overtime these past two weeks. God knows he didn’t have the steam for a full game of football. Tack on her unexpected company, and she’s sure she’ll tire him out even more.
But the look of him. The television emits a soft glow that flashes hues of green and blue across his stubbled cheekbones. His head hangs back completely crooked on the headrest, and with the positioning of his arms, Tim’s posed like a dramatic renaissance painting. She can’t help but let out a soft giggle under her breath, and then silences into the brightest of smiles she can give after a day like hers, because nothing about this is funny anymore.
Even drooling, his mere presence soothes her. Lying there, entirely disarmed and peaceful. The world and all its troubles just melt away, dissolve in her mind until only a faint trace of what remains lingers like dust. It’s a beautiful haze Lucy can get stuck in, just standing there and watching him. The tight corners of his mouth, his eyes shut gently, the curve of his neck, the way his hair’s a little shorter right now.
Oh hell. Who is she to disrupt him anyways.
She tiptoes over to the couch and carefully extracts the remote from his hand. Turning the television off to avoid more light and sound will definitely help him sleep. Whether Tim’s asleep or awake, it doesn’t matter. Lucy always sleeps better when she’s next to him.
What doesn’t help Tim sleep, apparently, is Kojo. Having followed Lucy into the room, though she will defend him ferociously and say his heart is in the right place, Kojo makes a beeline for the couch and starts pulling at Tim’s jeans with his sharp canine teeth.
“No! No, Kojo! Bad Kojo, stay back,” she pleads in a whisper pushed out through gritted teeth.
Kojo seems to only get more excited— a sort of escalation which Lucy saw all too frequently in her calls from today. Tim jolts awake almost immediately.
“What the-“ he sits up and pulls his jeans away from Kojo, but then looks up at Lucy, still hovering over him guilty as ever. “Lucy?”
“Sorry.” She winces, finally shooing Kojo away enough to give them more space. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I was trying to put a blanket over you but Kojo got excited.”
“It’s okay,” he assures her, though he’s still rubbing at his eyes. Lucy’s almost certain he’s still half asleep and hasn’t registered the whole situation before him. “I gave you a key for a reason. What are you doing here?”
“I…” She tries to explain it rationally to him, to go through each bad happening chronologically, to compartmentalize. But then, his voice. His sweet, low, milky, humming voice like the pulse of a heart being soothed into a slower rhythm. It’s so steady, so calm. Something about hearing it unlocks a valve within her. She cracks, as she knew she would when she decided to come, and before she knows it she’s crying.
“Hey, hey,” Tim hushes gently, immediately sitting up. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Oh nothing,” she sobs. “I just had a crappy day. I got puked on and yelled at and all this nonsense which I can normally handle but I don’t even know why I’m… why I’m…”
“Don’t question it too much,” he tells her. “Just let it out.”
“Okay.”
And so she does. For a little bit, she just cries. Surprisingly, it’s not sad. The world isn’t ending, nothing is going to go wrong. There is no other shoe about to drop, no real heartbreak, no evil around. These tears are but a release, and there’s a safety to them.
Once she’s done, she wipes at her tears with her sleeves and sniffles.
“Better?”
“Better,” she says, and can really mean it, genuine smile and all. “Thanks.”
“You never have to thank me.”
She nods, but switches the subject. “You never told me how you’re Metro seminar went today.”
“Eh, it was alright,” he says. “Apart from being exhausted and sore all over, of course. We’ve got some new recruits who are… eager.”
She looks at him with loving suspicion. “You went full Tim 1.0 on them, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” he admits with a big huff of relief. “I ran through the drills and protocol updates 36 times because they couldn’t get it right. I didn’t have the heart to just demote them from my team.”
“Tim Bradford not having the heart for a tough love moment? Who are you?” She teases. “Where was this energy 6 years ago?”
“Waiting for you to come along and change it, I guess,” he sighs wistfully. “Always just waiting for you.”
“You’ve gone soft, Sergeant Bradford.” She shakes her head. “People will talk.”
“Let them.”
He pulls her in for a kiss, and it only deepens for a moment, then plateauing into a pleasant and chaste hum before release. His arms pull her into his side and her head finds that perfect spot on his chest to nestle into.
The sigh she lets out is almost a song. “This feels good, being here with you. Feeling at peace.”
“Just wait for it.”
“Huh?”
Lucy doesn’t know how Tim saw this coming, but before even asking she’s given an answer. Kojo jumps up onto the couch and steps on Lucy’s lap to lick her and Tim all over their tired, sweaty faces.
“Argh! Kojo, off!” She squeals, though not so gravely that she can’t laugh in the process. Eventually, with enough shooing, Kojo calms down. He doesn’t leave the couch, but lies down next to them, choosing to rest his head on her lap and make happy little sighs.
“Told you.”
“How did you know he would do that?”
Tim shrugs. “He’s happier when you’re around. Like me.”
Lucy smiles, even when pushing Kojo off of them. “I love you.”
Tim doesn’t respond. Too much time passes. A beat, and then another. She gets worried.
“Tim?”
“Oh so you weren’t talking to the dog then?”
She giggles and smacks him playfully across the chest with the back of her hand. “No! Well I do love him, but he drools. And you’re—“
“Human?”
“The love of my life.”
She watches the ripple of those words dance across his face. Tim smiles, his cheeks turning all shades of pink and red. Though he doesn’t seem scared off by her comment, the surprise of it still shows in his raised eyebrows and subsequent lines in his forehead. The way his head tilts, like he can’t quite believe it. But, above all else, the love in his eyes. And that way he’s looking at her now… sometimes she thinks that’s what life’s all about.
“I know I don’t have to be yours,” she continues. “You know, having been married before and all, but—“
“Don’t think for a second you aren’t,” he lets out, almost like the words couldn’t contain themselves. “You are.”
“Good.” Her turn now: the ridiculous blushing, the smile, the love in her eyes. So much joy.
So much fatigue too though. Being around him, getting to decompress like this, it’s making her crash fast. She yawns, and Tim yawns in subconscious response, and out of his own fatigue.
“I should get going,” Lucy tells him, though her face is still nestled into his sweater and has no intention of leaving. “I really only came over to feel some comfort and decompress but I didn’t bring a change of clothes or anything.”
“Mmm,” he groans in disapproval of the idea. “Stay for a bit.”
“No. No, I’ve… gotta…” She sucks in a deep breath, Tim’s woody scent catching onto her nose. Her eyes flutter and her muscles start to release their tension as the hand which isn’t sprawled across Tim’s chest starts to massage the spot behind Kojo’s ear.
“Oh, maybe just a few minutes…” she tells him hesitantly. “But keep me talking, I don’t want to fall asleep.”
“Ok. What about the rest of your day? You never finished telling me all the things that had you so upset.”
“Well it started when the air conditioning in the shop nearly exploded on me, and then I immediately took my first call at this dive bar before I could get it fixed. But oh, you won’t believe what this one guy did…”
Lucy goes on and on, her eyes growing heavy and her voice growing layers of drowsy rasp, fighting sleep to tell all her stories of woe. The drunkards, the sexist pigs, the violence. Part of her registers Tim’s lack of response or reaction as she tells her stories. Time passes. She talks, and he listens.
“I think it’s better not to dwell on it though,” she concludes eventually. “I’ve felt all I can feel about it for one day. And anyways I… I can barely remember my own anguish now. It feels so far aw—“
She looks up to see him passed out, his breathing a low rumble that threatens snoring. The soft fur under her other hand feels alarmingly still as well, until she looks to the other side and sees Kojo sleeping on her lap.
So much for leaving. She supposes that’s exactly how she wants things anyway. The heartbeats of these two precious boys at the tips of her fingers, nestled right next to hers. Giving her strength, steadying her scattered mind. Under these dim lights and warm blankets and beloved company, she wouldn’t dare move a muscle.
“Oh hell, who was I kidding,” she whispers to him. “I was always going to end up here anyways. With you.”
She rests her head on his chest once more. The last thing she remembers is the rise and fall of Tim’s chest against her hand and the feel of Kojo’s soft fur against her other.
This isn’t a big moment. No fireworks, no heartfelt confessions, no twirls or kisses in the rain. But even as the day ends and the lights go out, she feels love where it dwells best: in a quiet room. And it remains that Lucy has never been so happy to have fallen in love as she is when she’s falling asleep.
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THE ROOKIE
6.06 | Secrets and Lies
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Times Colin looked at Penelope longingly in the 2 1/2 minutes of the trailer.
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Something I would like to see is Tim apologizing to Lucy and her accepting his apology but telling him that he needs to earn her trust back so the rest of the episodes before they get back together are him learning how to do that
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Just a few thoughts today now that I'm seeing things more clearly.
I think what hurts most about all this is Tim making this decision for the both of them without allowing Lucy any input. And I get why he did that, but it still hurts regardless.
Not exactly the greatest parallel, but it reminds me slightly of Cristina and Owen on Grey's Anatomy. Where Owen is struggling with PTSD and keeps trying to walk away from the relationship. Cristina continuously tells him, "I know what I can and cannot handle. I'll decide when it's too much for me."
Tim didn't give Lucy that chance, he decided for them. And I keep hearing Lucy saying, "How did he let go so easily?"
I know nobody wants to think about this. I'm shuddering myself. But...it's reminiscent of Lucy's breakup with Nolan in season 1. And how she thinks he's made this decision so easily.
We saw how upset Lucy was by that, and that was Nolan. This is the love of her life.
This is going to sting and take time to repair. I can just picture Lucy so clearly whispering to Tim, "You left me behind. Like I was nothing, like we were nothing. How do I come back from that?"
Can this be fixed? Yes, absolutely. But pleaseeee give this storyline time to breathe. Build it back up slowly and authentically.
I do kind of wonder if Lucy will go back undercover.
I kind of like the idea of her doing something slightly reckless and Tim trying to talk to her about it and getting a line similar to the one Meredith gave Derek in S2 of Grey's Anatomy.
"I make no apologies for how I choose to repair what you broke!"
Something like, "You don't get to decide how I fix what you broke! You lost that right the moment you left me standing in the parking lot!"
*Sigh* so many damn feelings😭
But i'll end with lyrics to a song that's been on repeat today.
And I'm not supposed to be this way
And I'm not supposed to heal this way
You are not supposed to go
And I'm not supposed to grow
I'm not supposed to be this way
PS: I'd like to think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say that after all this? We deserve a makeup sex scene. I will even settle for a kiss reminiscent of the airplane bathroom kiss. Will we get it? Likely not. Will I continue asking for it? Always.
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Do you believe the best foundation for love is friendship?
COLIN BRIDGERTON & PENELOPE FEATHERINGTON
Bridgerton Season 3 Trailer
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Be ready for when Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington completely take over my consciousness becuase THE TRAILER HAS ME LITERALLY HYPED
pen the wallflower is gonna bloom IM SO EXCITED
I’m also very concerned about Eloise being friends with Cressida like HUH I need the girlies to be friends again 🥺
Kanthony looks exceptional as always
Ugh the tropes are 100% troping
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Guys,
I know everyone is feeling sad and that's okay. What's not okay is spreading hate or wishing bad things. If you're crossing that line, stop, step away from social media, go do something you enjoy to clear your mind. Don't let this poison your heart. That's not okay.
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fanfiction is so wild cause im like…..ugh im not in the mood to read a book…..i’ll just read an 82k word fic instead……
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5x1 | 6x6
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After many years of not having one (since I was a kid), I've finally got a library card. I've had it for just over a week, and already I've borrowed a handful of audiobooks (listened to one of them), put holds on some eBooks, checked out the books on the shelves, and made use of the study space. And it's all free. FREE.
Folks, we must protect libraries at all costs. They are wonderful places full of magic... And books (okay, so magic and books are the same thing, but you know what I mean).
#I’m 100% a library girl and I love it#I just picked up seeds for my garden with my mom so stay tuned for my cute summer garden ALL FREE from the library#support library
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where it started & where it ended
#they were really holding hands as they’re breaking up like I’ve never seen two people so broken#the rookie spoilers
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COLIN AND PENELOPE | Bridgerton.
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i've seen some people bringing up the parallel of how tim told lucy that they were worth the risk to how tim broke up with her... this is a great parallel don't get me wrong and it is so painful and i feel so sad for lucy
HOWEVER i've also seen people absolutely railing on tim and calling him a coward for leaving her and saying that this is unforgivable. i get being upset with him, i'm not saying that's wrong. but i just want to offer my take:
tim is absolutely broken down. this is the lowest point he's ever reached and it's been building and building since before we even met him. everything that happened in his childhood, in the army, with isabel, the trauma we've seen from the job these last 5-6 seasons. and now this, which has brought everything he's never dealt with to the surface. he truly believes in his bones that lying to lucy was what he had to do to protect her. even when lucy (rightfully) told him to stop, he said he can't because it's who he is. it's all he has right now because if he's going to lie and break the rules and compromise him morals, he is damn sure going to do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves.
he grew up with an abusive father who made him believe that he doesn't deserve to be loved, let alone unconditionally. he had no control in his childhood so he got that control by joining the military, and when he finally had that control?? he screwed up and blames himself for getting his teammates killed. he tried to gain back that control by becoming a police officer/to but never felt like he needed to move up any higher than that and now we know why. he didn't want to be a leader again because he didn't think he deserved it. he was terrified of losing lucy with the UC work and didn't even realize it, because when she's gone, he doesn't know what's going on and can't back her up. he has no control.
and now this? he compromised everything he believes in, as he said, "to save his career" but it's not that simple. if he told the truth, that angela and lucy knew about everything and still helped him, they would still lose everything he tried to protect them from. he can't even look at himself in the mirror right now.
he's not a coward for breaking up with lucy. he's not walking away because they had a fight and he doesn't want to work through it. in fact, she validated everything he did!! she showed him that she still loves him no matter what he did, that she would've done the same thing. but to him, that's even worse because he doesn't believe he deserves unconditional love, so when lucy gives it, he thinks that he's dragging her down because how could anyone love him after this. giving their relationship a shot was worth the risk because she is worth the risk. but him? he's not worth it
it's not cowardly to take yourself out of a relationship that you're not mentally okay to be in.
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Okay, so I have words I’d like to share…I said this last night on Twitter but forgot to bring this into here.
“Okay my brain is coming back after some cries. Lucy’s clearly bothered by the break-up. Hence the venting to grey and the hallway bump-in with Tim, which a definitely awkward. Tim seems bothered by it, too, especially since it seems like he can’t even focus while driving.
I don’t think this is the end for chenford. They clearly still love each other, and they’ve built their relationship on a very strong foundation. It’s just post-breakup stress! I don’t think it should take long for them to get back together, nor do I think it will.
To sum the short essay up… Eric said “breakups and makeups” we have exactly three episodes 7-10, for them to talk things over and get back together. That’s plenty of time. And anything can happen *ahem near-death* which brings them back together.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: I don’t suggest giving up on chenford yet. There’s still a long road ahead, this is just one of those potholes that fucks up your tires, but can easily get fixed. (I’ve never driven, I’m just saying this)
Also, renew the rookie, please! The end! (Not really. That’s just essay one)
IMPORTANT NOTE: THIS BREAKUP is to keep us hungry, to ask for more. I mean that is what a cliffhanger is, no? They know what we want, they’ve heard us. Maybe this time we’ll get everything we missed out on in the beginning of their relationship? It’s a clean slate.
Also, one more thing: chenford is fine, they’ll get back together, how do I know this? 6.02! The amount of proposal foreshadowing? Tim on one knee.
“Some people want diamond rings”
The I love yous! They’re fine!
Besides, it’s Tim and Lucy they’re obsessed with each other. They won’t stay apart for long.
Anywho, enough of the chenford essays, I have a fic for last night’s episode coming soon! Byeeee
~LondonRih
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The writers need to cool it with the parallels. TOO MANY SLICES
hi sorry to ruin your day but did you know that tim told lucy she deserves someone who’s worth the effort (of fighting with) when she was having problems with chris and now tim’s breaking up with her because he no longer feels he’s a man who’s worth the effort… k bye!
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