ZINDAGI NA MILEGI DOBARA DIR. ZOYA AKHTAR | (2011)

zindagi na milegi dobara (2011) dir. zoya akhtar

You know after you devour a book in one sitting and you need to recuperate from it to readjust to life outside of that book like its a fucking refractory period or something 

it’s never too late!!!!!!! to text them back. to drink enough water today. to get into a skincare routine. to learn the piano or how to paint!! to learn winged eyeliner. to tell them how u feel. to start getting fitter. to get changed or brush your teeth or shower today. to read that book or watch that show everyone was talking about years ago. to turn an acquaintance into a friend. if u don’t start somewhere u won’t go anywhere at all.

be poetic. if you find the way the light falls through your window and onto your bedroom wall pretty, write about it. call it soft and golden as sunlit honey. if it makes you glad to be alive then it’s not silly. you look for the beauty of things, be proud of that. say the heavy rain is kissing you. write about the glow of the moon, the dancing of flowers. make your world magical. collect your metaphors and treasure them.

i would like …. many books…. some plants….. a couple of candles…….. and some peace and quiet 

Take the time to tend yourself. Do something creative. Wash your sheets. Fix your bed so it looks nice and comfortable. Do your serious projects, snack, eat real meals. Fix yourself so your hair is clean and soft. Do whatever you'd do if you wanted to look somewhat presentable to another human. Wear comfortable clothes. Unlock your potential and let it grow by creating the environment for it. It's your choice. Patience and determination will get you far. You must take care of yourself in order to be those things. Make yourself happy. Push yourself in the right direction. If you hit a roadblock, adapt or switch goals to another interest. Have more than one interest. Cultivate your skills, especially the ones you enjoy, the ones you're good at. Be kind to other people and tolerate them when their human flaws make them irritating. Don't let anything get in the way of being on your own two feet. Be good. Learn and grow. Let go of the past. It's time for the next level. It's time to grow some more.

B. E. Barnes

keepsake..

the thing is, somebody cares. i know your best friend seems really busy all the time and is shit at texting but she still loves you and she talks to you more than she talks to anyone else and you’re the only breath of calm she has on this planet. the boy in your science class loves seeing what music you’re listening to on your headphones - he has the same taste and wishes he had the nerve to ask you about it. your english teacher loves the insight you have on your papers. somebody cares. the person who lives down the street from you notices when you are sick because they don’t see you stomping your way to the schoolbus - it’s how they know it’s time to get their breakfast ready. somebody is looking for you at the party, even if they don’t know they’re really looking for you - but when you don’t show up, some part of them is disappointed. somebody is looking for you in the library, in the spot where you eat lunch, in front of that one step you always seem to trip on. i know your parents are a complicated mess and there’s drama between your friends and your love life is sort of shaped like a constant question and everybody seems all caught up in their own lives and their own happiness and nobody really notices: but somebody always does. every face in your dreams is someone you have met, and that means that you are in a million’s stranger’s heads. they see you when they go to bed. and somebody cares. somebody still thinks about you even though you were just a person with a nice outfit or good eyeliner or a great smile or because you were having one of those moments that are so charmingly human in nature or because they regret not asking if you needed help when you fell or because they wonder what you were thinking about or drawing or writing or just because you’re alive, and that makes you fascinating. somebody cares. when you were on break from work and saw a dog hanging his head out of the car and suddenly broke into a smile: there was a girl in the back of that car, and I was her, and I still think about you, and i hope you get more chances to smile like that. and there is you, sitting here reading this, and by some small extension, meeting me, and i am telling you, I care. somebody always does. i promise. i promise. you are loved.

checking in again.

I’ve not been consistent with all these check ins. I no longer have the drive to but, I will try. It’s for me to read and go through these check ins in the future, I find the joy in doing that. As of now, I’m done with Year 1 and am on semester break. I’ve been trying to incorporate things I used to do a lot like reading in my daily routine. Due to the covid-19 situation, I’ve been home most days since 7 April. I’m using this time to rest and reset, and prioritise my purpose. I am coming out of this stay home period as a masterchef, a painter, a librarian, a laundry lady, a movie critic, the list will go on.

I’ve been trying to live with a purpose. Try to be mindful, to educate myself, eat well and take care of my health, not just physically. I purchased 2 books from Book Depository and this is the happiest I’ve been since the circuit breaker. Oh and transcript is coming in end of this month :/

I will try to check in here more often. 

Till then, take care and stay safe.

Haven’t been writing for a long long long time so here it goes. I’ve never ever done as much art in my life as the past 11 weeks and that too of many variations. I did theory and then applied work, portraits, archi & interior sketch, wire sculpting etc etc. I’m left with just a couple of weeks of proper lessons before assessment and before you know it, sem 1.1 is over. A tad bit excited but accompanied with worried for the upcoming semester. I’m going to dive into my major!!! finally!!!!

Mental health wise: All has been good, better in fact. I keep myself occupied with the endless piles of work. I tried to incorporate more me time like reading and obviously cleaning lol. Cleaning is therapeutic ok trust me. I need to get briyani with cla soon too. This weekend’s primary focus will be journals and planning for projects so inshallah I won’t get too overwhelmed when assessment comes. May this weekend be productive.

school paralysis

its currently 10:38 pm, on a wednesday night and i’m typing away.. instead of doing my researches or assignments. a little treat for the night mugging the past couple of days. i love what i’m studying right now, i love art but not as much as i love writing and reading. sometimes, the pressure just gets to me. 

good august:

- met so many kind hearted girls in school

- tried to do things that were out of my comfort zone example, played a kpop dance thingy with Zu which was extra chaotic considering how loud we were laughing HAHA

- coping pretty okay so far (don’t jinx it pls)

not-so-good august:

- got my first ever skin allergic reaction IN SCHOOL while taking a quiz. not fun.

- my sleep schedule?? beyond pathetic.

There are pieces of your life, moments, events, decisions, and you saw no significance in them when they happen. You may even despair. It’s only when time goes by and you look back and suddenly you can see your whole life like a perfectly designed puzzle. Don’t be afraid of the puzzle piece you’re in now. It’ll fit perfectly…just like the rest. How could it not? The Designer is perfect.

Yasmin Mogahed (via islamic-art-and-quotes)

second last goodbye.

Uncle Mohd came by today and it somehow reached to a point where we were talking about business and money. He then said this to me, “Wallahu Khairur Raaziqeen” which means god is the best provider of sustenance. Phir hum pareshaan kyun?

In a few days, I’ll be embarking on a new beginning and I really want to put this first. I need to catch some shut eyes now so I will try to update soonish. Shabba Khair to anyone reading this :)

last teen year

If you know me personally, you’d know how much i dread my own birthday. I don’t necessarily hate it neither do I want to commemorate it. I just don’t find it significantly important. I’m one of those who would always have a mental breakdown on birthdays. Not going to bother lying, I spent the night thinking and then crying and eventually reaching out for Qiara as a source of comfort.

At midnight, I received a phone call from Dad and also my cousin whom I’ve not spoken to for a while. Woke up to messages from friends I’ve lost touch with. Made my heart feel warm and fuzzy and that’s very unlikely of me to admit. Cla made me a short film, that focuses on my gap year and I bawled my eyes out to that.

4 days ago, I was surprised by the usual kukus with a cake that I eventually blew without making a wish. It was an eventful night for sure. Rachel had soju and behaved even funnier than her usual self, not complaining! Cla had spicy noodles and tortilla chips sprinkled on the top. We talked a lot, took countless photos and watched tipsy Rachel climb up and down the stairs. I’d never trade that moment for anything. We’re all at a different pace in life. We’ve got different commitments but effort is key. Thank you so much guys for the night. Here’s to a year to prepare myself for the 20s lol.

Here’s to more noodles and laughter.

long pause resumed.

Exactly 4 months ago today, I wrote my last entry and that too on an account I recently deleted. I’ll be surprised if anyone actually reads this, unless you’re Clarence, but if you aren’t, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you so much for sticking around.

Life update:

Done with work for about 11 days now, probably going to be back there for the last two months of freedom before school begins. Forgot to mention, I’M STARTING SCHOOL AGAIN YAY! Received a package from school consisting of my letter of acceptance and a couple of contracts and tuition grants which I have till Monday to settle. 

I can’t possibly explain how thankful I am. For supportive friends and family and also for god. It’s true when they say, “What is meant for you, will reach you even if it is beneath two mountains. What isn't meant for you, won't reach you even if it is between your two lips”. Cheers to student card and lectures and stress. In the meantime, I hope to catch up on shows on Netflix and the books on my shelf.

Let the hiatus begin!

to-do list: november

control your environment. surround yourself with the kindest people, with the calmest music, with the softest clothes. make yourself comfortable. the world will not always do it for you.

be as independent as you possibly can, but do not fear reaching for help. you are constantly growing and improving, don’t let your obsession with autonomy hinder you from becoming a better version of yourself.

set your priorities straight. there are things you want to do, and there are things you need to do, and there are things you need to do in order to do the things you want to do. do them first.

believe in your abilities. believe in your aspirations, your reasons, and your hopes. hold on to your motivation as much as possible. everyone needs time, but many forget that they need their own strength as well.

be overwhelmed. make mistakes. be thoroughly done with everything. notice how you change during your low points in life. notice how you plant a seed in your mind, something that will bloom. take care of it. you will grow and flourish soon enough.