she once doesnt like me anymore. idk the love she shows me now is real or fake. im the second choice.

she send me this love letter . i felt nothing 😶 since i read her snapchat story about the other girl , i felt numb. Nothing that come out from her mouth i believe right now.

why i am not happy like others? i feel empty . lonely 😔

how long i can hold this feeling?

here we go again. i suspicious with her action when she try to avoid me take her phone twice. yes when i got the chance ill get what i im not supposed to found. she texts other girl. she even set the chat wallpaper that girl’s picture. she betrayed me again. i dont want this relationship again yet i still her chance. what else can i do when she want to kill herself if i leave her. i broke my heart again. she kill me inside. yet i need to pretend nothing happens because her midterm still on going. i dont want to feel this again. i hate this feeling. she hurt me so bad. i hate her i hate her so much!

she told me she’ve stopped share our problem to her. she lied. i dont mind she still sharing with her friend but she lied. she lie when so said she still love me so much. she just delt guilty to me.

she lied

i saw something that i should not see. her friend say “sayang tu sayang but more to rasa bersalah” damn! its hurt me so damn much again.

10.11.2022 . my relationship with her almost turn 2yrs. its maybe not too long for anyone but for me this is my longest relationship that i ever have. i was so in love with her, i guess i am still so in love with her. We are in long distance relationship now. Its hard for her at first but i can see she is happy now . It was easy for me first but i can say that its really tough for me now. i felt alone. lonely all the time. im busy but she’s super busy with the study. she once admit that she has doubt about her feeling to me. that was broke my heart to the pieces. Then later she realized that she still love me so much. she cant live without me. I was so broken. my trust issue gained . i distance myself from her. she felt it . she cant take it that cause her mental health problem. because i love her so much i gave her second chance. i dont want her to suicide . i still want her . but deep inside i still broken. everyday i feel lonely. i act strong but im not. im too broken. i dont want her but i still want her. i love her so much but she hurts me. i know its not her fault. i cant blame her. i dont know what to feel anymore. she sounds she happy . im happy for her. i hope times will heal my broken heart.

i’m happier with my love life 😘

drinks, coke, dance, sleep

Dear Future Girlfriend,

With everything that has happened in the past few years I had forgotten how badly it can hurt to miss someone I don‘t even know yet. How lonely it can be not to be in the arms of someone I love when all I need is a hug.

I need you! I need your warmth to chase away the cold that has been inside of me for months now and that I can‘t get rid of by myself. I need your shoulder to be my pillow so I can finally sleep peacefully again. I need your lips to kiss my forehead so my thoughts can stop running for just a little bit.

Love,

Me

Bachelor in Paradise - 6x13

Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson at the US Open Final in New York City 💖

Allie went up when they announced Kelley, so Kelley returned the favor 😂