miss-manically-depressed
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selfish, honest, and manically depressed
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"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means that you're stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. "
- Harley Quinn
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Haven't been on this account in a long time but I think it's probably one of the only places I can really write freely without having to deal with any lurkers bullshit.
I've been working on myself, I've been reflecting a lot and realizing how much I've clinged to people who never really benefited my heart and my life.
I clung to a group of people who I thought were my friends but when it came down to it, just cast me aside because I spoke out against things said and done that I genuinely felt were not okay.
I clung to someone who threw me away countless times because I thought that's what it meant to be a good friend, to stand by and try your best to help them in what way that I could.
I let that friend throw me away too many times because I genuinely thought that she cared about me, but her throwing me away and shutting me out should've been the red flags, but I'm a sucker for pain.
I always wanted a best friend because as a kid I was always by myself, I was isolated. My half sister hated me because her mother fed her lies saying that my mom is the reason that our father wasn't in her life.
My brother ran away from home at the age of 18 and left me by myself. I didn't get to go to cousins houses very often, I didn't have sleepovers, I moved around a few times so never really got to have a set of friends for long. In the end they would all forget about me. I was always isolated, eventually it was a little less but the damage on my self esteem and confidence was already done.
This loneliness had been eating away at me. I so desperately craved that feeling of belonging to a friend, a group of friends?
So much so that I let a lot of people treat me like shit. I'm so glad that at the age of 25 that bridges have been burned and so much light has been shown onto these situations.
I put myself out there time and time again, but now I'm learning to let others take the lead in initiating friendship. I no longer trust people anymore because if someone you held so close could just turn around and try and flip everything you've done for them and demonize you, anyone can. For 10 years I held myself prisoner always thinking I did something wrong.
I always hyperanalyzed situations and replayed everything I did over and over again trying to pick apart what I did wrong when in reality, I TRIED, I tried to do what I thought was right, shit I fucked up a lot, I can own that. I can hold myself accountable for my fuck ups. I know I'm not perfect and I never try and play myself out to be that.
But I'll be damned if I ever let anyone try and tell me I'm a bad person. I know who I am and as much as I hate myself, I love myself because at the end of it I'M STILL GONNA COME OUT ON TOP!
I'm gonna get shit done, I'm gonna get where I need to be when I need to.
There are no coincidences in life, everything happens for a reason and I'm glad that I'm finding the silver lining of growth in all these terrible situations.
If I'm a monster, it's by my own doing and not because I'm told I'm a monster by someone who only wants to project their own short comings and blame me for why their life turned out the way it has.
We are the masters of our own fate. Take that shit by the horns and conquer ya shit.
Ignore me, it's been a long night, just felt the need to ramble to the void.
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I'm too tired for this but this is pure gold
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Vintage women being badass. You’re welcome.
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Conversation
Emotional Temperament
Moon in Aries: Sacrificial, young hearted, imaginative, reactive, self prophetic, fearless, quick tempered, innocent, abandoned, alone
Moon in Taurus: Faithful, relapses into self indulgence, lazy, concerned but refusing to self sacrifice, overtly loyal, maternal and welcoming, disarming, fretful
Moon in Gemini: lacks concentration, unsympathetic but genial, emotionally reactive, nerves, travels, secretive about emotions, undramatic
Moon in Cancer: Restless, fearsome, psychic, unstable, intuitive, despondent, martyred, delivering, rich emotional world
Moon in Leo: dramatised, fears of the inner child exaggerated, very coloured in impulse, self shame associated with lack of appreciation, faithful, subject to elusion
Moon in Virgo: Irritable, over conscious of environment, easily triggered, helpful, intuitive, responsive to distress, anxious and consumed with worry, pedantic
Moon in Libra: Impressionable and sympathetic, morale and concerned but detached and self contained, temperamental, evasive, passive aggressive, emotionally unstable especially regarding the day's interaction with people
Moon in Scorpio: Contained but secretly uncontrolled, unsympathetic but empathetic, suspicious and paranoid, splitting, passionate and then empty, debilitating and destructive highs and lows
Moon in Sagittarius: Escapist, psychic, speculative, detached but generous, tender hearted and noble hearted, shows tremendous loyalty to animals
Moon in Capricorn: Self sacrificial, often altruistic and kindly, Dry, distanced but concerned, consumed with material worry, emotionally conscious to the extreme, suspicious
Moon in Aquarius: Active emotional life is inhibited by over reactive intellectualism, can generate a coldness about the individual that hides regenerative warmth, excitable, over analyses emotion to extreme
Moon in Pisces: Cannot resist environmental stimulus, the impressionable, lack of boundaries, psychic, devoted, melancholy, withdrawing, sacrificial, emotional hemophiliac
-C.
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moon signs and their difficulties
Moon in Aries: control, whether it be of yourself, of others, or events in your life
Moon in Taurus: getting too caught up with something that troubles you, holding grudges that make you feel weighed down
Moon in Gemini: confusion, of what you want, how you feel, or what you’re doing in life
Moon in Cancer: having your heart rule your head, causing you to act out of pure emotion instead of rationalizing
Moon in Leo: the fragility of your emotions and putting a tough front to guard them, scaring others away
Moon in Virgo: pushing yourself too hard, and fearing that if you stop your work will be for nothing
Moon in Libra: caring too much about the opinions of others, finding yourself trying to impress everyone
Moon in Scorpio: not being able to accept pains from the past or a current insecurity within your life
Moon in Sagittarius: feeling as if there is no true home for you, or that you will never find what it is you are looking for in life
Moon in Capricorn: fear of expressing your emotions, as others could take advantage of you
Moon in Aquarius: feeling alienated and isolated, as if you don’t belong in your current setting
Moon in Pisces: having extreme difficulty keeping your head from wandering, feeling tortured by your never-ending “what ifs”
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This is what a real, qualified OBGYN will tell you about what women feel when they get an abortion
Dr. Willie Parker, who is trained as a gynecologist and OBGYN, is a hero for the pro-choice movement because he’s honest about the undiscussed aspects of getting (or not getting) an abortion. Watch how he gives a consultation.
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What does it take to teach a bee to use tools? A little time, a good teacher and an enticing incentive. Read more here: http://to.pbs.org/2mpRUAz
Credit: O.J. Loukola et al., Science (2017)
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HEY !! Here’s a video of me signing “fergalicious” for one of my asl projects !! :)
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http://youtu.be/2P5qbcRAXVk
”?!” makes a sound in my head, but I can’t describe what it is.
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