he stole his dick

never let anyone tell you that trawling through mediocre victorian poetry isn't worth it. we just happened upon an absolute BANGER of a worm poem. go read it or else 🪱🪱🪱

i hate how they market alexa as a ‘member of the family’ like that’s SO fucking blatantly insidious and terrifying also if i wanted an untrustworthy/cold/emotionless machine in my life i’d just talk to my fuckin father 

My brain: You have so many tight deadlines. So many things on your weekly schedule. So many important jobs. You have to get important work done!!!

My hands:

Game Changer idea

It starts like the first Noise Boys episode: Sam introduces Brennan, Zac, and Josh, welcome to game changer, he’s been here the whole time, “players, while I do love the direction we’ve gone with make some noise, I have to admit that I miss hearing you three make silly animal noises.”

Sam looks up at Josh and says, “Josh, your word is cow” a picture of a cow comes on screen, “no problem,” Josh makes the best cow sound you’ve ever heard in your life, Sam says, “sorry Josh that’s not the answer we were looking for… Zac your word is duck,” a picture of a duck comes on the screen, Zac makes a very convincing duck sound, which he doesn’t get points for, of course; this keeps going for a couple of rounds. The crew is laughing, the players are getting frustrated, Brennan has this look on his face like he’s trying to figure out how in the world the game works. Josh’s next word is cat, a picture of Sam’s cat comes on the screen, after Josh doesn’t get the point, Brennan asks if he can try, Sam says sure why not.

“Brennan, your word is cat”

“Cat, c-a-t, cat.

“Brennan… that is correct”

It’s a spelling bee episode but the words keep getting harder and more confusing. Homophones, names of medications, silent letters, ghost words, Zzyzx California, long phrases, words you’ve never even heard of that Sam may or may not be making up on the spot to mess with Brennan specifically.

They film for 12 hours. Brennan wins.

The prize is a dictionary, “so you can keep practicing your great spelling at home”

“That does it for us at game changer, I’m your host Sam Reich, reminding you that it’s r-e-i-c-h not r-i-e-c-h, goodnight!”

Y'all are amazing. Reblog to hug the person you’re reblogging from.

Y'all are amazing. Reblog to hug the person you’re reblogging from.

One of the worst feelings is when you feel a hyperfixiation slipping.. Like no.. Youre so sexy pls keep giving me happy chemical

Thoughts that are mutual between cats and their people:

Yeah you're cute when you sleep but you didn't let me sleep either so I'm going to annoy you now because I'm bored. Hahah get poked, sleepy idiot.

How do you not comprehend this when I am literally staring at you. Like I understand that your brain can't understand things this nuanced but come on, how do you not get this.

I don't know if you know that what I am currently doing is an expression of affection, but that won't stop me. Knowing that I showed you that I love you is enough.

I heard a crinkly material and the sound of you chewing so I have to know what's in your mouth RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

I can't communicate with you and you can't communicate with me, so I'm just copying the tone of the sound you're making in hopes that you understand that I try.

You are doing activities beyond my comprehension, and I find this fascinating. I will never understand what the fuck you are trying to achieve here, but I am intrigued nonetheless.

Hey are you ok, you haven't done your weird thing in a while. Yeah I don't get why you do that but I know you do that when you're ok.

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