mestoepalmo-blog - Tumblr blog

mestoepalmo-blog · 4 years

Text

Why Men and Women Cheat

There are four main reasons why people cheat on their romantic partner: unresolved emotions, cowardice, inadequacy or an anti-social personality. If we understand these reasons, we might be able to ward off cheating behavior, or at least predict who is likely to cheat.

The first reason for cheating is unresolved emotions. These emotions can include unhappiness, frustration or anger. When a partner is unfulfilled in their marriage, they might turn to someone else for satisfaction. If they are angry, cheating is a good way of sticking it to the person who has hurt them. If the person is sexually frustrated, they could look to someone outside the marriage to meet these needs.

Of course, if the individual had been able to face and deal with their emotions, they wouldn't have to cheat. If they got in touch with their unhappiness and talked about it with their partner, or if they confronted their partner around the behaviors that were angering them, they wouldn't need to stray.

If one person's frustration was caused by the other partner withholding sex out of their own feelings of anger or unhappiness, dealing with the problems in the relationship would enable the couple to either improve things or see that it was time to separate.

The second reason for cheating is cowardice. This reason overlaps somewhat with the first one. When someone is hurt, angry, frustrated or unhappy in their relationship and is too afraid to talk to their partner about what's going on, their feelings build up until they have to be expressed. Sometimes there's a confrontation, but often these held-in feelings are channeled into an affair.

When one person in the relationship is unable to confront the other about their needs and feelings, they can end up bringing the relationship to a head in a more indirect manner. Having the courage to deal with things directly will not only prevent everyone from getting hurt; it will also create the possibility of resolving some of the problems in the relationship.

Inadequacy is another reason for cheating. If a person sees having flirtations or affairs as the only way to boost their flagging ego, then they won't be able to resist the temptation to stray. So many things in life can make a person feel less confident and less attractive. Being with a new person who is fascinated by them and excited to be with them is the ego boost they think they need.

Unfortunately, adultery as an esteem-booster doesn't work. No matter how many times the person strays, this will never compensate for their lack of self-esteem. Self-worth can't be healed by receiving affirmation from someone else; it's the responsibility of each person to do this for themselves.

If someone is a compulsive philanderer; a "sex addict" shall we say, it's because they're using infidelity in the same way as an alcoholic uses drinking. They are attempting to fulfill a need that can't be met in this way. What would actually help them would be to take the issue up in therapy and to work on developing self-worth in a more positive manner.

The final reason why people cheat is because they simply don't care about right or wrong. People who have anti-social personality traits do whatever they want, regardless of whom they might hurt. They have no remorse for their bad behavior and aren't compelled by any sense of human decency to be honest or respectful to their partner.

They might pretend to care, but if they persist in their pursuit of extra-marital relationships it's clear that the only needs they care about are their own. People like this break the rules in other areas of their life; not just in their marriage. They cheat, lie and steal; they manipulate and disrespect others.

Because they aren't interested in doing the right thing, there will be no way to convince them to stop their bad behavior. There's not much leverage a partner could use with an anti-social spouse in order to get them to remain faithful. If this is your partner, either accept that this and other bad behavior will continue or end the relationship.

Sometimes there's overlap between the inadequate and the anti-social group. There have been a number of stories in the media lately of wealthy, famous or powerful individuals who've been revealed as serial adulterers. These people appear to be both desperate for affirmation and utterly contemptuous of both their partner and the institution of marriage.

Cheating, then, is either a symptom of an anti-social personality, a compulsive (yet futile) attempt to build up a weak ego or a cowardly way of avoiding dealing with unhappiness in a relationship. In the first case, infidelity might be the initial indication that your partner is a bad person whom you need to leave. In the second case, it demonstrates that your partner has a serious problem with self-esteem and compulsive behavior that's destructive to the relationship.

1 note · View note