mercepsycho
Merce
Hello, I'm Merc. Twitter: https://twitter.com/chsmpsychopfp by ayilings
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it's actually really weird to me that a lot of adults don't seem to remember the worst bits of being a child. were you not horribly aware of when adults were talking down to you as a child? don't you remember how little autonomy you were allowed, even when it came to things that seemed pretty harmless? don't you remember the times when adults would seemingly be assholes to you for no reason? even if you had nice and reasonable parents, didn't you ever have teachers or other adults in power who treated you disrespectfully? didn't it sting no matter how people justified it?
especially when I was a teenager, it seemed obvious to me & to most of my peers when an adult wasn't treating us with respect. you could almost smell it, in certain classrooms. there would be this palpable, shifting undercurrent of teenage dissatisfaction whenever some teachers started talking. and it made a lot of the kids act out! which of course made the teachers try to exert their power, which never worked because nobody respected them, which made them get more draconian, etc.
as a teen, I didn't really get why my peers and I seemingly had a superhuman sense for when an adult was on a power trip. but now I think I get it. kids are systematically denied autonomy, respect, and consistently have the validity of their experiences denied. like, flat-out. they're a vulnerable class of people made even more vulnerable by their lack of societal rights. being disrespected as a kid is so frequent that I would say it's a defining experience for most children. is it any wonder they tend to pick up on when an adult doesn't see them as worth listening to?
so yeah, of course a ton of kids want to be treated "like an adult." to them, that's synonymous with being treated like a human being worth listening to. it's up to you, as an adult, to understand that wish for what it is, and behave accordingly. you don't gotta be a child psychologist. you don't gotta be perfect at it. all you have to do is remember how painful adult disrespect could be when you were a kid & do your best to act with some compassion.
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I don't think child internet safety by way of parental monitoring is inherently a bad idea, there are probably ways it can be done fine, but I get wary every time I see people advocate for it because, growing up, the parents supervising their kids' internet access weren't the good parents who respected their children, they were the sadistic control freaks who loved forcing their "daughters" onto diets and exercise regimens they didn't want. they were the parents who'd go through their kids' texts and threaten to call the police if they saw anything they deemed amiss, thereby getting their kids excised from friend groups. they were the parents who'd go ballistic if they saw a pronoun in a bio or a pride flag avatar. sure, promote child internet safety, but it's naive at best and actively dangerous at worst to ignore what parental surveillance of social media so often actually looks like in practice.
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internet safety is important ofc but i think a lot of abuse is invisibilised and institutionalised to the point that people forget that no internet groomer preying on unsupervised kids online has the level of access, power, and protection enjoyed by the far larger number of predators that operate within churches, schools, & families themselves and whose grooming tactics are broadly endorsed by society at large
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can you explain family abolition in a few words?
sure. there is no one unitary 'family abolitionist' perspective so be aware that i'm explaining this as a marxist and not as an anarchist or a radical feminist.
basically, "the family" is a social construct rather than a fixed self-evident truth. the family has been created and can be shaped, altered, or--indeed--abolished. this is evinced by the broad anthropological and historical record of radical transformations in what constitutes 'the family' (cf. clans, the extended family, the nuclear family). viewing the family as such opens it up to critique and also to the concept that it could be replaced with something better (in much the same way that, for communist and anarchist, refusing to accept the timelessness / naturalization of the bourgeois state opens up new horizons of political thought outside of engagement with electoral politics.)
among these critiques of the family are:
that it is a tool of patriarchal control over women and children by creating an economic dependence upon spouses / parents
ergo, that it enables and causes 'abuse' -- that child abuse, spousal abuse, and intimate partner violence are not abberations of 'the family' but in fact a natural consequence of its base premises re: power and control
that it serves as a site of invisiblised economic labour (e.g. housework)
that it is a tool of the capitalist (formerly the feudal) economy's reproduction of inequality via e.g. inheritance laws
that it serves as a site of normalization and reproduction of hegemonic ideology--i.e. that it is the site where heteronormativity, cisnormativity, gender roles, class positionality, & more are ingrained in children
among solutions family abolitionists propose to remedy it are:
the total dissolution of any legal privilege conferred by romantic or blood relationship in favour of total freedom for any group of people to form a household and cohabitate
the recognition of housework, the work of childrearing, & the general tasks of social reproduction as 'real' labour to be distributed fairly and not according to formal or informal (feminized) hierarchies
the economic and legal freedom of children--(i.e., allowing children unconditional access to food and shelter outside 'the family', allowing children the legal right to informed consent and self-determination)
similarly, the emancipation of women from economic dependence on their partners--both of these can only really be achieved via socialism (as marx put it, 'women in the workplace' only trade patriarchal dependence upon a husband for patriarchal dependence upon an employer)
communal caretaking of children, the sick, & the elderly
yeah. i know. this is a lot of words. its not few words. sorry. it's a complex topic innit. this is a few words For Me consideri ng that i've got a long-ass google doc open where i'm writing up a whole damn essay on this exact topic.
tldr: the family is not inevitable, it is constructed & can be replaced with something better. full economic freedom from dependence on interpersonal familial relationships for everybody now. check out cuba's 2022 family code for an idea of what this could look like as practical legislation.
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that genre of parent apologia (if you're a functional adult and you still think your parents mistreated you it's just because you're therapybrained and demanding perfect emotional regulation from imperfect people) is so disingenuous also lmao as though accusing their children of being brainfucked or emotionally dysfunctional or whatever isn't like an extremely common tactic for parents to demand conformity and justify various abusive and boundary violating behaviour. be serious about therapy language & its relationship to structures of power for 5 seconds please
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its crazy how many people will reflexively blame teenagers for literally anything. i dont think the puriteens are instituting porn bans guys i think theyre fourteen. i dont think the teen girls on tiktok are 'reinventing gender roles' i think maybe , bear with me here, they're getting these gender roles, from some sort of Society, that they live in. why are people so intent on blaming teenagersx for everything dont they have it shitty enoguh arleady. they have to go high school
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Worst part of "think of the children" rhetoric is that somehow policies aimed at preventing parents from literally beating their children never seem to gain nearly as much traction as whatever the moral outrage of the day is. Most parents just don't want that to stop being a thing they are allowed to do if they want.
Second worst part about "think of the children" rhetoric is that people keep falling for it every single time.
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I feel like a lot of people don’t really fully grasp the idea that abusive parents exist and are both common and, to a degree, socially acceptable.
Like, they may be aware of the fact but have not yet actually integrated it into their worldview, personal beliefs, or policy proposals.
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As a kid, when your parents are poor, you're poor. If they don't have money, that means none of you have money. But if someone's parents are rich, that doesn't necessarily mean the kid is. Sometimes rich peoples' kids aren't rich kids, they're just some rich freak's exotic pets that can talk but aren't allowed to.
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Wanted to make my own version of this
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Mr. Sandman~ bring me a dream, make him the cutest that I've ever seen!
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Herb Ritts for Valentino, 1995
Joelle Jones, variant cover for The Sandman Universe Nightmare Country The Glass House #2
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Words by Neil Gaiman, art by Jim Lee
Just wreck me, ‘s okay…
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