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melshaven-blog · 6 years

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Don’t Kickstart a Deer!

WARNING: Deer hunting/killing reminiscent. Do not read on if this topic is not for you!!!

Now, on with this true learning experience...

The anticipation of shooting your first few deer, especially the first, leaves one with an adrenaline rush. Our son had practiced with target shooting and gun safety for years before this. He had also shot numerous pheasant “roosters” for a few years. But the excitement of joining the deer hunting group is like a right of passage in our family and he was pumped with excitement!

He and his dad were hunting a timbered area alongside a v-plowed field. A v-plowed field is a field in which the farmer cultivates his field at the end of harvest season, leaving deep rows of plowed soil. It is very hard to walk across because it is often wet (as it was this year), leaving mud to build up on the bottom of one’s boots. The mud builds and builds on your soles, leaving your feet heavier and heavier. It demands frequent removal as you walk weighted down.

They sat waiting in their designated posting spots ready and watching for deer to come, hearts racing in anticipation. Others in our group were walking from the other side of the huge timbered area towards them, which we call “pushing” because the deer hear them from far away and move away from the pushers. This leaves them running towards where my hubby and son waited and watched for the deer to come out.

As our son watched, out came a nice buck. This was what he was waiting for! He beaded in his sites on the buck, flipped his safety off, placed his finger on the trigger and BOOM, he shot his first deer directly in the deer’s kill zone. It went down immediately and his adrenaline was pumping in the excitement of shooting his first deer!

As our son ran towards his deer, his dad, who was further away, yelled “Make sure it is dead!”, just as our son was getting to his downed deer, which appeared lifeless on the ground.

Our son yelled back, “It’s dead!”, and then kicked the deer in the butt to show his dad it was dead.

Feeling his own adrenaline, the deer jumped up, appearing very alive, and ran 100 yards into the v-plowed field before dropping again, now really dead.

So this true tale is proof you never want to kick start a deer! Now they had to not only walk into the v-plowed mud, but they had to drag that deer out of it! A lot more work than if he had just waited a few minutes for the deer to expire where he lay.

As mom, I was super proud our oldest son got his first deer, especially in one shot (all those hours of practice developed his expert aim) and we have all laughed in retelling this tale over the years, most recently to his 8 year old son who laughed and giggled to know his super dad once had to learn things too! But our son has nothing to be ashamed about, as his home’s wall have many deer, pheasant, fish, and even an elk mounted on them!

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melshaven-blog · 7 years

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"Anna Baby" 2008-2017

THE LOSS

On August 4, 2017 my day began like any other. Around 11:30am, my middle son called me on his hands-free set just to visit for a few minutes. He was hauling a semi load of corn and his youngest child, 8 year old Anna, was riding with him that day.

He told me how much she loved it when he used the jake break and honked the horn, giggling and laughing with joy. It was a wonderful loving call with one of my three sons. I felt so blessed.

Sometimes there are wondrous moments you wish you could just stay in.

But an hour later I got a phone call from my husband of 37 years. He was in a hurry. He had my daughter in law with him. He had called our oldest son to come and get me (my vehicle was getting new tires). Our middle son had been in an accident. Anna was dead.

That’s when I began screaming “NO!!!!” “NO!!!!” “NO!!!!” “NO!!!!” Over and over. Again and again and again.

My husband had to go. I barely grasped him saying he had our daughter in law with him and was driving her to the accident site… and then he was gone and I just couldn’t stop wailing in denial.

I was alone and couldn’t stop screaming “NO!!!” I had to get ready for when our oldest son arrived to pick me up and I couldn’t think.

I called a close girlfriend and tried to stop screaming my denial. I finally made sense enough that she understood our Anna was gone. She grieved with me, but calmed me somewhat too.

She asked about our son, was he ok? And I didn’t have a clue. I then realized I hadn’t even asked and my world was shattered even further as I feared for our son.

As I spoke to her, I was pacing, still sobbing noooo, and trying to get ready to leave. That was when I noticed our dog, Milly, cowering in fear in the living room. I told my friend I had to go and went to comfort and reassure Milly it was ok… I hugged her as I sobbed… and she just loved me for a few minutes.

When I finished tossing my hair up and got my purse and phone, I went outside and paced and sobbed as I waited for our oldest son. My mind was reeling with grief and fear. It felt like time wasn’t moving. I kept hoping it was just some terrible dream. Denial.

Time continued to feel so slow as we drove to the accident site, even though my oldest son was driving at top speeds. I remember rocking forward and back, praying our middle son was alive and not injured irreversibly.

We tried to call my husband, but phone signals in our rural area were weak and we couldn’t get thru for a time. Finally my son got thru to his dad, but couldn’t hear well and ended up getting disconnected. He thought he heard his dad say his brother was in the ambulance and not responsive. Fear deepened inside me as tears flowed. It seemed like the longest ride.

When we got there, our oldest son said he saw his brother standing outside the ambulance. I couldn’t see him and couldn’t believe it. What I could see was the semi trailer. It was jack knifed on its side, the cab was almost unrecognizable, a torn mass of metal. And corn was everywhere.

I ran to my husband, falling into the comfort of his arms as I asked about our son. He was ok. He was in the ambulance with my daughter in law. Did I want to see him? YES.

What I didn’t realize was that our beautiful 8 year old granddaughter was in the ambulance.

As I entered the ambulance, I saw my son and felt relief as I hugged him… then I saw our 8 year old granddaughter Anna… laying on the gurney, all but her head wrapped tight in a blue blanket. As a retired RN, I recognized her head trauma… bruising and swelling… her blue color. And I broke down.

I had to exit the ambulance, but couldn’t walk. I stood outside that ambulance and just wailed in grief. My Anna Baby was gone. This was really happening. My husband trying to comfort me as I sobbed.

Eventually I calmed enough to go back inside the ambulance. I witnessed my son and daughter in law sitting quietly together at Anna’s side. Tears flowed from my daughter in law as she gently rocked back and forth. Tears flowed down my son’s face, yet he was calm. They prayed quietly.

I gently rubbed Anna’s hairline and forehead as I had done all her life. I felt how lifeless and cold her body was. My tears flowed with theirs, non-stop. My heart was shattered at her loss and at the pain I knew my son would have all his life. I didn’t know how it happened, but knew my son would have vivid memories… and I ached for him. I felt so helpless.

We waited over an hour after that for the hearse with the coroner to arrive to officially pronounce our baby girl’s death. It was a very long wait. The accident happened on a rural blacktop 45 miles from the funeral home.

Our oldest son drove back alone, but with his wife on the phone. I rode in the backseat of my husband’s truck with my daughter in law, while my husband and son sat in the front. We had to follow the hearse all the way back to the funeral home. It was a very very long, long, long journey.

There was not much conversation on the ride home, just quiet sniffles and nose blowing as tears continued to flow from my daughter in law and myself. At one point I asked my son how he was feeling.

“I am thinking how I now have to bury my daughter”, he said as he stared at the hearse in front of us.

Helpless. So helpless to take away my son’s pain. So helpless. Helpless to bring our Anna back. Wishing this to be a dream. Wishing it was me God took, not our Anna. My life was full and blessed. Hers had just begun. Helpless.

Forever life as we knew it had changed.

In an instant.

Forever changed.

I wanted so badly to turn the clock back to that moment when I was talking to my son while he and Anna were traveling down the road enjoying each other. To when Anna was alive and giggling. If I had only done something different in that moment, maybe I could have changed what happened.

No. Life changed forever in an instance.

Sadness. Such sadness.

Then began the collateral damage… Anna’s two older brothers, age 11 and 16. Nana, my daughter in laws mom, her dad and another gramma, her siblings and their families. Great grandparents. Our other sons and their children. Our extended families, aunts and uncles as well as greats, cousins on all sides… friends of each of ours. The immediate collateral damage of just those closest to us was huge. So many affected.

And in our small community, the collateral damage was like a shockwave extending everywhere. The loss of a child hits so much harder - like a nuclear explosion touching thousands, even those who didn’t know Anna or our family at all.

My husband and I accompanied our son, daughter in law, and their two sons, to the funeral home while they made the hardest decisions they ever have to make, in a time when they were at their weakest.

We took them to the local florist where they chose flowers for the casket and from various people like grandparents.

Through all of these decisions, the entire family was included. As a family, they picked out a casket and vault, songs, deciding what colors the various flowers would be, what Anna would wear, etc.

With every decision, it included the entire family. Including, and mainly, Anna. What did each of them think Anna would like? What colors were Anna’s favorite? What charity would Anna like to donate to? Do you like this casket or that one.

They had to choose a maximum of 75 photos for the funeral home for her viewing plus put together photos and memorabilia displays. So many decisions… information for the funeral pamphlet, pall bearers, etc.

So many people helped complete these tasks. Our son’s home and church were central areas as people donated huge amounts of food and offered help in any way they could.

Through all this, our son and his family stood strong in their faith as one family unit. My heart ached when it’s their pain, and swelled with pride at how they continued this strength in their darkest hours.

At the viewing, family was to be there for two hours that evening. We had already had our own private family viewing, filled with high emotions at the sight of our Anna in her casket and all the beautiful arrangements of flowers, plants, and Anna picture and memorabilia displays. The video of pictures of Anna in silly moments and happy times. I shed so many tears I became numb inside.

That evening we arrived back for the two hours of family time with visitors at the wake. Our son, his wife, and their sons began the family line just past Anna in her open casket. We had to work to get through the mass of people lining up for the viewing and to express their condolences to the family.

I watched with pride as our son and his wife consoled every person coming through the line. They consoled every adult with hugs, and bent down on one knee to hold each child while they sobbed in grief.

People were eventually lined up from the funeral home to outside for an entire city block. Anna’s death hit our community hard. What was supposed to be two hours turned into three and a half. But our son and his family stood tall and consoled every last person. Their strength in our Lord kept them strong.

I don’t know that I would have been as strong.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I held myself strong in support when needed, but I grieved. I went thru an entire roll of paper towels in the first few days, using them to wipe my tears and blow my nose.

But I knew my pain could not ever be as deep as my son’s and his family. 😥

Anna’s funeral was wonderful. This coming from me is huge because I have had other losses and other funerals, leaving me with an emotional turmoil and deep dread for funerals. But Anna’s Pastor knew Anna and her family.

The Pastor spoke of all the things Anna left behind, almost as if our Lord had guided her to leave things which would give comfort to those she left behind. Many things.

She was only eight, but her faith and love for Jesus was strong as evidenced by her Jesus Bible neatly marked with sticky notes tagging each Book in the Bible and highlighting scriptures throughout. She left binders with pages of scriptures she had written and placed neatly into protective sheets. She left notes galore proclaiming her love for Jesus in various ways, many with pictures of hearts and crosses.

She also left amazing notes to her loved ones. Many notes. So many notes. They varied in topics from thank you notes to her mom for doing the dishes and helping her make her bed, to loving notes such as the three I received… one simply saying she loves me, gramma, with hearts on the page and Jesus decoratively covering the back (will be my Bible bookmarker)… one was to both myself and my husband, grampa. She wrote how awesome we both are and that she loved us both… and a third one to our young dog, Milly. She said Milly is a good girl and that she loves Milly very much.

Now who would ever think a child of eight would ever leave so many notes to so many people? Or that she would leave such clear reminders of her faith and love for Jesus?

The song chosen to play at her funeral was also not the “normal” song. But it was Anna’s favorite song, God’s Not Dead. Uplifting. Amazing.

Back up now to the day it happened. My son and his sons made a huge wooden cross that afternoon to place at the accident site where Anna went to Jesus.

Many of us joined him that first night but we all left from different places at different times. Even so, ALL of us saw it, the astounding and beautiful sunset of many colors brightly shining upward to a highlight the huge white cross in the sky. It seemed to emanate from where we were driving to, the place she went home to Jesus. I tried to get pictures but we were running late and the pictures didn’t turn out because we were driving and I wasn’t at the right angle.

All of us gathered at the site at dusk. Our son and his sons had already gotten the cross set in. One of our oldest son’s daughter, another grandchild of ours, stood and sobbed uncontrollably. All I could do was hold her as she wept for a very long time. Collateral damage.

Someone attending that night created a multi- image of that dusky gathering. It has all of us around Anna’s cross (in black and white) on the bottom half with a colored image on the top of that gorgeous sunset with that huge cross in the sky.

Although the cross in the sky was manmade by airplanes, we all took it as a sign from Anna. She was only eight years old, but her faith was stronger than most adults. The airplane streams creating the white cross both ended abruptly, creating the cross. Normally these airplane trails are continuous across the sky without an ending point.

Only our Anna would have a light bright enough to shine from heaven.

Anna also left many videos. There is one where she starts outside, being silly and hamming it up as she goes around first telling us what she is showing us and then zooming in on the item.

She is incredibly goofy as she takes Us from one thing to the next, outside, to the porch, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and then to the bathroom. Here, she says she has to pee, places the phone face down while she tinkles. Yes, you actually hear her tinkle and you can’t help but laugh! When done, she proclaims she peed and pooped and then proceeds on, this is the doorknob and then zooming in on it… and on she goes.

Sigh 😔.

It has been three weeks since Anna left us. I am done with this Anna blog for the moment, but am sure I will add more Anna thoughts.

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