curse be damned my boy can still fag it up

x

been working on collapsing harry styles and timothee chalamet into one celebrity entity in my mind to make room for more important stuff like the locations of nuts that i buried before winter

people have these “my dog is a democrat” stickers and I like to imagine them with increasingly unlikely animals professing more niche political opinions:

my parrot is a democratic socialist

my arctic fox is an anarchopastoralist

my catfish believes in the divine right of kings

pesto is great for many bites but to me it’s always been a kind of samey indulgent experience in a specific way where if you happily eat your way through a large enough portion there will hit a point where you will very suddenly experience something called “pesto remorse” which i have just invented

pranking the new kid in the firing squad by telling all the other guys not to pull the trigger during his first execution

your workplace voted number one place to be high and scared for the fiftieth year in a row

*opens the oven after preheating to 400*

this wouldn't leave my brain

AL PACINO as Sonny Wortzik DOG DAY AFTERNOON 1975 | dir. Sidney Lumet

i still think about "aye moira am oan the protein" way too often

Traditional ant names

Traditional ant names are based on one ant virtue as the first name and one ant “intimidating quality” as the last name.

For example:

Temperance the Absconder

Proportionality the Relentless

Synchronicity the Amputator

Alacrity the Calculating

Efficiency the Eternal Witness

in a hotel room very cautiously removing my clothing slowly and constantly looking around the room shifty and scared as fuck anticipating attacks while a beautiful pair of women sitting side by side on the bed in matching lingerie excitedly but restrained with carefully lowered vioices cheer me on. they say Yes thats it thats how sex works! youre doing it right yeah! youve got it keep going! and im finally down to a sports bra and one tube sock when a car alarm putside startles me and i lunge for the empty handgun on the floor and put it in my mouth while they panic and scramble trying to calm me down petting my hair and cooing gently

Blur - Song 3

whee hee