It's not a child's job to heal their wounded parents.

The slowest and painful way to kill someone is never loving them enough. Parents that are arguing is normal and I know that in the end of the day we'll still choose each other, because that's what family are, we fight, we argue, we scream at each other, we get upset but, we'll still have each other and I know that. However, I'm still not used at it—18 years of hearing my parents arguing and fighting yet, here I am. Upset and sad, growing up I have watched how my father hits my mom, how he cheats on my mom, how he guilt trip and rub how much help he have done to her family and screaming at her of why she has no money left while he was working abroad. I have watched my mom cry, scream and slowly fall out of love, I have seen how much he hates my father. I have seen how much she hates me and how they have never loved each other enough.

I'm scared that maybe someday I'll turn into like one of them, I don't want to be hunted by their shadows, I'm not like them, I don't want to scream when I'm mad, I don't want to get mad easily, I don't want to hurt the people that I love the most, I don't want to be like them, I'm scared and I'm trying, I'm trying so hard not to be like them, I'm trying so hard to understand, to love, to care and most importantly to show to them that I can handle it. But, this is draining me—I want to believe that I can do this, it's just hard sometimes you know?

I feel bad for my other friends for saying this, but they are my favorite girl friends ever. They are the kind of girl friends I have always dreamed of having one when I was a child, just pure genuine love with each other and I thought I'll never find someone like them but there they are, my girls, my lovely pretty girls. You girls have done so much for me, thank you for healing a part of me, for making my inner soul happy everytime we hang out, for boosting my confidence, and for making the little me so kilig and overjoyed to have you as my girl friends—you have completed a missing part of me that I didn't know was missing 'till I met you girls. You girls are the greatest gift I ever had. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for being the reason why I loved being a girl. For making me fall in love with this kind of friendship🩷.

I will forever cherish how we loved, supported, cared, and looked out for each other's back during our highschool days and even though there is only 1 week left for us to be together—know that I will always try my best to be there for you my girls, bea loves you girls so much! To the moon and back<3

I dedicate this song to my GF's:

Why do ugly guys get pretty girls?

Jude Bellingham

This too shall pass.

It's getting hard to clean my room again, my mind is so cluttered— I don't want to think about anything otherwise I'll burst out and cry..

ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡ womp womp

Graduation is getting closer and I don't know what to feel, I don't know how to describe this feeling... I wonder how we are able to live and move forward from the people we used to be with everyday in our daily life? I don't understand. It's like okay, we used to eat lunch together and now we sit on a different table, different canteen, different university with new set of friends. As someone, who loves being a teenager and being with her friends I find it kind of hard to think about that 2 months from now, I'm finally graduating and that also means, I'm leaving this University... we're all going to seperate ways and I don't even know if we're all still going to see each other. If we'll still be in contact, if we'll still be friends, If the memories we had will still be remembered... I'm not scared to lose friends but watching your true friend— your friend who you've been with through chemistry & physics class, that friend you've been with when you both got a low score, that friend who tries his/her best to cheer you up whenever you're feeling down. IS. HARD. I'm not yet good at handling this kind of feeling.. of being a young adult, I know someday I'll learn how to live with this kind of feeling and when I do I'll write it here! But for now, I guess I'll just keep writing our memories in my diary!

Ethereal.

(He doesn’t exist)

❀ Not mine creds to: odeneest on Pinterest!! ❀

˚₊‧꒰ა Suki ໒꒱ ‧₊ᰔᩚ

Being Embarrassed is AN ILLUSION!

(I don’t own these photos!)

“Most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.” - Elle Woods

What does being embarrassed feel like? Well, our first feelings are always insecurity and to overthink. We worry about what others think of us. We worry about getting judged, to even overthinking what we said. I promise you that these people are too focused on their own life. They could even be just like you and overthinking what they said or did.

Why do we get embarrassed? A big part of our population are most likely people pleasers. We all care about what someone thinks about us. Whether it’s your parents, relatives, friends, bf/gf, etc. We also get judged a lot, from the day we came into this life. It’s hard to go from a pure and innocent child to a child scared of being judged. In conclusion, being scared of getting judged is why we get so embarrassed.

The mindset! In order to truly realize being embarrassed is an illusion, you have to walk with this thought. It has to become a life motto, not just that but a rule for yourself. You have to become committed and make sure you’re aware of this. If you get embarrassed and forget it’s an illusion, brush it off.

Validating yourself! One of the main reasons why we get embarrassed or afraid of being judged is, because we love praise. Praise from others that is, so start praising yourself. When you see yourself in the mirror, compliment yourself. Tell yourself the things you want to hear so badly from.

Love you dolls! Thank you dolls for reading 😘