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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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stupid leftists and their belief in *checks notes* the intrinsic value of human life

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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cozy cats

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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a list of current immortals

florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen

keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe

jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess

harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s

lorde: 1920′s flapper era

hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE

john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would

paul rudd: newest to the immortal club, didn’t age past the 1990′s

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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horatio, a commoner, foreigner, and stranger, goes up to the ghost of the king of denmark and immediately uses “thou.” that’d be like seeing the ghost of Barack Fucking Obama and being like “yo dude”

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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in this house we love love and heart shaped things AND the moon

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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The Council Meets to Choose a King

Council: Who should be the next king?

[Gendry sitting there, son of a king]

Council: Any ideas? Any???

[Neon sign lights up above Gendry’s head saying “This is the legitimized son of King Robert”]

Council: How about the kid who thinks he’s a bird?

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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having a personal sense of style is gay culture and the reason why gay men are seen as fashionable and lesbians as tacky is because the standards are so low for men and so high for women send post

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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It does speak louder than words

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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Odysseus, reading a fortune cookie: if you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same

Achilles, with a mouth full of takeout: kill two

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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Patroclus: *clenches fist* fight me!

 Achilles, standing behind Patroclus, softly shaking his head, sword ready in his hand: *mouthes* do not

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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Joan of Arc

Jeanne d’Arc

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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quick protip: if someone is crying or freaking out over something minor, eg wifi not connecting, can’t find their hat, people talking too loud, do NOT tell them how small or petty the problem is to make it better. they know. they would probably love to calm down. you are doing the furthest possible thing from helping. people don’t have to earn expressions of feelings.

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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my advice to women: scream more, wreak havoc, be ugly and gross, use the sword emojis

my advice to men: develop a sense of shame

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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pls drink a lot of wine and be extraordinarily well read and buy too much perfume and write a few too many love letters and spread affection and poetry wherever you go

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mdcourfeyrac · 5 years

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boys and men will try to convince you that humans are intrinsically selfish and egotistical because they can’t cope with the fact that women are actually taught from birth to put their community, their friends, their family, everyone on equal (sometimes even higher) footing.

male individualism is completely dependent on the emotional labour of women, and whenever you try to point this out they act like you’re denying basic human facts

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