#me watching my ships have even the slightest of interaction ABBOTT ELEMENTARY | 3x13

Hannibal invites Gordon Ramsay for dinner; it does not go well. Based on

so today at work one of my coworkers hands me a box

I have no context for this. He’s a 50? 60? Year old plumber who tends to walk into the office, tell a dad joke, and leave. I’ve just arrived at work and am still putting my purse away. So he hands me this box and says it comes with instructions. I open it and unfold this

He says his great grandma probably made it

This pansy is the tiniest pocket in the world

It could use some blocking after who knows how many years in the box but look at these sweet little pansies!

The pattern was clearly typed on a typewriter, several pages of it. I guess this was an apron specifically for having your friends over for tea.

I just happened to be wearing a skirt that kind of goes with it, so I did wear it all day (it’s a @mayakern skirt!) and another friend said I look like I should be living in a shoe. Perhaps as some sort of mouse girl making pastries for the other woodland creatures. But uhhhhh what an incredible heirloom piece to just be handed. It’s probably twice as old as I am. I’m definitely going to bring it to stitch circle this week

PUSHING DAISIES (2007—2009)

Community – 3.04: Remedial Chaos Theory

So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.

The question?

“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”

Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*

Landlord: *looks smug*

Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?

Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!

Pub: *more laughter*

Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*

Landlord: Fuck. Me. 

Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF* 

Landlord: How did you even know that?

Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?

Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?

Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.

one thing about me is that I'll never move on, if I said goodbye to you 10 years ago I still miss you today

The only valid thief is a magpie.

just make them girlfriends pls n thx

romancing miss bridgerton

yeah there's sucking and fucking on iwtv but nothing on it is gayer than three old bitchy queens sniping at each other every episode

#cutest married couple

a raven father (i call him "pants") I've been feeding sometimes likes to sit outside my window and either wait for more food or just listen to the stuff I'm watching while I draw. Today's a colder day so he likes to fluff up a bit, and I kid you not :

this is an accurate representation of my view

take figures out of their boxes btw. sew patches on your favorite jacket. go to bed with your favorite plushes. wear the pants you usually save for special occasions. draw something cool on your wall. put a sticker on your laptop. dye your hair and pierce your lips. glass is meant to break, metal is meant to rust. items are meant to be used. that's how the world knows that somebody loved them.

Red Letter No. 8 by Jen Mazza

“Dogs don’t know what they look like. Dogs don’t even know what size they are. No doubt it’s our fault, for breeding them into such weird shapes and sizes. My brother’s dachshund, standing tall at eight inches, would attack a Great Dane in the full conviction that she could tear it apart. When a little dog is assaulting its ankles the big dog often stands there looking confused — “Should I eat it? Will it eat me? I am bigger than it, aren’t I?” But then the Great Dane will come and try to sit in your lap and mash you flat, under the impression that it is a Peke-a-poo… Cats know exactly where they begin and end. When they walk slowly out the door that you are holding open for them, and pause, leaving their tail just an inch or two inside the door, they know it. They know you have to keep holding the door open. That is why their tail is there. It is a cat’s way of maintaining a relationship. Housecats know that they are small, and that it matters. When a cat meets a threatening dog and can’t make either a horizontal or a vertical escape, it’ll suddenly triple its size, inflating itself into a sort of weird fur blowfish, and it may work, because the dog gets confused again — “I thought that was a cat. Aren’t I bigger than cats? Will it eat me?” … A lot of us humans are like dogs: we really don’t know what size we are, how we’re shaped, what we look like. The most extreme example of this ignorance must be the people who design the seats on airplanes. At the other extreme, the people who have the most accurate, vivid sense of their own appearance may be dancers. What dancers look like is, after all, what they do.”

— Ursula Le Guin, in The Wave in the Mind (via fortooate)

kate's gonna get anthony pregnant this season