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margsld · 6 years

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Outlander Epi 3.10 Recap

Heaven and Earth. What I’d move to have a day on set with Caitriona Balfe.

Luke Shelhaas is the writer credited to this episode and IMDb tells me he produced on shows such as Smallvile, The Good Wife and Law and Order too. An interesting mix. I like the arc of this episode surrounding Claire and Elias Pound. Pour yourself a brandy & grab your tissues. A big box. No, not the cheap ones.

Thickly in the honeymoon-stage, Fergus not phased with the fact there are no shops on board the Artemis, coaxes the ship’s cook Mr Murphy to give him some Potpourri ingredients. He wants it to eradicate the Au de Bilge that is assaulting his love’s olfactory senses below deck. I don’t know how that is even an issue, when your sense of smell would have curled up and died 3 days into their journey, with some 40-odd smelly, unwashed sailors at close range. It nonetheless amuses Milord to be witness to Fergus’ aka Pepe Le Pourri antics but secretly, he wished he’d thought of it first.

Always do your research Fergus!

They are suddenly distracted by the Porpoise setting sail into the sunset with Mrs Fraser still firmly on it, trying to stem the spread of the deadly Typhoid Fever. Cue the action music, this is f*cking intense!

Jamie is not happy at all and shouts demands to the Artemis crew to give chase. Captain Reynes however, is surprisingly not happy with Jamie pretending to do his job. He’s starting to think Jamie really is bad luck, having started the journey to rescue this young kinsman Ian and now they have to rescue his missus. The man is a ginger storm in his teacup. Next time he’s going to check every passengers back-story before agreeing to take them anywhere. Meanwhile, Jamie doesn’t hear ‘No’ enough so gets rough with Reynes who promptly sends him to the Lido deck aka sail-jail.

Jamie, Jamie, Jameeeee. Ask yourself, what would Ross Poldark do?

On the Porpoise, Claire has the able-bodied men Dettoling the ship within an inch of it’s life. To help her get on top of the fast-spreading disease, Captain Leonard has enlisted a 14 year old lad called Elias Pound to act as gopher. Having been at sea since he was 7, he’s very knowledgeable, efficient and Claire is impressed by his can-do attitude. Can we keep him?

As Claire wades through a tsunami of vomit and poop, the spread of Typhoid Fever rages on. She must find the source or no one will survive at this rate. She checks where patient zero started by going over the last surgeon’s notes. Claire narrows the search down to a man called Howard who is now working in the Galley and goes to have him removed. She comes up against the Gordon Ramsey of the seas in doing so and you can safely say they will never be making a buddy movie together. Claire is never one to waste a moment though....

On the Artemis, Fergus brings Jamie some food and sees he is now nauseous again. Fergus tries to calm his farm by soothing Jamie with assurances that Claire will be ok as she can’t get the fever. Jamie points out that yes, that is a good thing however, she is surrounded by lots of men. At sea. Lots of men sailors at sea, far from Hoor-houses. Gulp.

Jamie gets an idea & hatches a plan. He tells Fergus to steal the keys to get him out of his cell. Then, they will start a mutiny and go rescue Claire. Ta Dah!Simples!

Fergus slaps his forehead emoji and tries to reason with Jamie who perhaps has inhaled too much bilge gas. He is also stressing over losing Claire again, especially as he only just got her back. Jamie gets the Hulk-cranky with Fergus which is hard to watch. It’s like Jamie is kicking a puppy. When Fergus continually refuses his ginger-hair-brained-scheme, Jamie pulls out his Ace card and says he’ll bless the union of Fersali if he sets him free. The man has an evil side, I swear.

It’s no Comedy Cruise on the Porpoise. The latest round of dead sailors are being sewn into their hammocks ready for a sea burial. Claire watches as Elias sews the shroud to his dead friend’s nose (to ensure he is dead). Yip, that would wake me from the dead! The ceremony is respectfully formal and ends with the sounds of bodies entering water while the crew recite the Lord’s Prayer.

Later at night, Claire is looking out to sea trying to find her zen when she is approached by Chef Cheerybritches. He has a go at Claire as he does not believe she is helping at all. Before he can get too sinister, Elias arrives and tells him to leave off. This lad is a rock-solid legend.

Elias asks Claire how she can keep so calm in the face of such calamity. She explains how she has learned to compartmentalise her emotions so that she can get her job done. Surviving Black Jack Randall and living with his twin for 20 years will sprout special skills, I imagine, in anyone.

Because he is a sweet child, Elias offers Claire his lucky rabbit foot. I can’t understand Claire accepting it at all. This was the last thing his mother gave Elias and Claire taking it, when she’s inoculated against the fever is odd. Another reason to love Elias. Like we needed one.

Claire is called below to tend to Mistress Johanssens husband who they suspect is the latest Typhoid victim. Claire finds he’s not come down with the fever as first thought but has nearly drunk himself to death with pure alcohol. Out of utter frustration, she swears so loudly and colourfully that even the sailors blush. She asks Elias to watch Captain Johannsen overnight so he doesn’t choke on his own vomit. Annejke looks ready to kill her silly hubby too!

As Claire leaves the goat pen, she notices a Portuguese flag lying in a corner and asks Mr Jones where it came from. He said they’d come across a Portuguese frigate a few weeks ago. Claire asks if it was called the Bruja but Jones wasn’t sure. He suggests she go ask the Captain. Claire anxious of any news of the boat that has Ian, goes in search of Captian Leonard. She finds his office empty so goes to his log book to see if she can find the name for herself. She finds the entry and the boat they encountered was called the Cackador or something like that (sounds like they had a bout of Typhoid too lol), sadly, it’s not the Bruja.

Instead of leaving, she nosies through the book a bit more and comes across a familiar name. Jamie Fraser. Who’s he again? Umm, oh the dude I married... That’s right, now I remember..... Claire is shocked to read that a Harry Tompkins has identified Jamie to Captain Leonard, when they first boarded the Artemis. Poo & double poo.

The door opens and startles Claire. At first she thinks it’s Captain Leonard but soon sees its the Cranky Cook. He knows she’s up to no good and Claire tries to leave but he corners her like a hungry panther. He says he’s not a fan of her and knows why she is here. Claire threatens to tell Captain Leonard he assaulted her, if he doesn’t get out of her way. He knows she has the upper hand so lets her go. Claire, rattled by the confrontation, leaves and knows she must hurry and find this Harry Tompkins.

Marsali bathes Fergus’ stump as they discuss Jamie’s terrible and highly dangerous plan. Marsali points out if Fergus also lands in the slammer, she’ll be left on the ship defenceless.

One thing leads to another when they realise no one is watching them. Marsali is all for taking things to the horizontal disco deck but eventually Fergus stops her and says he wants to wait until they are properly wed. Awwww, we don’t blame Marsali at all. Fergus is pretty hawt.

Elias returns to Claire looking very tired after watching Mr Johanssen all night. She asks if he knows a Harry Tompkins but he says he doesn’t know everyone on crew. Claire lies that he might be another source of the virus and to tell the men she wants to see him as soon as possible. Then noting how tired he looks, she tells him to get some sleep. He’s so tired he can’t even blink anymore.

On the Artemis, Fergus checks out the possibility of maybe accessing the keys but instead overhears the captain and crew being unchristian about them and saying they’d like to get very friendly with Marsali. He quickly leaves before they find him eavesdropping.

Claire is sorting through her medicines when 2 men struggling with another come bursting in with Elias in tow. They’ve found Harry Tompkins. Claire recognises him as Sir Percival’s Excise henchman that burned Jamie’s print shop to the ground.

Claire clears the room then asks him what he knows about Jamie. Harry confesses he recognised Jamie on the Artemis and told Captain Leonard Claire was his wife. Claire is holding a big bone saw and he knows it’s to threaten him but tells her she can kill him if she wants. He’d actually thank her, as he is miserable on this boat.

He explains that instead of being rewarded for telling Sir Percival about Jamie’s treason, he got pressed into working on the Porpoise and is now surrounded by the dead and dying. A man has limits! His modelling career is now well and truly over.....

To Claire’s horror, he also adds that not only do they have Jamie on treason, but they have Jamie up for a murder charge too. They found the accountant thug from episode 7 inside the barrel of Crème de menthe.

Harry also says that as Capt Leonard has designs on captianing his own ship permanently, then he’ll gladly hand Jamie over to the authorities in Jamaica to put that feather in his cap. They’ll wait for him in Kingston, dangle her like a carrot in front of his nose and then he’ll be hanged. You know, we’ve been through this before Claire. The ginger is repeating on you!....

You sure you don’t want to pop on a Turtleneck and go back through those stones now?

Claire sends Harry to a cell, convincing him the Cocktail trolley will be along shortly. As she leaves, she tells him not to get too close to Howard (in the cell opposite) as he really is the source of the fever. Harry retreats to the furtherest point of his space like a chicken dropped into the croc enclosure at Australia Zoo.

Claire goes to see Annejke and even though Claire helped her husband feel better (language barriers suck) she gives her a gift of cheese. Instead of looking over the cheesy-moon, Claire looks down. Annejke is ace at body language so asks Claire why her face looks like her favourite goat just died?

Claire explains her husband is a total trouble-magnet and they bond over the joys of husbands who cause them grief. Sing it Sista!

Finally Annejke says ‘she help’ as 'Her goat’s needs grass’. Claire exhausted out of her mind, is confused how that is of any use to her right now. Annejke senses Claire is a bit thick so says louder ‘my goooooaaats neeeeeds grrraaaaassss’, (i would have popped in with some hand gestures here Annejke, like pointing to goats and pretending to eat hay but Annejke seems confident that saying it louder will make Claire understand.)

C’mon Claire, its code for ‘I’ve got a bloody good plan but I’ll share it with you when the time is right’. Annejke is crap at codes. Claire is completely lost so we’ll blame lack of sleep. Instead she smiles, waves awkwardly and leaves the nutty cheesemaker to her fun.

Fergus visits auld tantypants again to tell him he didn’t get the keys. Jamie isn’t happy to learn it’s by choice and not illchance that he is still locked up. Fergus objects as Jamie is being le totes not le fair. Fergus explains that Jamie hasn’t heard the nasty talk on deck and Fergus needs to be around Marsali at all times to protect her. Like now. Yoohoo, Fergus where is she now?

Blind with missing his Sassenach, Jamie ignores common sense and is very angry at Fergus for not trying his mission impossible. Thankfully, Fergus remains as stubborn as a Fraser and even at the risk of not getting his blessing, will not go down that rabbit hole. You tell him Fergy Ferg.

Jamie tells Fergus if he was really in love with Marsali, he’d know what Jamie was experiencing. Jamie, ye great lump of misery, Fergus knows mate.

Open yer eyes.

Finally the vomiting, groaning and begging for a quick death has stopped on the Porpoise. Claire is sooooo relieved. All the men are celebrating with a happy song and it inspires Claire to find Elias. She can give him back his lucky rabbits foot now the danger has passed. Where is the wee cutie-pie?

She wades through the singing men to find Elias on his hammock and stops just short, her grin slipping from her face. His arm is covered in sores. He has Typhoid or a bad STD? Most likely Typhoid!

Why didn’t the other lads bring him to Claire? Poor darlin’.

Elias is delirious and when Claire calls his name, he turns his head and asks ‘Mother?’ to which she heartbreakingly answers ‘Yes, it’s mother, it’s time to come home’ then you see her stroke the bridge of his nose between his eyes, which I did to my children when they were babes sleeping and....well.....

* insert half an hour of FUCC. (Full Ugly Crying Constantly.)

Can we just pause a moment to appreciate actor Albie’s lips! Damn they are pretty. Sorry, got sidetracked there. Where were we? Oh that’s right.

Elias died.

We have seen Caitriona Balfe act some pretty tough scenes during the last 2 seasons but this moment with Elias getting sewn into his shroud - just about killed my tear ducts. She sobs as she gives him back his rabbits foot by tucking it under his lifeless wee hand and that releases another dam of tears for her and us. Even Captain Leonard’s little stubborn chin wobbled a bit.

Can we pause again to applaude the brilliant Albie Marber on a wonderful character but mostly a shout out to the award givers. Cait deserves endless accolades for this right here. Bravo!

Ps. That last photo is a reminder of the happy times. Focus on that. Lets hug it out.

Later at the back of the boat, after a stiff brandy Claire is blaming herself for missing Elias being sick right under her nose. Captain Leonard points out that while yes, it was a sad loss, they only had one death today and no new cases. Hooray!

Claire in full negative-Nelly mode, points out they are nearly out of drinking water too. Captain Pubescant says it’s okay though as they’ll get to Jamaica soon and be toot sweet.

At this point in the book, instead of Captain Padewan talking to Claire as above, it was actually Lord John Grey who pops his head out of his cabin and sympathises with Claire over the loss of men. John has witnessed many a man dying in the soldiering he’s done. He never appears anywhere else during their boat trip as he was warned to lay low in his room while a plague killed the rest of the crew. John and Claire would have met for the first time, not realising who the other really was. I missed this innocent path crossing but alas. It was not possible when filming due to minor plot changes in the adaptation process.

After Captain Leonard leaves Claire to sulk some more, Annejke and her husband come to tell her the great news......They’ll be arriving at the Grand Turk Island tomorrow so they can get fresh water and yes, grass for her goats ie get off to warn Jamie of his doom. Claire finally sees the opportunity Annika meant earlier and has her Ah-Hahhh moment. Oprah would be proud, Claire.

The next day they anchor in an uninhabited part of the island where Annejke’s goats get some sweet, sweet grass. Ay, mon.

A small party including Claire go on the beach to get supplies. With Annejke’s encouragement, Claire breaks for it and legs it into the hills. We think she’s going great until she runs straight into Captain Leonard and two guards. There ensues some very bad lying on Claire’s part as she swears she was just searching for herbs. Captain Leonard knows she’s fibbing and says he can’t let her escape to warn her husband. Claire pleades with him to turn a blind eye but the stubborn jerk says nah, yeah but nah, can’t do that.

Captain Reynes and Marsali come to see Jamie. Marsali reassured the Captain that Jamie will behave if he gives his word to stop rattling Reyne’s cage. Reynes is not one to hug it out and instead tells Jamie he really needs all hands on deck as they will soon be navigating between islands. Marsali tells Jamie that he’s lucky Fergus arranged this release with the Captain. Jamie snorts and says it’s not for him but for her that Fergus did it. Marsali gives him ‘the look’ that women know instinctively when dealing with fidiots and retorts with ‘you have no idea mate and if you think that for realz, she will leave him there’.

Commensense finally wins and when he’s free, Jamie who has had time to let Marsali’s words sink in, tells Fersali that they have his blessing and they will be wed in Jamaica by a real priest when they can. Squeeee!

Annejke leads Claire to the back of the Porpoise. No they are not high, she points to the lights on shore and says for Claire to jump, the water current will take her to the beach. Then she can save Jamie. Claire refuses and says she’ll drown but Annejke shows her the raft she’s made for her.

Eventually, Claire realises she will not be getting another opportunity like this again and needs to take the leap of faith. We all hold our breath as she lingers on the edge and then she jumps. The Baddass.

The End.

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margsld · 6 years

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Outlander Episode 3.09 Recap

The Doldrums is that first day back at work after your vacation.

Shannon Goss wrote this episode. She is another of the new writers on board the Outlander tallship. The scene with Mr Willoughby aka Yi Tien Cho will stay with me for a long time. It really gives you a small understanding at what a new emigrant/refugee feels.

Having watched young Ian being kidnapped by wretched pirates right before their eyes, Claire and Jamie are clambering to rescue him. We therefore find them at the harbour waiting eagerly for their ship to sail. With the help of Jamie's Uncle Jarrod, they will join the Artemis on it's voyage to Jamaica. Jarrod warns them that the journey will be a rough one but they all agree that the lad’s safe return is tantamount and worth any risk. It's also worth escaping Jenny’s wrath when she finds out. They’ll just pop on over to the West Indies, tuck Ian under their arms and pop home to Scotland again. Lickety-split.

After setting sail, Claire notices some odd behaviour from the crewmen. Jamie explains sailors are immensely superstitious creatures and believe touching a lucky horseshoe nailed to a central post, will ensure a smooth voyage. Set a course for adventure..... of we gooooo! Sail away, sail away, sail awaaayyyyy.

Regardless of initial positive vibes and everyone happily tapping the horseshoe, and this being a drama - the first sign of trouble on deck is Fergus. Lo and behold, he's brought a plus one! Looove, exciting and neeewww. Come aboard, Jamie’s not expecting yooooo.

Jamie’s mouth opens and closes for a good minute before he can speak. Fergus has declared not only his love for Jamie’s step-daughter Marsali (rhymes with Parsley - also as bitter Ha!) but he and his ‘almost’ bride declare they are handfast and ready to rock the Love Boat.. BTW - That’s Marsali McKimmie - as in Laoghaire’s first born! Yikes! *makes the sign of the horns

Oh Love, life’s sweetest reward.

Parsley is her mother’s daughter and its soon clear she’s not grown up with a poster of Claire on her bedroom wall. My suspicions grew stronger when she call her a Hoor.....the second time. That’s not Marsali’s super power though..... Next she demonstrates an A+ level of manipulation prowess as Jamie protests their relationship. Little Leghair strikes like a well-oiled viper in reply to his argument, knowing that she will be considered 'spoiled goods' if she tells everyone her virtue has set-sail too. In the end, Jamie thinks he’s going to stop any further advancement of their courtship by declaring he and Fergus will be room-mates which left Parsley and Claire to share. *gasp

Claire is totally not happy with this arrangement (duh) but Jamie insists he wants to protect Marsali’s virtue as long as he can. Meanwhile, Claire has waited for 20 years to share her horizontal time with this gingernut so she better act fast to change his mind or she may as well be back in Boston.

Later, Jamie has succumbed to sea sickness so Claire makes him drink some Ginger tea. Claire notices a big chest in the room and it’s not the one under Jamie’s ruffled blouse. In it she finds her old clothes from Paris which Jamie was hoarding at Lallybroch. You think you know people....

Before she can explore the chest, and the one with clothes in it more, *snort Claire is called into surgical action. The injured man done sconed his heid on something nasty. There was blood and everything. Naturally the witnessing crew all jump to the conclusion that the voyage is obviously cursed. Drama queens. They think it’s a sign that someone hasn’t touched the horseshoe. Haven’t they got a boat to sail? Shanties to sing? Parrots to tame?

Jamie is stuck in his cabin struggling with constant nausea. Fergus takes the opportunity to try to convince Milord that he is so in love with Marsali it hurts. Jamie reminds him that until recently Fergus was quite the young stud of Edinburgh. Fergus admits he was but now since meeting Parsley, he’s turned over a new leaf! Ha! Jamie isn’t fully convinced this French leopard has changed his spots and insists that Fergus needs to be 100% honest with the girl.

As tradition on all fun cruises, Captain Reynes has invited Claire and Jamie to dine with him for dinner. Claire accepts but Jamie is still too seasick to attend. Reynes’ motive is really his wish for Claire to pull her head in. Get in line mate! He says that even if she doesn’t agree with the supertitions of the sailors, he’d rather have them make their luck than give up all hope. True dat.

Meanwhile, poor Jamie is still puking his little ginger tea-marinated guts up. Yi Tien Cho steps in and tries to reason with him, offering a new idea to help. He declares its a fact the constant chundering is eating Jamie’s stomach lining and the action could possibly twist his testacotays so badly that he’ll have to have them removed. *insert snipping action here then crosses legs

Claire’s patience is being twisted too by the wickedly forthright Parsley at bedtime. They are deciding who gets the bigger bed. Parsley is under the impression that Hoors need quite a lot of space to sleep. Silly girl. We all know Hoors don’t sleep at night. If she keeps that cheek up Claire won’t read her a bedtime story.

The next day appears to be brighter for all and Jamie is up and about eating parritch again. Whew! We don't want any of that muscle wasting away, do we ladies? Farewell bucket hugs. Before Claire can pat herself on the back though Fergus and Parsley arrive to share the news that Fergus has resigned as president of Man-Hoor-town and so they must be in love. Honest af!

Claire says perhaps he should let them go for it. She thinks it’ll likely fizzle out like a candle in the wind. Jamie is not sold. He has his stubborn pants on tight today and says a big fat no.

Yi Tien Cho is writing chinese characters on the deck with water. Claire spots him and comes over to find out why he’s doing it. He says he’s thinking about his life but is not in the mood to share it with Claire yet. Bring out the shuffleboard! Coits anyone? Cards against humanity?

For now this cruise is going swimmingly. So fun in fact that the men all start singing a cheeky shanty about a Lobster grabbing hold of some poor wifeys private parts. Claire goes to tell Jamie about the fun lyrics but stumbles upon Yi Tien Cho inserting large pins into Jamie’s face. It's acupuncture he explains, which is helping prevent Jamie's seasickness. Claire was baffled with Jamie hiding this revelation from her. Bloke logic. Don’t try to understand it Claire.

Happiness doesn’t last long though on the love boat and they go up on deck to see why they are suddenly not moving. No wind! The crew are all giving the evil eye to each other and wondering who didn’t touch that bloody horseshoe! Before the Love Boat turns into the Poseidon adventure Captain Reynes says ‘Fear not, they just have to wait for the wind to return.’ He’s a grumpy bloody genius.

Later the moon is glistening off the still ocean. Jamie and Claire catch a rare, quiet moment by themselves. The moon is bright in the sky so Claire tells Jamie about men flying to the moon before she left Boston. Claire quotes the childrens book Goodnight Moon which makes her think of Bree and how much she misses her.

Windless days turn to weeks as bad luck continues on board. Now the bilge water has spoiled the drinking water. Captain Reynes has no choice but to order crew to go to half-rations and pray for rain.

The scared crewmen think they need to find a person to blame and throw them overboard to fix the curse. The Captain seems keen to let his men choose someone but Jamie makes it very clear, none of his men will be the ‘Jonah’. Next minute the Captain’s bullies have narrowed down the Jonah search to Hayes, one of Jamie's men. Did not see that coming.

Hayes himself can’t remember if he touched the horseshoe either and is feeling very vulnerable. After getting drunk, he shimmies up the mast and out along the sail rigging with talk of throwing himself overboard. The crew encourage him voraciously. Jamie is called and goes to his aid.

Jamie climbes up the mast too and when he reaches him he talks him around. Meanwhile Yi tien Cho notices a bird flying low across the water. *lightbulb

Jamie eventually talks Hayes into coming down but he dramatically slips. Eventually Jamie swings him to the rigging safely and they climb down. Yay! *sound of one person clapping

Back on deck the men are still shouting for blood and tensions rise to fisty-cuff factor 80. Yi Tien Cho has a plan. He quickly scribes a plan onto the deck just as the crowd get ready to lynch Hayes. The ship's bell rings and everyone turns to see it's Yi Tien Cho. He starts to tell his life story or he thinks it’s Open Mike Night. You decide.

Actually, it's captivating. The deck goes quiet as he talks of his horrendous journey. What’s a Eunich? Turns out he had to escape China because he loved women and his job meant he’d have to lose his manhood. He refused to do that so escaped and ended up in Edinburgh. He’d lost his honour, livelihood and country. Being a refugee sucks.

Yi Tien Cho climbs up onto the side of the boat as if he will jump in the ocean but instead he throws his story on paper sheets into the wind and suddenly the fact that it’s windy, makes the crew cheer. Everyone is thrilled. Soon it also starts to rain, buckets which prevents everyone dying of thirst. Yi Tien Cho is a hero. Batman has his Robin.

Claire and Jamie go below to get out of the rain and well...hanky panky ensues.

Basking in afterglow. The good feeling goes pretty quick when once again trouble finds them. This time it’s a British Man o’ War flashing their strobing red & blue lights and asking them to pull over. Their very young Captain Leonard boards the Artemis in desparate need of a surgeon as they have a plague on board. With 400 crew, they have 100 sick and 80 dead already, including the original Captain. Claire questions what the illness symptoms are and suspects its Typhoid Fever but needs to have a better look. Jamie is uneasy about letting her go to see them but Claire says she’s inocculated against catching Typhoid, thankfully so she’ll just pop over for a cuppa and be straight back.

Claire goes to where the sick men are and is overwhelmed by the smell of vomit and poo fumes. She gets a good look at the sick though and confirms her suspicions. She tells the Captain Leonard what needs to be done to save the remaining crew. She volunteers to stay a little longer to help get him sorted and while she’s below talking to the happiest chef alive, the boat starts to move. Claire races to find the Captain again and he says he’s desparate to get to Jamaica and must press her into service until then. Then he’ll hand her back to her husband.

The End.

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margsld · 6 years

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Outlander Episode 3.08 Recap

First Wife, hair like a burn. Second wife like to burn things, particularly First Wife.

I love that there are different writers and producers creating each episode and are involved with each season. Joy Blake writes for the first time with Outlander with this episode, First Wife. I think she blew us all away with her insight into this part of the book. *claps

We open with Claire, Jamie and Young Ian arriving at the gates of Lallybroch. Instead of the tail of the gentle Outlander theme tune playing, it should be something akin to the tune of Darth Vadar arriving on the Millenium Falcon. All doom and forboding. These three travellers all have the expression of a child waiting to see the Principal, after a nasty rock-throwing incident.

Darth Potato Queen aka Jenny is guarding the front door of Lallybroch and is ready to greet her long lost sister-in-law with flowers and showers of kisses. Umm well, maybe an eyeroll and firm grunt or two in Claire’s general direction will have to suffice. Motherly instinct kicking in, Jenny gives Young Ian a smack up the head and all is forgiven. Ian Senior is trying to maintain his role as man of the house and just gives everyone a dirty look. Cosy, fun times ahead at Lallybroch!

Inside, the distinct lack of hugs were evident as Jenny laid into Jamie, Young Ian and Claire in equal bouts of tongue-lashings. She was not happy that Jamie had Young Ian working for him and doing dodgy jobs. Her attack was almost as vicious as that time Black Jack shined his boots on Claire’s kidneys. Almost. I don’t think any of these three are making it onto Jenny’s Good List this Christmas....

Jamie and Ian Snr escape Jenny’s verbal-ashtray-throwing session by heading outside. They get over their grievances quickly as they watch Young Ian make cow patties/fire bricks for his punishment. Au de Coo by the fire? Noice. Meanwhile, is that smoke coming from Lallybroch’s chimney or is that Jenny still going off?

Back inside Wentworth prison errh, I mean Lallybroch, Jenny is introducing Claire to her 356 grandchildren because zero birth control. Claire and Jenny reminisce about the fact 20 years has passed since they last stood together in the house. Jenny sees this as an invitation to again make Claire feel guilty for her mysterious disappearance. She’s so subtle about it too. You’d barely notice it apart from her apron having ‘ No one holds a grudge like me’ written on it.

Claire offers to help change wee no. 44′s nappy and Jenny says ‘No, we don’t want to bewilder the bairn with a strange face’. Someone pass the fire extinguisher to Claire, please.

Later outside, Jenny is washing 356 nappies and Jamie stops by for a chat. As you do. Jenny pesters him for the truth about where Claire has really been and why Jamie didn’t confide in her all these years. Jamie can hardly admit that Claire is from the future so weaves a tale of her having fled Culloden and gone to safety in the Colonies, thinking Jamie dead. Jenny smells a giant red-haired rat and says that’s not the Claire she remembers.

In the evening, Jamie and Claire are discussing how to appease Jenny’s curiosity. Jamie warns Claire there is no way they can tell Jenny the truth. Not everyone is as forward thinking *cough as Murtagh.

No ideas spring to mind so Jamie distracts Claire by filling her in on his time at Ardsmuir, when he thought she had returned. He had swam out to the Selkie isle and instead of finding her (yeah, coz she’d just be hanging around with the seals. *eyeroll) he found the treasure instead. Not being able to carry all the jewels, he took one. One!

Someone needs to tell Jamie about the digestive system. It’s a whole extra handbag!

Jamie digs himself a big hole by telling Claire about the fact he gave a giant sapphire to his gay best friend. Change the subject, quick!

So he decides to talk about sad as f**ck geese?

I think it’s gaelic for ‘I’m horny’. One track mind, old Jamie boy!

Guilt gets the better of him though and it’s finally time for him to tell Claire his big Secret - he has another wife. Gasp! It better not be Laoghaire.....anyone but that beyotch!!

Just as he’s prepping her for the dramatic climax, in it walks in the form of two young girls calling him Daddy. Yeah, cue hysterics. Eeek!

While Claire absorbs the shock of two girls calling Jamie Daddy, in walks the wicked witch of the North, Laoghaire channelling Jack Nicholson!

Laoghaire is just as disgusted to see Claire as she is seeing Laoghaire. It’s not a quaint, welcome home tea party but a hissing, spitting venom hurling shout-fest by Laoghaire, who wants to rip Claire a new one. Sadly, she is the one to drop the bombshell right into Claire’s lap, spiky end first, that Jamie is now her husband. Wowwwwww and Whyyyyy?

The room is starting to feel a little bit too cosy so Jamie ushers Laoghaire aka Leghair out the door but not before she shoots the C-Bomb at Claire. Claire is reeling and barely breathing with shock as Jamie successfully pushes the snarling 2nd wife out the door. The girls run out behind their still ranting mother, casting looks at Claire as if she had sprouted horns.

Downstairs, Laoghaire has gone and Jamie is quietly explaining to young Joan who Claire is. It’s a sweet moment and well played by the young actress. Joan is concerned that she’ll lose her new Daddy. Jamie assures her he’ll still take care of her. Just in a way that involves him never having to be near Laoghaire again. The AVO says 500 metres.

Back in the bedroom, Jamie finds Claire starting to get her clothes on. He begs her to understand and she’s still processing the unfortunate non-fake news. Jamie reassures her that the children aren’t his and his marriage to Laoghaire was a mistake. Claire is not happy and like us, can’t fathom how Jamie could ever have married her. Especially after Claire nearly got burned at the stake because of Laoghaire in Season 1. Laoghaire was handing out marshmallows!

Jamie says he won’t let her leave and they start to scuffle. He forcibly kisses Claire and they tumble to the floor where he kisses her again and says he loves her. They are angry and confused but still have that undeniable connection which leads them to make out and not in the gentle, lets-take-a-whole-episode-and-wheel-of-cheese time to do it. They are making such a ruckus that Jenny comes in and tips water on them. Rutting is the perfect term for this scene.

Jenny says they need to consider the household before they can rut like beasts and Claire storms out in an embarrassed huff. She finds comfort by the fire and young Janet sweetly pours her a dram to calm the nerves. She confesses it’s her fault and tells Claire that ultimately it’s Jenny who is to blame for Laoghaire turning up.

Claire confronts Jenny about it but Jenny questions why Claire didn’t come looking for Jamie before now. Family writes letters!

Claire tells her a half-truth version about having another husband in America and having to survive. (If only she could share a picture of Frank in his turtleneck, she would totes understand....) When he died she came looking for Jamie’s grave but instead found him alive. Jenny hasn’t lived to her ripe old age of 40+ without being able to pick a liar when she sees one and says so to Claire. She says the bond they once shared is gone and is not repairable before storming off again.

The next morning Claire tries to leave Lallybroch and Jamie tries again to stop her. He is in love with her. Always has loved her. Always will. Simples.

She’s not convinced staying is right though but before they discuss it any further, Leghair turns up with a gun and points it at Claire. We all know this is not going to end well. Sure enough, Jamie gets shot in the arm.

Laoghaire intending her target to be Claire, is mortified to have hit Jamie but before she can console him, Claire shoulder-charges her like a champion front-row-er, sending her scuttling off. They take Jamie back into the house for Claire to check out his wounds. She’s transformed into Doctor Claire and is concerned about infection. She’s going to need to get the pellets out. Without anisthetic!Jamie’s sedation choice is to slug down a bottle of Whisky and lay down on the dining table till he passes out. Job done, Claire is ready to operate. Young Ian observes then insists on Claire celebrating with a whisky when she’s done. Just like the old days with Joe in Boston. Ha!

In his recovery and Claire still angry af, Jamie tells her the story of how he got with Laoghaire. He had his beer goggles on plus he just wanted to be a dad. With having to say goodbye to Willie and never knowing Bree, he just wanted to be a husband and have the things he thought he was going to have with Claire. It was a special time. So special. Especially those joyous times when Laoghaire stopped throwing peat bricks at his head. Ultimately, Joan and Marsali filled his heart and taught him to moon-walk.

Eventually Jamie realised that Laoghaire wasn’t all there in the head and he didn’t want her being afraid of his touch any more, so he went to Edinburgh. Claire sees he’s now looking rather unwell and realises he’s got a bad fever. She whips out her Penicillan syringes (thanks Boston hospital) and gives him a jab in the arse. He asks why does he need it in the arse when the pain is in his arm. Claire says ‘next I’ll give you a teaspoon of cement so you can harden up, Princess’.

When Jamie is out of danger, Claire joins Jenny on the steps out front. Jenny is still on her mission impossible for the truth. She will not let it go. Eventually she realises that Claire can’t tell her the full truth. Jenny said she had thought of Claire as a sister. *feelings

Claire says she still loves her, despite her bad attitude, constant bitching, grumping and guilt-trippin’. She’s really fun.

Finally Ned Gowan turns up to counsel Jamie on how he’s going to get away from Laoghaire. Jamie didn’t fancy donating his bollocks for Laoghaire to make a new purse out of so asked Ned how much money she wanted. A lot.

To pay Laoghaire’s alimony, they decide to fetch the treasure from Selkie Isle and then sail to France to hock it for cash. They convince Jenny & Ian to let them take Young Ian too so that he could spend some time in France. Young Ian offers to swim for the treasure as Jamie is still recovering from Leghairgunitis.

While Young Ian swims to Selkie Isle (no boats available apparently), Claire takes the opportunity to say how she is struggling with 18th Century life again. No turtlenecks for weeks does that to a woman.

However, Jamie sweet talks her again. Its life babe, when has it ever been easy? He says ‘You belong with me. Will you risk the man I am for the sake of the one you once knew?’ We miss the kilt too. Sigh.

Suddenly Claire spots a boat out near the island then watches in horror as Ian and treasure, are kidnapped. There is nothing they can do, helpless on shore, but watch the strange boat sail away.

The End.

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margsld · 6 years

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Outlander Epi 3.07 Recap

Crème de Menthe mixed with lemonade is dreadful.

This week's episode saw an unfamiliar writers name on the title cards, for fans. Karen Campbell is credited and by the surname, sounds like she comes from good Scottish stock! We like her already. It was another difficult part of the books to cover which drew mixed reviews but I actually enjoyed this episode.

We start in the middle of the previous episode’s cliff hanger which had our fresh-from-the-clouds lass Dr Claire, in da house or kittle hoosey to be exact. She was scarily caffeine deficient and fighting that accountant thug for her life! To distract him she asked what Pi times 3,562 was and while he couldn’t resist such a juicy random calculation, she grabbed the nearest knife. Go Claire!

No caffeine makes Claire very nasty so he had to dodge her viper-like advances which sent him tripping, smashing into the fireplace’s stone hearth like a pumpkin falling from a great height. The resulting thunk meant Mr H&R Block was not going to be lodging any returns anytime soon.

The cavalry arrive too late as usual. Jamie, Fergus and Madame Jean/Jan burst into the room after hearing the kerfuffle. Claire was sipping her cup of Joe by then calmly declaring "He’s dead, chillax!"

Suddendly Mr H&R Block aka Blockhead stirs on the hearth and Claire rejoices that he hasn’t died. She's like a cat playing with a half-dead mousey.

Now fully caffeinated and firmly under the Hipocratic Oath, examines him and diagnoses a severe swelling on the brain. Hitting stone from a height will do that to a head, Claire. Much to Jamie's chagrin, she's determined to give him a second chance and knows it will kill him if she doesn’t do something fast.

#AccountantLivesMatter!

Jamie can’t hang about and watch though as the excisemen who hired Mr Blockhead, will be looking for him soon. He organizes the last of their smuggled casks & barrels hidden in the basement to be moved. He then sends Fergus and Young Ian to negotiate their sale on his behalf so that he can pretend nothing is going on if/when they are raided.

Claire races to the local apocothary for brain surgery supplies and pushes in like a two year old waiting to get on the jumpy castle. Another customer, a Mr Archie Campbell takes opposition to her impatience and she offers to pacify him by visiting his sick sister (as an experienced healer or killer in the next few minutes, if you don’t move). He accepts this offer and Claire leaves with her supplies, keen to dig her scalpel into Mr Blockhead’s smashed-in noggin. Party on!

Ian (all of 16, making him a master negotiator) talks their customer into buying all the barrels for a good price and throws in 3 Crème de Menthe barrels to sweeten the deal. As you do. Nothing dodgy about Crème de Menthe sold by a 16 year old. Nope.

Back in the Brothel, Claire is prepping for building a shed. Errh sorry, saw a drill and jumped to conclusions. No.... she’s drilling a massive hole in her assailants head. Mayhap so he can get better Wifi or you know...live. Same same.

Downstairs Madame Jean is pulling out her hair and all her charm school knowledge as the shifty Sir Percival arrives with his henchman, the freaky Mad Eye Moody doppleganger. Creepy much?

Claire is like a ghoulish kid in the candy store and is soon drilling a hole in Mr Blockhead’s block head. Yi Tien Cho is her surgical assistant/cheer squad through the process. Eventually and after some classic grinding/sucking sounds, blood gushes out and we assume Mr Blockhead will live to ride the excise wagon again. *Cheer!

In the basement, Sir Percival is unhappy to find the floor is bare apart from some spilled water. At least we hope it was water. I'm not touching it.

With the coast clear, Jamie heads back to check on Claire. Unfortunately, Mr Blockhead will not be lodging his tax next year and has died. That bed needs to be burned now surely?

Claire is unhappy to lose her patient because her God complex is firmly ingrained after saving people for 14 years. Jamie is his usual supportive self and says she can save someone else another time. Moving on. Whisky anyone?

To celebrate their successful barrel clearance sale, Fergus and Ian chug a few coldies down at the pub. Soon it’s clear that Young Ian has goo-goo eyes for the barmaid Brighid. Fergus calls her over and leaves Ian with her to get cosy. Fergilicious is the best wingman ever!

Ian is a virgin and inexperienced with women but followed Fergus' advice even though he was nervous af. Bridhid is taken with his cuteness so agrees to have a drink with him. In the background Mad Eye Moody quietly watches on giving Ian serious side-eye. Not the good sort either. Ominous music alert.

Claire is still sulking about the dead guy in her bed. Building a bridge, she decides to go find another patient that needs her and is not likely to pop their clogs before sunset. She goes to visit Archie Campbell and his ailing sister Margaret.

Like my husband in his cave on a Wednesday night, Margaret isn’t in the mood for company. Archie introduces Claire to Margaret and Margaret unexpectedly springs to life, ranting wildly about blood and Abandawe. I love her, she's fun.

Archie explains she is known as a Seer and people pay well to hear her visions. Seems Scotland had a lot of cray crays errhh, I mean Seers in this era.

Claire provides the recipe for some wicked herbal teas before suggesting another visit tomorrow. Archie declines her self-invite explaining they are catching the red-eye to the West Indies on the ‘morrow, to see a rich client. Oooh la lah!

Young Ian has turned the Printshop into his private Love Shack and is wooing his new GF with songs and kisses. Stop! You are killing us with cute.

Claire returns to the Brothel to find Jamie at the table. The king was in his counting house, counting out his money.... along came a frustrated Claire and said it’s time to move. Burning the bed wouldn’t be enough for me either, Claire.

As always, they are interrupted by a knock at the door announcing Ian Murray Senior is down stairs. Stuff a duck, it's peg leg! I've missed him so much.

Ian is very happy to see Claire but he’s frantically looking for Young Ian. He’d run away from home again, the wee pest. Jamie lies to him and Claire is trying to think of England so Ian can't see she knows something. Ian is really distraught and it tugs at all our heartstrings. Jamie promises to bring him to Lallybroch if he turns up.

On the way out Ian asks Jamie if Claire knows the big SECRET. She doesn’t. OMG to the max. Ian runs/hobbles all the way home to share the gossip with Jenny McHappypants.

Over in the Love Shack, Ian’s cherry has been carefully popped, stuffed and mounted on the mantelpiece for prosperity. They have company though and hear someone breaking into the shop.

Ian sends Brighid scarpering and goes to confront the intruder - Mad Eye Moody. MEM is looking for the smuggled barrels and is searching high and low. Ian tells him there is nothing to find and to leave but as happens, a fight breaks out. After a bit of shovey-lovey, MEM bumps a secret door and out pops some hot-off-the-press seditious pamphlets. Bugger.

Ian struggles to grab the pamphlets off him. MEM pushes Ian off, pulls out his pistol and shoots at Ian, missing him but accidentally starting a fire. Things soon escalate into a scene from a Burning Man festival in Carfax Close. Oh Lordy there's a fire! *pass the marshmallows Young Ian finding himself trapped, waits for help.

After Ian has left, Claire confronts Jamie about lying to his family. She's upset that Jamie thinks he knows what’s best for Ian Jnr instead of letting his parents know he's ok. Claire tries to reason with the stubborn gingernut but he thinks she should be used to lying, having lied their way around Paris. Typical bloke logic to bring up something that happened 20 years ago. Ugh.

Claire throws the “you aren’t his parent” line at him and he returns a volley of bitterness for having missed Bree’s upbringing. Turns out Jamie is jealous of Frank too. Duh, Frank was a sexy spy!

Before they can throw ashtrays and start slamming doors, Jamie is alerted to the fire and races to the Printshop with Claire close behind.

On arrival at the Printshop and finding it ablaze, Jamie realises Ian is still inside and goes to his rescue. We all love the nod to Batman as Jamie jumps from the top level down to young Ian with full super hero drop slow mo. Rounds of applause please.

Checking Ian is breathing and looking for a way out, Jamie finds the miniature of Willie and stuffs it in his pocket. Sentimental fool, there's a fire! Get out now! Throwing Ian over his shoulder like a Santa sack, he climbs a press, squeezes through a window, down the front stairs to safety. Just in time to see the Edinburgh fire department squirt a tiny water pistol at the inferno. Good job fellas.

Knowing his life in Edinburgh is now cooked. *pun intended Jamie instructs Yi Tien Cho to go pay Leslie and Hayes for their work. Fergus is sent to try and intercept Mad Eye Moody before he can give the pamphlets to Sir Percival and make Alex Malcolm a very wanted man. After that, he instructed Fergus to then round up Ned Gowan (Solicitor from Season 1) and get him to Lallybroch. Jamie wants him to help sort out the fact he has another wife there. Confucius say WHAT!!!! That is a pretty yucky Secret Mr Fraser.

The End.

Can't wait for next week! Thanks for reading.

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.05 Recap

Freedom & Whisky are my kind of Saturday night

All that was good, all that was fair, all that was me is gone. Gone to grab a big box of tissues. Be right back.

Without a doubt, I feel the execution of this episode was complete perfection. Written by the genius that is Toni Graphia, she leads us willingly on the journey with Claire, as she makes the biggest decision of her life. Enjoy!

Boston, December 1968. Squeamish people needed to be putting the kids to bed at this point as Joe and Claire battle like the surgical gods they are, to save some poor lady from an early grave. Nasty necrosis (dead tissue).

Bree's teacher is being poetic about Paul Revere which should have the students transfixed, right? *cough Bree looks bored out of her tiny mind. She's doodling gothic archways which is totally believable right? I mean forget hearts with "I Love Plaid" or " BR + RW 4Eva" no, Bree is all about the arches. As they break for Christmas, Professor Nosey pulls Bree aside and wants to know why she's suddenly flunking her grades. Bree is typically reluctant to spill the beans and even after he drops the old " your Dad told me to keep an eye on you creepy sentiment" Bree remains schtumm. Go Bree!

Bree is missing Frank. Word! We all miss that chocolate voiced, vision of turtle-necked creases too, Hen. His chair, his pipe, the pictures of him with baby Bree pulls on the heartstrings like a marionette puppet doing Zumba.

Claire is also reminiscing about her husband, no not Frank, the other one, the hot Scot. Joe, who has a radar for all things Claire, asks her 'sup'? She confesses she had a Highland Fling but fate stepped in. Joe states "F*ck fate" as he senses there is more to this juicy story & hopes Claire's willing to dish but her shift is over ie she really doesn't want to talk about it. Yet.

Roger, on the quest of intercontinental pastry research, turns up at Claire & Bree's house unannounced. No time for biscuits Roger, Bree is wanting to move out and leave Harvard. Caught in the crossfire, Roger watches on as Bree yells at her Mum that she just needs a break. She's not the same person as she was before Scotland and needs time to deal with it. Check under her bed for fronds of Heather, plaid stockpiles and empty Whisky bottles Claire!!

Claire ignores the glaring warning signs and just starts drinking away her fears. She insists Roger stays and they bond over more beverages. Roger is great. He's Claire's puppy- loyal, friendly and always turning up with a bone. That said, Roger is really an historian and took it upon himself to keep looking for Jamie, when Claire & Bree left Scotland (I'm sure the idea of winning Bree's exclusivity never crossed his mind *cough) . Anyway, Gingo! He found him. Turns out Mr Fraser aka Claire's baby daddy was still alive and was operating a printshop in Edinburgh.

Claire didn't exactly jump for joy at the news and I'm sure Roger was suddenly wondering if Fiona was baking. She makes a mean chocolate chip bikky. Plus, he'd have a saner life than with these Randall cray crays. In the end though, Claire didn't think she could up & leave Bree, especially now she was exhibiting serious mental instability. She forbade further discussion about his findings.

Back at the hospital Joe is decorating his office for Halloween which is a bit late as it's now Christmas, silly. His desk is a display of bones his anthropologist mate sent him, to give an opinion on possible cause of death. Claire picks up the skull and shudders. She 'feels' the bones belong to a 150 year old murder victim. Joe says the 200 year old bones were found in a cave in the Caribbean and somebody tried to 'cut her head clean off'. What was most intriguing was the bones were from a white lady. *storing that for later episodes.

Joe's also keen to hear more about Lady Jane's hot Scottish fling, the pervert. Claire finally confesses said Scot is Bree's real father and Bree had just found out. Joe stupidly asks if she still loves him (Duh!) and Claire says she never stopped (Double Duh!). As Joe has watched her live like a nun for 15 years then she should get back on the horse or under that kilt, quick smart.

Boston TV has sucked Roger in and when Bree pops by, he's engrossed. She apologises for being a cow and he lets it slide. He's a simple lad who came for an Amercian Christmas. You know with those well known American traditions at Christmas like lobster rolls and Boston cream pies. Bree must think he's getting fat though as she just offers him a drink and a walk around Harvard.

At Harvard, Bree is fascinated with the architecture again and Roger tries to help her deal with dead and/or unknown fathers just like he did. Bree is obviously not a fan of any kind of history now and wants a better grasp of just the plain facts, so she can know who she really is.

While at Harvard, they attend a Fellowship ceremony in Frank's honour. Claire, Bree & Roger turn up for the snazzy company & biscuits. At Harvard, Frank was known for his research in the field of European Studies, in particular the rise and fall of European dynasties in the early modern period thus cementing him as a leading historian on both sides of the Atlantic. Interesting indeed. What did Frank really know? Hmmm? He better have left some notes!

Claire is unwittingly introduced to Sandy, Candy or Mandy (Frank's mistress) who takes the opportunity to have a pissing competition with Claire. She also has a go at Claire for not letting Frank go, so she and Frank could have been happy. SCMandy has a good point. Instead, Claire forced them all to live a lie for 20 years. We'd give anything to have just one more scene with the big lug too, SCMandy (insert group hug) *sob

Bree knows about SCMandy too and makes Claire face the truth. Claire confesses he loved the hoor and was going to get hitched to her. Bree being the child she is, thinks it's all about her. Claire sets her straight though and said Frank idolised her, as did she. So snap out of the pity-party, you little ginger nut.

Claire decides to take that opportunity to show Bree the bone/printing article that Roger found. Bree seems thrilled with the news and says Claire should go to Jamie now. Claire says she can't leave Bree, she's needed. No! Bree's wearing her big girl panties now, so off you shoo Claire, get those cobwebs cleared.

Claire still mulls it over and after seeing the Moon landing, discusses the possibility of going through the stones and what that would mean to both her and Bree. Bree knows it won't be easy without Claire and in discovering more about herself, wants Claire to go and tell Jamie everything. Claire gave Jamie up for Bree and now Bree wants to give him back to Claire. Whew. Cancel the white truck & straight jacket. Bree will be ok. Yayyy!

Claire, now resigned to leaving Bree & like any woman who faces meeting her first love after 20 years apart, wants to know if she still puts the Sass in Sassenach. She asks her BFF Joe if he thinks she's still sexually attractive. He happily declares that "for a skinny white broad, with too much hair and a nice arse, Jamie will be in heaven". #AlwaysTakeAJoe

Preparations for Claire's departure soon take precedence and lucky it's Christmas. Claire now has ye olde coins for Edinburgh, a book on Scottish history and a topaz necklace to help her on her way. She's also pilfered scalpels and penicillin from the Hospital because 18th century hygiene.

With so much stuff to carry, Claire gets out her trusty Singer for a sewing fest. She's a practical Dr McGyver and remembers all too well how shitty weather was back then. Roger points out she needs a utility belt like Batman's. They cleverly roll the Batman theme tune here (flashback to my childhood) as Claire is creating her super, weather-proofed, highland frock that would make RM Williams envious (inventor of the Drizabone). No bumroll needed, it looks like she could carry the kitchen sink in there. BAT-MAAAAN!

Oprah would have been proud of the mini makeover Claire gives herself and with a quick home dye job she's ready to leap at some rocks! Bree and Roger give her the green light and admire the bat suit. Claire is still being twitchy about it but Bree says Jamie will love it. Claire doesn't escape taking one last white item, a shirt of Bree's. Lucky she's only borrowing it Bree! *she'll never see that again.

Not being a completely horrid parent, Claire hands over the house deed and bank accounts to Bree. She decides to go to Scotland on her own so that her trip through the stones is peaceful. If Bree was with her, she'd never go. Bree tells Claire to give Jamie a kiss from her. As a final gesture, Claire gives Bree the Scottish pearls that she got from Jamie on their wedding night. They give a final toast to Freedom & Whisky. Slainte!

Claire struggles to the taxi, hesistating and taking one last look back at Bree and Roger in the window. *pass the tissues please

Bree seeks comfort with Roger and he's glad he made the trip. She goes to the kitchen to gather her composure and returns with a Santa hat on, a Christmassy smile and some treats for Roger. In return he gives her A Christmas Carol novel. They share a kiss. Awwwww!

Claire's journey through the stones is not shown in this episode which is fine as the next five minutes of tv was everything we book fans had been waiting a vera long time for. She arrives by metaphor, stepping into a puddle (an opening into a fathomless space aka the great unknown) as she exits the stage coach from Inverness in downtown, thriving Edinburgh.

After asking a local for directions to the Printshop, where Jamie was hopefully working, Claire heads to Carfax Close. Her hesitation is palpable. What if he's not there? What if it's not him? She spots the Print shop sign and is visibly relieved at the sight of it. It's beginning to look a lot like Gingermas!

Making her way up the stairs as if they are about to collapse, she pauses at the front door. We are all shouting "Get in there before we burst" and she moves forward. (I held my breath at this point.) Inside the shop, the doorbell warns of her entrance. A big, Scottish, man-voice pipes up from the back room "Is that you, Geordie?". Claire instantly recognises the dulcet tones of a Fraser and heads to the workroom window. Down below, we see Jamie examining some printing, rabbiting to himself/Geordie. Meanwhile, Claire is trying not to self-combust with Squeee. She manages to squeak out "It isn't Geordie, it's me..... Claire" as Jamie slowly turns in disbelief. Eye contact! We have eye contact! Claire is grinning/crying happy tears. We, the audience are sobbing with utter delight (yes, read the books, wait many years and then watch this episode). Jamie grabs the table for support and fails. Fainting to the floor like a wet rag soaked in whisky.

The End. PS We have to wait for two whole weeks for the next episode.

Send Whisky!

#Outlander recaps ANZOFs

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.04 Recap

Of Lost Things you think quite a bit about.

Toni Graphia wrote this highly anticipated episode - it's the favourite thus far of the original author, Diana Gabaldon. Again, this season is cramming a lot of details from the book and the additions and deletions are mostly good (don't get me started on Cheating Frank). It's bothering me a little that it jumps between times so often and making me OCD with my screencaps. Hold on tight. We are going on a bumpy ride.

Scotland 1968. Claire is still in Inverness hunting down her highland ginger biscuit like a Wight looking for Jon Snow. Bree and Roger are using it as a chance to flirt at every opportunity *ah young love.... as finding your loved one’s secret loved one is like adopting a puppy together. It takes commitment.

Fiona is not letting Bree get in the way of her giving Roger a coronary and stops by the researchers, to nourish them with her baked goods. We all want a Fiona Roger, you ungrateful oaf.

Claire pops up from the table shouting ‘Ginger Bingo’ (or is that 'Gingo'?) and shows them a list of Prisoner names from Ardsmuir. They are off again but it soon becomes a dead end. They head to Edinburgh for a last laugh, take the time to stir up the locals with their outrageous womanhood etc & to look at some mouldy ship logs as prisoners were usually transported to the Colonies. They should have asked Jamie's Ardsmuir cell mate for help.

It’s 1756 in Helwater, England. Jamie is living tough with a new name (Alex McKenzie) and with the Dunsaneys. He’s sulking because they won’t let him grow his hair longer than his shoulders but that mop will not be ruled. Lord Dunsaney has a quick word on their arrival back from a holiday in Italy, Molto Benne! He knows who Big Red is and suggests keeping it from his wife. I think it’s a ploy to keep the Hot Scot away from his wife for other reasons. *wink wink nudge

Roger has faked a broken down car just so he can see what other skills Bree has up her sleeve. After some Scottish boy noises, Bree takes over the mechanic-ing and spots the trouble straight away. Silly boy look, Rog. It was that sneaky distributor cap going all loose and now so was Roger’s feelings. Awwww. So romantic.

Geneva Dunsaney wakes and the devil says ‘Oh crap, she’s up’ as does half the Helwater staff. The stablehands draw short-straws to see which poor sod will be her ‘escort’ during her leisurely gallop in the woods. Jamie cops abuse from her and dutifully bites his tongue. Geneva’s exit is her sister Isobel’s cue to arrive just as Jamie is fantasising about kicking Geneva’s arse. She’d like a ticket to that event and front row please. Isobel is crushing on Jamie’s Chess buddy, Lord John Grey and naturally finds it appropriate to share this with Jamie. She is only human. Jamie is a lady whisperer.

Claire gets a call from her surgeon buddy Joe Abernethy. He’s sick of doing her workload and asks when she’ll be back in Boston instead of flunking around Scotland’s dusty Archives. Claire isn’t sure but encourages Joe to operate on her fave patient as a treat.

Helwater, 1757. The stablehands have all rallied and found Geneva a husband. They party for days. Mr Groom-to-be is that old that Geneva is stoicly trying not to vomit as he kisses her hand in farewell. They are to be married soon. Ick.

Geneva now has Jamie in her sights. She's like a sailor looking for land after being at sea for 27 months. She forces him to escort her on her daily horse ride and quickly puts the 'Bitch' in 'Bitch'. Jamie trieds to stand his ground but dang, she looks like Claire, no? Plus, lady whisperer..... Geneva is a brat and races her horse ahead, all the while laughing like a woman with a screw loose. Shortly after, Jamie hears her scream. He finds her unconscience on the ground and goes to help. He picks her up and she becomes animated again, laughing at her having tricked him. Disgusted, Big, Grumpy Red promptly dumps her face first, into a big slushy mud puddle and we all cheer like it’s a Queensland win at State of Origin. Geneva is a bit nuts though and embraces her impromptu mud mask. Chick logic. Life gives you lemons, you make a facial out of it, right, Ladies?

The handsomest redcoat in history, Lord John Grey, is visiting from London and we find them playing Chess in the Helwater gardens with Jamie. Who knew chess was an outdoor sport? Lord John swells with pride that Jamie’s report card is in and it’s glowing. Yayyy! *high fives. They are soon interrupted by Isobel, Hal (John's big bro), Hal’s ego and Geneva aka Mega Beyotch. After introductions are made, it’s clear to Gen-baby that Hal knows Alex McKenzie and not just from his horsey-skills. She's a moth to the flame that one. Of course it doesn't help when Alex aka Jamie aka can't this guy settle on one name, doesn't stop looking at his feet. Suspicious factor 50+.

Just a few days before the big nuptuals take place Geneva corners Alex and threatens to reveal his true identity to her mother, ensuring Jamie gets another stretch in HMS Ratfarm. To keep his secret, she demands he takes her maiden-head so that Lord Crusty McEllesmere doesn’t have that privilege. He tries to reason with her but she’s seen his backside in breeks and well Duh.

Jamie’s sex class has attracted one eager student. Professor Tight Breeks arrives and without hesitation performs Magic Mike’s striptease with the flair of a dead frog. That bum though is fiiiiiine! He tries to turn her off the job at hand *cough by showing her his back scars but she’s impervious. She’s seen that fuzzy butt peach for real and there is no letting this opportunity go. He’s patient and she’s nervous and for the first time we see her vulnerable side and her nipples. Jamie softens to her (no not that kind, he’s Scottish af) and starts to enjoy himself too. Good class, sir. Good class. I reckon that's the best wedding gift she'll get.

Condoms didn’t exist in 1757 so when Geneva next visits Helwater about 7 months into her marriage, it’s very obvious that the father of her bulging waistline is Jamie. He nearly has a conniption at the sight of her but keeps his cool because he’s Fraser. Jamie Fraser. Carry on, old chap.

Roger and Bree, kissing in a tree manse, K>I>S>S>I>N>G

Bree & Roger are discussing giving up the search for Jamie. Roger says feelings and so Bree grabs Professor Brown-Beard and smacks one on him. *Woot woot. He doesn’t want her to go back to Boston. #Broger

Nothings ever rosy for long in TV land and we find ourselves scurrying with Jamie to Ellesmere Estate. There is some big emergency with Geneva. She has gone into labour and all is not well. So of course a stable dude is just what she needs. When they arrive, Lord Crusty McTightjocks has started chucking his toys out of the cot. He has finally realised that Geneva was not a virgin when they married. Seriously? It took him a whole pregnancy to work out he’d forgotten to tap that? *smacks forehead Along with his toys, he threatens to kill the baby and Jamie arrives just in time to save the day by shooting Ellesmere, D.E.I.D. Noone knows how the baby survived the fall to the floor because we all just cried as Jamie was seeing his son for the first time. Awwww. Blood gushing nearby, nope, don't see it. Awwww, baby blinked at daddy.

The coroner found that Ellesmere died from severe arse-holeness and we all moved on. Well, he really ruled it as misadventure, due to stress. The stress of receiving a bullet at high speed probably. Just guessing. Lady Dunsaney thinks Jamie is pretty HAWT now. He saved her grandson and so he’s earned his ticket back to Sunny Scotland. Jamie chooses to stay though as he's wanting to see how this fathering business turns out. He tells Mrs D that Scotland sux right now so he’s going to hang aboot in H-water for a bit longer, thanks. PS>When’s payday?

Teaching your secret son to ride a horse like a boss is Jamie’s new hobby. Wee Willie is starting to resemble his daddy though and even though he lacks the flaming red hair, it’s the cock of his head and the way he rolls his R’s that is starting to cause suspicion. Even the neighbours are onto it. Jamie realises it’s time to go before people put two and two together so Sayonara English bitches.

Lord John arrives at Helwater just as Jamie is about to leave. Jamie asks him a favour; Would he look after Willie in his absence and in return LJG can have the use of his peachy playground. When Lord John comes back down to earth from shock, he announces he’s to marry Isobel Dunsaney and raise Willie as his own anyway. Jamie is pleased that all seems to be working out. What's with the handshake here? In the book it was a kiss and I wanted to see that. Tsk.Tsk. At least give the man a big hug....

Willie is distraught at Mac leaving and goes to visit him in his room. PS. The security and supervision is terrible in this house, it’s a wonder anyone is alive. He interrupts Jamie lighting Stinking Papist candles and wants to join his fire party. Jamie explains he’s lighting them to remember all the people he’s missing or has lost, including his Wife. He gives Wee Willie McCutey a hand-carved snake with his name on it to remember Mac by. He wants to give Mac something in return so he'll remember Willie too but *sob Big Red will never forget *sob him *sob.

Things get a bit blurry here and tear ducts need to recover. When it comes to saying goodbye we parallel bounce between times.Bree and Claire are also giving up the search and heading home to Boston while Jamie is leaving Helwater for Lallybroch. Pause. Just pause here. Can't we have two more episodes with wee Willie? No? *grunts

Can we just have one happy ending ffs? Is it Monday yet?

The End.

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.03 Recap

All Debts Paid like a good, Red-Coated Lannister should.

As always we salute the writer of each episode. This magical one is written by the legendary Exec Producer, Photographer, Location Scout and super fan - Matthew B Roberts. *raises glass

Boston, 1956. Claire and Frank really should have learned not to have breakfast together by now. Sure Frank is the cook this time and damn, I can almost smell that bacon-grease fried bread but all this white fashion and happy conversation is giving me indigestion. Far from book Frank, TV Frank is a cheater! GASP But he’s discreet. Oh, that makes it better then...NOT.

Meanwhile in Sunny Northern Scotland, it’s 1755 at Ardsmuir Prison. Harry Quarry aka Old Geezer, is giving a dashing Lord John Grey (SWOON & SQUEE for Oz actor David Berry) the 10 schilling tour of his new Govenor-ing responsibilities. Whisky is the only hightlight of being banished to the Northern-most post. Slainte! Short of hanging Lord John, this is hell itself especially since Kilts were banished post-Culloden. Goodbye knee-porn. *reaches for a tissue

They arrive in Ardsmuir’s happy place, the yard bursting with grinning prisoners, leaping about in the sunshine. Or not. Old Geezer points out the fully clothed (drats) Red Jamie aka Hooligan of the Highlands, who has plagued Lord John’s conscience since their last meeting. Lord John is too swoony to speak. There he was, standing right there in the shadows of the yard looking like the artful Dodger himself. Any shiftier looking and he’d swing out an arm, only for a ladder of fake Rolex’s to appear for a fiver each.

Harry tells Lord John that he had supper with Mr Fraser, aka Mac Dubh weekly because who wouldn’t, ye fool. Also, the other prisoners saw him as their leader and it kept the prison pleasant. That and 400 juicy rats. Mac Dubh was not to be trusted though and was trussed up like a xmas ham in chains. Lord John declares he’ll not dine with that....I think he’s going to say ‘Spunk Rat’ here but then realises Harry would hear him and it could get awkward. Instead, he ops for ‘Prisoner’ and we carry on.

When it’s time to clinker back to his luxurious cell, Jamie tinkles like xmas bell until he finds a little perch. A nasty cough is heard from behind him and then a familiar voice asks if he’s met the new governer? For the love of all things grumpy, it’s Murtagh! Hooray! He’s forgotten to brush his teeth since Claire left and rats are eating him alive but more concerning to Dr Jamie is his cough.

Forget where Murtagh’s been for the last umpteen years, we want to hear all about the new fella.... Jamie says he’s young, scairce more‘n a bairn which translates to.... well.... young. Prison obviously makes you a bit gay because Jamie then notes his carriage *cough, his square shoulders then talks about his arse. No wait, he has a ramrod up his arse. This translates to 'educated and posh'.

Jamie is invited to chat with Lord John in his quarters, as Hazza Quazza suggested. A rat crawls out of the dark and Lord John is mortified. He demands a cat chase the fat rat until it’s splat. No time for Dr Zeuss Jamie says, the cats would stop the gourmet cooking classes in the cells. Then what would bored prisoners do?

Claire has finally graduated from Medical school and has a party at the house. Bree is taking photos to mark the occasion and neglects to put herself in a picture. Good parenting. Frank is eager for them all to leave for their dinner reservations. Not suspicious at all, Frank. Wasn’t he M16? Oopsey, Claire finds a pretty blonde lady on the doorstep. Double oopsey, Frank didn’t mean to have his mistress turn up early. So busted. Claire decides its suddenly quite normal to go to reservations an hour early and clears the party goers out toot-sweet while Frank and little Miss Early-pants stand aside pretending they are decorative palms. Oh Frank.

The hills are alive with the sound of a ranting madman in Scotland. Red coats find a hobo wandering near the coast and take him into custody. Duncan Kerr rants about Gold and curses so of course the Red coats get excited. Lord John, smelling his golden ticket back to civilisation, hurries to Jamie to make a deal. He’ll lose the Emo jewellery if he translates the madman’s Gailidgh and French ramblings. It's a deal.

Frank comes home from his hot date with Candy, errh, Mandy or is it Sandy and Claire is waiting for him. He’s visibly drunk and she’s visibly ready to insert his British-issue ramrod! Claire accuses him of humiliating her in front of her colleagues. Frank slurs ditto and that her face is like glass; no one at his work believes in their sham marriage anyway. Claire gets snippy about his girlfriend and Frank says Sandy is no harlot, she has a PHD in linguistics. Who saw that coming? PS I want that bar! He poors another drink because we all know you win arguments when you are drunker! She asks if they’ve done the horizontal tango in their bedroom and Frank lashes back with a stinging “I think our bedroom is too crowded already”. Ouch Claire. That’s a fine serving of karma pie you’ve just choked on.

It’s cheery days over at Ardsmuir resort too. Jamie is trying to work out what the near-dead Duncan is raving about. He is very interested when Duncan mentions the McKenzie, Ellen marrying silkies and a White Witch. I fear he’s stumbled across some cocaine hustler but he insists that the Gold is cursed and the white witch will come for Jamie. Spooked af. Jamie tells the eavesdropping Lord John that Duncan was not making much sense. John smells a rat and this time its a big red, unshaven Scottish rat not telling the truth. He threatens to get it out of Jamie but Jamie just snorts. Umm been there, done that, bought the Black Jack Tshirt already, Lord John.

Bree turns 16 and it’s evident Claire and Frank are no longer on the same page.

Murtagh is getting more Dr Jamie medicine. Does anyone else think perhaps it’s Jamie’s healing skills causing them all to be sick in the first place? Murtagh is curious about Duncan Kerr’s news and when he hears of the story including a White Witch, he launches into some purvey memory about Claire and how often he thinks of her. It’s kinda creepy but hey, prison. What is in that tea, Jamie?

Lord John summons Jamie for supper. Jamie decides that’s a great time to suggest the Governor let the men roam the moors and set traps so they can catch their own meat, since the British are too stingy. At first Lord John thinks he’s pulling his leg but then Jamie explains it's another rat under the table. The prisoners can set their traps while out Peat collecting. Oh well that’s alright then! They have supper together and Lord John explains the lack of intelligence of a pheasant but it’s good with red wine sauce. Jamie takes a bite and instantly has a foodgasm.

Later, back at story time in his cell, Fraser decides sweet-talking the cellmates to sleep with his tales of buttery rolls, is a kindness. He's gone saft in the heid. If it was me sharing a cell and missing the good food, I’d tear him limb from limb. Or lick him. A lot.

Lord John now surely needs anxiety medication, after Jamie jumps him while out taking a leak beyond the prison walls. Jamie had escaped from the Peat Gang a few days earlier and now had returned. Jamie confronts Lord John about their history and tries to insight him to kill him as he promised the first time they met. John refuses to kill an unarmed man and they share a look. It's love blossoming.

They wander the nearby field shooting the breeze, as you do. John listens carefully as Jamie reveals why he had to go see if Claire was the white witch, Duncan was raving about. And of the gold? Jamie says he found an empty box with one jewel remaining and hands Lord John a perfectly cut sapphire. They are now BFFs.

Quick bounce back to Bree graduating in 1966 from high school. Claire chooses to wear white again. I’m sensing a pattern here.

In Ardsmuir, Lord John refuses to deny his fave prisoner’s requests. Who can say no to that big red lion. Lord John gets Murtagh a proper doctor. Jamie can stop collecting Watercress now and Murtagh is vera grateful.

Jamie is playing chess with Lord John and they bond over wicked moves and their lost loves. John confesses to losing his boyfiend at Culloden and Jamie tells John that his wife was called something starting with C. Umm, yeah, that’s it Claire. She loved festering boils like no other. John is impressed and jealous all at once. More reminiscing ensues about their first meeting.... “If you found a 16 year old shitting himself a worthy opponent Mr Fraser, then it’s no wonder the highland army was defeated”. Nah, it was the stupid bravery that impressed him mostly. Is John blushing? They bond like super glue to a shoe and things are going rosy. They talk of that fun time he thought they were raping Claire too - oh the scallywags.

Things get melancholy because alcohol. These two girls can’t handle their plonk and Lord John goes in for a raunchy hand caress. Jamie suddenly realises he’s on the menu and tells John to take his hand off him or he’ll replace his ramrod with his sword. John realises he’s just made a mammoth mistake and things are more tense than a rat in a prison cell before lunch time. Jamie leaves in disgust and Lord John sheds a tear, for he needed new pants again. *squelch

Frank tells Claire he wants to move to England and take Bree now that she’s 18. She could go to Oxford while he works at Cambridge and Sandy, Mandy & Candy can come be his proper wife/wives. Claire tells him no frikkin way. Bree is hers and he can’t take her. He reminds Claire that every time she looks at Bree she sees Jamie and he just wants to live with a wife who loves him. Fair point. Insert shit storm and tears here. He storms off out the door with his keys just as the phone rings. Claire is called to the hospital for surgery.

Ardsmuir is closing as it’s too comfy now for prisoners and the next garrison want to move in. They insist they have a better recipe for Rat stew. Jamie is pulled out of a line up away from Murtagh and is told he is being moved elsewhere. The others will be indentured and sent to the colonies (America). It’s a hideous moment where we are all waiting for Jamie to start struggling and shouting and trying to get back to Murtagh before they are separated by a whole ocean but it doesn’t happen. They can only exchange manly looks. Snow is falling as Jamie is tied to Lord John on a horse and is forced to walk for days. There is little chit chat during their journey. Lord John says they’ll have to talk eventually. Jamie is still sulking about Murtagh but Lord John says they'll only be slaves for 14 years. No biggy.

They eventually stop on a barren hill overlooking an extremely large estate. Ok it’s more of a palace but it’s home for now. Helwater Estate is owned by the Dunsany’s and Lord John has arranged for Jamie to live there for now. He explains it really is the best he could do for Jamie, short of a pardon and he should be totes grateful. They kiss and make up and stride off into the sunset.

Claire is soothing a patient’s stressed relative when she sees Dr Joe coming with his serious face. This can’t be good. It’s Frank! Nooooooooooooo! There’s been a car accident. Well, stick a fork in me I am done as all the feels are happening on my face. Damn onions.

Claire races to the morgue to see that he is indeed dead. As she enters the room, my heart shatters with hers. Frank’s face is without a scratch and so surely he’ll pop up in a minute like Jon Snow. Give it a minute...... ok, one more minute..... Nope. *ugly crying She finds his dead neck most magnetic and goes in for a whiff or a kiss, we aren’t sure. It’s a bit weird. Claire confesses to his nearby spirit that she really did love him *eyeroll and that he was her first love. Nawwww. *tears again. Claire slowly leans in for a final kiss and a tear rolls down her face onto Frank’s nose. Gahh! Too blurry to type more.....

The End.

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.02 Recap

Surrender your link to a decent Barber for 6 years....

This week’s cracking episode is written by Anne Kenney. It jumps between the two centuries quite a bit, so stick with me.

With Jamie back from Culloden and red coats on the prowl, Jamie’s having to hide in a cave. Local gossipers assure the red coat patrols that Red Jamie is in the area and also a weird guy going by the name of the Dun Bonnet. (The Dun Bonnet is a real tale of a Jacobite who hid his flaming red hair under a hat as a way of ye olde camouflage.) It doesn’t work quite so well with our hero as you’ll soon find out watching this episode.

Lallybroch is always a symbol of home and there is nothing more domestic than seeing the kids playing outside the house. Fergus, Rabbie McNab and wee Jamie Murray are heading to the Doo Cot (Dove Housing facility) to try to locate a pistol that Ian Murray had stashed there after Culloden. The boys find it and as boys do, boast about their wartime frivolities and other boyish bullshite. Redcoats take that opportunity to arrive for a quick raid so they hustle the gun back to its hiding position and go to see what’s amiss at the house. Captain Samual Lewis of his Majesty’s 10th Dragoons says he’s looking for Ian’s brother-in-law aka Jamie Fraser, aka Red Jamie, aka Dun Bonnet, aka not here, we swear it. They threaten to hang anyone who harbours a traitor. He also offers a reward but they all plead ignorance. Fergus winds up the nearest nasty red coat Corporal McGregor, as they whisk Ian Murray away under arrest. That’s not ominous at all, is it?

Speaking of looking for needles in a haystack, we then catch up with the human haystack of red hair, the Dun Bonnet himself. He’s a graduate of Catniss Everdeen’s school of Archery and makes short work of a big stag that he’s nicknamed Frank for some reason.

Arriving back at Lallybroch with his kill, he mistakens Jenny for dream Claire. Jenny scolds him for being creepy. Amen sister, grab some scissors ay? He dumps the enormous carcass for butchering, a symbol of his current level of happy as Jenny carries on telling him the daily news; Ian’s been arrested again, Mrs McNab needs servicing etc. Fergus wants to butcher the deer then the whole red coat garrison but we all know that won’t work. Kids! Jamie is intent on making venison steaks and continues his mute party of one. Frustrating sibling moment.

Claire is having her own party of one back in Boston. She is fantasising about a giant fuzzy peach and practising her yoga breathing skills so as not to wake a hard working Frank. She is so thoughtful.

Baby Bree is learning to roll over like a good puppy while Claire catches up on her bible, The Globe. Ireland has become a republic, free of British rule. This is a nice nod to Caitriona being Irish and also a kick that Scotland still hasn’t reached this milestone, aka Culloden failed reminder. Frank, wrapped in just a towel( interrupted showering by a dodgy boiler ) comes to see his clever daughter playing puppy and the three have a sweet family moment. Claire is turned on by his nudie run and wishes that towel didn’t just accidentally fall to the floor on his way to fix the boiler. Didn’t we all. Just a week peek at that lilly white butt, cmon!

Skulking is Jamies new skill and he tip-toes through the woods to his hidey-hole when Fergus drops in for a cuppa and wee chat about how to use this silly pistol. Fergus is deluded that he can protect all of Lallybroch with it and Milord is not happy. Fergus accuses him of being a coward and Jamie tells him no more fighting. To keep an eye on things, Jamie pops into check out the ledgers at Lallybroch and Mary McNab hopes this is cave-speak for “Lets go on a date” but they are sidetracked when Jamie hears Jenny screaming from the house. Dinna fash, the latest bairn is coming early.

The wee neds, Fergus, Rabbie and wee Jamie spot a messenger of death - a Raven and go and get the pistol to dispatch it back to a Game of Thrones set. Completely forgetting all reason and the fact that nearby red coats have ears, they shoot the bird. Jamie is so cross it makes him actually speak and Mary pops in as she so annoyingly does this whole episode to announce the baby is fine and takes the gun. She scolds them for what is probably the millionth time.

Jenny loves seeing a baby in Jamie’s arms and it reminds her he is practically a virgin again. She downloads the Lallybroch Tinder app and creates him a profile under the handle Cave-dwelling Dun Bonnet. Red coats arrive of course, to search for the weapon in the house. Jamie has the baby and quickly hides in a spare room. Yes, its odd they didn’t check that room but testosterone. They question Jenny, still in her post-birth glow and tear the room apart. She lies to them about the baby dying when it’s missing from the room and they demand to see the body. Mary who is channelling a missing Murtagh or McGyver, pops up again to save the day and hands the pistol over, confessing it was her dead husband’s and she was killing the blasted Raven. Happy they had the pistol at last, the red coats leave. Jamie returns the baby to his mum with a big sad face again. (Fun Fact: Laura O’Donnelly used her own newborn in this scene so that is why the breastfeeding is so real!) Nice touch. Jamie is finding all this red coat business a bit of an annoyance and Jenny says this new Captain won’t give up till he’s hanging from a noose.

Claire is still on the high speed train to Hornsville and decides she misses her husband. Which one, Claire? Hmmmm? She wakes Frank who, like a good M16 agent is ready 24/7 for action but misses her ambiguous husband reference and dutifully lets her ride his pony. Sharing is caring. Giddyup Claire.

The Redcoats finally return Ian Murray back to Lallybroch like a sack of spuds and he ignores their repeated requests to turn over Jamie and tedious threats of getting his whole family by saying “It’s been a lovely visit gentlemen” and heads inside to meet his new son.

Fergus watching on, decides to take matters into his own hands (no pun intended but it works for me, if it works for you) leads them on a wild goose chase tour of Lallybroch estate. He confronts them and taunts them that he’s far superior to them and the music turns ominious and most know bad things are coming next. They chase him and he taunts them continuously. Jamie is checking his traps and hears them but can’t reveal his position to help. He quietly pleads for Fergus to stop taunting and watches the next bit unfold in horror with the rest of us. *hides behind cushions/hands/whisky glass The red coats corner Fergus and Mr Meany Pants McGregor, hell bent on blood lust, lops off Fergus’s tiny left hand. Its excruciatingly real to watch and we are all glad not to have lived through those times.

The red coats leave Fergus alone to bleed out and Jamie swoops down to stem the blood flow with a torniquay belt, just like Claire showed him many times. Just for fun. Or maybe not. I digress.

He whisks poor Fergus back to Lallybroch where Jenny praises him for saving him. He feels guilty though and loses his shit, ugly crying all over Jenny like there’s no tomorrow.

Later, when he gains back some grumpiness, he visits Fergus to remind him that there is something left to fight for. Fergus sees his old Milord back and hope has returned to Lallybroch again. Fergus is relieved by the promise Jamie made him in Paris that if he ever lost a hand in his service, then Jamie would provide for him for the rest of his life. He has in one swipe become a man of leisure.

Meanwhile....

Frank and Claire are busy entertaining Jerry and Millie from next door. They introduce them to the delights of Eton Mess and how to kill a bottle. This show is so brutal. Poor bottle. RIP Wine. After, Claire is in the mood for much more than a nightcap and entices Frank to the carpet before the fire. Frank isn’t one for being swept up in the moment and questions Claire mid-thrust as to why she isn’t looking at him. He cruelly stops before Claire can get to orgasm and he tells her “When i’m with you, i’m with you but you are with him”. Like that’s such a bad thing Frank! Not the best end to a fun night. Silly relationship etiquette.

Ian explains the downside of losing a limb to Jamie. He tells Jamie the pain of losing a part of you that’s lost. Claire was his heart. Jamie realises that he’ll never get over Claire like Ian and Fergus will never get their limbs back. Jamie also notices the slashed Fraser crest which was a result of a recent red coat raid. He knows they will never stop wanting him as he’ll never stop wanting Claire.

At first Jenny is not happy with Jamie’s idea to turn himself in but they are all tired of the red coat dangers and his lack of grooming. With the thought of having the reward to help them survive, de-stink the house and Jamie in a nicer prison not hung, they agree to go ahead with the set up. Sounds easy, right?

Mrs McNab has an itch to scratch before Jamie gets sent to Ardsmuir resort and turns up to give Jamie his last supper in the cave. And by supper she means a good hair cut and shave - Hallelujah, Angels sing!!! He pops down the stream to wash and comes back to find her in her shift and he’s no dummy when it comes to women in shifts and presumes that Jenny set this up. Mary rejects his theory and says she wants a hot scot in her cot and it’ll maybe see him through a few years in prison. Everyone knows you don’t get sex in prison, right? Jamie confesses it’s been a while between drinks and she’s gentle about it, mopping up his tear for his long gone wife. Must be emotional having women throwing themselves at you all the time. Plus everyone looks shaggable by cavelight.

Claire decides it’s time to do something more to make her feel whole. She missed lancing festering boils and so decided to become a surgeon. She arrives for her first day in Anatomy class and of course scores a chauvinistic, racist lecturer who declares having her and a negro make them very modern. Other students arrive and give her the cold shoulder like she just gave Season 8 spoilers to Game of Thrones. In walks the ‘negro’ and he takes a seat beside Claire. He introduces himself as Joe Abernethy and they instantly connect. I love him already too.

Bree has decided to help her parents marriage by sending cryptic messages through her toy bunny but likes to mix things up, by hiding said bunny first. Agent Frank is all over this new kid-code but Claire just chalks it up to childhood and goes to bed. The camera pans back and to my horror we see they are now sleeping in single beds. Flatmates. Ugh. Ring the marriage-is-dead alarm. Oh boy. Goodnight indeed.

Jamie arrives at Lallybroch and pretends he has arrived home. The red coats leap out of hiding and he pretends to be furious and shocked with Jenny. Jenny’s heart breaks visibly, as do ours as she plays along, receiving her reward money. Jamie is chucked in the prison cart like sack of dirty laundry. Which he is because, Cave dwelling is not for the fainthearted and Lynx commercials.

Claire is out walking and comes across a busking piper piping a familiar Scottish tune and she can’t walk past without giving him some money. I could have sworn she mumbled something about “giving him more if he was wearing a kilt” but I could be wrong.

The end.

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margsld · 7 years

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Outlander Epi 3.01 Recap

The Battle That We knew was coming and boy, did it hurt.

Ron D Moore wrote this Premiere episode to fill the juicy gaps that the book didn't cover but the fans have needed to experience. With a new opening sequence but familiar Skye Boat Song theme, he delivers us the Battle of Culloden. We first come in oddly at the end when the red coats are searching for the half dead rebels to finish them off and pilfer anything of worth. Jamie lies amongst bodies unnoticed, with a dead red coat atop like a cosy sleep over. However, it's Black Jack Randall and he is stone cold dead at last. Woohooo! *ding dong the witch is dead.....

We snap in and out of consciousness with Jamie as he struggles to stay alive. He's struggling to breathe under the weight of a dead BJR but can look around. He rembembers the start, back before the order of "Charge" was given. Prince Chucky was still rabbiting on about his confidence & blindly declaring something stupid.

Jamie is still on the field half dead, thirsty af and it's night time. Cruelly, it snows on his face. One tiny flake lands on his bottom lip and a world of women join him in his desire to lick it off. He does and like a weird acid trip, he dreams that Claire approaches him to ask if he is still alive.

Another battle flashback brings us to Jamie. It's funny the people you run into when you are just going about your daily red coat hunt. Murtagh drops in for a quick bit of stabby banter before dashing back into the mele. Maaaate!

Next Jamie was spotting a familiar red coat on top a horse, slashing away at the rebels with his sword. Time stands still for a moment for both sides as they lock eyes and decide is their final battle going to be right now? Hell yes, says Jamie as he rockets towards BJR who leaps at the chance to get up and close with Ginger fur thighs again.

They thrust and slash and eventually BJR slices a nice souvenir in said Ginger thigh fur. Jamie reaches down in horror and sees that it's going to leave a jolly big scar for sure. He really thinks it's going to kill him but details, details.

They rumble again and this time Jamie carves Randall a new digestive track and it's obvious, the deed is finally done. They collapse together in a heap and Jamie drops the Dragonfly in Amber that Claire left him. We focus on the amber and then it cuts to Frank and Claire in Boston 1948, house hunting. Frank is super friendly and positive (like a teenager on his first date) about their new beginning but Claire is still very reserved like an injured sparrow but plays along as all good wives should.

Snapping back to Culloden, Rupert has rescued Jamie from underneath BJR's corpse and taken him to a hut where several severely wounded rebels are recovering and ultimately waiting for the red coats to show up. They know escape is fruitless.

In the meantime, Claire now obviously pregnant is struggling with her boredom at home and decided her day could really do with some fireplace baking. As you do. When she arrives home with the firewood, she meets a do-gooder neighbour, who tries to sell her on the positives of having such a modern husband. Sadly Claire is an ignorant person, hell-bent on keeping her Scottish fantasies alive. The neighbour has never seen a Ginger-kilted, ancient warrior get naked at close range though, in fairness.

Claire now more pregnant, gets to go meet Frank's Harvard Boss at a social event. She's not keen on the idea but again plays along. His boss is a patronising arsehole and tells Frank he shouldn't let his wife read stuff. Then he tells Claire that female physicians never succeed. With one foul swoop of pompous foolery and Claire visibly ready to take off his head, she decides then and there to prove the bastard wrong. Just with her eyes. Ouch for Frank's hand too. Frank's face through the whole conversation is priceless.

Back at the battlefield of nightmares, the hut is invaded by Lord Melton and his dragoons. They have itchy trigger fingers and one by one drag the rebels outside and despatches them for "his Grace Lord Cumberland".

Claire finallly works out how to cook a meal. Bacon and eggs. We see her trying to light the gas stove but if you look closely, the egg is already cooked! Magic stove! Frank whinges about teabags in a jovial "First World Problems" way before he decides to grope Claire's enormous belly. She shuns away from him and he's had enough. The conversation launches into a full blown argument and Frank tears our guts out with his pleading for Claire to come back to him. She tells him to go see Mrs Palmer and her sisters and he comes back with that classic line "Your a Ho" to which she replies with an Ashtray to his head. If it wasn't for his ninja cat-moves, he'd be icing that lump for a week.

Our hearts shatter back in the hut as the intermittent role-calling and merciless blasting outside, gives backdrop to the final blokey farewells taking place inside. Gordon gives Jamie a kiss on the hand before meeting his maker and then Rupert tells Jamie they'll both be judged in heaven for their sins but no hard feelings ay?. They laugh over Angus's snoring and farting habits and then Rupert volunteers to face the firing squad. Nooooooo! *ugly crying. He leaves the hut with a very Rupert " I mean to set a quick pace, so keep up" warning to the guard and we are left with Jamie's puppy dog eyes as the inevitable sound comes. *more ugly crying

Focusing on Jamie's face of misery we cross back to Frank in his own modern misery. Trying to sleep on the couch aka doghouse after their fight and not be able to sleep. As it's futile, he gets up and starts to write a letter to the Reverend Wakefield in Scotland. He requests his help in researching what happened to that Jamie Fraser aka Jacobite Heart throb. Just as he gets focused, up pops Claire with the baby on the way.

It's Jamie's turn to face the firing squad and as the officer gets him to state his name, Lord Melton realises he recognises it. *&%$#! Of all the huts in all of Culloden, Big Red Jamie had to be half-dead in his. JHRC! Actually Lord Melton is a very sweary boy and it was obvious he didn't like having to NOT shoot Jamie. I think he was jelly of his super cute knees but that's just me. He explained to Jamie that his wee brother Lord John William Grey was the lad who tried to kill Jamie in S2. Jamie used Claire (fake hostage) to fool him out of info about the nearby English troops, broke his arm and let him go. At the time, young Lord Grey said he owed Jamie his life and now big bro Lord Melton was paying that debt of honour. So he couldn't shoot Jamie, even when his colleague suggested using a pseudonym... Those were the days....

So Lord Melton arranges for a wagon to sneak Fraser back to Lallybroch and the gentle *cough rehabilitation of his placid *cough sister.

Claire is well and truly giving birth now and Dr Thorne waltzes into her room with the sublety of a sledgehammer and tells her to just do as she's told. He asks about previous pregnancies and their is an awkward yes/no between Claire & Frank. She confesses about the miscarriage and the Doctor says it's high risk so Mr Randall can kiss her goodbye, as he'll be in charge from here. *insert eye-rolling. Frank says he'll bring a bouquet of ashtrays for Claire to throw at the doctor. *he's so adorable

In the operating room Claire's choices are ignored and they just knock her out. When she wakes, their is an echo to the S2 Faith episode and she's asking for her baby. Before she gets too frantic that she's lost another and grabs an ashtray, in breezes Father of the Year- Frank, with his new true love in his arms. It's a girl! Baby Bree is as adorable as her new Daddy and wins them all over instantly. There is happys tears and they are deciding this is the answer to their prayers and they'll be happy ever after. Right?

Wrong. In walks nurse Numpty and wants to know why the baby is a ginger? AWKWARD much.

Can't wait for next episode! PS. Where is Murtagh?

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