2 am thoughts

It’s crazy how drastically life can change in the course of a year or two. I’m in a happy place now. I’m happy with the people that surround me, I’m content with myself, I was recently promoted, I have a new car and I have a bright future ahead. This time last year I was a completely different person going through petty drama, fake friendships with fake people and just so focused on the wrong things in life. It seemed as if every aspect of my world was falling apart but little did I know, I couldn’t have been more blessed to have gone through that rocky patch. I hit my low when the two people I considered my best friends cut me off for things that weren’t my fault. It was devastating at the time. It hurt that they both chose to talk behind my back rather then address me. It hurt when I would see them hanging out without me. At the time I just couldn’t fathom what I did to deserve that. The lies that were being told about me weren’t true. The things they were accusing me of weren’t true. It was frustrating that two people that once called me their best friend could turn on me in the snap of a hat. What I didn’t realize at the time though, was that I couldn’t have been more lucky to lose them. I constantly felt so hurt that I couldn’t see that I was actually being given a blessing to have them both turn on me. Now that I’ve moved on from how unfair it all was and now that I can see the situation for what it is I’m so grateful those two finally showed me their true colors. Why would I want to be friends with anyone that could possibly turn on me the way they did? Why would I want to remain so close to people that lie and talk behind my back? True friends would never do that. So in the grand scheme of things I’m actually quite lucky that my world was shaken upside down. If it hadn’t I would still have the same two fake friends I used to have. It really is true when they say that you have to let things fall apart so better things can fall together. It takes time before things start looking up after going through hard times. I’ve never had such amazing best friends as I do now. Friends that have shown me how much of a blessing losing those two fake friends was. Friends that really know me, that have my back and won’t turn on me. My best friend is family to me and I’m blessed to have her in my life. She really is like a sister from another mister and she will always be in my life. We don’t need to talk everyday or see each other all the time but we remain solid no matter what. I’ll take that any day over the people I was closest to years ago. What goes around comes around. I’ve definitely seen those people for who they are. I’m not fooled by who they pretend to be. One definitely puts on more of a show then the other but eventually it’ll catch up. The amount of un happiness that, that person feels every single day is his karma. The secrets and lies he lives with eats him up all the time. He can’t hide his misery from me. I’m glad I escaped all the toxic friendships. I’m also grateful for the hardship I went through because I would not be here today if I hadn’t gone through what I did. I feel truly blessed and happy to be where I am now. When you feel like giving up or when your life gets flipped 180 and your wondering what you did to deserve it, remain patient. God has a plan for everyone.

I’ll get over you

You knew I was innocent from the start Told me I had the purest heart Made me start feeling some type of way Stabbed me in the back and convinced me to stay The jokes on you Because those tears falling down my face We’re in spite of you My love is like nothing else you’ll ever get I’m going to be your biggest regret

David

I don’t know how to let go after so many years Can’t imagine opening up to someone the way I have with you Stood by your side through heartache and tears You’ve seen me at all my highs and stayed through all the lows

Sometimes we don’t seem right for each other But I can’t imagine a life without you It’s dangerous how comfortable I’ve become around you How much I’ve truly managed to open up It puts me on edge How I feel for someone who just isn’t there

So confused

I know god puts us in certain situations for a reason. I’m currently in a situation where I have to make a choice and I’m not sure which one to go with. One is the more risky option, far less safe and actually terrifying. The other one is stable, secure but I can’t say I’m totally content with that option either. There is a guy who makes me nervous all the time when I’m never the type to get nervous around a guy. I constantly will say things and later think “what the hec was I thinking” I’m usually always cool and forward when it comes to men but with him I’m far from it. I’m not really sure what he thinks of me. I get some mixed signals, plus I met him through work so I’m not sure how to go about it seeing as I don’t want to compromise my professionalism and have it back fire. Also I don’t really want to deal with him potentially rejecting me. But he is probably the kindest guy I’ve met plus he’s pretty cute. The guy I’m with now, I mean it’s just over.... it’s hard to leave especially with all the uncertainty of maybe being alone. Also he’s like my best friend in a way he knows me so well... but I know it’s done, regardless. I just fear being alone. Anywaysssss I’m confused and I wish I had some clarity.

You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.

Dylan Moran (via purplebuddhaquotes)

Quote of the day. 2 of 30

Nobodies heard from me in months, I’m doing better then I ever was 🎶🎵🖤

@taylorswift

Blabber

Never thought it would be you Holding the knife to my back It’s funny isn’t it Just how much your loyalty lacks Sick and twisted Nothing but games and deceit Must have missed it 20 years and we have yet to meet It’s only a matter of time till karma catches up and hits you hard Woulda had your back but now I’m busy holding up my guard Hope your holding on tight when your world gets shooken upside down Because this time when you need help picking up the pieces I won’t be around

Quote of the day: 1 of 30

EMW

It’s funny How someone can walk in to your life And turn your world upside down It sure is something How someone can be married & have a wife Yet tell you they want you around

Don’t get me wrong I’m not tripping Just in my feels Hope you don’t think I’m upset and reminiscing When it was never real

I look back on those times you swore you would never hurt me Put it on your life Might as well pull the trigger cause it changed over night

Life

I am lost and alone I hope I'll find myself again I feel like I have no one I just want this storm to end You think things can't get worse then they do Keep telling myself everything happens for a Reason and it'll all be over soon Can't keep my head up when I keep getting knocked down Feel like I have nothing to live for, don't know why I'm still around

I'm that girl that has a thing for assholes, clearly

I ended up liking you more than I expected 
I still catch myself thinking about you quite often 
Don’t get me wrong I hate the simple fact 
That you impacted me like that 
You treat me like I’m nothing 
When I know you know we had something 
It’s a shame you don’t see things the way I do 
But I already gave up on getting through 
I don’t entirely blame you for your reaction 
I wish u understood it, but I won’t tell you only to get rejected 
It kills me 
And you have no clue 
Because i don’t think I’ll ever break down to admit it to you 
You got the wrong idea of me 
And I finally realize the guy I thought I knew 
Isn’t all that he was cracked up to be 
It’s a shame honestly 
I knew it was worth it but you couldn’t see it 
I think about you less and less but you still linger on my mind

DJC

The second you messaged me I was hooked So many times I wanted to leave but I couldn’t bear the thought 4 years of suffering and now all I’m left with is a broken heart You put me through hell, made me feel so incredibly low But there was so many times being with you felt like home I don’t see any other way to move on but to cut you out I was never a major part of your life, but I gave you so much of myself Everyday, it makes me so angry That you so carelessly destroyed me I wish I could go back and tell myself to leave every time I considered it But I loved you so much that even with all the pain I held on through it All those times you put me to the side for someone else I hope that one day Ill look back at all this and laugh I hope one day you realize I’ll be the best you ever had You did a number on me Yet somehow I’m the one that’s suffering Looking back I wish I would have left Not leaving you sooner is my only regret

To the guy that’s had a hold on me for the last 4 years, to the person all my blog posts, heart breaking Twitter updates and sadness has been about this blog is just to say how I feel one last time so I can move on….

We’ve been through so much. I always thought it would just be a roller coaster and never ending cycle with us. I never thought the day would come where we really said goodbye to each other. It shocked me today to see you do it so easily and to give up on me.

For 4 years I’ve gone through so many ups and downs with you. So many times where you hurt me, made me feel alone, second best, unloved and uncared for.

There aren’t any words to describe how much I loved you. I always wanted to make it work with us. And I honestly would have done anything to get through the rough times. I never gave up on you. I stayed when everyone told me to leave and when you gave me a million reasons to leave.

I wish fixing us was like stitching up a wound. I wish I could just fix every little problem we have curl up next to you and cuddle you all night and have it fixed. But Life doesn’t work that way.

Your the first person to get that close to me. See me for who I am. Know my flaws my quirkiness, see me cry be emotional and be silly. Your the first one to see all that know me and love me and for that your going to be special. Even though I hate the fact right now your always going to be special to me and I think I’m always going to love you even though I hope I don’t.

You’ll probably meet someone else. Who doesn’t have the baggage I have, the problems we did. Probably won’t argue as much. Maybe in some ways you’ll like her more than me. But I can guarantee you’ll never find a heart quite like mine that wanted nothing but to just love you and be happy with you. I truly don’t think you’ll ever find someone as good as me that tried so hard. Maybe one day you’ll see that. Either way this doesn’t make it more or less hard saying good bye to you. Being with you sometimes was like going to war I felt like. I stuck around through some of the hardest moments. Times I felt like you were just dragging me in the mud. It still saddens me how you gave up without a fight.... It hurts me thinking of you being with someone else. But I know I can't stay with someone who doesn't fight for me. Like they say don't feel bad for someone who gave up on you feel bad because they gave up on someone that would never give up on them.... That's exactly what this is. 💔 And also it's just fucking weird the night we break up have had 3 guys hit on me hardcor and message me. And I don't even have any interest in hitting them up back 😔

Bye Felicia 😘✌🏼️

I've literally been let down, disappointed and treated unfairly by every single person in my life. Everyone has done me wrong in some form or another. I kind of want to cry about it, because it feels so unfair but at the same time I'm kind of thankful for it because if someone is going to do me wrong, hurt me or disappoint me I'm no longer that weak girl that doesn't have the strength to get up and walk away. I could cut off everyone in my life disappear and be ok. It's a kind of scary yet empowering feeling. I no longer depend on anyone or need anyone. My walls are built up. It's true what people say, that as the older you get and the more bullshit you encounter the more blocked off you become. For now, that's a good thing. Maybe one day I can meet someone that can bring down those walls. Or maybe I'll be this way forever. Who knows. All I know is that years of friends, family and loved ones taking you for granted and hurting you will turn you from the lonely girl that cries herself to sleep every night to the girl that no longer gives a fuck. Anger issues also come along with the whole "I don't give a fuck" attitude. When I think about how my dads family was never around, hardly there for me, how they didn't appreciate how much I loved them and all the times they hurt me I become so filled with anger and a need for revenge. For all the friends I have that left me, did me wrong and hurt me it fills me up with same feelings. Same as David. The only way I can see to get even with people is to just completely disappear and cause the same hurt that they made me feel. It's fucked up but I've been done dirty then most people and sometimes all I wanna do is cut everyone off and make them feel how I did. Life would be so much easier if I was just a happy person. But oh well, at least I'm a strong person.

Every time I want to say something mean...

Yup that's what u did you had a good girl that loved and cared you fucked that up. I don't know why you like trashy girls so much, it's definitely not something to be proud of. Leaving a good girl for a jobless, classless, fat single mom that had you dick whipped like no other and to make it worse you paid for sex with her... I mean how embarrassing. Who pays a whale for sex... I guess David does. Then having me buy you gifts and sleeping with a fat over sized pig like Tara who's a gold digging bitch with a 50 year old boyfriend. I don't know know why you like fat girls so much that exude nothing but skankyness and trash. It's actually quite embarrassing that you put your dick in females like that. If I were you I would be embarrassed that people know you slept with girls of that nature and then you treat the good girl like shit..... Yea real smart David. I'm done. At least if your gonna cheat find someone with some class and stop hitting up the trail park shouldn't be that hard. Geez

Someday ❤️