I've wanted to be a writer since I left highschool.

I remember going to apply for a writting class in Pasadena and I left to take the money out to pay for the class... And I had $600 in my hand and thought to myself "this would buy a lot of drugs" ... You can guess which I thought was more important at the time being 19 years old and thinking I will have time later to write... I've put off writting for almost 10 years now. I am currently 28 years old ... My story truthfully starts in jail but that will come later. As of now I sit in the waiting room of a Car shop waiting on my mother's car to be done. I feel so good today.. could be the coffee but I feel like I was born to write! & Regardless of money or views I've just always wanted to write. I can't explain it...

It started at an early age journaling and realizing I am a lot better at explaining myself in the form of writing.

When I physically try to explain myself or my feelings or anything really the anxiety, sweating, and fear creeps in... Silently then people take notice.

I was asked today by this lovely lady if I was okay earlier... Being triggered in group really isn't the best way to start off my morning but I've been working with doctors to try to get on my medication.

Iam no different then any other kid with problems right? This thinking is actually more common then I'd like to think. If everyone has problems and 35 million people in the world have drug problems I should be able to get some common ground with someone.

I've only found 2 other people who think like me and I can honestly say 1 other that I can truly feel and understand and 1 more on the way.

So by this time your thinking .. "wtf is wrong with this girl and why am I reading this?"

If anyone really is then you can see I'm just a normal girl who likes to read and listen to music and publicly talk about my mental disorders like they're some type of appetizer about to be ordered. Because I like my appetizers and I also love to judge myself harshly.

I write this as sweat pours down the back of my arm. Nerves nerves nerves.

This is my life.

♡

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