https://archiveofourown.org/works/22031137

This fic is goddamn captivating, addictive and lives rent free in my head 24/7. The Uzumaki lore and worldbuilding is goddamn iconic. Fuyuko/Sansa is utterly brilliant and herself with no exceptions or apologies. Kushina is only an active character for about a chapter and yet I love her desperately and she has more vivid emotions and opinions than 90% of people I know in real life.

I’ll leave you with a short quote from her, "I wish I could be here to teach you what that means, to teach you what being an Uzumaki of Uzushiogakure means... I wish I could teach you our history, our customs... Konoha won't teach you, I know they won't," Kushina couldn't help her bitter laugh, or the bitter tears that came with it. "All they'll care about is your loyalty to their village, not a dead one that they failed and now do their best to forget in their shame. You and your brother, you will be the last of our clan, the last of the Uzumaki... the last to hold the ruling heart of Uzushio inside you.”

!!!

Anonymous said:

Could you please do a clip of Team Rocket using insults that are a lot heavier than “twerp”?

meowth, control yourself

My fav

Produced by LEMAT WORKS

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All the kids being so extra during the Chūnin exams and the procters are just like “what the fuck”

I am in desperate need of help in finding this one fanfiction.

So it's a Naruto x Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic crossover centered on the Kou empire and the Ren family being half Uzumaki and half Uchiha. I think it might have been on AO3 but I literally can't find it there. Please message me if you know anything about it.

Woop Woop! New AU

Naruto AU where Naruto isn't as optimistic as he is in canon and as a child, he's a lot quieter, isolated, more depressed.

In the orphanage, he never had any reason to talk because no one was around to hear him anyway, so when he was thrust into the academy with a bunch of screaming kids, he didn't really know what to do with himself. Everyone somehow already knew each other, whether they were clan kids who saw each other when they were with their parents or they just met each other in the playgrounds Naruto's never been to.

Naruto was an other to the kids in his class, with his strange whisker marks and his knee-length blindingly gold hair, so they moved around him, talked over him, looked past him. Plenty of the kids were OK with acting like his existence was passing while they were in class, or, they were... right up until the day ended and it came time for their parents to come and walk them back home.

When the teachers announced that they were finished for the day and that their parents were waiting outside for them, many children rushed out of the room to tell about their amazing first days at the ninja academy. Naruto rushed too, not because he had somebody waiting for him, but because he couldn't stand sitting in that room any longer, with that teacher who glares at him and the kids who don't talk to him.

Outside looks nicer. The sun is shining and casting a golden hue on the scene of kids and their families outside of the schoolhouse. This scene, however, immediately turns dark when Naruto walks out. The first person to see him is a plump lady with brown hair talking to her daughter. She's facing the door, and when she sees Naruto with all his bright blue eyes and long blonde hair and whiskers she gasps, quite loudly, then begins tugging her daughter away from the academy, away from where Naruto is standing.

The noise attracts the eyes of a few other parents. who have the same reaction, though slightly louder than the woman. These people talk. They yell things like "It's the demon child," and then they rush home. The children are confused since none of them have even met Naruto before, how could all of their parents know him? Naruto, in the face of multiple way too big, way too scary, runs away, all the way back to the orphanage where he is greeted with a locked door and his meager belongings on the steps in front of the door.

~

The next day at the academy, the kids look at him. They sneer, and they taunt, and they repeat all the things their parents had told them about him the night before.

~

Naruto was excited to graduate from the academy. He remembers when Iruka-sensei was teaching the class about genin formations, and about how in Konoha, your team is like your family. Naruto dreamed about family.

~

Your genin team is not your family. Naruto learned this about a month into training with his new team. Uchiha Sasuke was a haughty, self-centered kid who never gave Naruto the time of day. Haruno Sakura... why was she even a shinobi? All her desires and motivations were centered around the Uchiha boy, even though he treated her no better than he treated Naruto. Kakashi-sensei was... there. He taught Sasuke lots of cool jutsu... he hardly even looked at Naruto. When he did, he looked blank. Not that you could tell much with his mask, but after a lifetime of looking at people and seeing the looks in their eyes, Naruto knew that the man wanted nothing to do with him. Nothing more than necessary, at least; he still instructed Naruto when he needed to, but that's kind of his job.

~

By the time of the chuunin exams, Naruto had gotten quieter. He had made no moves forward with his team, and no matter what he just couldn't find a way to. Why did Kakashi-sensei even think that they were ready for the chuunin exams, anyway? The team was going to fail because of him.

~

After the botched chuunin exams, Naruto expected... something; literally anything. That lazy Nara had gotten his chuunin vest even after he forfeited. Naruto suppressed the Ichibi with a brand new summons and a transformation jutsu. Why doesn't that get any

recognition? Does no one seriously want him here? Why the hell was he even born? Why the hell did his parents take one look at him and decide he wasn't worth raising? Why was he dumped in place where people only wanted to hurt him? If he has no place in Konoha, why doesn't he just leave?

~

In the dead of night, two days after the Suna delegation left Konoha, Naruto took his sack that was hanging on his closet door, packed a few clothes, some food, the money he made to make sure he would never starve again, and closed his apartment door for the last time.

Two days later, a worried Kakashi who was concerned over the sudden disappearance of one of his students invaded his home and found... nothing. No clothes, no food, no money, no scent. Naruto was gone.

Honestly can't believe how I just wrote one AU and immediately thought of five others

Wait y’all have morals?

I hate how in the Cruella trailer she’s all “people try to hold me down… I am woman…. hear me roar……” as though people are opposing her for misogynistic reasons and not because her primary motivation is SKINNING PUPPIES? 

The Death of Danzo!

After some careful consideration, I have decided to off Shimura Danzo in my Sannin Kid Fic AU.

I feel that Danzo's death goes pretty quick. Some of the elite shinobi of Konoha get put off by Danzo trying to keep the jinchuuriki for himself so they begin conducting and secret investigation of Danzo. I'm imagining Shikaku, Fugaku, Kakashi, and a few more. Its pretty hard since Danzo is one sly bastard, but ultimately he's too distracted trying to assert his power in the now vulnerable village after the Kyuubi attack to notice slow unweaving of his spiderweb right behind him. So while Danzo is out and about spreading propaganda, vilifying clans, and being an overall dick, this secretly assembled team is discovering his Root organization, his experiments (because I think he would still try experimenting with mokuton even without Orochimaru in this AU), his long, long list of contacts and allies, and all the doomed-to-fail missions he had sent Konoha shinobi on. The evidence is pretty damning and I think they'd quietly present the evidence to Hiruzen then wait until Danzo's out of the village for whatever reason to attack Root and then kill him when he gets back. :).

The Third Situation

For the Sannin Kid Fic AU, an exploration on Hiruzen's deteriorating relationship with the shinobi population of his village.

So anyway, in this AU the shinobi population of Konoha are kind of sick and tired of the third hokage and all his fuckery. Since he’d been reinstated after the Kyuubi attack, he made lots of decisions (Hyuuga affair, segregation of Uchiha clan, etc.) that just really frayed his relationship with the shinobi. Basically, at this point everyone’s like “we need to get that old man out of that fucking chair” and Hiruzen agrees! He thinks he’s way too old to still be doing this shit. He already retired once for a reason.

original post

So Hiruzen really starts declining when he's reinstated as Hokage after Minato's death. He did a couple things at this time that irked a lot of people silly.

His decision to place Naruto in an orphanage after even after someone leaked the identity of the jinchuuriki and began spreading rumors that the seal used on him was faulty and that the Kyuubi could escape at any moment. The damn people were already scared shitless and grief-stricken after the Kyuubi attack, what do you think they're gonna do when you hand them the kid that the kyuubi's sealed inside of? They're not taking care of that damn kid. Think a little harder Hiruzen. On top of that, the ban on talking to Naruto that was put on the shinobi pissed off Minato's and Kushina's circles astronomically. Because of the ban, the weren't even allowed to step in when they knew Naruto wasn't being properly looked after.

The segregation of the Uchiha Clan. The Uchiha Clan were under a lot of criticism for their supposed involvement, and instead of trying to deny the rumors or publicly stand with the Uchiha or even find the source of the rumors and tell them to shut the fuck up, the man folded and pushed the Uchiha to the edge of the village, which just served to worsen the us v. them mentality in both groups. Anyone with a sensible head, mostly those who recognize the Uchiha as the noble and founding clan that they are, are less than impressed with how Hiruzen let the situation get to this.

The Hyuuga situation. When another village comes to Konoha to sign a peace treaty, then fucks around and attempts to steal a clan head's baby not even two (2) seconds after walking out of the gates, maybe don't fold and sacrifice a shinobi to them so that they don't wage war. For one, you're literally letting another village walk all over Konoha and get away with it. Like, I get that you don't want another war, but letting a Kumo-nin walk into Konoha and try to steal a bloodline trait then agree to their demands to sacrifice someone so that they can get the bloodline trait even after they were caught is not good for your image. It shows your shinobi that you're willing to give away their family and friends to keep other villages from getting angry.

Anyway, there are also other reasons why people are starting to doubt the Third. One big one being his sentimentality. You see, Hiruzen has a thing for refusing to see the bad in people he loves; that's why Danzo's ass had been able to have decades worth of crimes against Konoha and other villages and still be able to wake up and walk around the village everyday without any worry.

People were beginning to get iffy around Danzo the first time he nominate himself as caretaker for Naruto while the council were deciding what to do with the jinchuuriki. Now Danzo was always a bit uncomfy to be around, and his ploys usually skirted above everyone's head. But this was such an obvious grab for power. He was practically screaming to the world that he wanted to take in Naruto so he could brainwash him and make the ultimate weapon out of him. Seeing Danzo make such an obvious move, and seeing Hiruzen dismiss it casually as if he didn't just say something extremely threatening got people thinking.

Hiruzen was cemented as an unfit ruler once people started realizing that he lets his advisors talk in his ear all the time so that its almost like their the ones ruling Konoha.

Uzumaki Clan Archives

So in my recently conceived Sannin Kid Fic AU, I wrote like two sentences about my Uzumaki Clan archive headcanon

“Sometimes Jiraiya and Orochi meet up so Karin and Nagato can spend some cousin time together. Maybe they even take them to the ruins of Uzushiogakure to find some of their clan’s fuuinjutsu so they can learn it.

And boy do I have an idea for the Uzumaki Clan archives !! I’ll get into later since I’m getting so far off track.”

This is me getting back to it later.

So I have this headcanon that the Uzumaki Clan knew that they were about to get massacred. Like, they were all smart cookies and they knew the danger they posed to the other nations and they knew that their time was running out. 

So, in preparation for their inevitable demise, they gathered every bit of information about their history, their fuuinjutsu techniques, their research, and uzushiogakure and they stored it in an archive because they knew that even if they all died, they weren’t about to let everything they and their ancestors worked on die with them.

“Where exactly is this archive?” you may ask

Well, remember how in that one Naruto movie Team 7 go through a seal to enter a city. The archive is kinda like that. I imagine it’s sort of like a pocket dimension that can be opened through a blood seal. Also, because of this, the archive is portable. 

So when Orochimaru and Jiraiya and the gang go to the ruins of uzushio, they find their way to the Uzumaki Clan compound and after a bit of exploring and finding nothing, they’re ready to head back with the assumption that the compound was raided until one of them, baby Mitsuki probably, notices this tiny little white Uzumaki spiral symbol crafted in this piece of sandstone. It’s placed in this really weird spot like behind a huge chair or something and its like someone barely tried to hide it. So of course, they pick it up. 

After some close inspection, Jiraiya - the sort-of-sealmaster that he is - notices that there is a seal on the stone just waiting to be activated. They hand it to Karin since she’s so in tune with chakra and after she pours a bit of her chakra into the seal, they notice on the wall across from them, a small divot the size of the stone is suddenly carved into the wall. Everyone’s like “Uzumaki seals are notoriously Scary and complicated so should we be messing with this?” and then they keep on messing with it. 

Karin walks over and puts the stone in the wall then puts her blood on it. When the seal activates I imagine it looks like there’s chakra shooting out in all directions and moving around to carve the shape of a door. When its done and the gang are looking at this door they immediately open in because they are some curious mother fuckers.

Cue ethereal music as they’re faced with the fucking library of alexandria.

Like I just imagine them being so in awe of everything the Uzumaki did in order to preserve their legacy.

Anyway, with little help from Jiraiya, because although he is a sealmaster he is no Uzumaki Sealmaster and he is so fucking lost, Karin and Nagato attempt to navigate the sprawling archives and learn their clan’s history and fuuinjutsu. And they don’t even have to stay on Uzushio to do it!

-

I’m totally gonna write a little one shot of the gang finding the archive

Naruto AU

Aight so I’ve got this idea in my head about a Sannin-centric Naruto AU where all the Sannin still leave the village but like in the same situation of like Jiraiya’s departure. Meaning that they’re still kind of loyal (yes, even Orochimaru) and they still help the village in little ways but they just don’t live there. So anyway, in this AU the shinobi population of Konoha are kind of sick and tired of the third hokage and all his fuckery. Since he’d been reinstated after the Kyuubi attack, he made lots of decisions (Hyuuga affair, segregation of Uchiha clan, etc.) that just really frayed his relationship with the shinobi. Basically, at this point everyone’s like “we need to get that old man out of that fucking chair” and Hiruzen agrees! He thinks he’s way too old to still be doing this shit. He already retired once for a reason. But of course there’s no one in the village who can really replace him. No one really has both the strength as a shinobi and political clout necessary to becoming a Kage and the only people that do are kind of fucked in the head (coughcoughdanzocoughcough). So everyone’s thinking it over and then someone’s like “hey. why don’t we drag the Sannin back to Konoha” and Hiruzen’s like “yes I think we should do that.

Now the Sannin, during this time (I imagine they all left pre Kyuubi attack), have been wandering around the elemental nations collecting kids. Jiraiya went to Ame and fully adopted Konan, Yahiko, and Nagato and now the four of them are a part of Konoha’s spy network (fuck the akatsuki and fuck making ame a better place). The kids gained Konoha jounin status by working with Jiraiya and shit.

Tsunade, of course, is running around with Shizune and Tenzo, still an alcoholic but not as anti-Konoha as she is in canon before Naruto drags her ass back. Shizune is also a Konoha jounin who is a medic-nin and poison specialist. Tenzo, in my head, is the biological child of Dan and Tsunade and was born with Mokuton which isn’t as powerful as his great-grandfather’s but is strong nonetheless. So Tenzo and Shizune are cousins.

Now Orochimaru. I absolutely adore Orochimaru in this AU. Loyal/good Orochimaru is my shit but add motherhen Orochimaru to the mix and I’m properly dead (i mostly thought of this AU by having constant intrusive thoughts of Orochimaru being the best parent/teacher anyone could ever ask for) When Orochimaru left the village, he left with little Anko right on his heels. They traveled and shit doing their mad scientists thing and pick up a couple gremlins along the way. First, they get Kabuto, who is living with Yakushi Nonou. Nonou lets Orochimaru leave with Kabuto with the promise that he’ll make Kabuto a fucking great leaf shinobi (and with the promise to visit lots :) ). Next, they rescue Karin from being a slave for those shinobi (and they help Karin with burning down the village for killing her mother or whatever) Then, with the help of Karin’s sensor abilities, they find Kimimaro locked in the tiny ass dirty ass cage the Kaguya clan locked him in while they weren’t using him as a dog to sic on whoever they’re fighting and Orochimaru’s just like “the Kaguya clan is too distracted getting massacred to notice me taking this malnourished and unloved child to take care of” And then, once again with the help of Karin’s sensor abilities, they find Juugo hiding in a tree near his burning village and its just like “oh no a lonely child who’s entire life was just destroyed time to adopt” Juugo mostly agrees because with the despair of losing everything he’s ever known he loses control of his powers and he just goes all monster when he gets mad like he does in canon and Kimimaro’s kekkei genkai is the only thing that can control him when he gets like that. Finally, they complete their crew with the addition of baby Mitsuki who is not a test tube baby but as an abandoned baby who was weirdly left in a dense chakra zone (think a body of land that seems to be so imbued with chakra that it feels like the land is alive (kind of like how Uzushio is often depicted in fanon)). 

So the Sannin are all walking around with their kids and sometimes they interact with each other occasionally. Like when Kimimaro begins showing signs of sickness Orochi immediately bum-rushes Tsunade and is like “my kid’s dying fic him.” Or like sometimes they all just get together and chill with each other. Sometimes Jiraiya and Orochi meet up so Karin and Nagato can spend some cousin time together. Maybe they even take them to the ruins of Uzushiogakure to find some of their clan’s fuuinjutsu so they can learn it. 

And boy do I have an idea for the Uzumaki Clan archives !! I’ll get into later since I’m getting so far off track.

So anyway the Sannin are training their kids and making super powerful shinobi and all of the kids become leaf shinobi with the permission of Hiruzen because he knows what his students have been getting up to. But like the rest of the Konoha doesn’t know about them. So when the Sannin are called back to Konoha to discuss the future of the village everyone’s kind of like, “why the fuck is there so much people we only asked for like three” Introductions and new friendships ensue.

-

I’m totally gonna flesh out this idea later and I might even make a whole AU tag. This will become my magnum opus.

Naruto Alternate Universe by Masahi Kishimoto

Uzumaki Kushina

Please do not repost.