Wandee Goodday | May 4th

god, i'm just over here having EMOTIONS about ai di when we see him fresh out of prison and how so much of how we see him before and after that is all about this aposematic presentation in all of his bright colors and vicious temper and unbridled threats. and when we take all of that away, he's just...a kid. a kid who grew up too fast and who never knew kindness and just tried to bury his loneliness under layers and layers of violence and anger.

look at him!! look at him!!!! every time we see him in the context of prison scenes, he looks like hell. he's pale and tiny and he can't maintain his bravado. when he's on the phone with chen yi, his eyes are all swollen and the dark circles underneath them are like bruises. there's no heart or bite to his rejection; he's just going through the motions like a shadow of himself. and here, he's trying to be so fucking neutral, so cold and apathetic and like they both don't know he's spent four years trying to rip his own heart out of his body to forget the only person he's ever truly loved and who could (does!) love him in return.

and a moment i always miss is that when chen yi brings him back to the shop and ai di gets out of the car, xiao jie is beaming brightly to welcome him home, and ai di cannot meet his eyes. he sort of flicks his gaze around the other gang members and focuses on a spot beyond them, and he glances at xiao jie, but he can't sustain eye contact -- almost like he's ashamed. the only person he can actually look at is chen yi, and he has this wistful look for half a second before his mouth twists in that determined, dissatisfied way he always gets. (he does it when he's checking chen yi's injuries in episode 12, too -- a sort of bitter resignation about doing what needs to be done.)

they're greeting him like he's still ai di, but he doesn't feel like ai di, because prison stripped him of all his defenses and he's trying to shield himself with the insufficient tatters of his dignity. he's been humbled and broken and now chen yi's brought him to be displayed in front of everybody without letting him re-collect himself in the way he needs to present himself. he doesn't want to be perceived as what he is -- a scared, lonely, miserable kid who just went through something truly horrific.

really, it's one of chen yi's worst mistakes. he does deserve answers, and he does know that ai di will run from honesty. it makes sense that he'd take the approach of cornering him first. but there's cornering him, and there's cornering him when he's in such a raw, vulnerable state, and it just compounded so many existing problems. ai di doesn't want to be faced with his own vulnerability, let alone have someone else see it, let alone have that paraded in front of half of yiyun meng.

it hurts, man. they're talking at each other, past each other, around each other -- but never to. years and years of unhealed hurts and misinterpreted conversations and just a fundamental terror of being true to themselves and their own needs and wants. and there's something so agonizingly poetic about chen yi seeing him honestly and clearly, in the light of day, at the prison gates, because he has seen ai di build up his armor over years and watched the same kid who was so close to him when they were young drift apart. he's still there, but inaccessible. and he's still inaccessible at the prison, too -- in too much pain to allow himself the risk of taking on more -- but this is the closest thing to the ai di he knew. no bullshit, no smoke and mirrors, no flashy tricks to warn off enemies. he is just a person, fragile and human and fallible, and for all the gimmicks he keeps trying to employ to shove chen yi away, he is at the most honest point he could possibly be.

Pit Babe Season 2

Revisiting TV hot gay couples : ZUDE ( Jude and Zero) Part 2, from 'Hit The Floor'...🔥🔥🔥🔥

the greatest in the league

where's the trophy?

he just comes running over to me

you’re hearing it more and more

What should I do if I want to be with you? The Heart Killers (2024)

First you flash them Louboutin's and then you flash the pearly whites and then everyone falls in love with you.

Not ready for this 😫

The Heart Killers

JoongDunk and FirstKhaotung get to be gay and do crimes in this crime-based romcom and I need this the same way I need oxygen, thank you very much. (And Oxygen is one of my favorite BLs!) Cannot wait, am in love, please give this to me and let them be criminals the way they deserve to be. @absolutebl They gave us a gift!

สิงสาลาตาย - Goddess bless you from death (official pilot)

I'm The Most Beautiful Count (Trailer) Go see it in Change2561's yt asap!!!

You live with corpses every day, are you still affraid?

I'm the Most Beautiful Count

PIT BABE 2 (2024-ish?)