last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere

i wasn’t joking

gang I need your help I have a phrase I really want to catch on and it’s calling any secret or invisible struggle you have a “fight with a gorilla” like the onion article. if they can have cinnamon roll catch on this can too. “yeah she told me about it, I had no idea, sounds like a real fight with a gorilla” “sorry man I can’t come I’ve really been fighting the gorilla lately” do you see the vision

I replied to your message in my head several days ago did you not get it

“what’s the song of the summer” ?? it’s DANCING IN THE DARK by bruce springsteen for the 40th year in a row

there’s no shame in admitting that none of us have any concept of how big a whale is

Reblogging would be a great help, but don’t feel pressured to

trying to do sexy pain-based powerplay dynamics with a girl who's quitting smoking so instead of burning me with the cherry while she fucks me she just has to throw her nicotine-free vape battery at my head as hard as possible

sorry for the delay in responding to your message. I was walking around the house with unclear intentions

sorry I wasn’t in the mood to be a person today, sorry I forgot to keep a conversation, sorry my soul needs ironing. give me a moment, a day or a so. it’ll be good. I’ll brush my hair and change my clothes. I’ll laugh a lot. I’ll say important things. it’ll be good.

you can reinvent yourself as often and as much as you want. you don’t have to stay stagnant to make other people comfortable.

you cannot advertise to me in a way that matters.

and if you feel comfortable sharing what song(s), let us know in the tags!

the whole "omg i'd be so anxious and embarrassed to eat at a restaurant/go to the movies/go to a concert ALONE" thing is so pathetic to me. like literally what are you doing with your life? just rotting in bed when you don't have a chaperone? i love doing stuff alone....it's genuinely refreshing to just read your book and eat a meal at the bar or go to the movies or a show without worrying whether the person you're with is having a good time....

ok what’s your florence + the machine song. mine is rabbit heart (raise it up)<3

coffee should be a thirst quencher on par with water instead of a dehydrating diuretic. you should be allowed to replace all water consumption with coffee and be fine

somebody: so what do u like to do for fun? :)

me, very used to being mocked for my interests: ha ha, i dunno, i don’t do anything. Ever