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to keep a job
This semester I took a total of 17 credits, moved out of home (meaning I no longer live with my parents) and for the first time had to get a full-time job to sustain myself. Trust me, it is hard. I came to so many realizations living alone and have learned so many lessons that made me so very grateful of my mother and very understanding of other people and the things they do. Even if they are just minor things. I used to think it was gross when people dropped off their laundry to be washed my someone else. I have to do that now and the reason I thought it was weird was because my mom always had a washer and dryer in the house and my laundry was always done by her. Nowadays trying to juggle school and work, I never have time for myself, better yet to do my own laundry. There’s so many other things I could name but I can’t remember them right now. I wrote down a couple of notes when I first began my job and this semester that might be useful to someone going through a similar life change as I did. It went as follows:
TO KEEP A FUCKING JOB (and graduate on time):
BE ON TIME!
DISPLAY ENERGY & ENTHUSIASM EVEN ON YOUR WORST DAY (this will lighten up your mood)
SHOW EAGERNESS TO LEARN
“THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DUMB QUESTION” Actually, there is and it’s up to you to pay attention to your surroundings to avoid such a thing.
Don’t be afraid to ask if you really don’t know
Don’t do drugs or drink alcohol (as this will actually throw you off balance). Wait until you graduate. Take 10 shots at graduation. Fuck it. Treat yourself.
Of course the last one I couldn’t stay true to because it’s a different story to set ground rules for yourself and another to wake up and everyday and your mood just doesn’t agree with you, if that makes sense. I’d get sad here and there and would need a drink or two. I put myself over both school and work sometimes because what’s the point in working hard if that means I lose myself. I took wine and paint, I took rueda de casino salsa lessons, I went to one of my favorite artist from Spain’s concert, I went to a handful of Broadway shows, I took Spring Break off and decided I wanted to go to New Orleans. My job probably hated me for being gone a week but who gives a fuck, I went to a new city. Even if it wasn’t a perfect trip I had a blast and I fell in love with it. Moral of the story is don’t lose yourself trying to keep up with the demands of this society. College is an institution, survival of the fittest. Make sure you keep alive the things that you love and don’t make your sole interests a curriculum made by someone else.
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Hence
Youre seriously outdoing yourself. Everything being set in motion by you. You should be proud. And it’s conflicting to believe so in a time like today to just say “I’m proud of myself” because of the mass amounts of backlash that as a woman you receive on the daily when revlaiming your worth. I understand, it’s hard to tell people “I’m that bitch, you can’t fuck with me”. People hate that shit! Especially feeble-minded men. Forever trying to tell a girl how she should feel about herself.
Picture this, man, try having your abdominal area fight you with the most painful weapon and preventing you from getting your shit done. Try it during finals week let me know how that goes.
But it’s okay for you to decide for me if I should have your baby or not.
I’ll wait.
You know, if women weren’t only seen as child-bearers or as the property of men, the world wouod be a better place. Because women make it a better place.
This guy I’ve been talking to for about a month already said he loved me.
You think I believe that shit? Can you believe that shit?
You’d think 2019 men would think the way woman think but that’s clearly not the case. So here’s the backstory:
He met my family first, so I basically met him through my family. The topic about relationships and “that special someone” came up and of course (LIKE MOST, IF NOT ALL MEN DO) he mentioned a sob story (ONE OF MANY) that he has bad luck with women and that someone is always doing “brujeria” on him and whatnot.
And then enters me (Queen) all nice and shit and I reassure him that he’ll find love because he’s a nice guy (even tho I dont know jackshit about this person) and what-fucking-not.
My mans, HE TOOK IT THE WRONG WAY.
I came to this new city that I’ve never been to before trynna enjoy my life as a SINGLE INDEPENDENT DONT-TAKE-NO-SHIT-FROM-NO-MAN, WOMAN.
Long story short (let’s make it long), he took me out with his “girlfriend” who had been “using him” for 6 months and who is “crazy”. At this outing, I met a guy that I vibed with forreal. I guess us dancing made him jealous as fuck and the night was cut short. We fucking went home. He said it has nothing to do with me but that his “girlfriend” made him upset and he didn’t want to stay. Alright, cool I understand. So we went out again this time just me and him, we were supoosed to go “fishing” if you know what I mean ;). I had exchanged numbers with the guy from the night before and so I decided it was a perfect night to meet up. Welp it turns out I was the problem because we cut that night short too and we went home early (I had no other option than to do so because in this city it’s not as simple as get into a cab and go home).
I truly do not understand why men have to be all possessive of women. Even women they barely know! He was so angry that I met up with this man!
Next day he basically mentioned that I has all of the qualities of a perfect woman because I didn’t have any kids, which meant I could travel or move anywhere without any baby daddy problems... He said that my mom reminded him of his mom and to him that meant that I was similar to his mom and so there would be no issues there.
He said I shouldn’t be working so much and that as a man, he needs to take care for his family and that the woman didn’t need to.
After a week of knowing me, he had already made plans of me moving into this city and was already talking about us having kids. He’d been infatuated with the idea of a family and was projecting his idea onto me.
From the beginning he’s seen me as an object. Ever since I met him he’s always justifying his ill manners by blaming them on other people. “Oh he or she made me do so and so...” I hate to be cliché and say I’ve read him or that I see thru him but I really feel like I do. I see thru the bullshit and I don’t fuck with it.
In the short amount of time that I’ve known him, I have already caught him in his own lies. Like he contradicts himself very often. He’d say something one minute then something else the next. It upsets me to have to think about or talk about a boy when I should be studying for my finals so I’ll use it to my advantage and add it to my digital journal.
Take this as a piece of advice: Do NOT take the easy way out.
This man has not once asked me ahout my goals or aspirations. He never suggests what I could do to advance in my CAREER. But rather, he talks about a dead end job for me that has absolutely nothing to do with what I am studying, he just assumes that I am to go along with what he says. And of course I object and he always says something along the lines of us not being able to comprehend each other and I agree, we not on the same time. Like I’ve gone way too far to separate again from myself. I’m at a place where I am dependent on myself in sooooo many places and I’m not about to take steps back. I’ve been in a serious, toxic relationship with someone and I’m seeing so many red flags with the kid. I already know how it ends so I’m just not gonna start.
Imma keep it g and get this degree, feel me.
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gürül gürül sesin var nasıl olsa
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“Mi’ja estas como mas flaca”
in those exact words after not seeing me for 2 months and finally coming in contact with my mom on Facetime, those were the first words she said to me. I know it’s not coming from a bad place when she says it but these words still hurt.
I’ve mentioned to her before that I really dislike when someone comments on my body whether it’s “healthy weight” or “muy flaca”. I hate it.
And as a woman I know you hate it too.
It’s hard to accept yourself when someone always finds the need to comment on your body someway somehow. Sometimes I could be shopping somewhere and I ask for help, my nickname in some places I’ve gotten, “flaca”. That’s not my fucking name. I’m fine with you calling me Linda or a nickname that doesn’t objectify my body (even if that’s not her intention to do that). It gives an okay to others (men) to think it’s fine to make such comments.
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Deconstructing Masculinity & Manhood with Michael Kimmel @ Dartmouth College
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tell me how it ends
because I’m experiencing how it begins. To be a Latina in a white society is not something one can romanticize. Every day I wonder if it is my last because I know I have less chance in every aspect over someone who identifies as white and as a male.
And even feeling as so, I can’t imagine the struggles adolescents must endure getting to where I am and it breaks my heart.
No human is illegal.
The idea that one race is better than the other has been implanted into our way of thought centuries ago and it seems as though that’s not changing. Yes, many people are aware that the color of your skin does not determine how capable you are of being just as good but it doesn’t cease the fact that many people are being taught to hate and not accept.
As described in the text by Valeris Luiselli, in a poltical perspective that affects social life as well, we live in a hallucinatory global political climate since conditions are always changing. It is unstable and so many people find it hard to belong.
Just as there are gangs and crime related activity in Latin American countries, many people who migrate to low socioeconomical neighborhoods in the United States, experience the same struggle. Thus, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and there is no indication that it’ll get better. It is a questionable thought that will possibly never be answered.
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norms are an illusion
and I wish all of society would realize that. For you to tell me that in order to be a woman I must bear your children, be less assertive about my needs and put my life in the hands of you. Who do you think you are?
Maybe I’ve decided to resist the comfort zone that you projected on to me to stay in. It’s not happening anymore. The other day a customer of mine asked me:
What’s my deal? Do you have a husband, a boyfriend? Why won’t you talk to me?
I replied with.. maybe I have a girlfriend.
Enraged and with a disappointing tone said:
that wasn’t my question.
Oh my, he was upset but I had to say it. Look how far we’ve come for him to ask such a stupid question like that. It’s truly sad he feels this way towards us.
Like Cheryl Clark mentioned that when a woman decides who she is for truly what she feels in her heart, she has rejected a life of servitude implicit in western, heterosexual relationships and has accepted the potential in mutuality in a lesbian relationship -- roles notwithstanding.
This woman who goes against the odds being true to herself is living her life as she should, the way it is seen acceptable by men but not her. A woman who decides that she wants to be happy and let her soul be free against all judgment. By not following all norms and rules society creates she is happy and men hate that. Any woman not following rules of society is labeled as evil or with some reference of promiscuity.
It is crucial to mention that the idea of labeling yourself as bisexual over lesbian stems from the idea that we at the end of the day we have a duty to satisfy men. Being bisexual is a fluid term especially because for many women it feels like a safe word, for some men too (let me just make it clear. I’m not trying to diss all men it’s just that there’s so many that are shit!). Like it could be for the parents or even friends though your real friends shouldn’t have to make you feel like you should pretend to be somebody you’re not. Maybe these women keep it at a borderline with being bisexual rather than lesbian. At least that’s the case for me.
I feel like all of my life I have been molded into something that somehow had to satisfy men. I always get asked about my love life and how’s my boyfriend and when will I have kids. The truth is I’ll probably never have kids despite loving them so much. Of course my mind on that may change if I am able to but whether I’d be able to or not does not determine my womanhood.
“Women are kept, maintained and contained through terror, violence and a spray of semen.”
As long as wars between men have been occurring the women and children are seen as the weaker batch. Not only in wars but also agriculture, almost every aspect we’re seen as less than and for a woman to decide not to put up with that, she has the power, resisiting all manipulation amd seduction coming from men. The power to not submit to a man due to heterosexual status and he (99% of the male pop) feels threatened because of this power. He no longer holds that power. Thus, with that power comes more life struggles. The working class, poor woman has “not suffered the luxury, priviledge or oppression of being dependent on men.”
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Dark times all around but there are still people out there who love you
Do not hurt yourself, do not hurt others, get help, talk to someone, anyone. Humanity has survived before and we can do it now if we all just support each other. My country and my people let me down and endangered my life but there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about that so let’s try to spread the love that is so clearly lacking.
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Faulty
To think I could only blame you
But thinking back
The way you were raised
Your upbringing
Was a misfortunate one
But you had a choice
To ruin someone else with your self destructive ways
Or
To make something good out of it
To flourish
Prosper
Grow.
And do the honor of exiting your preliminary horror story and start a new chapter.
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“Don’t buy any Girl Scout cookies!!! They support pLANNED PARENTHOOD!!”
me:
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“The Vice President of America wishes I didn’t have the love with my wife. He wanted to ban that in Indiana. He believes in conversion therapy. He has hurt LGBTQ people so badly as the governor of Indiana. And I think the thing we need to know - and I hope my show Gaycation did this - in terms of connecting the dots in terms of what happened the other day to Jussie…” - Ellen Page on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
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