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lovingzombiechaos · 4 years

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A Girl Named Man

AO3 Link here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404203/chapters/66978391

I’m really excited to present to you my newest work of fiction, based on the early access version of Baldur’s Gate 3. I’ve been playing D&D for about 6 years, and after buying this game for my spouse, I fell in love with it. And I’ve had so many ideas. So, here they are! Explicit, as always. Word count: over 4k. A jolt of lightning shot up my spine as it connected with the beach. Splayed out on the ground, I barely registered the debris thudding all around me. Indeed, the only thumping I registered was the not so steady rhythm of my heart in my chest and ears. By some miracle of the gods, I was alive. And mostly unhurt. I could wiggle my toes. I could grab handfuls of sand. I could breathe, though my lungs were on fire. I lied there gasping for air, eyes staring wildly into the vivid blue sky.

The kind of blue that was too blue to be real. The kind that made your eyes ache.

Eyes. I covered my own with the heels of my hands, pressing into my skull. As if that would crush the mindflayer spawn lurking in my head. My cheek thrummed at the pressure and I tenderly reached out to feel where the rock had hit me.

Swollen, I thought as I prodded the cheek, but not broken. One less thing to deal with.

I let out a shaky breath, followed by a half-hysterical laugh. This was fine. Completely fine. Who cared about the mindflayer parasite in my brain? I was alive. Here on the banks of the Chionthar, I hoped. Alive with a tadpole in my brain.

Another laugh escaped me and I clapped my hand over my mouth.

“It’s okay, Dir,” I whispered to myself, my hot breath flitting over my face, “you’re alive. In one piece. You need to get up and function.”

Words I had told myself every day for the past thirteen years. Why would today be any different?

It was tempting to just lie here, in the warm sun and let go. So easy to just let myself drift away. If I rolled over, I could be in the river and it wouldn’t take long at all. And then I would see Jamie again.

But it was for Jamie that I had to go on. That was what got me out of bed in the morning. The idea that I was wasting away my life, when he couldn’t live his. And that is what gave me the resolve to push myself up into a sitting position. My love for him.

The hilt of my longsword poked me in the side. At least I hadn’t lost that. I had lost everything else, including my spellbook and the locket given to me by Aislinn. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, feeling naked and vulnerable. Like I was being watched. Aislinn was going to murder me.

I couldn’t think about that just yet. I needed to gather my wits about me, figure out where I was. I skimmed my fingers over the hilt as I surveyed the immediate area, taking note of the rocky wall behind me, the river to my right and the remains of the ship, flaming hot, a few yards away, half in the water and several dead bodies spread along the beach.

I rose to my feet, brushing the sand from my legs and fluffing it out of my hair. Great, I’d be emptying sand from every crevice of my body for the next month. As much as I wanted to push forward, the dead bodies gave me pause. I’d seen plenty of the dead laying in gentle repose, but never like this. Never seen them with their unseeing eyes staring up at the sky, their mouths agape and jaws twisted. Had never seen limbs form into such jagged lines. The terrible thought of Jamie laying this way made me physically recoil. It was a visceral, horrifying sight. I closed my eyes, the better to block out that horrible image. It was enough to make me want to cry.

Despite the carnage on the beach, and the horror in my mind, my stomach growled and gurgled. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. Certainly not on the ship.

It was the hunger that forced one foot in front of the other, until I found myself on my knees next to one of the dead bodies. I hesitated, but only for a moment. It was just a dead body. Nothing more. Nor did he have need for anything on his person.

I fished out a few gold coins, some line, a small vial of some sort. No food. I pocketed the coins and the vial and moved to the next body. More coins, more line, bait, a dagger. And an apple. I gasped and then looked over my shoulder. Nothing there.

It was a nasty, bruised apple, the kind I would have turned my nose up at had it been served to me. But gods be damned, it was the best damned apple I’d ever eaten. I ate it all the way down to the core, the juices dripping down my chin. One belch and a sigh of relief later I tossed the remainder of the apple into the river. I glanced back over my shoulder again, a wave of guilt coursing through me.

They were dead and I was alive. Though if I didn’t find a healer, I was royally fucked. And unless I had supplies, I would not be able to find a healer. This was not the time to contemplate the morals of supposedly robbing dead men. Not when I was so close to death myself. Or rather, a death of the self. The thing I was infected with would turn me into a mindflayer. An ugly, gray tentacled mind flayer. With no mind of my own, no action of my own. I reached for my locket. Still gone. I let my arm flop uselessly to my side and blew the stray strands of hair from my face. Standing here was getting me nowhere, and fast.

I pushed onward, clutching the rocky wall as I carefully stepped around the dead bodies of three young men. They must have been fishing at the time of the crash. Bad luck.

Though, I wondered what killed them. I stopped and turned back to look at them with a frown on my face. There was no debris around. That was…odd. I squatted down and examined the face of an elf, staring at the big lash across his neck. It wasn’t a knifes doing, though. A knife didn’t make singe marks in the wound. And a knife that deep in the throat would mean more blood. The wound was cauterized. What?

Looking about, I saw no one save the bodies and the only footprints I could make out were my own and theirs. The beach was eerily quiet save for sounds of water. I was alone, and yet I felt watched, by someone, something.

I stood up and shook my head. Aislinn’s paranoia was getting to me now.

Whatever killed those men were long since gone.

I went to reach for the locket again and cursed when I remembered I still didn’t have it. I needed to stop faffing around and get going.

I left the three dead sailors behind.After an hour of walking and glancing back over my shoulder, I came across a tall, raven haired woman, standing at what looked to be an entrance of a temple. Littered all around her were the bodies of those brain…things.

She swung her bloodied mace, hitting the door repeatedly, but it wouldn’t budge. “Blasted door!”

I strode towards her before hesitating. I’d just assumed she was friendly. There was no guarantee. I lay my hand on the hilt of the sword, just in case, and cleared my throat.

She whirled around, green eyes staring wildly as she leveled her mace at me.

“Stop! Not another step or I’ll…”

The anger melted from her face, replaced with recognition. “Wait…it’s you. You tried to save me on the ship. At least, you made the effort.”

It was her, the half-elven woman I’d found on the ship. Some of the tension left my body and I took a step towards her. My head began to pound, stopping me in my tracks. From far away, she cried out and our minds touched. I felt her anger, her resolve and her gratitude.

It was over just as soon as it had begun and it left me reeling.

“What the bloody hells? It must be the mind flayer tadpole. It connected us somehow.”

I rubbed my temples. “We need a healer.”

She nodded and gestured to the door behind us. “Been trying to get through for the past hour. But I’ve barely made a dent in it so far.”

I stepped back to take in the door. Whatever the temple was, it was built directly into the rocky cliffs. With a closer look, I decided that it probably wasn’t the front of the temple at all, but a secondary entry.

“There’s probably another way in.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Up the cliff there,” she waved her mace towards the cliff. “Though, I don’t know if we’ll find a healer there. Or anywhere in this wilderness.”

“All we can do is try,” I said, eyeing the path. I could see smoke curling up the end of the pathway. More parts of the ship. Lovely.

“You can call me Shadowheart.”

Shadowheart? Well, I wasn’t the one to judge names. I licked my lips and regarded her for a moment. If I told her my name, I knew exactly what words would come out of her mouth. Ah, well, I’d heard worse, and from people better loved than her.

“I’m Dir. Shall we head on?”

Shadowheart did not disappoint. “Dir? As in the elven word for man?”

I wanted to roll my eyes at her. Instead I plastered what I hoped to be a serene smile on my face. “Yes.”

“Your parents must have hated you,” she said with a small smirk as she lead the way up the path.

I followed, climbing the steep slope. “My parents wanted a boy. By the time I was born, my mother was rather stuck on the name.”

“Even for a boy that name is…odd. A human boy called man. Unless, it’s short for something. Is it?”

“Yes.” But I wasn’t going to give her even more ammunition.

She paused, one foot hovering above the entrance to the ship and half turned towards me. Poised and waiting. I knew better than to engage.

Instead I stopped short and took in the mass of writhing purple in front of me.

Shadowheart’s gaze followed mine back to the ship. It didn’t look nearly as elegant laying in pieces on the ground, a flaming mass of former glory. My stomach lurched, the apple nearly making a reappearance.

“Not so impressive now, are you?” Shadowheart practically snarled, echoing my sentiments.

We marveled at the havoc and wreakage around us and an unearthly cry filled the former helm. The hairs on my arms stood up and my toes curled in their boots. I clasped the hilt of the sword strapped to my hip, drawing it slowly with silent intent.

Shadowheart lifted her shield and gripped her mace. “There!”

An intellect devourer. A walking abomination of a former brain. They had been on the ship. They were the ones calling for me to release them. They had been the ones to kill those sailors.

“Stay back, one strike could be lethal,” Shadowheart said to me over her shoulder as she inched forward, mace at the ready.

To my left another one came from the shadows. A third screamed from above and landed on the flooring between myself and Shadowheart.

With another piercing shriek the three devourers moved in unison. Two towards Shadowheart and one towards me.

I adjusted the grip on my sword and waited for it to come into range before slicing through the meat of the brain. The little faux tentacles on the side swiped at me as I danced out of their reach. The air crackled as they whizzed by. Shit. Too close.

It skidded to a stop and turned to face me again and again, I waited for it to rush to me before making my move. As I thrust the sword into the brain, it wrapped its tentacle around my wrist and I roared in pain. I swung my arm around until it slipped from my wrist and went flying.

It hit the side of the ship with a splat and slid to the floor in a vicious, slick red puddle on the ground. It moved no more.

I held my wrist with my good hand and turned to Shadowheart, who was pulverizing one of the brains while the other smacked into her shield.

Pushing the pain from my mind, I came up behind the other and struck it right in its rear. It gave a blood curdling cry and danced at the end of my sword before collapsing on the deck.

Just when I’d thought I’d seen enough combat. I stood, looming over the dead devourers, and gave my head a shake. Monstrosities.

A sharp pain in my wrist brought me back to the present. I peeled the sleeve of my tunic back and grimaced at the angry, red slice. It had the same crisp edges as did the dead elf’s face, though it wasn’t as deep. Still hurt like a bitch.

I sheathed my sword and sat down upon one of the lopsided stairs. From a cursory glance, it looked like we were in half of the helm of the ship. I didn’t want to spend another godsdamned moment in there, but I needed desperately to catch my breath.

Shadowheart turned toward me, a victorious smirk on her face.“Well, you fight quite well. It seems our survival may not be such a distant prospect afterall.” Her eyes flitted to my wrist and the smirk disappeared. “You’re hurt.”

“Yes. It would seem so.”

As she reached into the bag on her hip, she walked over to me. She pulled out a large bandage and began to wind it around my wrist. When she was done and had tied it off, she whispered. “Take cure.”

The magic settled into my wrist, knitting the skin back together. The pain had already lessened by a considerable degree.

She stood up again and nodded. “It will be good as new in the morning…If we even have that long.”

I pushed myself up to my feet. “Let’s get moving. We don’t know how long it will take.”

“Agreed.”

We skirted through the helm, past the dead bodies of thralls that had been previously hidden, and past the body of a mind flayer.

Shadowheart stopped and spat on him. “Monster.”

“Monster’s too good a word for it.” I said, cupping her elbow. With a little tug, I said, “Come. Pissily staring at it won’t get us any closer to a cure.”

“You’re right,” she sighed and allowed me to guide her out of the ship and onto an unfamiliar patch of sand.

I tilted my head back, shading my eyes from the sun. Too much foliage and fiery wreckage, prevented me from seeing anymore of the temple. We’d just have to keep climb upward and hope we were going in the right direction.

I shrugged back at Shadowheart.

“Something the matter?”

“No, just looks like it’s a longer walk than we first anticipated. Hope we make it before nightfall.”

“You have got to be kidding me. Come on,” she said as she rolled her neck and shoulders. “This is ridiculous.”

“Welcome to, uh, wherever we are.” A pathetic attempt at a joke, but Shadowheart half-smiled at me anyway.

“Well you know---"

“Help! You! Help me!” A voice cried from the brush.

Shadowheart and I exchanged quizzical looks.

“Please, I need help,” the voice insisted.

“I’ll go,” I said with my hand on the hilt of my sword. She grabbed my arm. “We don’t know if they’re friend or foe.”

While she was right, she could also be very wrong. I smiled blandly at her. “I didn’t know that about you either and yet, here we are.”

She threw her hands up. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I headed toward the voice. “Promise, I won’t.”

A tall, white haired elf stepped directly in my path. He had a handsome face and windswept curly hair, nearly as white as snow. His dark eyes darted between me and the brush as he pointed.

“There! Do you see it? It’s just there, I had it cornered just now. Can you kill it? Like the rest of them.”

I sized him up; he was no small elf, tall and thick in stature, with a handsome, haughty face, angular in nature. And red eyes. I squinted. That couldn’t be right. No, they weren’t red, just a rusty brown…

I glanced over. “Where is it?”

“There, just there! Can’t you see it?” His voice very nearly sounded desperate.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” I drew my sword and stepped closer just as a boar jumped from the brush, causing me to jerk back in surprise.

Right into the waiting arms of the elf.

The cold bite of a dagger bit into my throat as his other hand gripped my aching wrist and my sword fell with a clang into the dirt. All while whispering, “Shh, shh,” in my ear.

Behind me Shadowheart roared. “I TOLD you! Let her go!”

The elf ignored her and his breath tickled my ear. “Now, you were on the ship, were you not? Just nod, like a good girl.”

As much as I wanted to remain calm, this was just too damned much. A pounding formed under the skin of the wound and there was a rock jutting into the middle of my back. I was fucking done with the day. Done.

I wriggled into him, taking him by surprise and leaving a trickle of blood at my throat as I slammed the crown of my head into his chin full force. Just as Aislinn taught me. I could almost hear the glee in her voice, telling me every inch of the body was a weapon.

He rolled back, roaring and I scrambled to get up just as Shadowheart ran over, her mace poised for attack. I stomped my heel on his wrist, twisting. He let go of the dagger and I gestured with my head for her to pick it up.

As soon as she grabbed the dagger, I moved my foot off his wrist and stepped back, allowing him to scrabble to his feet.

His handsome face was twisted into a red, wet angry mess of features. “How dare---arrgh!” He gripped his head between his hands.

My head throbbed as visions flashed before my eyes. The streets of Baldur’s Gate. Dark, but busy.

What the fuck? First the githyanki woman on the ship, then Shadowheart, now this elf too. I splayed my hands on my knees, panting as I stared up at him.

He stared back at me. “They put one of those brain things in you too. I felt it.”

I said nothing, observing him. The way his dark eyes flitted back and forth, searching my face.

He lifted his bruising chin at me. “And to think I was ready to decorate the beach with your innards. My apologies.”

I regarded him for a moment and stood up, giving him a curt nod. “Accepted.”

He smiled. “I am Astarion.”

Sigh. Here we go again. “I’m Dir.”

His light brows shot up. “Dir? As in, man?”

Did people think they were clever for pointing that out?

“Yes. And now, we’re in desperate need of a healer. You’re welcome to join us.”

“Are you insane?” Shadowheart hissed behind me. “He just tried to kill you!”

“There is safety in numbers. And it seems he has our problem.” I tapped my finger against my temple.

She sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

The elf grinned and bowed with a flourish of his arms. “Well, then, lead on.”

Lead on? Both Shadowheart and Astarion were both looking at me expectantly. I pretended not to see them as I readjusted my belt and went after my sword. This was insanity. I covered my mouth to prevent another giggle escaping.

“You alright there?”

“Yep, just a sneeze,” I said, pinching my nose as I slid my sword back into the scabbard. “Let’s go.”

“So, do either of you know the consequences of our little parasite?” Astarion drawled as we climbed further.

“Yes,” said Shadowheart. “It will turn us into mind flayers.”

Astarion laughed.

I whirled around and whispered, “Shh! Don’t draw attention to us.”

“Sorry, it’s just….of course it will turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?”

I peered him. He focused down on the soft white sand beneath our feet. His lips pursed into almost a pout. There was a sad, despairing look about him. The urge to comfort him was strong, but he didn’t look like the type of man who would appreciate a kind word and a soft touch from a stranger. He turned his face to the sun, eyes closed and inhaled deeply.

“I suppose we should get moving,” he muttered.

“Yeah, we should.”

“That’s curious,” said Shadowheart.

She pointed at a shimmering rune etched on the rocky wall. I jogged down the slope with Astarion on my heels. I traced my fingertips down the intricate lines. A transport rune. The stone was hot under my hands, yet left me cold and empty. The weave was barely reacting to my touch, leaving an ache in my heart.

“I see you’re alive and well!” An unfamiliar voice said.

Damn. I was meeting all sorts of new people today. I stood and turned towards his voice.

His voice was friendly enough, as was his face, save for the furrowed brow. But, he was more thoughtful than scornful. His brown eyes examined my face closer and his bearded mouth split into a grin, revealing straight white teeth.

“Where the bloody hells did you come from?” Shadowheart cried.

“Netherese rune,” the man said, patting the rune. “Simply viscous with magic. One little touch and now, well, here I am.”

The man turned his smile to me. “Last I saw you, you were laying in a crucibles worth of blood, an intellect devourer nibbling at your ear. Glad to see that my eyes deceived me. I’m Gale. Well met.”

I bowed my head to him. “Well met. These are my companions--”

“I’m Shadowheart.”

“Astarion. I take it you too, were on the ship?”

“That I was. A traumatic as well as instructive experience.” Gale replied, his palms together.

Shadowheart snorted and Astarion laughed aloud.

“An instructive experience? Hardly. Traumatic, yes, I’d say so,” Astarion drawled. “But tell me, Gale, were you also infected with our little…friend?”

“Indeed, I was. Are you aware that after a period of excruciating gestation it will turn us into mind flayers? A process known as ceremorphosis. It is to be avoided,” Gale said with a scowl.

I let my face curl into a half-smile. “Well, yes, I’d agree there.”

He looked between the three of us. “I take it none of you are wizards?”

“No, we are not,” Shadowheart sniffed. “Why?”

“Pity,” Gale said, seemingly to himself. He peered at me with a frown. “I sense a gust of weave coming from you, but I’m in need of more of a tempst.”

I lifted my brows in response, but said nothing. His eyes met mine for a brief moment.

He sighed. “Nevermind that. Our first priority is a healer. I don’t suppose any of you are accomplished healers?”

Crossing my arms over my chest I shook my head.

“That would also be a no,” Astarion replied.

“Hmm. Well, we need a healer, and fast. I’m not sure where we’re going to find one in this wilderness.” He rubbed his chin as he stared at the rune over my head. After a moment he clapped his hands together. “Why don’t we embark on this quest for a healer together?”

Astarion and Shadowheart were both oddly quiet and staring at me. I stepped forward, arms still crossed, regarding Gale. It was clear the man was intelligent.

Slightly full of himself, but entirely capable. Of course, I was going to say yes, but not before I pretended to think it over.

“Alright,” I said, clearing my throat. “That sounds like a plan.”

Gale flashed his white teeth again. “Excellent! But before we’re off, I didn’t quite catch your name. And by didn’t catch it, I mean, you didn’t mention it.”

Here we go. I licked my dried lips. “I’m Dir.”

He inclined his head. “Well met, Dir. And, without further ado, let us be off!”

He gave no inclination of knowing the meaning of my name. Indeed, a learned man such as himself, would be apt to know the meaning. I smiled at him, a little grateful.

We pushed further up the cliff. Due to the sheer amount of debris and fallen earth, it took a few hours more than we’d originally anticipated. By the time the ancient ruins came into sight, the sun was settling low in the sky.

I put my hands on my hips. “We should stop and make camp soon.”

“Every moment we aren’t looking for a healer, is a closer moment towards death,” Shadowheart hissed.

“We need rest. Rushing won’t get us anywhere but into a load of trouble. Not to mention,” I pulled back my sleeve, pulling down the wrappings. Shadowheart inhaled sharply. The skin on my wrist was half-healed, an angry, throbbing red. “I’m of no use to anyone now with my wrist like this.”

Gale leaned in close to examine my wrist. “Intellect devourer got you?”

“Yes.”

He waited for me to say more. When I didn’t he began to turn my wrist over in his hand.

“Oh, don’t mind her,” Astarion said. “She’s the strong silent type.”

“Indeed,” Gale said, his eyes sparkling as he wrapped up my wrist again, taking care not to wrap too tightly or too loosely. “Too bad we’re not back at my tower. I probably would have a soothing salve for this.”

I allowed myself a smile. “I’m fine. We all need the rest. We’ll be of no use to each other, exhausted and hungry.”

Shadowheart opened her mouth as if she wanted to argue, but then thought better of it. “Fine. But we need to be up at first light.”

I nodded. “Agreed.”

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate fanfiction #Dir Hale #A Girl Named Man

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lovingzombiechaos · 4 years

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My Masterlist

All Walking Dead. Mostly Negan and my OC Nayna. Right now, aside from the one-shots and The Price We Pay, all links lead to AO3. Eventually, I will post everything in neat little mini-masterlists on tumblr.

One shots- Cheater, Cheater-You and Negan make a bet over Mario Kart with unexpected, yet thrilling consequences.

Put Up, or Shut Up- Pure smutty goodness between Negan and Nayna.

You’re Still a Dumbass- AUish. Shortly after their arrival at Alexandria Rick and Nayna realize their feelings for each other. Smut ensues.

Regular fics

The Broken Road series

A New World– Prequel to The Price We Pay. The things she has to do to survive don’t bother her. The new world order, where the dead eat the living, the living kill for fun and morals are permanently gray. Nayna has finally found where she belongs. (Coming soon…)

The Price We Pay- She makes a deal with the devil himself, but the price is worth the sacrifice. Especially when that price leads her to the very thing she’s craved all her life—love. Life as Nayna knows it will never be the same. (Currently in progress).

The Threat Beyond–Sequel to the original version of The Price We Pay. Peace only lasts so long…(Currently on hiatus until TPWP is officially finished).

Fate Intertwined

When Worlds Collide- AU. They’re just two people trying to make it in the world. When they find each other, nothing is the same after. All they had was love. All they wanted was love. But sometimes, love just isn’t enough…(Finished).

Star Crossed- AU. Sequel to When Worlds Collide. Life after divorce isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. (In Progress)

Other fics

Lost At Sea- All William “Rigs” Riganti wants to do is get back to his wife. The wife he left behind when he went to sea. The wife he took for granted. But the rise of the fallen means Rigs may never see her again. Everything he does, he does for her. (In Progress)

If You Think You Can- Jo’s a murderer. Negan is a sociopath. Can they merge their ideals to defeat the dead? (On hiatus until the conclusion of the Here’s Negan series)

The Mulligan- What if everyone could go back to before the dead walked? What would they change? What would stay the same? (In Progress)

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lovingzombiechaos · 4 years

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Hawkward...

That awkward moment when you realize your kid somehow was posting things on your tumblr. Ooops.

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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TWD 193

I hate to say it, but man was I disappointed.

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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Oh fuck me

You ever go back to your old WIP(s) and just look at it and panic? Not from oh god, the writing sucks, but...oh god I haven’t written in FOREVER and I think I’ve lost it.

Sometimes, writing is like a lost orgasm. When the mojo’s gone, it just sucks.

#biography

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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self-editing for fiction writers

Showing vs Telling

Do you have any narrative summary, or are you bouncing from scene to scene without pausing for breath?

Characterization & Exposition

What information do your readers need in order to understand your story? At what point in the story do they need to know it?

How are you getting this info across to your readers? Is it all at once through a writer-to-reader lecture?

If exposition comes out through dialogue, is it through dialogue your characters would actually speak even if your readers didn’t have to know the information? In other words, does the dialogue exist only to put the information across?

Point of View

Look at your descriptions. Can you tell how your viewpoint character feels about what you’re describing?

Proportion

Look at descriptions. Are the details you give the ones your viewpoint character would notice?

Reread your first fifty pages, paying attention to what you spend your time on. Are the characters you develop most fully important to the ending? Do you use the locations you develop in detail later in the story? Do any of the characters play a surprising role in the ending? Could readers guess this from the amount of time you spend on them?

Dialogue

Can you get rid of some of your speaker attributions entirely? Try replacing some with beats.

How often have you paragrapher your dialogue?Try paragraphing a little more often.

See How it Sounds

Read your dialogue aloud. At some point, read aloud every word you write.

Be on the lookout for places where you are tempted to change the wording.

How well do your characters understand each other? Do they ever mislead on another? Any outright lies?

Interior Monologue

First, how much interior monologue do you have? If you seem to have a lot, check to see whether some is actually dialogue description in disguise. Are you using interior monologue to show things that should be told?

Do you have thinker attributions you should get rid of (by recasting into 3rd person, by setting the interior monologue off in its own paragraph or in italics, or by simply dropping the attribution)

Do your mechanics match your narrative distance?(Thinker attributions, italics, first person when your narrative is in third?)

Easy Beats

How many beats do you have? How often do you interrupt your dialogue?

What are your beats describing? Familiar every day actions, such as dialling a telephone or buying groceries? How often do you repeat a beat? Are your characters always looking out of windows or lighting cigarettes?

Do your beats help illuminate your characters? Are they individual or general actions anyone might do under just about any circumstances?

Do your beats fit the rhythm of your dialogue? Read it aloud and find out

Breaking up is easy to do

Look for white space. How much is there? Do you have paragraphs that go on as much as a page in length?

Do you have scenes with NO longer paragraphs? Remember what you’re after is the right balance.

Have your characters made little speeches to one another?

If you’re writing a novel, are all your scenes or chapters exactly the same length? -> brief scenes or chapters can give you more control over your story. They can add to your story’s tension. Longer chapters can give it a more leisurely feels. If scene or chapter length remains steady while the tension of the story varies considerably, your are passing up the chance to reinforce the tension.

Once is usually enough

Reread your manuscript, keeping in mind what you are trying to do with each paragraph–what character point you’re trying to establish, what sort of mood you’re trying to create, what background you’re trying to suggest. In how many different ways are you accomplishing each of these ends?

If more than one way, try reading the passage without the weakest approach and see if it itsn’t more effective.

How about on a chapter level? Do you have more than one chapter that accomplishes the same thing?

Is there a plot device or stylistic effect you are particularly pleased with? How often do you use it?

Keep on the lookout for unintentional word repeats. The more striking a word or phrase is, the more jarring it will be if repeated

Sophistication

How many -ing and as phrases do you write? The only ones that count are the ones that place a bit of action in a subordinate clause

How about -ly adverbs?

Do you have a lot of short sentences, both within your dialogue and within your description and narration? Try stringing some of them together with commas

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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Resources For Romance Writers

Here is a large compilation of resources based on what you guys told me you struggle with the most when writing romance. This ranges from creating a healthy romance to inspire other people to seek the right kind of love, finding inspiration to write, writing realistic scenes, and many other topics. I hope that you find this useful!

Healthy & Realistic Romance

How to write strong character relationships

How To Write Realistic Romance

Realistic Romance

Writing Realistic Love Relationships

LGB Relationships

Romantic Subplots

Writing a Romance Novel

How to Avoid Forced Romantic Sub-Plot

Subtle Signs of Love

Love at First Sight and the Stages of Love

Using Timelines to Pace Romantic Relationships

Avoiding the Cheesy Stuff

Building an Organic Romance

Writing Healthy Couples In Fiction

Cliches & Tropes To Avoid

What’s Missing In The Modern Romance Heroine

Romance- The deal with triangles.

Writing a quality love triangle

Writing 101- love triangles

The problem with love triangles

Massive List Of Romance Tropes

Massive List Of Friendship Tropes

Things About Romance Learned From TV

Cliches To Avoid Or Reconstruct

Writing Emotional Scenes Without Melodrama

Friendship to Love

Enemies to Lovers

Female Characters To Avoid

Romance Scenes & NSFW Resources

Handling the Risqué Parts of Writing Romance

The Big Book Of Writing Sex

Twenty Steps To Writing Great Love Scenes

Ten Essentials To Writing Love Scenes

Sizzling, Sensuous and Steamy: How to Write Love Scenes

Keeping it Sweet While Turning Up the Heat

Kissing Scenes

Sexual Tension

Delicate and Relevant Sex Scenes

Types Of Kisses

Five Flirting Styles

Flirting Types

Obvious Flirting Signs

How To Flirt

Writing Flirty Things

Words To Use In Sex Scenes

Synonyms For Private Bits

Things For Beginners

Tips for Beginning Romance Writers

5 Tips To Writing Engaging Romance

How To Write From The Opposite Gender’s Point Of View

Writing Gender Specific Dialogue

How to Write a Romance Novel: The Keys to Conflict

4 Tips For Writing For The Romance Market

How To Write Romance

Bringing Humor Into Your Romance

Inspiration

Romantic Things On Tumblr

Love poems

The Bad Sex Awards (What Not To Do)

TheRomantic.com

General Tools and Tips

Romance University

RT Book Reviews’ Romance site

5 Ways To Write Romance With Respect

10 Ways To Improve Your Romance Novel

7 Essential Tips For Writing A Romance

Using Real Psychology In Your Writing

Help With Romance: General Things

Plotting The Teen Romance

Research Flaws In Romance

Writing Romantic Dialogue

Touchy-Feely Words

Resource Masterposts I Made

Wordsnstuff Masterlist

Useful Writing Resources

Useful Writing Resources II

Resources For Fantasy & Mythology Writers

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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Hi, I'm rereading some of my work and I notice that most of the sentences start with a subject and it tends to get really annoying after a while. Any tips on other ways I could start my sentences?

How to Diversify Your Sentence Structure

This is a really common problem that I think a lot of writers have! Having a repetitive sentence structure without variation can make your prose really choppy, boring and difficult to read, while overall weakening your voice.

Here are some techniques to help you change things up a bit!

Switch around your subject

Very basic grammar: Every sentence has a subject and a predicate. I think when we think of subject in a sentence, we often think of person. This might be especially true in creative writing because we deal with characters.

For example:

Amelia opened her front door and walked outside. She felt a cold breeze blow through her. She realized that she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather. Amelia turned around and went back inside to grab a jacket.

In this example, Amelia is the subject of every single sentence, and a verb is followed immediately afterward. Because every sentence begins with ‘Amelia’ or ‘she’, there’s no variety and it’s a little bit boring to read.

Here’s what it could look like if I switched the subject around somewhere.

She felt a cold breeze blow through her.

A cold breeze blew through her.

The difference is subtle, but now the subject of the sentence is the breeze, not Amelia. The sentence structure is still the same: The subject is followed by a verb. However, because the subject is different from Amelia, it still brings variety to how your sentences read.

Here’s what it looks like now:

Amelia opened her front door and walked outside. A cold breeze blew through her. She realized that she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather. Amelia turned around and went back inside to grab a jacket.

Now that every sentence doesn’t begin with “Amelia” or “she” it seems a little bit more interesting.

Put dependent clause before subject

So we changed one subject in a sentence, but we still have multiple sentences that have Amelia as the subject. It still doesn’t have too much variety in sentence structure, and as a result, it can be stilted.

So let’s try bringing a dependent clause before the subject.

She realized that she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather. Amelia turned around and went back inside to grab a jacket.

Realizing that she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather, Amelia turned around and went back inside to grab a jacket.

By bringing ‘realizing’ before the subject, I created a dependent clause and succeeded making the first word something other than the subject.

However, because it’s a dependent clause, ‘realizing that she wasn’t dressed appropriately’ is a sentence fragment — it’s an incomplete thought. So I combined it with the last sentence to make it complete.

So after those two techniques, let’s compare the original with the rewrite.

Original

Rewrite

Amelia opened her front door and walked outside. A cold breeze blew through her. Realizing that she wasn’t dressed appropriately for the weather, Amelia turned around and went back inside to grab a jacket.

Now because there’s a variety in sentence structure and subject, the paragraph is not only more interesting to read, it also flows better and more smoothly. It also has the added bonus of diverse sentence lengths which was lacking before, and it helps make the writing more engaging.

I just wanted to note: there is nothing bad about having your subject as the first word in a sentence. I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to change every single sentence they ever wrote. Like in my example, the first sentence starts with Amelia. That’s fine.

The problem is that when every single sentence starts that way, it becomes repetitive. You can still have some sentences that start with your character, just make sure to throw in some other sentence structures, and your writing will be more engaging!

Outside of this specific example, you can also try playing around with dependent clauses in your existing sentences as well.

Jamie walked into the haunted house, despite her reluctance.

Despite her reluctance, Jamie walked into the haunted house.

The sentence is the exact same, but I just switched around where the dependent clause ‘despite her reluctance’ is placed. Even though it has the same meaning, it can provide a different feel or at the very least, switch up having your subject as the first word of every sentence.

I also talk about this in my guide about how to make your writing flow better. Sentence structure has a lot to do with making your writing sound cohesive and eloquent, so I would definitely recommend checking that out as well!

Thanks so much for asking Anon, I definitely struggled with this too when I was just starting out. I remember seeing how every single paragraph started with a name, and that was really annoying me, but I had trouble figuring out how to fix it. I hope this helped!

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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How do I Develop my Characters?

I’m creating this character, Alice, a little differently than I normally do. Generally, I get an image in my head of what the character looks like, and then I’ll narrow down personality traits and names as I get to know them a little better. After I do this development, I then figure out the plot and plan the rest of the story. (This is just one of the many methods I use to develop my characters. )

The Whitebridge Chronicles series is interesting for me in that NONE of the characters have been created in this way. Every one of the people of Whitebridge has been a quick one-line idea that has then expanded into a character and eventually a story.

A Study of Character: Alice Canterbury

Original Concept: A superstitious character whose life revolves around their superstitious beliefs.

What do I know already?

Alice has lived in Whitebridge for her entire life.

Alice is superstitious to the point it takes a toll on her interactions with others.

Alice’s superstitious habits affect the people around her.

After I have this brief character sketch, the next step is to flesh it out. I can do that by asking some questions on what would drive the plot.

How will the existing personality traits create conflict?

She often unintentionally offends people because of the superstitions she follows.

If her superstitions and rituals serve a purpose, something bad could happen if she were unable to perform them correctly.

What are her goals or motivations?

Because of her superstitious beliefs, she wants some things changed around the town. This could create personal comfort/peace of mind, or to prevent something from happening.

Who or what would make sense as an adversary?

A town mayor or authority figure who has to address both complaints made by and about her.

The people making complaints about Alice.

The people affected by the complaints Alice is making.

If these superstitions serve a purpose, the thing she is preventing from happening.

Now that I have some of the basic makings of the story, I can come up with some plot ideas. These are going to be really simple, no longer than a paragraph and are always subject to change.

Relevant plot ideas:

Alice makes a complaint to the mayor. The mayor addresses the complaint. The resolved complain creates a new issue. The new issue is resolved and everyone moves on with their lives.

The mayor approaches Alice about a complaint about her. Alice decides to confront the person who made the complaint. The confrontation leads to a disagreement and becomes destructive. Alice and the disgruntled neighbor resolve the conflict and make good on the damages.

Alice is unable to properly perform one of her superstitious rituals. Because of this, something terrible happens. The town comes together to resolve this terrible event and they all come to a better understanding of Alice because of this.

Now that I’m armed with three new story ideas, I’m going to pick one and develop her character to benefit the plot.

Questions to consider:

If her superstitions are preventative measures, are they passed down through her family? If not, is it a hereditary condition or learned behavior?

Does Alice have any close friends or family who understand the meaning behind her unusual behaviors?

Who are the other characters in this story and what do their interactions with Alice look like?

Does Alice have any other personality traits that will affect the direction of the story?

What does Alice’s life look like? Does she have a job? Did she inherit money?

Now that I have all of this to work from, I can move forward with this story!

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to send me an ask or complete THIS SURVEY (anonymous). My ask box is always open.

Keep reading

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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every writing tip article and their mother: dont ever use adverbs ever!

me, shoveling more adverbs onto the page because i do what i want: just you fucking try and stop me

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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Cheat Sheet for Writing Emotion

Anger:

Grinding teeth

Narrowing eyes

Yelling

A burning feeling in the chest

Heavy breathing

Unjustified or justified accusations towards other characters

Jerky movements

Glaring

Violence

Stomping

Face reddening

Snapping at people

Sadness:

Lack of motivation

Messy appearance

Quiet

Slow movements

Crying

Inability to sleep

Frowning

Red eyes

Isolating oneself

Fatigue

Not concentrating

Love:

Thinking about someone

Good communication

Not forcing a friend/lover into something

Smiling randomly

Making eye contact with loved one

Nervous behaviors (fiddling hands, biting lip)

Cuddling

Flirting

Inside jokes

Holding hands

Kissing

Offering gifts

Fluttering stomach

Racing heart

Losing track of time while with loved one

Daydreaming

Denial:

Disagreement with someone

Shaking head frantically

Backing away

Putting hand on one’s chest

Rapid speaking

Rationalization or justifying something

Dismissing someone or something

Embarrassment:

Blushing

Avoiding eye contact

Grimacing

Looking down

Changing the conversation

Rubbing back of neck

Shoulders slumping

A weak voice

Tightening chest

Panicked thoughts

Running away

Getting quiet

Concentrating on something else

Happiness

Smiling

Laughing

Squealing

Bouncing on toes

Warmth in chest

Fast pulse

A sense of contentment

Relaxed posture

Quick movements

Breathlessness

Desire to help

Fear:

Face going pale

Panicked thoughts

Jerky movements

Mind racing for a solution

Running

Freezing

Fighting

Fawning (doing what people tell you to do)

Side note: flight, fight, freeze, and fawn are all reactions to adrenaline. Aka the fight or flight response

Thinking of survival

Rapid breathing

A panicked feeling

Guilt:

Feeling horrible about oneself

Lying

Grimacing

Trying to redeem themselves

Asking for forgiveness

Anxious thoughts

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 5 years

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Things I’ve Discovered While Editing (And How They Can Save You!)

I’ve been editing my book for some time now, and it has been a learning experience. After personal edits, beta readers, and now copy edits, my book has been through a lot (and so have I).

The First Draft Will Never Be Perfect

The hardest part of editing, at least for me, is reading your first draft and realizing… it kind of sucks. Don’t panic. It’s okay. The first draft is never going to be as good as you thought it would be. Why? Because it’s a first draft!

None of your favorite writers have ever had a perfect first draft. There is always room for improvement, which is perfect. If there is room for improvement, the story is incomplete. You have a chance to go back in and explore the story again. Seize this opportunity and make the next draft amazing!

The Second Draft Won’t Be Either

Again: don’t panic! You’re not a bad writer. You shouldn’t delete the entire manuscript.

What you have to do is look at it again, but from a different perspective. Maybe what the story needs is a second opinion. Maybe you should print it out and edit by hand. Whatever it is, make sure it’s different than the last time. It’s all a learning experience, and it’s a very healthy process. Keep going!

You Have to Let Go Eventually

You can only edit so much before you have to say “enough is enough”. I stop at the third or fourth draft. Sometimes you need more, sometimes you need less. Either way, you eventually have to relinquish control of the story and put it where you want it to go.

If you want to just tuck it away for yourself, that’s fine. If you want to distribute it to some friends and family, go for it! If you want to publish it, keep working on that! Either way, it’s okay to stop editing and say goodbye to your power grip on the story.

Constructive Criticism is Your Best Friend

If you’re planning on giving your story to beta readers, don’t feel discouraged by any of their critiques. Constructive criticism sounds a little harsh, but it’s meant to help your story be the best it possibly can be.

However, this doesn’t mean you have to treat their comments as law. It’s okay to pick and choose. If you strongly disagree if one of their edits, it’s perfectly fine to push it aside. Just don’t completely ignore any comments. Take all into consideration.

Never. Never, Never Give Up!

It’s okay to get frustrated during this time! Editing is hard. Every writer will tell you the same thing. It’s difficult to tear your work apart, but don’t get discouraged. In the end, this will make it five hundred times better.

Just keep going!

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 6 years

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My Masterlist

One shots- Cheater, Cheater-You and Negan make a bet over Mario Kart with unexpected, yet thrilling consequences.

Put Up, or Shut Up- Pure smutty goodness between Negan and Nayna.

You’re Still a Dumbass- AUish. Shortly after their arrival at Alexandria Rick and Nayna realize their feelings for each other. Smut ensues.

Regular fics

The Broken Road series

The Threat Beyond–Sequel to the original version of The Price We Pay. Peace only lasts so long…(Currently on hiatus until TPWP is officially finished).

Fate Intertwined

Star Crossed- AU. Sequel to When Worlds Collide. Life after divorce isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. (In Progress)

Other fics

If You Think You Can- Jo’s a murderer. Negan is a sociopath. Can they merge their ideals to defeat the dead? (On hiatus until the conclusion of the Here’s Negan series)

The Mulligan- What if everyone could go back to before the dead walked? What would they change? What would stay the same? (In Progress)

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lovingzombiechaos · 6 years

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I double checked---all writing, eroticia included, does not fall under the adult content clause. It’s only images and gifs and the like.

For the writer what does this new tumblr rule mean for your blog? It’s complete bull that this rule is even being passed but do you have a plan b

I have no idea. I’m assuming because my content is fictitious, in character, and all writing I’ll be okay. But I don’t have a plan b. If it happens, it happens, I suppose.

I agree it’s bull though. All these poor artists out there, I feel for them.

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lovingzombiechaos · 6 years

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I feel like my writing is too choppy. Like I’m writing from one action to the next with nothing in between. I think it’s jumping around to much and isn’t really that smooth. It could just be a writer critiquing their own work too hard but I’m not sure. Any tips to avoid this or make it less choppy?

How to Write a Smooth, Rhythmic Narrative

A lot of people have trouble with their writing style, especially new writers who haven’t been practicing for long. The words come out choppy, the sentences jolt and stutter, and the words never seem to fit quite right.

Usually, this goes away with practice. It’s like how artists have a style that they settle into when they’ve experimented for long enough.

This post is to help anyone who may be having trouble with their writing style or perhaps don’t even have a writing style at all!

Keep reading

#writingthings

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lovingzombiechaos · 6 years

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Eeeeey me too.

My bad, y’all.

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lovingzombiechaos · 6 years

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Character Development: Speech

Finding your character’s voice is one of the most important things you can do to make your character more fully developed. It can often be the thing that sets your character apart and makes the reader easily able to identify them. Creating your character’s voice breathes life into them.

What to think about:

Formal or informal

Can be shown with:

sentence structure/complexity (shorter vs. longer sentences, number of clauses, etc.)

contractions (e.g. y’all versus you guys, I am vs. I’m)

word choice (simple or advanced; more poetic vs. more practical, blunt vs. subtle)

word order/syntax (can indicate dialect and/or formality)

Things to ask yourself:

- If my character speaks formally/informally, is there a reason?

- Does it indicate their status?

- Or is it a rejection of their status? (e.g. does your highborn character prefer to speak informally because they hate their position in life, or does your lower class character speak more formally to make themselves appear higher class?)

- Is the way they speak normal for their society? In other words, if your character is, say, an alien from a highly formal culture, they won’t think of themselves as speaking abnormally. But if they visit another, less cultured planet, they’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

Catchphrases

When done well, this can be amazing. When done awfully, it makes the reader sigh and roll their eyes in exasperation. So, be careful not to overdo it!

Catchphrases can include:

slang (e.g. wicked, if your character is from Boston, like Faith Lehane from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer)

exclamations/swears (”Hell’s bells!” - Harry Dresden, “Zoinks!” - Shaggy, “Holy ___, Batman!” - Robin at various times)

automatic responses (such as in response to how they are, e.g. “Five by five.” - Faith Lehane, or in response to a question they don’t want to answer, e.g. “Spoilers!” - River Song)

greetings/goodbyes (”Hello, sweetie.” - River Song, “What’s up, Doc?” - Bugs Bunny)

introducing themselves ( “The name’s Bond. James Bond.” - James Bond, “Trust me. I’m the Doctor.” - the Doctor, “Denny Crane,” said repeatedly by Denny Crane)

an explanation/repeat phrase of some other classification (”Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a ________.” - Bones, “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…” - Mission Impossible, “Live long and prosper.” - Spock, “Same thing we do every night, Pinky! Try to take over the world!” - the Brain)

A lot of times, these catchphrases can become inside jokes, and merely referencing them is enough (think: “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” or “Holy _______, Batman!”).

But sometimes, it can feel a little forced (like Miss Martian’s constant use of “Hello, Megan!” all the time in Young Justice). You want to use these catchphrases sparingly, and when they make sense. While you and I might say “fudge” or another such exclamation any time we trip, the reader does not want to read that twenty times in the same chapter because your character is a klutz. This is the art of writing, not the hyperrealism of writing. You want it to mean something, so use it only when needed.

Things to ask yourself:

- Does this character really need a catchphrase? How will this help establish character?

- Does the catchphrase come from the type of place they live or things they do? For instance, Harry Dresden is a wizard, so when he swears he says, “Hell’s bells,” which reminds us of his job and difference from those around him. This wouldn’t be the same if he simply said, “Dang it,” any time he swore.

- Is there a reason they have a catchphrase? Is it deliberate or unconscious on their part?

- Is there a way you can flip the catchphrase and use it to signal a shift in the story or an unexpected twist (e.g. signifying that somehow your character as switched bodies with another person, like Faith from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer; alternatively, that something isn’t right with the character, because of certain events, and they’re not saying their usual catchphrase)?

Verbal Tics*

Verbal tics are sounds that are not really words, more like filler, that get used almost unconsciously in everyday speech. Words like “ehm,” “uh,” and so on are all verbal tics. (Various internet sites assure me that throat clearing and sniffing can also be included here, but I leave that up to you.) For this section, however, I am also including words, but only those words that are filler. I am also including alterations to the text that represent how someone is speaking.

Now, I know that in any writing guide you read, they want you to NOT, NOT, NOT use regular tics like these in dialogue. It’s annoying, repetitive, annoying, serves no purpose, annoying, and so on. In a sense, they are very much right. Don’t use verbal tics for every character! But using them to distinguish one character (or a couple, in different ways) can work very well if done right.

Verbal tics can be:

words (examples: “You don’t wanna mess with us, see, ‘cause we’re dangerous, see,” or “So, I went to the mall yesterday, and there was this dress, so I bought it, so…” or even “Like, I’m not even sure what Vanessa was, like, wearing at that party last night?”)

filler sounds (e.g. “eh,” “um,” “uh,” “er,” “hrrgh,” “urk,” and so on)

messing with the letters and format of the sentence (e.g. dragging out the letter, making every word separated for a slow speaker, running words together to indicate speed, etc.)

Examples of verbal tics (this is a section in which examples are very helpful, so here you go):

Damian Wayne, the current Robin at DC Comics: uses the distinctive sound “tt” in his appearances to express his emotions, even - tt - other comic series that he guest-stars in

Asmodeus from the Redwall series: drawsss out the letter ssss becaussse he isss a ssssnake

The Flash, at various points in DC Comics: speakswithallthewordstogetherbecausehe’stalkingsofast!!!

Canada, from the Hetalia anime: ending every sentence like a true Canadian, eh?

Things to ask yourself:

- What purpose would a verbal tic have for my character? Do they really need one?

- Is the verbal tic connected to an emotion, or is it involuntary? (Generally, in real life, it is involuntary, but once again, this is art, and so it can have meaning, if you so choose!) What emotion might it be connected to?

- Are they aware of it? Are they embarrassed by it? Do people make fun of them for it?

- Is it part of their dialect/culture?

- Is it a recent thing or have they always done it?

- Where is the balance between making it seem like a realistic tic and annoying my reader with the repetitiveness?

*I am not referring to any medical diagnoses here, although if you want to go right ahead and use medically diagnosed tics for a character, please feel free to! However, this section does not deal with those, as I am not an expert, although I understand there might be some confusion due to the terminology I have used. Please let me know if there is a different term I should be using instead, as I couldn’t find one anywhere. Thanks!

Ways of addressing others

The way that your character addresses other characters says a lot about how they view and respect those around them, in addition to their personality. In addition, if you establish a character addresses others in a certain way (say, by last name only), then when they break this pattern, the reader knows it is important.

Different ways of addressing others:

nicknames (either a shortening of someone’s name, even if it’s not usually shortened, or a name reflecting some characteristic of theirs - e.g. “Jane” to “Janie,” or “Shorty,” or Tony Stark’s brand of nicknames, like “Capsicle” or “Rock of Ages”)

titles (similar to nicknames, but more formal - e.g. a character referring to people by their rank, job, familial relations, etc.)

last name only

full name only (never shortened, includes first, last, and middle names)

no nicknames (never refers to a character by anything other than what’s printed on their birth certificate, can be combined with others on these lists, especially the previous two)

familial referencing (e.g. Aragorn, son of Arathorn)

insults (ranging from harmless to aggressive, can be combined with the first one on this list, not always swears)

by physical/personal characteristics [epithets]** (e.g. by gender, hair color, eye color, traits - for instance, “boy,” “you, redhead!” or “the only one of you with any spine”)

** This one tends to work best in stories set in older times or in sci-fi/fantasy. Epithets can be insults, but the epithets I am thinking of are more Homeric in nature.

Things to ask yourself:

- Is there a reason behind my character’s decision to address people in this way? Does it indicate a lack of trust? A need to crack jokes?

- What does this say about my character’s background? Is this the normal way to address people where they come from? Is it abnormal to do so in the place they are now?

- Does my character evolve from speaking this way? Do they start speaking in a different way, either deliberately or unconsciously? Why?

Accents

Accents are tricky. There are several different ways to write accents (I’m currently working on a post that explains them further), but basically no matter how you write an accent, there are a few things you can do to portray the accent.

slang (e.g. barbie = barbecue in Australian slang)

word order/syntax (e.g. “I’m after going to Mary’s” = “I just went down to Mary’s” in Hiberno-English)

contractions (I’ve versus I have, or y’all versus ye vs youse vs you and so on)

idioms (words or phrases that do not have equivalents in other dialects/languages/places)

diction (words meaning different things, like “chips” in American English and in British English)

verbs (e.g. “ain’t,” “be,” “runnin,” or mixing up tenses)

Keep in mind:

- be RESPECTFUL of whatever accent you’re trying to portray, especially if it’s not your accent

- don’t overdo the accent because it might end up sounding stereotypical (and that is not respectful - see above)

- you should get a feel for the accent you’re trying to write. Listen to the music, read something in that accent, watch/listen people talk in the accent until you hear the rhythm and way people with that accent talk.

Things to ask yourself:

- Is the way I am portraying this accent as accurate as it is within my power to make it? (In other words, have I done my research?)

- How does my character feel about their accent? Are they in a place where their accent is normal? Are they in a place where they stand out because of their accent?

- Continuing on that thought, how noticeable is their accent? Is it the equivalent of someone from, say, Boston going somewhere else in Massachusetts, or the equivalent of that person from Boston going to California, or the equivalent of that same person going to London? Each one becomes more and more noticeable the farther the person goes from their home.

- Has my character made an attempt to hide their accent? Deliberately intensify it? Or do they just not care?

- Does it get stronger or weaker based on their emotional state?

Emotion

The emotions your character normally expresses when they’re speaking say a lot about their general emotional state. In addition, if there is a change in their emotional state, readers will be able to know that just from the way they talk (though context and body language are always useful!)

You can show emotion in speech through:

speed (if they’re easily excited, they might talk fast! and with a lot of exclamation points! But if they’re sad a lot…well, they might talk a bit more slowly and take their time…kind of like Eeyore.)

word choice (is it generally positive? negative? Or somewhere in between?)

reactions to other characters’ dialogue (are they generally patient and wait for the other person to finish? Or do they jump in because they’re so excited about something the other person has said?)

volume (are they loud? Quiet? Are they normally quiet but get loud when they’re angry? Or vice versa?)

understandability (not necessarily stuttering or stumbling over words, but can be; are their procession of thoughts/logic easy to understand? Is their conclusion sensible? Are they understanding others easily or do they need clarification? For instance, if your character is easily excited, maybe their dialogue comes in a jumble of words that is hard to understand. Maybe they’re so angry they’re not listening to anything the other person is saying, and their dialogue reflects that.)

punctuation/capitalization (are they unsure of themselves and what they’re saying a lot, so they use a lot of question marks like this? Are they aggressive in their emotions and so THEY SHOUT LIKE THIS!!! Are they…kind of thoughtful and take the time to…express themselves correctly…or are they - well - I mean are they - like - the kind of people who - you know, backtrack and correct themselves a lot?)***

***Again, you want to be careful not to overdo this, as it can get annoying AND lose the effect it has on the reader. If one of your characters SHOUTS. EVERYTHING. THEY. SAY. THEN WHEN SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT HAPPENS TO THE CHARACTER AND THEY GET VERY EMOTIONAL AND SHOUT, IT’S LOST A TON OF EMOTIONAL IMPACT ON THE READER. Like the end of that sentence. Did it make a big impact on you? It should - it was the entire point of the sentence. But it was lost amidst all of the other capitalized words. The same thing goes for any type of repeated punctuation/capitalization for a character - you want to make sure it counts.

Things to ask yourself:

- Why does my character express this emotion generally?

- What does it say about their outlook on life?

- What does that say about how they view other people?

- Does their dialogue rely on these techniques too much when trying to show their emotions? How can I combine these with their body language?

Focus/Fixations

This is a pretty simple one. Focus can be organization of thoughts - basically, what idea(s) can they or want to focus on. A character that is very focused might be a practical person who is focused on the here and now, and their plans for whatever situation they’re in. A character that is less focused might be someone who thinks of several things at once, which reflects in their dialogue.

Fixations are the things that their minds keep coming back to. So for example, if a character is worried about how they did on a test, throughout the story their dialogue might keep returning to that subject or referencing it. For instance: “Hey, when do you think we’re getting that test back?” or “Wow, this is pretty hard. Almost as hard as that test we took.” You want to make it less obvious than this, of course! (A good example is Anya from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer and her obsession with making money.)

Ways to show focus/fixation:

number of ideas/topics in their dialogue at a time

relevance of topics to the present

relevance of topics to the past/future

how they react to people who do not share their focus/fixation (e.g. a focused person finds it annoying when a person who is not focused keeps interrupting them, or a person who is less focused finds it annoying that a person who is focused is paying too much attention to one thing)

Things to ask yourself:

- How focused are they when talking?

- Do they think of a million things at once, or just one at a time?

- What are some short-term fixations they might have? Some long-term?

- Why might they be focused/not focused? Why might they have these fixations? What do these fixations say about their character?

- Do the focus/fixations change over time? How? Why? Does it reflect a change in their character?

- Am I making my character too focused/fixated on something? Is it detracting from or adding to the story or the character arc?

How others see them vs. how they see themselves

This one is probably the broadest one on the list. There aren’t specific things you can do to get this across (it’s more of a general thing), but it’s a cycle that you should keep in mind.

Your character sees themselves in a certain way. For instance, they might think of themselves as helpful, or kind.

The way that they see themselves can influence why they do things (e.g. if they see themselves as a person who doesn’t go on adventures, like Bilbo Baggins, they will refuse to go on an adventure.)

The actions that they take influences how other characters see them, but the other characters do not necessarily see your character’s perception of themselves (e.g. in the Hobbit, Bilbo sees himself as helpful and averting war by giving the Arkenstone to the Elves. He thinks he is being a good friend. However, Thorin sees it as a betrayal and thinks Bilbo is disloyal and not a good friend. Both of them at the time of their actions think they are right.)

How other characters see your character influences how they treat your character (e.g. Because Thorin thinks Bilbo has betrayed him, he threatens Bilbo and rejects him as a friend. Bilbo escapes with his life, but only through the help of the other dwarves. Again, to each character, their own actions are justified and so their dialogue reflects their belief that they are right. So, when they talk to each other, both of them think that they are right and the other is wrong, and you can see this in their dialogue.)

How they treat your character influences how your character sees and reacts to these people, and can influence your character’s perception of themselves (e.g. Because Thorin rejected Bilbo and called him a traitor, Bilbo is bewildered and believes for a time that Thorin cannot be saved, and he feels like he failed).

The cycle continues.

All of this is reflected in their dialogue to each other.

Knowing how each of your characters see each other and themselves will influence their dialogue and reactions to each other. Characters can misunderstand each other, underestimate someone, or help someone feel better about themselves, just to name a few things.

Things to ask yourself:

- How does my character see themselves? Why? Are they one hundred percent correct?

- How do other characters see my character? Why? Are they one hundred percent correct?

- Does my character have any idea of other people’s perceptions of them? If so, do they care? Is my character correct about what they think other people think about them?

- Will my character’s perspective of themselves/other people change? Why and how? Will other characters’ perspectives of my characters change? Why and how?

- How do all these reactions to each other influence the story?

Hope this helped! Let me know if there are any questions.

- Riona

#writingthings

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