August 1, 2021

Hi life,

One of my dream happened today.

Ever since I started entering into a relationship, I always hope to be acquainted to the family of my partner. I was under the impression that presenting me to the family would imply something far more serious. It became one of my standards, and it was the first time in my life that I was able to actually bond with my partner's family.

This may sound petty and all but what happened today was really heart fulfilling. Finally, I felt appreciated and worthy of being introduced. From my prior relationship, I've constantly doubted myself, believing that I'm not good enough to be taken seriously and to be shown off. But now I have learned to trust God's timing. I waited patiently, and now that God has blessed me with the opportunity to share it with the perfect person, the happiness and love are truly overwhelming.

and btw, today is National Girlfriend's day. 

“Do you think it is possible to tell someone how much they mean to you without ever sounding so needy and desperate?”

— Lukas W. // Coffee thoughts #195

“Do you think it is possible to tell someone how much they mean to you without ever sounding so needy and desperate?”

— Lukas W. // Coffee thoughts #195

Friday, 18 September 2020

Love.

I've dated different types of men. I've experience good, bad, and complicated relationships. Most of them are too romantic or too inlove that's why we never made it to the end. I remember falling in love for the first time. My first love lasted for 6 years and actually right now, I don't know if that was really "love" or "infatuation" only.

As of the moment, I don't really know what's the difference between inlove and infatuated. This will be the first time that i will open myself about this. I think I am inlove with my friend. I've been with guys who are gentlemen, kind, good looking and knows how to respect me. Everytime i Am engaged into someone like this, i have the attitude of pushing them away. At first I thought the problem was them. I believed that I didn't end up with any of them because they are too drown in the idea of love. I thought that i wasn't ready to be in a relationship and lock myself up with someone. I thought that i was afraid on the idea of being committed and unavailable. But little did i know deep down in myself, I am already inlove with someone else. And that someone is the person that will never be mine. Things are already complicated that's why I chose to kept this within my own. I can just actually tell him about how i feel but I won't because i know and i am sure that he didn't feel the same way.

Friday, 18 September 2020

There are a lot of things that is happening in my life right now. Family, friends, love, and self. Each of them has a different pain to offer and here I am trying to write down my frustrations and sadness and hoping that by the time i'm done, the pain will subside.

Family.

Honestly, I don't have the best and perfect family but i would still choose them if i will be given an opportunity to choose my own family. I don't know what i have done in my past life to deserve a good mother like my mom. Right now, my family is facing a huge challenge. My step-father has a Leukemia and I don't know how to comfort him because we are not really close to each other. I never saw my mom cry but I knew she cries. She always has his cheerful face despite of how devastated she is. She goes to work every single day and during her off, they go to the doctor for check-up. She always bring food upstairs for Lito and do the cleaning too. She NEVER complains about anything. I just can't imagine how she still manage to stay cheerful eventhough i know she is deeply dying in pain inside. She provides us with EVERYTHING. She shoulders us physically, financially and emotionally. She never asked for anything. She just wanted us to focus on our school. She never bothered us with anything. She never talk to us about her problems. And that is the worse part of it. We get to sleep every night not worrying about anything while she stays up all night either working, assisting Lito or worrying about what will happen tomorrow. She carries everything on her own. But I can't do anything. I just hope that someday i will be able to pay her back with all her sacrifices and hardwork for us. I want her to live a comfortable life and not worrying about anything. I love her with all my heart and I just want her to be happy.

Friday, 18 September 2020

I love my mommy so much. I just want to give her the best life she could ever have. I hope someone i will be able to give her everything she wants.

Intay lang mommy bibigyan kita ng magandang buhay pag dating ng tamang panahon :))

Mahal na mahal kita ❤️

While writing this prose, I have to be honest with you. I fell in love with you. I know it is impossible but it did happened. I don’t know how I ended up being in love with you and I don’t know what you did to make me feel this. There’s just one time that I am smiling when I see you from a far. There’s one time that you just suddenly came out in my mind and also there’s one time that I am seeing you in the future. I’ve never been this happy, I’ve never been this expressive when it comes to my feelings and I’ve never been deeply in love with someone. Now you know that I have feelings for you, would you answer my question? Is it okay to fall in love with you? Will you catch me if I fall? Will you fall in love with me the same way I fell in love with you? I am asking this so I could know if it is okay to love you more than you ever expect from me. I am asking this so there is an assurance in everything, if you would love me back, I’d be happy. And if not, I’d still be happy. You know why? Because it only proves that I cannot have all the things even though I wanted them so badly. It’s okay for me to get hurt, it’s okay for me to cry. That’s just a part of living life. That’s just a part of growing up to be a better person.

Thursday, 17 September 2020

Wala lang nag tatampo lang ako kasi hindi ako ininvite ni G hahhahahaahahah

To my First, Alam kong mahal mo pa sya. Pero bakit kaylangan monh bumalik sakin?Binibigyan kita ng karapatang pumili. Kasi sa tuwing nakakasama kita nanliliit ako sa sarili ko. Nasasaktan ako kasi nakikita ko sa mga mata mo na mahal mo pa sya. Hindi ko alam. Ang sakit sakit na. Ang sakit makita ka na kasama sya. Pero mas masakit makita na magkasama kayo pero sabi mo akin.

I'm okay now

To my first, Okay na ako,wag mo nakong alalahanin.Maging masaya kana kung ano mang meron kayong dalwa.

I'm tired

To my first, Please tama na.Nahihirapan na ako.Sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam.😞

Every time I think I’ve moved on, I see your face and smile and know I haven’t.

13lungs  (via wordsnquotes)

Yup

Tell me if I’m enough. Pakiramdam ko kasing wala akong kwenta.

(via zxczaivbnm)

Happy MONTHSARY Love!❤️

I’ve never been good at emotional stuff.

Except anger. Anger, I’m good at. (via thegoodgirlwithatwist)

I never knew there were so many different ways to say goodbye.

Maggie Stiefvator, Linger (via wordsnquotes)

I don’t even remember why I’m wasting all these tears on you.

Cassadee Pope, “Wasting All These Tears” (via wnq-music)