It’s been awhile, but today I thought about dying.
I’m not sure why I suddenly felt so empty. I’m not hungry, and I’m not tired. The top of my head is constantly ringing on both sides, and I’m thirsty. On my side with my head on the pillow, I thought about how crazy the past four years were. I keep telling myself, “good job, you’ve made it this far.” Yet, somehow, it just doesn’t feel enough. The me now has accomplished so much since then.
Graduated high school.
Went to a University.
Decent grades.
Tried new things.
Joined new things.
Met new people.
Fell in love.
Understood what love meant.
Experienced broken friendships.
Understood heartaches.
Made mistakes.
Learned lessons.
Yet, somehow, it just doesn’t feel enough.
I feel like my life is always on this cycle that loops around. Somehow, I always end up here - always end up feeling this way. The scared and scary voice inside my head doesn’t disappear. I thought again what it might be like if I wasn’t here.
Maybe they won’t be too sad.
Maybe it would make things better.
I wouldn’t have to keep fighting.
But maybe I’m wrong.
What if they did care?
What if I was missed?
I would break their hearts.
I thought for a long minute and then told myself, “Hold on. You’ll be okay. You’ve made it this far.”
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Girls like to hear you moan too my nigga
Let her know how good it is
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Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who fucks you right and treats you how you deserve to be treated.
(via hplyrikz)
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