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lotteray · 1 month

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Ch. 1

This is my first fan fic I've written. I've really enjoyed reading everybody's and have become obsessed over peoples work. So here i am shooting my shot. I have ADHD. So i might of hyperfocused on this today but i wrote something, and if there will be more.. will be a question for another hyperfixation day. I don't have a title for this yet. Suggestions are appreciate because I'm also indecisive. Any Suggestions are appreciated! Also why is it so scary to post on here?!? I'm nervous.. mad respect for people who do this on the daily.

Shadows stood before Elain. Stood where that beautiful Illyrian warrior vanished. Elain didn’t know what to think…what to do... Reeling from what he just confessed to her, it was an effort back up to her room. She whirled around before she entered, swearing she heard a wisp of air, of darkness. Hopeful that Azriel had changed his mind, that he realized that it wasn’t a mistake, that they both had nothing to be sorry for, but she was wrong once again.

She slid into her room and leaned against the shut door. She put her hand to her neck, to her necklace. Thoughts racing. Gods, the necklace was perfect. And yet how at odds it was with the emotions she now felt. She felt stupid, so pathetic, so cracked like the glass needed to make the necklace.

How could he be smitten with her? He had to save her miserable self from that horrible camp, all because she was still in love with a man that had no interest in her. Azriel couldn’t respect that. And even worse, she is being so selfish when her mate is enduring the night for her only a few rooms down. Selfish for her own desires.

Her self-loathing was getting relentless. She finally undressed and slid into bed, not even bothering with a nightgown, too hot from the anxiety of the night. She laid for hours spiraling, re-playing everything she said or should have said. At what point did he change his mind? Probably changed his mind at the long silence before the kiss. Probably realized that she wasn’t Mor or even the brave warriors he trained at the house. He probably had a good long look at the cowardly, weak lamb before him, and thought what a shame.

WELL! What a shame for him she thought coming to her senses. “I don’t want a male anyways.” reminding herself what she told herself a year ago. And with that, she found sleep.

Elain woke early. Her chest burned as she woke. Reaching up to the ache, she touched the necklace and was reminded of the sting of Azriels words. Mistake. The words made her nauseous. As if Carriden and Nuala could sense her feelings, they dimmed into the room. Both of their eyes caught on the necklace around Elain's neck and then on the tears forming in Elain's eyes. Cerriden spoke first,

“Return it, Elain. No male should make you feel ashamed and worthless.” as if speaking, knowing the full details of what happened last night. Elain was sure she and Nuala knew exactly what happened.

“Because you are the farthest thing from those words” reassured Nuala. “Do not let that necklace capture your light, especially when you have started to warm with health”

All Elain could do was nod and begin unclasping the necklace.

Nuala handed Elain a robe, while Carriden began sifting through her closet. Elain sat at her vanity readying for the day, stealing glances at the necklace now lying next to her. The poignant feeling punched her in the heart against the thought of missing the lovely thing.

“I saw the beds of anemone in the gardens last night, they look beautiful,” Nuala spoke, trying to distract Elain from her thoughts.

“Yes.. and they are such tall flowers. They will look very pretty in a vase if you decide to cut them” continued Cerriden as she was pulling out a simple gown, one that Elain usually gardens in. C and N always had a gift for styling and knowing exactly what to wear.

Elain could see right through them, sometime literally. Keeping her focused for the day ahead, instead of dwelling on the thoughts of the past.

“They grew in perfectly. I plan to cut them either today or tomorrow.” Elain answered, getting up to go change in that bath chamber.

“I think you should tomorrow after the Venus Party.” C answered back coyly.

How uncanny Elain thought, that the warmth of winter solstices celebrations with family, good food, and merry spirit, also brings the twins favorite party, a party of debauchery, abandonment, and sensuality. Almost like an afterparty of sorts. One acts on their best behavior for family, and then afterward the revelry continues with friends.

“You know I have not decided whether I'm joining you or not, and it seems in my current state I would not be much fun anyways,” Elain says still shimming into her dress. "Plus, thats not really in character for me. The way you explain this lustful party full of smokes and dancing.. I've... I've never taken part in something like that."

“I think you should go.”, Nuala drawled. Elain walks out of the chamber and turns her back to Nuala so that she can fasten the back, “You don't have to participate in all it has to offer, but it does offer freedom and exploration. All sorts of people, artist, kinds will be there. and I have the perfect little revenge dress for you” Nuala continues

“And you can be veiled so no one will know it’s you” C quickly chimed in.

Elain rolled her eyes. She wasn’t seeking revenge, though the thought of teasing him set her loins on fire. Having one night of reckless abandonment, where no one but the mother would know.

C continued “He will be there. He doesn’t miss these open sewer parties of vice and perversions, but so will Lucien I’ve heard.” C glancing towards N and shrugging.

How C and N knew these kernels of information, was not her problem.

Elain picks up the necklace and makes her way towards the door. Her problem was relinquishing this beautiful gift. The necklace imprinting itself into her palm, into her soul, and she had to let it go.

As Elain began to open the door for them all to exit. Nuala placed a hand on Elain’s shoulder, to turn her slightly as if saying we have one more thing to tell you.

“After breakfast, Rhysand would like to speak with you. Feyre will be there.” Cerriden said sharply as if it came to her suddenly.

“Oh… ok and ill think about it.. the party.” Elain said, giving a tight smile before heading out the door.

To be continued...

#azriel and elain #elriel #elain #elain x lucien #pro elain

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