Once, Jaskier went around and hired every single witcher at Kear Morhen. Then goes to find Yennefer for some magic help.

The job is very simple. To go to the next bardic competeition with him. Then, when Valdo goes on

Boo and yell insults as loud as possible.

Jaskier had Yennefer come along to have her magic amplify the sound even more

THIS PICTURE JUST MADE MY LIFE.

unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

Happy Mermay 💙

by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

house md drinking game me and my bf are doing tonight, over/under on us getting alcohol poisoning?

barbie official: we’re gonna put all our movies on youtube for free!

youtube, still selling their movies: huh? what’d they say they were going to do?

Hear me out: Cross Stitch, Knitting and Crochet are literally the PERFECT hobbies for autistic people. It’s got texture, instructions to follow, codes and symbols to learn, grids to match. It’s repetitive, it makes soothing little noises. A lot of special interests have related patterns so it’s a 2 for 1 deal. Good starting conversation topic if you are feeling social but also doubles as a reason to ask to be left alone. Shit slaps.

just asked the barista for a “12 inch” latte rather than “12 ounce” latte, tried to correct myself, and did it again.

I’m alive awake alert enthusiastic today, clearly

I think people argue with me less since I got in the habit of starting posts with "I think" despite not really changing anything else about the way I post. I think it helps also to add an "I think" at the start of every new thought or change of topic just in case people get confused about whether or not I'm still discussing my thoughts rather than immutable universal facts about the world.

like the idea of unnaturally aged cheese. making my gouda old using dread magics forbidden by the college of sorcery