September 23, 2023

It’s funny how one day can elicit so many emotions.

Today marks the 8th anniversary of my paternal grandma’s passing, the day of our CFCC Berkeley friends, Emily & Felix’s, wedding, and the announcement of our friends, Jenny & Albert’s, baby.

It was a day of reflections of the past (loved one), present (celebration of the beginning of a marriage), and future (celebration of friends becoming parents and simultaneously reflection of our hopes and long-suffering for a life with children).

Life keeps evolving as we enter and exit different milestones. I feel like I’m just drifting along.

August 7

It’s nice to have some solitude today, as the hubs is away at a meeting in San Ramon for a few hours.  Highlights from the past year: - Checking out CFC Berkeley on Labor Day weekend (September 2022) and getting to know community at a comfortable pace;

- “Trying” can be tough, but it was uplifting to have a husband and friends to walk the journey with and hear different stories and receive helpful advice (and even ovulation sticks!);

- Stamina for a 10K after 4 years of not running a race;

- Letting go of aspects from the past that weighed on the heart; more detachments;

- Learning and getting better at Mahjong!; first Fanime convention (appreciating anime); learning more board games;

- Extended tax season (not entirely a highlight, but more work experience is good);

- Celebrating 1st year of marriage! 🥰

Doing Everything Right

I recently had a friend tell me that, even if we’re doing everything “right,” there’s only a 30% chance of conceiving.  I think that’s what hit me a bit harder this month when my period came. I thought all the signs and observations pointed to the right track -- odd spotting in Portland, pinpointing ovulation, late period -- and it had gotten my hopes up just a bit on the 4th day past my expected period date. It was also wishful thinking that maybe being in a different city where my Portland family -- present and passed -- was sending their usual love and support, would help. (I think I had ignored what was obvious though -- that a late period only meant a late ovulation, and I distinctly remember ovulating after spotting, which was further proof that my spotting was not related to implantation.) What a fool. I think it’s the idea of wanting to succeed at something that makes the trial a bit challenging, more so than the idea of wanting a kid right this instance. But age definitely also inevitably factors in, of course. If I had been attempting this trial 5 years ago, I wouldn’t mind a trial time. It’s just interesting now that I observe and am more aware of other people’s stories and experiences about it...will I be triggered by others though as the trial continues? I need to not hold onto it tightly, I remind myself, and just surrender the timeline to God. 

Our Adventures

O’ahu, HI | April 27 - May 2, 2022

Reno, NV | December 30, 2021 - January 1, 2022

Kau’ai, HI | October 30 - November 6, 2021

Florida | June 27 - July 5, 2021

Yosemite National Park | November 27-28, 2020

Yosemite National Park | September 5-7, 2020

Silver Falls Park & McCloud River Falls | August 6-7, 2020

The First Year

When 2022 was just beginning, I felt as if I was not good at anything. It was like a nagging feeling that I couldn’t pinpoint any talents or skills I had…besides maybe driving… if one would even count it as an outstanding skill amongst the average drivers.

Then tax season rolled around. I enjoyed tackling different tax issues and learning about different things I didn’t know before - reporting IRA conversions/rollovers, filing a nonprofit tax return, mortgage interest limit deductions via Drake worksheets, and learning that a template of detailed questions to send to clients saves time from sending emails for follow-up questions later on. The more tax seasons that I tackle, the more confident I feel as a professional as I take on more clients and pace out my work. The challenge now is…I just need to find the motivation to sharpen up my knowledge outside of tax season.

Career aside, I find myself acting as an event and trip planner now with our house set up “enough” to host people and with the down time to travel. I’ve learned that the degree of planning varies based on the group I travel with — if it’s just David and myself or with friends, we will have ideas of places to eat and explore; if it’s with a larger family group going to Vegas, I find that not having an itinerary works better as ideas and interest vary within a larger group and lends better to spontaneous day-of planning.

God provided opportunities for me to grow in my career and as a sociable being this year, despite my doubts and concerns and worries over details in planning events.

New Chapters

These days, I’ve noticed that social media/journalistic media has become a platform for my friends to post about something in common for many couples after marriage - parenthood. I’ve read and learned more about the struggles of couples I know in dealing with miscarriages and/or infant/child deaths (from biological/natural causes) in the past 2 months than I ever have before.

As David and I talk about and become more open to parenthood, I can’t help but think what the journey would look like. It’s been a short time of trying and even more close inspection of my menstrual cycle, but it excites me to think about the day when I would no longer need to track a period. So yes, I’m more aware of when it comes every month. It’s sad to think about the trials of other couples and the risks bearing children involve, but it’s equally encouraging to see these parenting friends and acquaintances battle their trials and become even better parents and/or adults out of it. I suppose the reward and hope of seeing your own offspring make their imprints on the world is always worth the risk.

ask Elliston if we can store stuff the night before ceremony, if they have a cooler for ginger beer for welcome table (if they can put it out too? Or if Pierrette should do it)

Program fans in chairs if not windy or if box if windy - sign for this?

2 bubble bottles for aisle seat and next seat - instructions for when to wave (keep mask on)

Leave guestbook out at welcome table

Photos with wedding party and parents/families (immediate and extended (?) - tell them to show up at 12!) before ceremony until 12:30 before we hide (12:30 lunch) - lunch to arrive at 12:15

12:25 - 12:30 for signing marriage license inside mansion or at reception

list of groups to photograph - put into program or have pastor announce photo order based on program - CC Pierrette

Platter of cheese and crackers for lunch before ceremony for wedding party! (Fanny packs - filled with lunch?) - assign someone to bring food and tell Pierrette know ; eat lunch after photos and pre-ceremony

Designate 2 people (non-wedding) to clean up stuff before ceremony starts

Order of procession:

pastor and David walk down

David’s mother and Andrew ; Charlene’s mother and Chris

Honorary bridesmaids - 2 by 2

Groomsmen and bridesmaids (furthest away first)

Flower girl and ring bearer - have Kevin coax Vienna down the aisle

Father and bride

Mothers on aisle seat, different sides; father sits next to mom ; Andrew to sit next to Aunt Trini (front rows saved for families )

Ask for specific shots for photographer to take - any combination of people

Ask Sean to see if they can place favors on table and if both entrances can be used - PIERRETTE to place favors instead

Reception

Intros (5:10):

Honorary bridesmaids

Same groomsmen and bridesmaid pairs

(Type out order for DJ)

Prayer of blessing for meal

Dinner at 5:15pm

Ask Sean for 3 vendor meals - eating outside at table with chairs

Welcome sign (Pierrette will provide arrow) to Signature Room

5:30/5:40 pm - 5:55pm: MOHs and best men making a toast (send list to Pierrette) - 15 minutes

My dad’s speech - 5 minutes

5:55 - 6:25 before sunset photos (~30 minutes)

Slideshow - check how long

Game - bean relay

6:25-6:35: Mother-son and father-daughter dance, then first dance together

6:35-6:40: Cake cutting

Guess cake flavor game (led by Caroline) - wedding party and families

ask Sean to pass extra slice to a person at each table

6:40-6:55: Change outfits - room to change?

Photos? Let Pierrette know if we have more time.

6:55: Bouquet toss 💐

7:00: Thank you speech

7:10 - 8:45 PM: Open dancing

8:45 - 9PM: Bubble send-off

Game - shoe game (optional)

Tips to be given to Pierrette (except for makeup and hair artists)

150-200 photographer

100-150 dj

Makeup and hair - 10-15% of total (give to MOHs to distribute)

Dresses:

Stella York 6680

{Janene’s}

Allure 9708 - no sparkles

Allure Madison James MJ667 - no sparkles

Essence of Australia D2819 - slit down between breasts, D2812 (add arm straps) (~$1800)**

D2262 - check if Janene’s carries — has shoulder caps, better with hair up?

Martina Liana 1057 - has arm straps, straight lampshade bottom

Mikaella 1250 - straight lampshade bottom

Stella York 6801 - has arm straps

Try Allure 9714 for the ruffly bottom

Makeup:

Foundation/concealer: neutral or pink-based shades

Wedding Planning Do‘s and Don’ts

Do’s:

+ Look for wedding bands at least a month before wedding day

+ Delegate and teach a point person to run livestream

+ Get a sheet cake to feed guests, a tiered cake to cut

+ Get wedding attires at least 6-8 months ahead of time if ordering online

+ Ask waiter to pack and set aside food you don’t finish at reception banquet to take home

+ Create a detailed schedule with timeline for everybody to be on the same page

+ Accumulate points on credit card for wedding expenses to transfer to hotel and flights later on

+ Leave enough time for photos to be taken with people, including individuals/smaller groups, by photographer

+ Cancel insurance plans at least a month before if switching to spouse’s

Don’t’s:

- Don’t assume timeline will play out perfectly; leave buffer time for preparation and commute times if commute is involved from hotel to venue, or venue to venue

- Don’t assume venue for banquet will allow centerpieces; check size of tables

- Don’t get wedding sleeves if you want to move arms more

- Don’t overcrowd reception banquet so that there is space for guests to walk around and move more comfortably

- Don’t leave out information for parents and close family and friends re:hotel info (e.g., hotel breakfast)

Memorable Birthday Date

David suggested eating at Kiraku in Berkeley for my birthday dinner on Friday. I got to indulge in a plate of sashimi as he sat and watched and ate his corn tempura and chicken karaage. It was the best date ever. :) 

GG

I’ve been struggling with just the idea of leaving CFCC and checking out a new church community, but when David mentioned it’d be a good idea to consider getting to know our community up in Lafayette, I knew I have to eventually come to terms with it.  Thankfully, I didn’t have to go cold turkey. When I expressed that I got emotional thinking about leaving CFCC, he suggested that we can join a growth group (sign-up window ended around end of July so I felt forced to make a decision) in the transition period as we check out different churches in our neighborhood. It seemed like the best idea. I was relieved to hear he was onboard. Now, I’m looking forward to being in a growth group in Castro Valley for at least a part of this coming year!

12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 6:12-14

Nervous

I admit I am a bit nervous about introducing David to friends for the first time, at least in a hangout setting. We are meeting with Dennis & Dana this coming Sunday, 7/18 and with Jenny & Albert at the end of the month. It’d be so much easier if we shared the same community of friends right off the bat, but I know it’ll be a good challenge to build friendships together.  Things to contemplate for meeting with Dennis & Dana: - we are both mellow, non-uptight people; I am more impatient than David and can be short-fused in attitude  - love language: D - quality time; C - acts of service/gifts  - David is better at asking others, specifically people he knows, for help than I am  - David is thorough and detail-oriented - question-asker (no trial and error) -- likes to get things done right and perfectly; I make guesses on my own and work through problems and situations out more quietly (trial and error) --> how to reconcile?  - people pleasers? (David does not like to assume and upset people, I try to accommodate everybody’s preferences); harmonious - Not the best at stepping out of comfort zone - he can be a good presence without saying a lot b/c he’s scared of making a bad impression (is this person going to take my joke lightly or seriously?); I get socially anxious with new friends so I fill the silence with shallow small talk

OB/GYN

After some prompting from friends about seeing an OB/GYN for birth control options and a pap smear, Charlene finally did it. She was grateful to learn that IUD and arm implant weren’t the only recommended options and that birth control pills were actually widely used and even preferred by those hoping to get pregnant within the year after getting married. Birth control pills were definitely the top choice.  She remembers seeing one question that stood out to her on the questionnaire she filled out before seeing Dr. Nicol: “Are you planning to become pregnant within 12 months?” The 12-month timeframe from 7/7 would’ve ended 9 months after the wedding. She chuckled at the question, thinking, “only God can plan this,” and skipped the question, hoping to leave it blank and not wanting to seem like she was trying to take control of it. But she figured the doctor would have to know anyway to give her a better informed suggestion, so she checked the box.  Is it weird to feel nervous about taking it for the first time? Maybe not. She could be more nervous having to tell David about it and asking for his approval/consent. Here’s to hoping side effects aren’t too terrible.   

Memorable Memorial Weekend 2021

This was probably one of my most favorite weekends ever.

Friday, 5/28 was meant to be the day of our engagement photoshoot with Gala Photos & Films. I had a 1:30PM makeup and hair appointment in SJ before our 5PM photoshoot at the SF Japanese Tea Garden. On Thursday, I had dropped by Party City to pick up 6 24″ balloons of different colors because David and I were browsing Pinterest for engagement shoot ideas and came across photos of a couple posing with giant balloons and I was immediately inspired. :P I found out, however, from the Party City staff that those helium balloons wouldn’t last for more than 8 hours...so they advised that I come back the next day to pick them up. One of them rang me up and actually charged me $1.75 for each instead of the quoted $6.99. They also warned me that my Subaru Outback probably wouldn’t be able to fit 6 24″ balloons, so I needed a different transportation strategy anyway. I was ready to go on Friday with my balloon weights prepared (a box of stones wrapped in tissue paper and tied; and an actual plastic heart balloon weight that I had saved from who knows when). After spending a bit of time tying 3 balloons down to each weight, I stuffed them into my dad’s Previa van and was about to take off to SJ for my makeup and hair appointment with Tiffany Chiang of Design Her Image...when Marc of Gala suddenly texted saying there was 1 little problem. He proceeds to tell us about the gloomy and windy weather in SF and warned that photos would not turn out well...I stopped the car right outside of South Shore Center and messaged and called David to express my disappointment. After exchanging several texts, and David giving them feedback about the last-minute communication, we decided to take their suggestion of postponing the photoshoot to Monday, 5/31 (Memorial Day) instead, when it would supposedly be sunnier. Tiffany was also able to accommodate the last-minute change and book me for a 9:30AM appointment on Monday -- whew!  Thankfully, I got over moping about it and wondered what I could do with 6 giant balloons that most likely wouldn’t last until Monday. Plan B: we can do our own photoshoot! We decided to invite the best men and MOH’s to do an impromptu photoshoot at the lagoon behind my house, and thankfully, everybody was able to make it out and play along with our plan. :D It turned out to be a fun photoshoot, albeit it was a bit of a hassle trying to hold onto and take photos with the balloons in the wind. Andrew was kind to give up watching his bball game to be our photographer and Caroline happened to be coming back to Alameda anyway to prepare for her weekend Napa trip.  Sunday was the first day I stepped foot onto our Lafayette property again after our final walk-through the previous Tuesday. It was the day we got our keys (or more like, found our keys hidden there. :P)! After convincing my brother to share a U-Haul truck (he was moving furniture from his boss’ son’s apartment to his own house in Campbell that same day), we drafted an itinerary to pick up a classical upright piano from Auntie Hoi Yee in Daly City --> head to SF to pick up my brother’s furniture -->  head to Lafayette to unload the piano --> return to Campbell to unload my brother’s furniture and return the U-Haul. Because there were not enough seats to sit 5 people in the U-Haul, I ended up driving my Subaru to caravan with the U-Haul that my dad drove all around the Bay. That piano was heavy and took quite a lot of effort, but we’re thankful we met U-Haul staff Steve Larson who warned us against picking a 10″ U-Haul truck that didn’t have a ramp for the piano and suggested the 15″ instead and gave us some rope to tie the piano to the truck inside! When Monday finally came, the weather turned out to be gorgeous everywhere. Tiffany was very detailed with her work on my face and hair even at such an early time, and the makeup and hair seemed to have lasted throughout the day. It wasn’t crazy crowded in the Tea Garden as we had feared, and despite the front-door staff stating that we needed a permit and that balloons were not allowed inside (we left them tied to a post by the entrance), we had a great time with Marc & Gia. They posed us with very detailed instructions and knew some great spots to take our photos. Marc has a great sense of humor and Gia was sweet and kind. Marc also ended up somehow grabbing the balloons in for a few photos after we changed into formal outfits closer to closing time, so we got to take some with the semi-deflating balloons that somehow lasted for more than 8 hours! David and I also got to stop by H Mart afterwards to stock up on yummy Asian snacks. Overall, it was a memorable weekend full of grace, patience, new beginnings, accommodating friends, and fun. 

🏡 Escrow!

Whoaaaa what a whirlwind of a 24 hours. We still can’t believe we’re about to be homeowners!!  Our house hunt began online earlier in the year, with occasional email exchanges with Daniel Bo with David asking questions about the cost of home improvements/building another story, buying land to build on, but we didn’t take an actual tour of houses until Saturday, 4/24, after Cat’s baby shower in Hayward. Prior to that day, we had a list of about 7 houses that we sent over to Daniel, which he thought was “overly ambitious” and counter-offered to show us 3-4 houses in Castro Valley and the tri-valley first.  That Saturday, we were on a call with Daniel right as the baby shower was wrapping up. We missed a 3pm appointment to check out a Bacon Way house in Lafayette because we missed a morning email from Daniel confirming the appointment (so we had no idea it was made). He decided to start off our first tour nonetheless with a new development house he had recently sold to one of his clients, and then he took us to his Loyola property where he was still constructing 2 houses on a subdivided lot before taking us through a tour of Dubin Ct in Castro Valley (this one, we actually had on our radar) where we first stepped foot into a sinking house!  None of those were prospects, of course. After feeling a bit uncertain and uneasy in this competitive housing market, thinking we didn’t want to be overly aggressive with a purchase, we (actually it was really David) began toying with the idea of living in Hercules after talking to his mom and Philip about buying a cheaper, spacious home and moving again to a larger house/a piece of land later on. Thus came Swallow Way which David took a tour with Daniel the next day and me partaking in it virtually while at work. It seemed like a nice 2-story floor with lots of space for a reasonable price. So then came our first discussion with Daniel over Google Meet regarding boilerplate, legal terms of buying a house and what it entailed. The house was listed for $765K and we ran the numbers for a $800K offer.  After Daniel called the seller’s agent for the offers he was getting, he told us the offers were over $800K. David and I didn’t even think about bidding at $800K, but this was our max worth for the house (maybe more so for me), so we put in a bid for $800K anyway. Daniel didn’t think we’d get it...and we didn’t.  So, our research continued. For the next weekend, we had 5 more properties thrown at Daniel Friday night: 1574 Pleasant Hill Rd, Lafayette, CA 94549 ($999,950): https://www.redfin.com/CA/Lafayette/1574-Pleasant-Hill-Rd-94549/home/1949279 1061 Orchard Rd, Lafayette, CA 94549 ($1,075,000):https://www.redfin.com/CA/Lafayette/1061-Orchard-Rd-94549/home/1529580 21 Bates Blvd, Orinda, CA 94563 ($1,095,000): https://www.redfin.com/CA/Orinda/21-Bates-Blvd-94563/home/941934 542 Madison St, Albany, CA 94706 ($989,000): https://www.redfin.com/CA/Albany/542-Madison-St-94706/home/622288 7461 Starward Dr, Dublin, CA 94568 ($1,050,000) (we know this one's a bit out of the way from the others, but just in case the others fall through, it's here XD):https://www.redfin.com/CA/Dublin/7461-Starward-Dr-94568/home/17186498 Only the top 4 out of these 5 were what we really wanted to see first. By the time Daniel got around to confirming them (on a tight crunch because I was not aware of the need for a few days for agents to make appointments), there were only 3 that did not have offers due yet.  Saturday, 5/2 was a fateful day. We toured Pleasant Hill Rd and loved the space it had, albeit it had no garage and was right by a main road. Orchard Rd felt more like a beach house rental vacation home with its unleveled ground and compartmentalized rooms and detached studio and overall ambiance (not to mention parking was just plain terrible) and Madison St seemed like a 2-story Painted Ladies apartment in SF.  We narrowed it down to Pleasant Hill and Madison to put offers in. Pleasant Hill’s offers, we found out later from Daniel, were due the following Thursday. David and I read through the wordy disclosures, found no issues (even lucked out with not initially thoroughly reading the answer to deaths in home), confirmed by Daniel that there were no issues, and decided we liked it enough to put in an offer.  I texted Daniel around 1:30AM Wednesday night, he drafted the contract together Thursday morning, sent in the offer, had us sign to remove contingencies. And then we waited. I distracted myself with work and prayed in my mind that I’d just be okay with whatever resulted. About 5 hours later, I got a call from Daniel saying that we were 1 of 2 buyers being considered by the seller!! After he spoke with the seller’s agent, he found out about a counter-offer and hopped on a call with me and David 3 hours later. We signed the counter-offer asap as we found out the other buyers were including an addendum to their offer.  The next morning, around 10:20 AM, Daniel called me again......and then I squealed to find out we had gotten accepted. :’D Charlene is still reeling from how fast this has happened...and may start to feel more emotions gradually. https://www.redfin.com/CA/Lafayette/1574-Pleasant-Hill-Rd-94549/home/1949279

Checkpoint

Saturday, 3/27, was a big day for both of us. David secured the rest of his groom party ~ Kevin came back home and David was able to hand him his proposal box and Gabriel flew back from Singapore 2 weeks ago and met up with David and Philip for lunch in Oakland so he was able to receive his proposal box as well. Both accepted! (Kevin, more implicitly we think.) Charlene spent the past Thursday night browsing through Alameda’s Janene’s Boutique website for their wedding dress selection. After 2 attempts of communicating with 2 different sellers on stillwhite.com who advertised a trumpet ruffly flare bottom dress that she was eyeing, she decided to tailor her preference, up her budget a bit more, and forego the ruffly bottom (thinking she’d look like a cake topper anyway) and go with a simpler, trumpet flare. After scrolling a bit, one of them stood out and stuck with her! But it didn’t mean she couldn’t try on the ruffles nonetheless, especially after so much time eyeballing the Stella York 5835 (offered by one stillwhite seller but turned out measurements seemed too small) and Tara Keely 2200 (offered by another seller who lagged in responses). It seemed fair to give the mermaid-y ruffles a try-on at the very least. So...she booked an appointment to try 2 different dresses on at Janene’s, where she met Shaine who helped her try them on. She then decided the cake topper look was really not what she wanted, so maybe it was for the best those seller communications didn’t work out! :P She is super happy with the dress she bought and can’t wait for it to arrive in 5-6 months!