wait do you guys actually carry purses/bags everywhere you go i really need to know

Joseph's brothers would have sold him to One Direction

hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

tumblr is, if anything, the Appalachia of social media...easy to get lost, sparsely populated, out of the loop with fast-moving modern trends. Attached to tradition. Close-knit communities. Believe in "talk shit, get hit." Everyone is doing their own thing in their own obscure little holler. Prone to pulling the most inventive turns of phrase you've ever heard out of nowhere. Somebody's always starting a racket. We sometimes repel outsiders with much aggression. Lots of talk about hell and damnation to be found. Everybody tends to forget about us for some reason

at my wedding yes i will have a maid of honour but why stop there. ill give all my maids titles. we will have a maid of hope. a maid of horror. a maid of horticulture. a maid of harm. a maid of healing. and of course. a maid of hogs

I want a quiet life in the woodlands, paint on grassy hills, make homemade bread and pastries, make cozy quilts and blankets, take care of baby animals, have a garden of flowers and feel peaceful

mid-conversation I toss a pistol onto the table not to suggest or imply anything but just to change the situation a little

my favorite piece of disney trivia is that the guy who designed goofy fucking hated him and beat the shit out of him in the parking lot once

Fairy tale nerds of Tumblr I need your help.

I've been trying to find a fairy tale for AGES, this has been almost a decades long quest. I first read it in a Highlights magazine around the mid 2000s, when the theme was "Fairy Tales from around the World." Now I don't know if this is actually an older fairy tale or just one that was made up for the magazine masquerading as a story from somewhere else. I've done my own research and have come up zilch.

So, this story was about a prince that was cursed to be a wolf until he was able to bite a bride the night of her wedding. Well, it just so happens that such a woman is riding through the forest with her new beau, a very uncouth man that calls her his "little chicken." Long story short, a pack of wolves waylay their carriage, the wolf prince bites the lady, becomes human again, and they fall in love and marry.

And what happened to her original husband?

Well naturally he gets turned into a chicken and they eat him at their wedding feast.

Classic.

if anyone knows the title of this fairy tale or where it may have originated, please let me know! I'd love to see if I can read it again.

A story within a story where a mother sits her rowdy children down and tells them a story about a the world's sweetest, kindest mother who never lost her temper, never cursed and never yelled at her children, no matter how rowdy they could get. She would only gently, kindly told them to not do the dangerous things. One day she sweetly, kindly told her children to not go play at the riverbank, because it's dangerous and they might slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die. Her children do not listen. They go play at the riverbank, where they slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die.

And the sweet perfect mother of the story comes to the riverbank, sees that all her children drowned, and starts crying so bitterly that angels overhear her, and the angels say to each other, "she does not deserve this, this woman has never done anything wrong in her life, this should not have happened to her", and feeling great pity for her, bring her children back to life, and after that they always listened to their mother and lived happily ever after.

And the storyteller's children, who at this point are familiar with the concept that these stories are supposed to have some sort of a moral or lesson in them, interject to point out that their mother hasn't always done everything perfectly, she isn't always sweet, curses a lot, and as a matter of fact loses her shit at her kids all the time. She isn't like the mother of the story at all.

And their mother agrees: Her children are correct. She is not a perfect mother who has never done anything wrong. Angels will not have pity on her, and they will not bring her little shits back to life if they go to the river and die. So they better fucking not go get themselves killed in the first place.

Well out of the blue I just remembered today the time I accidentally joined the cast of a production of The Princess Bride….in the middle of the production.

grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode

Only day you can reblog this

i had a dream last night that kermit the frog died. it was on the news "kermit the frog, aged 96, has passed away peacefully in his sleep"

i turned to my mom like "how does that even work, he's a puppet?" she got really mad at me and said through tears "now's not the time, the frog JUST died. show some respect."

FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.