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yestothebuy
Yestothebuy
hatsunemimikyu
mimi has no idea of what she's doing here
khakikyrie
🦌📺
thb671
Gay fetish Français 🇫🇷
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here i am
falling
and he’s going to catch me
with a smile on his face
but im still scared
im terrified
i want to run away and never look back
all of the men i reject
all of the men i push away
am mean to
it just scares the living hell out of me
i don’t know what to do or how to handle any of it
all i know is I’m not ready
i’m not ready
there’s one person i just want to wait for
one person in my heart and soul that i want that chance with
and then there’s him
and i can’t help but fall
and there’s that boy that ruined it all
it makes me scared to do it with anyone else
it puts hesitation in every step
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“If it’s both terrifying and amazing then you should pursue it.”
— Erada
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there are good guys out there
that do all the things I like
are all the things I’m looking for
and it terrifies me
even when i force myself to consider reciprocating it
and seeing where it goes
i instantly think of him
that smile
those eyes
i can’t help but wait
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— Trista Mateer ,“I Still Forget We’re Not Even Friends”
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this
I loved you so much once. I did. More than anything in the whole wide world. Imagine that. What a laugh that is now. Can you believe it? We were so intimate once upon a time I can’t believe it now. The memory of being that intimate with somebody. We were so intimate I could puke. I can’t imagine ever being that intimate with somebody else. I haven’t been.
Raymond Carver, Where I’m Calling From: New and Selected Stories
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I’ll wait
and wait
and even if I end up in a relationship
I’ll still be waiting for him in the meantime
it was always him
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I wonder if anyone else has secretly read this for years
Getting all the info they can
Searching for their name to finally pop back up again
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it’s insane to me that I can watch coworker
after coworker
fall in love
they see me at my ugliest
sick, muddy, sweaty, angry.
but they also see me at my best
goofy, cracking jokes, bouncing off the walls, excited.
ya know, I could never crack a smile out of you.
i can think of the few times I did
and the way it sent warmth through my entire body
and now it’s things like that
that make me notice
every single time I make a man smile or laugh
when a man surprises me flowers
or chocolate
or alcohol
or anything they might think I need
and don’t even ask to come to my door
don’t put pressure on me to see them
they just tell me to look outside
idk man
idk why i stayed
i don’t know why i thought someone would just magically like me one day
but i do know, seeing you with her
knowing it’s that easy for you with her
brings peace over anything
you just didn’t like me.
it’s easier with her
and once you had her, you were always hers.
I’ll always miss when you were like that with me
when I could make you smile
and i really did fight for so long
i just wish you left me alone
so you didn’t break me to the point you have
you probably think im sleeping around
i wish you’d tell that to everyone who’s shot their shot
and gotten an extremely angry drunk me
or to everyone ive blocked and cut off communication with the moment i realized they might like me
what if i can never love again
and what if I’m so internally fucked up I can never give my heart or body again
what if I never feel good enough
and i never believe someone again when they claim to want something with me
what if i never think someone’s good enough again
what if i picture every relationship ending
and I never find my person
and I’m getting tired of losing people because they want something and I don’t
I’m getting tired
and im overcompensating with hobbies and toys
and I just wish you would’ve left me alone
and not come back to kill that part of me
that truly believes there’s someone out there for her
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I’ll always be here sweet boy
“And if you call me at 4 am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep.”
— Unknown
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“Sometimes something happens to you and you can’t recover from it.”
— Unknown
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“It’s about who you miss at 2 in the afternoon when you’re busy, not 2 in the morning when you’re lonely.”
— Unknown
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“In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain the old pain.”
— Mary Manin Morrissey
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I’m okay.
I don’t miss you.
And I don’t want you.
Does that change what you did to me?
No.
I want you to think about every single thing you do with her, and know that’s all I wanted.
And we aren’t ending up at the same places,
doing the same things
because I know you’ll be there
and I have some point to prove.
I’m just finally doing everything I’ve wanted to with you, without you.
And I understand.
I understand you loved me in the way I don’t love anyone else.
I understand you cared about my feelings in the way I don’t give a fuck about anybody else’s.
And I understand you love her in the way I wanted you to love me.
I won’t ever understand why you spent so long trying to convince yourself that you could settle for me when your heart lied with someone else’s.
Im going to be single for the rest of my life.
And I’ll watch you get married.
I’ll watch M get married.
I’ll watch every boy I’ve ever loved get married.
And I’ll never get the wedding I always dreamed of.
The family I always wanted.
Because I wasted my time on a boy who never truly loved me.
There’s only one person in the world I’d take in a heart beat.
And I’ll never get him back after you.
And that’s just my reality.
Doesn’t matter how far I get, how much I overcompensate.
When I have a house sitting on acres of land and a beautiful diesel and it’s little brother. A daily and all of our toys sitting in the driveway and shop.
None of it will matter.
Because I won’t look over and see someone smiling back at me.
Smiling at the kids running around in the front yard, sun setting behind our house.
None of it will matter.
Because I pushed away the one it should’ve been with to let you ruin me.
But I hope you get your future. Your love. Your happiness.
I really do.
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