It's hard to live

Before you get ahead of yourself, no, this is no suicidal note, just a fact about me. It's hard to live, drinking/hydrating constantly, eating enough, it's hard enough that I can't even eat or drink without feeling like throwing up.

It's hard to live knowing you have problems with remembering stuff, such as homework, work, playdates, the like and such. Being on constant edge of remembering to take your medicine, what time is it, what date is it, it's hard to live like that. But I make it work. I make it work and that's a fact.

I haven't drawn in a long time, if I was myself a few years ago, I would have thing that'd be insane. I mean, if you aren't doing art in your free time when you can, what else are you going to do, right?

But I started around a few- maybe more- minutes ago, and I drew a character that I knew how to draw- someone that was really easy to draw, and I sat there after I finished (the sketch of) the face and stared at it.

It's not like I was dissatisfied with the product, in fact, I was made with peace with it, but then I just.... felt like I had a roadblock in my head, something that prevented me from continuing on, as if to tell me "the more you do this, the less motivation you are going to become". It's weird to feel this way, really, I'll keep staring at it until I know why.

Just a thought I had for a long time but, I thought about the times where I was put in a situation where I would have thrown away my humanity.

To explain more clearly, what if I just decided that one day I went "I do not want to associate as a human, as I am not one of them." then after that.... what then? What would I become, because in my head, I've thrown out what is essentially who I am, or at least a part of it.

Does that mean that I can't make a new identity? No no, of course not, it wouldn't be the easiest thing to do, but it certainly is something that can be achieved. No, I'm more afraid of what I would remove in consequence to removing my humanity. Would I be less sympathetic? Would I see my peers as aliens rather than friends? Will I hurt people around me without me noticing? Will I say something that might be insensitive to others? And like I have said earlier; these things would not be hard to replicate even with my humanity thrown out... maybe, I have not thrown it out to test it out (and I wouldn't even know the first thing to be able to reject my humanity). I don't know, it's such a bizarre concept that it's just left me.... perplexed, with conflicting emotions; confusion, distress, worry, curiosity, with interest. It would be interesting to hear from other people what would be a concept of "not being human" is like (and certainly not in a degrading way).

Been messing with some RPGMaker stuff, the sound test is my new favorite way to make my own versions of pre-existing music without the niche need of finding an editting software and fiddling around with it until it works.

Confrontation With A Grey Tiding Foe (Speed & Pitch 65%) + 019-People1 / 020-People2 is good atmospheric music for a chill party

Winter Niko

Merry Christmas everyone, hope you eat many pancake and get many nice gifts like Oneshot™ on Steam which is 50% off right now (~Wow)

Niko small papercraft

Game: Oneshot

The template is not mine, I modified it only a little. Sadly, I can't find the artist now :c

Free pdf template:

site that you can type in the definition of a word and get the word

site for when you can only remember part of a word/its definition 

site that gives you words that rhyme with a word

site that gives you synonyms and antonyms

Now thinking about it, maybe I should dwandle into twitter for too long..... whoops.

Normally, I would have put this one in an another account that I had made like, months ago (I will link to it I swear) but really, I need to get this off my chest. It's not gonna make it any better but it'd be easier to.

Recently, as I get closer to starting my college years again, I'm worried as hell, about what happens after, and honestly, I would like to talk this out with a therapist, if I had one, but no, I have a counselor and that's it, not that I'm grateful, but it's hard to talk about something that you only yourself can feel, even talking with friends- I'm not really sure they would get it themselves, it's disheartening, and honestly I feel quite vulnerable haha. Point is, I'm not sure what to do, what my self-worth really means to me, if it matters at all. And I feel like at any given moment, I would a shitty person like some people in this world, which if it does happen in the future- I am responsible on behalf of my future self, whether if I'm the same as I am today, or an even worse person I am today.

I feel like at the early stages of my life- if things have changed for the better- some right communication here and there, I would have been a person who is very compassionate of their own craft, even if it wasn't the best, I would be trying regardless. But here I am, sitting in the middle of the early morning, weighing my options, thinking about my life as I drown in my own dread, my family oblivious to what or how I feel, except maybe my grandma cause god bless her soul- she is wonderful, but also a bit too much...

I wish I could shed tears freely, shout so loudly that my cries spread around the world, I want to be free of my own doubts, and carve a path that I am happy for. I feel like I'm a bad friend, I don't like to communicate a whole lot but I just feel awkward talking to my colleagues, I would not blame them if they don't recognize me as a person they met a year ago. I am not somebody to be remembered, and I have somewhat made peace with it.

I'm tired of being in my own home, but I don't want to waste time, at all. I don't know what to do anymore. If anyone finds this randomly, I hope that whoever you are, are not suffering in silence like I am. There is no drama, there is nothing that I have worth while, I'm just venting. I'm not the type to get into conflicts anyway haha.

Let me listen to my jazz in peace, please.

Lifewings/LifewingsArt

Normally, I would have put this one in an another account that I had made like, months ago (I will link to it I swear) but really, I need to get this off my chest. It's not gonna make it any better but it'd be easier to.

Recently, as I get closer to starting my college years again, I'm worried as hell, about what happens after, and honestly, I would like to talk this out with a therapist, if I had one, but no, I have a counselor and that's it, not that I'm grateful, but it's hard to talk about something that you only yourself can feel, even talking with friends- I'm not really sure they would get it themselves, it's disheartening, and honestly I feel quite vulnerable haha. Point is, I'm not sure what to do, what my self-worth really means to me, if it matters at all. And I feel like at any given moment, I would a shitty person like some people in this world, which if it does happen in the future- I am responsible on behalf of my future self, whether if I'm the same as I am today, or an even worse person I am today.

I feel like at the early stages of my life- if things have changed for the better- some right communication here and there, I would have been a person who is very compassionate of their own craft, even if it wasn't the best, I would be trying regardless. But here I am, sitting in the middle of the early morning, weighing my options, thinking about my life as I drown in my own dread, my family oblivious to what or how I feel, except maybe my grandma cause god bless her soul- she is wonderful, but also a bit too much...

I wish I could shed tears freely, shout so loudly that my cries spread around the world, I want to be free of my own doubts, and carve a path that I am happy for. I feel like I'm a bad friend, I don't like to communicate a whole lot but I just feel awkward talking to my colleagues, I would not blame them if they don't recognize me as a person they met a year ago. I am not somebody to be remembered, and I have somewhat made peace with it.

I'm tired of being in my own home, but I don't want to waste time, at all. I don't know what to do anymore. If anyone finds this randomly, I hope that whoever you are, are not suffering in silence like I am. There is no drama, there is nothing that I have worth while, I'm just venting. I'm not the type to get into conflicts anyway haha.

Let me listen to my jazz in peace, please.

Lifewings/LifewingsArt

"make a wish!"

happy (late) birthday to the silly 🎉🎂

i wasnt sure about posting this, its really messy and rushed (sorry about that) i only had 2 days to make it

idk why i thought making a 30seg animation when i barely have free time was a good idea lmao

HAVE AT YOU, MY LARGEST SHITPOST YET (I started this 2 months ago god help me)

YT VERSION

Yearning Feelings

Today, I felt somewhat nostalgic about OMORI. Even though the game is still somewhat fresh (4 years old fresh), I still have this still feeling of longingness, like as if a bit of me was taken away to somewhere I can never reach. Yet, I feel like I can grab onto this longing back towards me, though I'm just short of touching it.

Tonight, I feel content, did I make it in life? I'm not sure, but I see a bright future ahead of myself, one with worries, one with doubts, and one with undying confidence. It's both a scary and wonderous feeling.

Practice Ralsei after being rusted for months

get watermeloned

a comic about fix-it fanfics

Salty I hope you find this post and watch this vid from not me, fucker /pos