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lifesucks-hby · 2 years

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Idk Just want to talk ab my friends

Wow Ok. So I actually haven’t been on here in nearly two years. Holy sh-

So Idk I just wanted to rant ab some of my friends. Can someone please give me literally any advice??

Let’s start with this; I’m girlflux (current pronouns are she/they) and ace. Oh and gay. (technically abrosexual but i lean towards girls.)

I have a few friends, but the main two I’m talking about here can be called A and B. (Mainly bc I don’t want them to connect the dots.)

A I’ve known for years. We never really connected until a few years ago though, so I’m still figuring her out. I know her but, like anyone, there’s been a few twists.

For example, she’s Bi. I didn’t know this until maybe two years ago and she never directly told me until maybe a year ago.

So onto the whole ‘can someone give me advice before I screw things up with yet another friend’ thing.

A and I are fake engaged. The kind that friends do and everything. Well, I proposed as a joke and then we ended up buying little plastic rings and, inevitably, it evolved, you know? And now, even though I know for a FACT it’s 100% platonic, sometimes I just feel like I would tip her way, if you know what I mean.

(not sexually, like I mentioned before, Ace)

But like I think she’s super pretty and nice and sometimes I just, I don’t know, I break and ramble and she gives me this feeling.... I don’t know- that all sounded SUPER corny!!

I’m really not like this. Personally I think PDA is gross and I don’t really like expressing my feelings unless I have an outlet which I can write and delete. (hence this) And it’s not even like I feel that way ALL the time. It’s just these moments where...

Anyway, what tf should I do about that? I seriously don’t want to ruin our friendship or anything.

And then there’s B.

B has been my best friend for what feels like forever even though we’ve only known each other for less than ten years. She’s the kind of friend you tend to forget only to remember and realize, ‘oh wow, I’m a dick why would I ever stop talking to you???’

So recently B ghosted me. Like for maybe two months. I kinda went into this spiral, my other friends weren’t really talking to me and A had her phone taken away and I didn’t have anyone.

And then, BOOM, B’s back. And she texts me constantly, using gifs with little animations and LOTS of hearts. (she tells me she loves me at least once a week and I have to say it back, which sometimes makes me uncomfy since I don’t like the whole emotion thing.)

Let me admit now, I do love her. She’s my best friend, probably a better friend than A if I’m honest but there’s one problem with my perspective on that:

I generally like A more.

It’s not like I hate B or anything, like I said, I love her. But, this’ll sound so ignorant, A is the popular girl everyone wants to talk to. And before her, I was just this girl in the background, questioning if anyone wanted me there. And no one did, because no one knew me.

Again this is growing corny, but I’ll go on..

And then this light, a ray of sunshine; an angel; whatever you’d call her. (personally I’d go with miracle) came up to me one day.

That day changed my life. I felt like someone chose me and after that people WOULD talk to me. I made a few more friends and started acting like the varients of myself.

I’ll admit, I forgot about B. I felt horrible too, buying her gifts and saying sorry so many times. She said she was okay with it.

And then the ghosting happened. I didn’t sleep for days and it was all such a mess.

But then she came back, closer to me than ever, with no explanation. And I think she likes me.

Like-likes me.

Which wouldn’t be a problem, ‘cept the whole A thing. Plus I don’t know, I just don’t feel like that. I used to, so the feelings are trying to flood back since anytime anyone does anything for me I get attached, but I’m not sure I want that.

Any advice?

Sorry that’s so long-

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