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lifeinboheme-blog · 6 years

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Rape: The Aftermath.

My greatest challenge in writing this post is to avoid sounding like a victim to you and even to myself. Somehow the world has dictated that for this particular experience there always has to be a suspect and victim - but never a victor.

To be a victim means to be ashamed. Shame in itself is one thing people always confuse with guilt. Guilt is saying I made a mistake where as shame is saying I am a mistake. A painful truth.

Shame is a part of the experience that most people never dare to speak of but we all experience it wholeheartedly. The walls around us keep the judgement of the world out while keeping the self judgement locked in. In that moment, a way out seems ridiculous.

When the topic of rape is brought up in conversation, more often than not the victim is always seen in comparison to whoever wronged him/her. We are never isolated entities.

I have come to realise that rape never defined me but victimisation did. The thought that I had officially become a statistic to a lost cause threw me into the deepest pit of depression. The thought that those I loved probably found it difficult to see me outside of what happened broke me day by day. However the most paralysing thought has to be that I would never be more that just that, a victim. More so, a victim of shame.

Being called a victim forced me to realise how dehumanising labels are to everyone adhering to them. For months after I could not separate my essence with shame, filth, failure and being deserving of pain&suffering. I had to remember who I was before and who I now want to be, not for anyone but myself. Being raped made me realise that my life had become circumstantial not intentional.

I had to reach a point of intentional unconditional love and everything that followed fell into that very same narrative. I have always believed that the most difficult choice man has to make is choosing themselves. That choice is followed by great sacrifice and being alone. However what follows is also solitude, peace and the pursuit of happiness.

The life that I have chosen to live for myself is intentional, every decision made is with understanding. The love I have chosen is intentional, pure and empowering. We all have society gunning for our souls, why should we do the same to ourselves? I have no doubt that criticism is important however we do need to realise the power we give to negativity.

I hope to emphasise the power of self love. Beyond the hashtag and how trendy the topic is should not dim the importance of loving ourselves first. We also do need to understand that love is not always picturesque. It can get ugly but the trick is choosing to find the beauty in it. Never neglect what you see on the surface level.

There is more to us than what you see.

This is Mo signing out.

Peace, love and respect.

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