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liexwrittesfreely · 3 days

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my body is me

(Long post)

If I’m not my body,

then who am I?

My motive is to be alive,

it’s what my brain tells me.

It’s why I was born and my reason to maintain this state, reproduction?

no, not to give birth but to ensure the survival of life.

The trees and me,

we are alive,

we must keep each other.

From when me and everything alive were separated,

still together

in a primordial soup we grew.

I recreate it in my kitchen

with the pieces of my brothers and sisters boiling in water.

The water that created,

I consume

consume

but where does it all go?

Mother,

I'm scared to die

but I must make up space for the better.

Make air for the small to grow,

big and strong.

Im weak.

Is there someone who is strong?

My self alone is apathetic,

no need to be alive

no need to feel joy.

Just existing is a state I don’t need.

But real me laughs with all the hormones in my brain,

faking is reality,

what I feel is physical.

When I separate my soul from body and brain

it all feels so odd.

I look at myself and ask why

I can't look at others' faces,

there`s only me.

My entire world is me.

My body isn’t the way I look,

it’s my capacity.

Capacity to perceive,

to feel,

to make others feel.

Perceive the feeling

and proceed with happiness.

Though I’m sad at times,

though I’m not my body at times,

though I don’t want to be my body at times.

Get rid of it?

Don’t tell me to end all my options,

all my feelings,

my capacity to grow even if it’s little.

If I’m weak

that’s what I shall be

until I break.

My body will rot,

I won’t be remembered.

There’s no need.

No need for anything,

when the stars explode

or the universe deforms,

life will end

and we will become the water,

the one that was in my soup.

And maybe,

just maybe,

I won’t be my body.

My ultimate reason to create and maintain

life.

#free writing #poetry #art #poem #writing #artists on tumblr #wah #man #I sometimes forget when we live and breathe we have experiences 🥲

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liexwrittesfreely · 5 days

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G

(Long post)

I want to marry God.

Take me as a scarifice to better your life

in this mortal realm,

And I’ll marry him with much glee.

I’ll send you a wedding invitation

But please do not join me.

A match made in heaven and earth

With a promise of hell.

Oh God

Please accept my hand in marriage

And I shall be finally free.

Oh god.

Oh god I’m scared.

Send me an Angel and she will prepare my wedding gown.

I’m scared to go alone,

Send me a carriage.

#I wrote this a while ago #man I don’t really remember much from this #free writing #poetry #art #poem #writing #artists on tumblr #but if if u catch my drift on what I was talking abt…

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liexwrittesfreely · 27 days

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“Idk”/ no tittle

Im battling when there’s no one on the battlefield;

No one on my side,

No one who I need to defeat.

Just me and heavy armor.

I’ve done enough,

So why is there more?

#free writing #poetry #art #poem #writing #artists on tumblr

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liexwrittesfreely · 27 days

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Less

(Long post)

Everyday,

I see less and less

Of a future

I thought I’d never have.

I haven’t learnt my lessons,

I haven’t gotten better.

I’ve fallen behind on a race

I stepped in with an advantage.

And it’s all because of me,

It really is.

I think I’ll die,

I don’t want to,

And maybe I won’t.

But why do I think so?

It’s because a future with me

Isn't.

I never change,

It never happens.

I’m always me.

And I’m so annoyed at them.

I want a break,

A chance to not have me.

Break free,

Have no choice and all of them at once.

Will I ever be someone else?

I know it’s bad to want to change myself into someone I’m not,

So why

Why why why

Is “changing for the better” so good

When I tried and it didn’t work?

When I can’t reach the standard.

“You’re perfect the way you are”

Isn’t really good advice

When again and again

I hurt myself.

#free writing #poetry #art #poem #writing #artists on tumblr #abt me

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liexwrittesfreely · 1 month

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fugio ....

first 3 pictures r based on a poem by @liexwrittesfreely / @lieximhuman !!!!

#:3 💕

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liexwrittesfreely · 1 month

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poem by @liexwrittesfreely

#thank u 😭🙏 this is so pretty #raghHhhhH

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liexwrittesfreely · 1 month

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Bad person (pt.2)

(Long post)

I cant talk to others,

I can't understand myself.

I can't understand others,

I can't talk to myself.

Who are they?

Do they even know?

Am I the same as them?

We aren't and are but I can't figure it out.

What makes you you and why cant you be me?

What separates us?

Language and understanding,

Are we the different words but both meaning the same to each,

We think are different,

Because of our experiences?

Come into my brain and tell me your name

The way you hear it,

I’ll whisper it back without gagging.

Come be me

And I’ll be you.

The closest we ever could be.

It will be true empathy.

Let me know your name.

Let me have your hands,

I want to do the same you can.

Lend me your ears,

I wanna hear the music you like.

Why do you run,

I always ran,

My mouth was always shut and you

Wouldn't say “hi” first.

Why is it my wish and not yours?

Is it cuz I wish to be what's normal,

And you are satisfied with how you are judged?

It’s so absurd you think differently by where you stand.

Tell me I'm wrong and we are the same,

Pure and horrible.

Are you misunderstood?

I’m sorry,

I didn't pay attention.

#art #free writting #poem #nge #nge vibes lmfao #human instrumentality project #human instrumentality #shinji ikari #some strange fan fiction I write lmfao #evangelion has made me weirder like WTF #poetry

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Horse

(Long post)

I feel like I’m a horse,

They,

My owners,

Broke me so I could work.

Abide to their rules.

But I need an execution,

My legs don’t seem to walk.

Oh, how they always told me:

No use for broken legs

Static to the floor.

Won’t work for another day,

So just take them away!

I won’t cry, I won’t plead,

I’ve know for a long time.

I’ve always been a weak horse,

My brother too,

As the snakes took him

And the poison spread.

But even him,

A horse,

The one whose blood used for antidotes

Died from venom.

How tragic.

How weak.

#free writing #poetry #writing #art #poem #artists on tumblr

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Ignorant

(Long Post)

I know I’m ignorant and stupid

For thinking of my future

Not as a decision

But as a river.

No matter what I do,

As far as it’s not abrupt,

The water will run and keep running

Until I reach the ocean.

No matter what route I take,

It’s always salt water.

And it’s so,

So dumb I care only where I am now

And not about a future

Where a curve shows me beauty,

flowers and lush grass.

I just know I’m going to be taken apart,

Poisoned

And poison others.

Like pollution in a river.

Some patches are bad,

Some are awful,

Most are okay

But some are beautiful.

I know that will be my life

No matter.

Nothing matters

But I’m not hopeless.

I have hope things will turn out

“Right”,

No matter.

If I maintain calm

And keep following others,

It will be fine.

I will reach the ocean.

But I forget,

My heart hates orders

And I feel like nothing is enough.

I don’t latch on to

A false sense of choice

Like others

Seem to.

I let myself go

But somehow I still

find my hands grabbing on roots.

I want to let go.

I want to be able to make those choices.

But I can’t.

And I can’t let others do it for me.

I have stuff to do.

I really do.

But it’s not for me,

It’s not for anyone,

It’s just for rules.

For no meaning at all

But to create meaning for oneself,

One action,

For existing when all will come down

And nothing will matter.

But when you think it might be something unique

And that uniqueness is what's wanted

It feels worth it.

But everything is so disposable.

I know it’s ignorant to look at it all like this,

But I truly feel like

I haven’t been taught how to see it correctly.

No one.

No one

Can justify or tell me it’s different.

No one seems to try to talk about,

Acknowledge it,

Tell me how they feel.

There's no way to describe the way I feel

Because it feels so odd

But there's no name to it.

I can't call it depression,

because it isn't,

I can't call it being a teenager

because I can see the way others look at me.

There's nothing wrong with me

Yet everything is so odd.

Yet I don’t know the world for sure.

Yet there’s pain with no needles.

There's nothing I want to do in the future,

Things I like now are for the now.

In that sense I never know what's coming.

I just do what I feel like now,

I can't predict how I will feel tomorrow.

If I’ll be hungry,

If I will refuse to eat,

If I will look in the mirror and feel sad,

Desperate,

Or think my hair looks great.

I’m ignorant to tomorrow

and an observer to today.

So why do others tell me I must know?

How do they know?

I know it’s not sweet

It’s salty,

Hope it’s the good kind.

#free writing #poetry #writing #poem #art #artists on tumblr #Augh

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Cringey but I liked what I said here:

I wonder but have no answers.

Scream into an abyss

Filled with questions of humanity

For a God with no voice to answer.

#free writing #art

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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(No title)

(Long Post)

Hate is the most inhuman of human nature,

the worst instinct.

I hate to hate,

it contradicts, makes me wonder which is right?

I cannot hate the hater

(hate the sin not the sinner).

But that doesn't sound right either.

Too young to know true hate,

true hurt,

or

to be considered a person.

Old enough to know myself

too young to know the impact I have,

the weight of my words.

They seem like they hold none.

Yesterday,

I revealed the truth,

told it to the injusticed without knowing the unjust.

What good did that give?

Knowing the bad

without someone to blame?

Was I right?

Was I wrong?

My heart tells me I’m wrong,

my deepest feelings tell me

that the weak have to learn

but that I do not know how to guide,

as I too am weak

and am waiting for someone's hand.

I wonder but have no answers.

Scream into an abyss

Filled with questions of humanity

For a God with no voice to answer.

#free writing #poetry #writing #poem #art #artists on tumblr

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Word Vomit

(Long post)

Marry had a little lamb,

A little lamb.

Marry had a little lamb

And two wives.

Two wives.

Two wives,

I say!

The wolf ate the lamb,

The wives mouth dripped with blood!

Marry asked them:

“Have you seen the ordeal?”

(Was it bloody?

What it bloody?)

The wives told Mary:

“It was bloody! So terrible! So sad.”

It wasn’t as if Mary didn’t know,

It was love

It was love.

Love that bites,

Love that makes you wonder

“Will I escape today and meet tomorrow?”

One lamb wasn’t enough,

It wasn’t enough!

Two wives,

One lamb

And

One Mary.

Two wolves.

#thinking abt my old violin lessons #:^#did g remember the songs exactly 😭#free writing #poetry #poem #writing #art #artists on tumblr

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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my favorite lines from this article about poetry from students grades 3-6

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Grieving Meaning

(VERYYY long post)

Feelings of despair

Without any profound motive,

Or motive at all.

Of which I must find

Hiding within all the

Sad thoughts I’ve ever had

That no one could refute

Upon me being utterly correct,

Of in exchange they started calling me a realist

Instead of a pessimist.

After all,

What makes me a pessimist

Is that I think about all those real issues

(solely)

Without thinking significantly

At the happiness surrounding me

Which is a part of my real condition of

“the now”.

My real existence

Isn’t solely surrounded by sadness.

Do I need one motive

To feel so much grief

For people who’ve I met

That aren’t dead;

For people I’ve never met

Who died tragically;

For people I’ve known

That died peacefully

Without me by their side?

Out of the blue

Without actively missing them?

With 99% of the time

The grief not being directed towards them

But just me trying to fill the empty spot

Of motive.

When did motive leave?

When did I start feeling grief

Without anything being lost?

When did I start chasing ghosts?

Will my retriever help me

Retrieve these lost ghosts to me

Like how she did with

All these tennis balls,

Lost in the backyard?

I miss you,

However I think you’ve taken a part of me

When you left,

Along, everything escaped from it

Like water in an old bucket.

I’m sorry

I didn’t go through with it,

I think it was for the best though,

Since I’ve also been happy

Even with the leaking

Even with the lack of you. .

Why did I start feeling that way

When I knew you would be gone?

Why did I think it would be all over

Without you?

I cant put anything in my heart now,

And if I do it comes right out.

And I try again.

And it pains me all over

And over again.

I think it's human nature.

I think I’m human.

Or maybe it’s the animal instinct

Of self preservation.

When I encounter

The little white room,

With noisy kids

That seem all too happy

For all the senseless work

Given to us by people

Who barely believe in the world,

Our futures and theirs

Might have been doomed the day

We met the little white room.

For me,

It symbolizes my lack of freedom,

My lack of free will.

Why do I do something so senseless?

So unnatural

As sitting for hours

For no knowledge to be able to entertain me

While my back aches

And the exhaustion becomes unbearable?

I’m tired,

I’m tired!

There’s no physical motive

When I grieve for something I cannot see.

Do I grieve my own freedom?

Do I fear the pain

More than death?

I grieve your loss,

I grieve my loss of humanity.

That is so animalistic

I cannot interpret it rationally

So art becomes the only answer.

Art has meaning without rationality,

Language through personal perception

And not a dictionary.

No formula to follow,

No specific person to impress.

I had forgotten due to the good days

Of rotting in my room

To remember all the pain

Through exhaustion.

Now I know motive.

School has taught me something.

Finally,

Something.

I question the world too hard,

Looking for a answer

For something that might as well be

Simple chemistry.

Still I go to school to study it

Still I keep forgetting.

I can't help but forget how to solve the equation,

How can I make the world a better place?

If they ever make it

A better place

Will people be sad

Now without any real motive

To be so,

Just like me?

Except there won't be anything to blame it on.

Is a land too beautiful to be true,

Not seem like it will ever be something

We are able to touch?

Will reality not seem enough to us all?

What will we chase?

Sadness?

What does that imply for us all?

Motive chases sadness,

Sadness gives motive,

Motive to pass through it to a happier place?

Is there ever an end?

Is there ever an answer?

I will stop thinking so hard

At a meaningless objective

When I have no more time.

#free writing #poetry #poem #writing #art #artists on tumblr

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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There’s a strange regret I feel.

#free writing #poetry #writing #art #(trying a new format: screen shot)

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liexwrittesfreely · 2 months

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Don't Call Me

(Long Post)

You said I wouldn’t see you tomorrow

But it’s three in the morning

And

You are the one calling me.

You drink and smoke,

Smoke,

Smoke so much.

I said you shouldn’t do it

In the playground.

You said you didn’t care

If I got in trouble…

Or was it if we?

Or was it if you?

It’s four in the morning,

I haven’t answered your call.

Will you stop calling?

I feel so tired.

Why don’t you ever

Listen to me?

I’m tired,

I’m tired too.

It’s always about your pain,

But some days I’m scared

You’ll turn the blade on me.

I can’t call you my friend,

I can’t call you.

You were so self less,

I don't even say a word.

You’re so selfish,

You bit my skin

And didn't even listen to my “No”.

Stop it.

Do it to someone else.

But do you even have someone else? All that I got is you.

#free writing #poem #poetry #writing #art

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liexwrittesfreely · 3 months

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Uh.

Sometimes I want the whole world to go away.

Sometimes I wanna go away,

Being a person feels too painful.

I hate myself and the world around me.

It’s hardly at the same time

And I can’t tell which one is worse.

But when it’s just me I feel desperate,

Like someone should save me

But there’s no one.

No one that can.

No one can save me from the inevitable

And I can’t save anyone from their current condition.

#free writing #poetry #poem #writing #art #artists on tumblr

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