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leviathanswingman · 41 minutes

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killing me softly (with his song): chapter 4

Pairing: DiaLuci

Words: 4442

Chapters: 4/? Chapters 1 2 3

ao3

Lucifer awoke feeling calm and relaxed. His lashes were brushing against his cheeks as he furrowed his brows and let out a big yawn. He didn't feel like getting up just yet, the weight of his responsibilities for once nothing more than background noise.

The slightest hint of honey and smoke was filling the room and he breathed it in curiously. It was a familiar scent that surrounded him wholly. There was a warmth in his body that started from the pit of his stomach and spread out accordingly, stretching down to the tips of his toes and up towards the top of his head.

For a moment, Lucifer was able to push the worries that had been plaguing him the past few weeks aside. It was rare for him to get to sleep peacefully. Usually, urgent matters such as going to sleep and staying asleep were a struggle he could not commit to.

For a moment, he considered keeping his eyes closed, but as he adjusted his position, something tickled against his nose. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of familiar skin pressed against his cheek. The warmth he felt was coming from another body pressed intimately against his own. There was no reason to question who it belonged to. After all, he knew only one person who continuously dared to redefine his boundaries in such ways.

He paused shortly, held his breath, then breathed out slowly. He was calm, he was collected. Sleep was still heavy on his mind and the comfort he felt was too alluring to deny.

Last night’s memories were still vivid in his mind. Reluctantly, he had come to accept everything that had happened. After all, he couldn't use his illness as an excuse for his actions much longer.

Amid a Hanahaki attack as intense as last night's, he wouldn't have allowed just anyone to stay by his side. Lucifer had never shied away from kicking people out when needed. His willingness to keep Diavolo by his side was an admittance of weakness that was telling, and he felt like a fool for being so obvious.

Despite everything, Diavolo had stayed and helped, holding him through the worst wave of it. Oh, how he dreaded the thought. Had he not always considered himself a man in no need of reassurance?

Scratch that. As Lucifer raised his head he realized Diavolo was still holding onto him. Diavolo's left hand was resting at the back of his neck, warm and comforting, cradling him as if he were someone in need of shelter.

He looked at him, considered the way his head was bent towards his chest, almost tucked under Lucifer’s chin. His right hand was pulled against his heart, Lucifer's own safely tucked away beneath it. Their legs were entangled and it was difficult to tell where Lucifer ended and Diavolo began. Suddenly, it felt far too difficult to pull back and reestablish those boundaries he never wanted in the first place. He did not want to stay away any longer. But if life in the Celestial Realm had taught him one thing, then that would be that everything came at its price. Demons like Lucifer did not simply stumble upon happiness.

He'd never known how frightening it could feel to be cared for by another person. It was a thing of no permanence, he was aware of that.

So, still caught up in the afterglow, Lucifer allowed himself a moment of selfishness as he let his eyes roam over Diavolo's sleeping form that was pulled so close to his own.

He was still fast asleep, his hair sticking up in strange angles. For a moment, Lucifer just stayed like that, lying on his side, watching the slow rise and fall of Diavolo's chest as he fought the urge to brush the stray strands of hair out of his eyes. Even in his slumber, Diavolo looked content enough, his undeniably handsome features relaxed. Lucifer let out a deep sigh but did not move.

A daunting thought crossed his mind and he dared to wonder what it would be like to have all of this - no repercussions, no dangers, just the two of them, together in bed. For a moment, he imagined what it would be like to have the right to let his touches linger. If only Diavolo wasn't destined to be their king. If only Lucifer didn't have to carry the weight of his family’s past on his shoulders.

Right. He shouldn't forget himself, he should know his place. He had been acting quite uncouth these past few days. It was time to stop this foolishness.

All Lucifer needed were cold hard facts. Diavolo hadn’t helped him because he loved him. How daring of a thing it would be to assume so. He had acted out of a misplaced sense of responsibility. Due to the nature of their relationship and their contract, they were bound to one another. Quite obviously Diavolo needed his right-hand man and wanted to make sure that he was doing okay, so helping out in such a dire situation had come quite naturally to him.

Suddenly, Lucifer felt a familiar pain in his chest and fidgeted a bit to alleviate the sting. There it was again. Of course, it had never left to begin with, had only stayed dormant to strike in the most unfitting of moments.

Still, Lucifer had a theory he needed to verify. Slowly, he pulled himself closer, his eyes never leaving Diavolo’s resting form, ready to pull back at the slightest stir. He reached out and allowed his fingertips to rest against the slight stubble on his cheek. As expected, he noticed how the vines hurt a little bit less.

This couldn’t be healthy for him in the long run, he was aware of that. His theory had been correct; it seemed like Diavolo's presence was suppressing his aches. But Lucifer knew better. There was no way this pain relief came without a price.

Like your brothers, you are a fool after all, Lucifer found himself thinking as he ruminated over his situation. Still, he was frozen in place, unable to walk away.

He suppressed a groan as another sharp pain ran through his lungs. A few petals were making their way up his throat; bloody and wet. Diavolo was still fast asleep, yet his hand tightened around Lucifer's reassuringly.

Contrary to popular belief, Diavolo was a very heavy sleeper. Once asleep, it was almost impossible to wake him up again. On several occasions, Lucifer had been forced to team up with Barbatos to drag their future king out of his silken sheets. And oh, how kingly he had looked, his hair disheveled and expression surprisingly grim as he ran the palm of his hand across his face. It had taken quite a toll on Lucifer to keep the corners of his mouth from curling upwards at the sight. He would never admit out loud that it had brightened his day to see Diavolo look so unkempt for once.

Now, upon sensing movement, Diavolo instinctively tightened his grip on Lucifer, pulling him flush against his chest. They were close enough for Lucifer to feel his warm breath tingling against his throat. He imagined being allowed to ghost a kiss over the nape of his neck.

Still, no matter how much he longed for it, he wasn't meant to be held by these arms.

These arms were destined to hold greatness, were destined to support someone worthy. After all, it was difficult to deny that one day, Diavolo would have to marry to ensure an even brighter future for the Devildom. Lucifer was prepared to stand by his side once it happened, and his spine would be sturdy and his smile would look a tad bit too agreeable.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and once again, he became too aware of what they must look like to an outsider. They were scandalously close, far too entangled to be pulled apart again.

To him, the situation was nothing more than that, pure in its intentions, but what it would look like to the visitor waiting patiently for permission to enter, he couldn't fathom. Lucifer had two choices: he could either hide his face in the crook of Diavolo's neck, hoping to stay anonymous, or he could face the visitor, bold and unapologetic. Both options sounded incredibly humiliating.

Lucifer lifted his head, prepared to face the visitor head-on. After all, he was no coward.

After two precise knocks, a man entered the room, his body sharp like a knife in the room’s low light. Barbatos, holding a candelabra in his left hand, had stopped a few steps away from the bed as the candle illuminated the scene in front of him.

“Good morning,” he said quietly. “Lucifer, how have you been faring?”

Diavolo continued to snore peacefully and Lucifer found himself unable to move. The best he could do to preserve his dignity was sit up slightly. Diavolo let go of him, only to lock his arms around his waist instead. Lucifer carefully avoided Barbatos’s gaze, not wanting to know what he would find there. “You knew I would be here?”

“I never took note of you leaving, so I took an educated guess.” He fixed Lucifer with his ever-knowing gaze and he felt his cheeks redden beneath it.

“Is there anything you wanted?” Lucifer asked, embarrassment hot on his cheeks.

“I came to wake the Young Master, but seeing the situation you're in, I suppose there is no need for that just yet,” Barbatos answered smoothly. “Since you are already here I would like to inquire about the state of things. I take it you haven't made a decision just yet?”

“Don't be ridiculous. What decision is there to be made? Have I not explained thoroughly enough why I cannot do that? Who am I to jeopardize his future with my truth.”

Barbatos observed them for a moment, one eyebrow raised ever so slightly. It was quite the sight: Diavolo, still fast asleep, holding onto Lucifer’s waist with a firm grip; Lucifer, propped up on both arms, looking positively disheveled.

Barbatos let out a short sigh. “It is tiring, is it not?” he asked, holding eye contact with him. “How much longer do you plan to keep up this charade?”

“I don't know what you could possibly be getting at. We both know Diavolo will eventually have to get married. What right do I have to selfishly pursue a relationship that is doomed to end? I am unwilling to pursue any other choice. Staying his loyal subject is the only viable option,” Lucifer growled, not caring about keeping his voice down.

Barbatos fixed the two figures on the bed with a solemn gaze. “And how has that been working out for you? I am the Young Lord’s servant in the same regard, yet it has never crossed my mind to share a bed with him as you do right now.” Barbatos cleared his throat and turned away, facing the door. “A decision needs to be made. We will have to be able to rely on your aid with the preparations. It is undeniable that your constitution has been unpredictable. If you still plan on doing your job, I would urge you to sort yourself out. I know he,” he waved in Diavolo's direction, “ would not care. If it was up to him he'd keep you by his side like this forever, but to me it seems like you are sending mixed signals.”

Diavolo's hand suddenly clenched around the fabric of Lucifer's shirt. Quickly, Lucifer checked whether the demon prince was still asleep. His eyes remained closed and his chest continued to rise with the calmness of sleep.

He let out a deep breath and felt a petal flutter past his lips, landing near Diavolo's face. The demon prince scrunched up his nose in irritation.

Barbatos opened the door and turned back around one last time. “I understand you are not in the mood for more idle chatter. Alas, I shall leave you to your thoughts. Allow me to give you one last piece of advice. That petal… it has quite the curious color. Perhaps you would benefit from studying its meaning.” Barbatos’s hand was already on the doorknob. “When Lord Diavolo awakes would you be so kind as to tell him to come see me? There are certain issues to be discussed.” With one last courteous nod, he left the room, quietly closing the door.

Concerned by Barbatos' last comment, Lucifer quietly glanced down at the petal that was still lying on top of the sheets. He picked it up, turned it this way and that way as he inspected it. Although it still had to have come from a rose, its color was different. The petal wasn't white, but blue instead. Lucifer had no explanation for the sudden change. The only thing he knew for certain was that new petals could only mean more misery for him to bear.

Quickly, Lucifer slid his hand across the bed in search of his DDD. As soon as he found it, he researched the meaning of those petals.

Blue rose petals rarely occurred naturally in the human world. They often represented secrecy, the impossible, or the unattainable. In the Devildom, most people associated them with Lucifer, their color the very representation of Pride. He almost had to laugh. It couldn't get any worse than this.

When he put the phone down in exasperation, he dared another look down at Diavolo's sleeping form and was met with golden eyes mustering him curiously.

How long had he been awake?

Diavolo fixed Lucifer with an intense stare. He still hadn't eased up on his death hold, so they were still mere inches apart.

“What do they mean?” Diavolo asked suddenly, his voice still heavy with sleep. “The blue petals, I know I haven’t seen them before.”

“It should hardly matter,” Lucifer replied quickly.

He averted his gaze, focusing on the swirly pattern of the wallpaper to calm his breathing and collect himself again instead. “How long have you been awake for?“ he asked carefully, dreading the worst. “If that was all it took to rouse you, Barbatos and I must have been doing the wrong thing for decades.“

“I did not want to disturb your conversation.”

“So you decided to eavesdrop?”

“I would hardly call it eavesdropping when both of you were aware of my presence. Lucifer, about your topic of discussion…”

Lucifer swallowed harshly, feeling his defenses going up. “What about it?”

“I had hoped Barbatos’s words of wisdom would be enough to sway you.” Diavolo sat up as he spoke, finally untangling himself from Lucifer. “Yet it sounds as if you have made up your mind. How long do you think you can keep up this charade? There must be a way to convince you.”

There were more pressing questions Lucifer wanted to ask.

What were you thinking? What are we doing?

Still, they were questions he couldn't ask without offering a piece of the truth he feared Diavolo had already figured out. He pressed his lips together so he wouldn't voice them.

Apparently, Diavolo had lost all willingness to keep up a playful front. There was a calculating expression on his face, almost as if he were searching for the last piece of the puzzle that would finally make him understand Lucifer's uncharacteristic defiance.

“I will be just fine,“ he grumbled in response, his expression stoic.

Diavolo grabbed his hands, holding them between his own. Lucifer despised that he didn’t want to push them off.

“Out of nothing but spite? Not even you can do that. Hell, not even I would be able to!” His tone was turning heated. “Forgive my selfishness, but will it truly be worth it if it means losing you?! I need you. Your brothers need you.”

For a split second, a rare look of hurt slipped through the cracks of Lucifer's poker face. He shook off Diavolo's hands, reached for the box of tissues on the nightstand and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Holding the tissue to his mouth, he coughed multiple blue petals into it before letting it disappear into the pocket of his pants.

He threw Diavolo one last, indecipherable look. “I will make sure to eradicate these pesky feelings. Not much longer and they will be nothing but a fleeting afterthought. Thank you for your hospitality. From now on, I won't inconvenience you anymore,” he stated coldly as he slipped on his dress shoes, distinctly avoiding Diavolo's confused gaze.

“Lucifer, that is not what I was…”

Lucifer smoothed down his clothes before turning towards the door.

“I would like to return to the House of Lamentation now.” With one last look at Diavolo, he pressed down the handle.

“Barbatos asked to see you. But you heard him just fine, so I suppose there's no need for me to tell you twice. If you'll excuse me now.” The door fell shut behind him.

Lucifer was walking down the hallway at a hurried pace, feeling distinctly like he had done something wrong. Remembering Diavolo’s hurt expression did not help the guilt he was feeling. His way back to the House of Lamentation was one without rest.

He had been an utter fool. Of course, Diavolo would have overheard his conversation with Barbatos. It was uncertain when he had started listening in, but it wouldn’t be too difficult to figure out the truth one way or the other. Though he sometimes had his dense moments, Diavolo certainly wasn't dumb. Perhaps he had known all along.

Lucifer felt all his composure, all that control he knew to lean on, slipping through his fingers like sand. His lungs weighed heavily under that truth, spores and roots choking him much more violently than before. The warm Devildom wind hit his cheeks and he didn’t dare breathe in.

As soon as he set foot in his home, Lucifer made his way to the next bathroom he could find. The flowers in his chest had been teasing and taunting him the entire walk and it was time to get rid of them.

The bathroom looked empty enough. Luckily, the House of Lamentation had plenty of them. Due to the sheer amount of inhabitants, the downstairs bathroom now had multiple stalls built in.

As soon as Lucifer locked the door he leaned over the toilet, one hand braced against the stall to steady himself until he managed to flush all things unsaid down the pipes. He used a wad of toilet paper to clean up the trail of saliva and blood that had dripped down his chin. Thankfully, it hadn’t sullied his clothes.

For a few more moments he stared at the rose petals that were left over, almost clogging up the pipes. Lucifer mustered the blue-white mess, his chest void of emotion. As he was still bent over, his bangs fell into his eyes. He tried to brush them away with his forearm, only for them to fall back into his eyes again. A staticky sort of frustration ran through his bones and suddenly, Lucifer smashed the hand that'd been holding him up against the stall. With a loud cracking noise, the wall gave in, shaking violently as bits and pieces dropped to the ground, leaving the ragged edges of a huge hole behind.

His breathing was uncontrolled and labored. Lucifer mustered his hand, noticed the little cuts that quickly changed from open-white to red gashes. His bangs were still obscuring his vision, but at least the throbbing pain was distracting enough to clear his mind a little.

Suddenly, a loud shriek emerged from the neighboring stall Lucifer had just punched a hole through. As he looked through it, at first he couldn't make out anything that could've caused such an ear-piercing sound.

Irritated, Lucifer stuck his head through the hole to get a better look. He looked around more carefully before peering down.

Below the hole cowered one of his brothers, shielding his head with both of his arms as he reluctantly looked up. Dust and wood chippings fluttered down his head.

Lucifer cursed inwardly, pushed his hair back, and quickly schooled his expression into something more appropriate.

“Leviathan. What are you doing here?” he asked calmly.

Leviathan stared at his older brother for a moment, his big orange eyes never wavering. That wandering gaze of his made Lucifer shiver. He was quite aware of how considerably unhinged he must look at the moment. It would be foolish to assume Leviathan hadn’t taken notice of his uncharacteristically unkempt appearance.

“Uhm, this is a toilet, so… Wait, are we supposed to act like that just didn't happen?” When he didn’t receive an answer, Levi quickly nodded his head. “ Okay, uhm… So, Lucifer! Crazy to see you here! Is there anything you wanted from me?” His hands were moving at a rapid pace and sweat was pearling down his temple. Levi straightened his spine and finally propped himself up. Quickly, he tried to dust off his pants but failed miserably in doing so. He took a few steps back to lean against the wall opposite the hole.

“Why would I seek you out so I could talk to you in the bathroom?” Lucifer asked quizzically as he leaned forward, resting one arm on the frayed edges of the newly formed hole.

Levi cleared his throat. “Well, in the graphic novel 'My Heart Keeps Racing Whenever I Look At You But We Are Childhood Friends Who Are Cursed to Stay Five Feet Apart From Each Other So I Couldn't Possibly Love You!' the main character and his best friend always meet up in the bathroom during their lunch break so they can discuss their-”

Lucifer interrupted him before he could end up stuck with another one of Levi’s infamous rants.

“Leviathan-” He had to pause as a coughing fit shook his body.

His little brother immediately stopped talking. Hearing Lucifer use his full name never promised much good. ”Y-yeah?” he asked, but then remembered the situation he had somehow gotten himself into, a situation so peculiar that it almost reeked of dramatic potential. For a moment, he mustered his surroundings in confusion.

“There's a hole in the wall,” he mumbled, barely suppressing the unyielding urge to meddle. He raised his head again and faced his older brother. Based on the evidence he had gathered, there was only one conclusion to this mystery. “There's an almost comically large hole in the wall, the only suspects in this case are me and Lucifer. There's no way I'm the perpetrator, except if you consider the possibility of an unreliable narrator, which I don't think I am, so there's only one possibility left,” Levi mumbled as he pointed at Lucifer. “You're the only one!” For a moment, he felt quite cool and accomplished until he was faced with Lucifer’s blank, unblinking stare. They were both quiet until Lucifer cleared his throat.

“Now that we have established that it was indeed me who put the hole in the wall, I would suggest you forget what you just saw.” He wasn't in the mood to deal with his brother's shenanigans.

Levi took a small step towards the hole and stuck his neck through it, peering past Lucifer. “Yeah, sure, I mean… wait, what’s that?” he asked, pointing towards the toilet overflowing with petals and rose buds. “Huh?”

His eyes dashed from the toilet to Lucifer and back again, traveling back and forth over and over again. He looked short from hyperventilating. “Huh?! Those petals… it can't be! It makes no sense, but it has to be…”

All of a sudden, Lucifer slammed his hand flat against the stall and put his head through the hole he had created minutes prior, forcing Levi to retreat. “I hate to repeat myself. You saw nothing. If you did, I will not hesitate to burn your whole Ruri-chan collection to a crisp,” he threatened, his eyes gleaming dangerously in the sub-par bathroom lighting.

With a loud bang, Levi’s back hit the stall as he took several steps back. He clenched his shirt and panted heavily. “You wouldn't!” he exclaimed, eyes desperate.

Instead of giving an answer Lucifer simply stared at him, a small smile slowly starting to spread over his face. “Oh? I wouldn't, are you certain?”

“You're smiling. Why are you smiling like that, this can't be good. Don't look at me like that, Lucifer! Please spare my Ruri-chan collection, she's the only one I have left! Okay, maybe I also have Azuki-tan and Rachel-chan and Henry! Still, you wouldn't want to be the reason for your own brother's demise now, would you-”

Lucifer grabbed the edges of the hole with both hands, ignoring the way the sharp edges were digging into the palms of his hands. “Stop it. Come here,” he growled, staring at his brother intensely.

Levi didn't move one bit.

“Come. Here.“

“Only if you promise to keep my collection safe!” Levi exclaimed bravely, making Lucifer sigh.

He forced himself to visibly relax. Perhaps he had acted too harshly. After all, it wasn't Leviathan who had wronged him. “Calm yourself. As long as you keep your mouth shut, neither you nor your characters will be in trouble.” When Leviathan’s shoulders sagged in relief, Lucifer continued. “As your older brother, I am asking you to keep this private affair between the two of us. Surely, I can depend on you?” He reached through the hole and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. All in all, it was a peculiar and somewhat awkward situation. Neither of them knew how to react. Lucifer squeezed his shoulder with too much force and the look in his eyes was too harsh to be considered friendly.

Levi avoided his gaze and worried his lips.

Another moment passed and Lucifer finally pulled back again. With one hand, he began to massage his temple. “Now leave. The next few days, I will be very busy. Tell the others that it would be in their best interest to stay out of my way for once.”

“And Leviathan? Remember our agreement. No word of this.”

Levi mumbled a quick goodbye while he was already in the process of actively fleeing the scene, too startled to remind his brother that technically, he hadn’t agreed to his request just yet.

Quickly, Leviathan made his way towards the music room. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be the last to arrive. After all, everyone except for Lucifer was going to be there.

#self rb

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leviathanswingman · 12 hours