I am look like ive got my shit together But everyday i still pray and wish to die. People are monsters and evil They have sucked all the life out of me especially the so called close ones. Im dying im hurt I just want to be isolated from everyone The only place i can be isolated and left completely alone and be completely numb is when death finally overcomes me I wish for death To remove the burden off my shoulders To remove the toxic people out of my life Pretty much everyone I just want to cry but i have cried enough in my life time and has not helped me I want to be loved but people have lied to me about what it is. So i have given up of wanting it. I wanted to feel protected. Blankets will do for now I want tp scream but my voice is gone with the amount of times i have had to explain myself. I want to be believe im worthy but been taught to shut my mouth and be silent. F#$@ all those who hurt me no matter how much they tell me they love me. Im not doing for no more lies because i no longer want to be hurt. Kick me out of your house! I no longer know you Fk you for treating me like shit fk you for hurting me fk u for making me believe you were different fk you for manipulating me with your cunning ways and turning it on me. Like im the bad one when ur the rude person who will be miserable for the rest of her life. Push the only loyal person in ur life the only one who cares about u because theyre not forced to.

Detached

Detach: To separate or remove something from something else that it is connected to. When we are born we are detached from our only provider our only source of nutrient which allowed us to grow for the so months we were in our mothers belly. With a snip against our will we were detached. Learnt to rely on the people around us to survive and grow until we were able to do it on our own. Family the ones who provide and allow you to grow. When you no longer grow and dont know How long this will go or if yoy will be able to survive another night It is time to let go.. When you detach from your family you hold onto friends you attach for dear life Because you dont know what it is to be loved for real Or looked after, you dont know what it is to be be made feel human that your worthy....... Only when it suits them Only when they want something Only when your their source of entertainment Only when they can grow and spread their wings Only Only only.. But when your treated like your worthless Like a brick wall Second best It is hard to detach once again As the circle of life when you detach you attach or rely else where But when you have no where or anyone Do you really detach despite how toxic and cruel people can be? After all we can only grow with one another 11/07/2018

You or me

Don't pull the trigger! you You You! YOU! I hear their voices in yours I see them in you Release! Im that 10 year who felt the cords whip across my back Dare to cry and instead for 1hr it will be 2 Shoot! Im the 5 year who stabbed in the finger Tell anyone and it will be or 10 You! Please don't pull the trigger Click 9 year whacked with a vacumme stick across the head Cry out of pain? Your hair will soon be across the floor Release The same very head smashed on the corner I feel off a bike dr 5 stiches should be enough. Stop shooting! Get up now! Dont make a sound You soon will feel the cold across you face Looking up and screaming why me You! pushed down the stairs Held a knife to my neck Tied upside down Food forced down my throat to a pucked and forced and pucked n forced to swollow my puck Dont be attached or like anything because that will be broken Like the bones in your fingers,wrists, arms, skull n nose. Safficated with pillows Head through the fall Piss all over the clothes Milk on the bed Slashed tires Praying you will be dead Handing u the knife just take your life Ur just a burden heres the pills and soon we will be thrilled Dont be selfish and have friends soon they will be haunted Thrown in the trash like the trash i am Slut,whore ,pig, dumb! You? Can, you please defend themself Doesnt you have a right? You has lost their voice After all it was All my fault me Me ME ME! 11/06/2018

Coding

I yet come to understand myself Im like an enigma Just as im about to figure out the formula It shifts More pieces are revealed Focus on those pieces And your back at square one Dont be fooled I do want to be loved But im not willing to be vulnerable Definitely not willing to knock everything i know and desire Just so you or anyone can hurt me Yes i have i high pain tolerance But i will inflict it twice as hard on myself for being stupid enough for letting you in I just want some to break me Im giving you the formula to break this curse But how hard are you willing to work for it Are you gonna run away the moment it gets complicated or hard Prove to me that whatever you unravel You will protect and nurture 31/03/18

They say the heart is where the home is Im yet to find my home Maybe im homeless Roaming, searching high and low Its can't be in the place filled with strangers Not in the place where when i come i close my eyes and pray that i will come out alive Not in the place where im so numb that i cut so deep just to feel alive Nor in the place where i imagine pills to be skittles Not in a place where i have to hold my breath so i can be invisible Or the place where im told to act dead to survive Im told that so called prince charming is my only way out. That its he who will be make things better And i say i will continue to fight this journey alone No matter how hard it gets i will not find an escape in people or things I continue to gasp for air These lungs can no longer handle the toxicity of others I just want live before i leave But yet in this house filled with evil clowns I will be leaving before i ever live. 30/3/18

Eagle

Is it because im not pretty enough Because i dont wear make up Or is it because im a bitch Because i dont flirt Not attractive Because  i wear lose clothing that doesnt show my figure. Or it is because i have a voice That i speak what i believe is the truth Or that despite everything trial Im still standing on my own feet and no one else Is it because im resilient, strong and independent? Im not the rest were you can mold , build and destroy like a sand castle. No matter what i will continue to watch the flock from a distance no matter how lonely i get just like an eagle waiting. 28/3/18

Humans are the real monsters 21/3/18

Im yearning To feel loved Run away on adventures exploring the world Through the love I want to feel again whats its like to stay up late no matter how tired i am  wake up efore the chicken Get out of my way just for the one who makes me feel special More precious than a diamond I want to feel warm in the arms that are so rough and tender I want to lay there in silence and listen to heart that beats for me. Love is 26/2/18

#khalil gibran

I give up

I give up!

I give up on sleeping walking through life

And trying to please everyone around me

I give on the need to feel numb

Attempting to remove the sorrows that people have put me through

I give up on being silent and not allowing my voice to be heard

I give up on giving toxic people too many chances

For letting myself get paved the way others want me to go

I give up on accepting others negativity and garbage.

I give up on hiding the truth so others wont get hurt

For not making a home so others can get comfortable

I give up for letting people dictate how i feel

I give up taking all the responsibilies for other mistakes

All the task no matter how tired i am

I give up on running around and not giving myself a break so i can forget.

Dont tell me that if i were you i would've went astray

Dont tell me its my fault and i mustve done something to end up the way i am. Yes i shouldve given up a long time ago and maybe i wouldve been in a better place without you all

Please , i dont need you to pity me

I dont need you to justify your actions under the banner i want the best for you, Or i know u wouldn't mind and force me to accept my fate chosen and controlled by you.

Sometimes all you need is just a hug Hug? Where are you?

I cant do this shit anymore Im a worthless piece of shit That no one likes Such a fkn burden to them all Nope its not just a thought Its their own words and their own action No one cares Its so easy to forget about me To hurt me To reject me Im just meant to cop it all Constantly get hurt by everyone And simple just shut up and get over it I dont want to live anymore Everyone that i once loved Fkn stabbed me and hates me I no longer want to be played with No longer want the hurt and pain Its all my fault I should not show any emotions when people are stabbing me and hurting me Just want to be numb to all this. Fk u world Fuck you people every single one of u Not like u give to fucks because i know i will definitely be doing u a favour

Im trying to remember And Trying to let go at the same time Im trying to accept the reality But Im also trying to have hope

Do i hold on or do i let go??

7/6/17

I hate everyone who has hurt me Who has betrayed me Fuck you all Its my fault im too nice And i get out of my way for you all In the end u will do exactly what the rest has done Walk away. FUCK YOU!

6/6/17

HOW DO YOU JUST WALK AWAY? HOW DO YOU FORGET?!