I feel like im trapped in the wrong body I know the term is dumb but i really feel that way This body isnt mine, this isnt what i should really look like It makes me want to die! Now can i be happy with this ugly body? I cant do anything to make it easier! Long hair looks bad, short hair looks bad. I dont have clothes that i like. I feel like i look one way, then i see myself in the mirror and it ipsets me so much im not supposed to look like that? This isnt ne this isnt me tis isnt me

This birthday has been fucking awful. This month has been fucking awful. Way to fucking go

I love being told that i look like a girl! I love that that makes you excited! I guess im only cool bc i look like a girl to you!

Tbh if i had the chance to kill someone i would. I want to. Someone i hate, someone who deserves it. Id love to dig my fingers into their eye sockets id love to strangle them and wtch their face turn purple god i wbat to kill osmeone i bc i cant kill nyself

If anyone near me speaks about alcohol ill break a fucking bottle over their head

Im so fucking overwhelmed im so trapped with people and things i odnt want i just want to be fucking normal. I hate everyone i want everyone to die and leave ne the ufcj alone no one is good anymore

recently i havent been driven to care about anything or anyone. i havent been checking on blogs or talking to people. i cant find the ability to care. i dont. i dont have energy or want to get up and go to school. i dont find energy to care about friendships or relationships. im letting everything slip through my fingers without emotion or resistance. whats happening.

ill  cut off my whole family just watch me!

honestly mom its not your choice to not tell me anything. its your obligation to tell me everything you know. youre no better than my father if you choose to stay quiet and tell me to move on. i never had the choice to move on. god, fuck this. i dont even like any of them. my mom is fragile and broken and honestly, i am better. my siblings are young and immature and i have no kind words for them. i am better off alone. having attachments to them will only make me soft and weak and i dont need that. ive survived long enough without them. tell me what you know then leave me alone.

academics, its always about academics. scholarships because i’ve worked hard in the past or gotten good grades before. because my father taught me that i’m only good for my brain and what grades i get. do your homework do your homework do your homework. im a machine, wired to obey and please my superiors. its always about academics. im so fucking scared. this scholarship might be ripped away from me if my grades arent good enough this semester. im so fucking scared. i thought i could relax i thought i would be okay but i cant. i shouldve known. i could never get into a college with my own talent, it has to be stupid academics. fuck you im more than grades fuck you ufcu kyou fuc kyou im just a number  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162.  A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162. A00405162.

i just want things to feel easy for just a little  while. i just want there to be no fights, no anxiety. no problems, no disorders, no mental illness. i just want to feel like my days mean something. like im not wasting my life for no reason. like i sleep for no reason, and i wake for no reason. ive skipped out on classes already and its my first week in. freshman year i didnt dare skip a class. everything gets hollow after the first couple times. sex, skipping class, haircuts. styles. relationships. everything just gets hollow. god i hate it so much. i want a new life, i want to forget everything and start over. i want to die. i want this to be over. i want to feel again. i cant handle this. i cant handle anything. i cant keep living like this. i want it to all go away. how did i even get these relationships? how? i want them gone it hurts too much and its so much work and its so much harder like this. but then ill truly be alone so whats the fucking choice. but also, whats the difference anymore. theres no time but so much time. my days feel wasted, but then when it comes to alters, there’s never enough time. i need help. i need more time. i need a schedule that i never make. i just want it gone. i dont even know what i want anyway.

im glad my body makes u feel comfortable but its not that way for me

i compare myself to you al lthe fucking time

its really hard to be good when youre so bad its so hard but if im not there you wont get better 

 all the time ithink about how stupid i am too i dont really have an eating disorder bc i still eat food lol!!! but literally were not the same ur tall and ur belly is small fucknig SMALL you look GOOD

it upsets me so much tht someon  who doesnt even look bad hates their body but its also expected i think? or idk not surprisng bc alot of kids have eating disorders especially ones who were once girls//faced gender norms. its still upsetting but whats the use of getting angry w/ you. i just get angry with myself. im really glad ur getting help and gonna get what youve been dreaming for but im scared once you get there ill feel even worse

// gore // unsanitary I wanna aggressively fuck myself with something big enough to tear me open so it isnt tight anymore Better yet i often get impulses of cutting it with scissors

When its hot so u strip down but then i fucking kys bc ur body is fucking hodeous and feeling anything on it makes u literally fucking scream and panic oh my fucking god ill kill myself bc anotehr person touches me

I hate ecery "alter" tht shows up and is really strong then dies out but punishes ME by not leaving and just sitting in my head making comments but bot helping like fuck u. Ur not a ststem ur a fatality

Its just escapism its hust an elaborate daydream u dumb idiot its just ur daydreaming becoming too powerful stipid pisces stupid baby cant handle anything god uhporia would be better rhan u

U know theyre all fake if they cnt front for more hn a day

God i hate this system and these good for nothing fucking alters. U cant make plans and then not do it idiot. I cant tell osmeone ull hang put then decide u cant front anymore fuck you fick you fck freak bitch i hate u i never wanted you here i never wanted any of you