If it does not scare you is it even worth it?

I love when information revealed at the end of a story recontextualizes something said or done at the beginning. Like yes queen make the story a loop let the story keep developing even though the book is closed and the credits are rolling. The story never ends it just starts over.

Never knew what love really felt like until i moved in with my best friends and realized that i didn't like staying in my room all day, and id much rather take naps on the couch where one or both of them are in the same room, doing their own thing peacefully. They make fun of me for all my dad naps, but it's so peaceful and comforting to fall asleep around the people you love and know that they'll look out for you and/or wake you up if something happens. I spent all day Saturday asleep, literally woke up late, got breakfast, sat down on the couch, and konked out for an hour. Woke up, vacuumed, went back to sleep. Woke up to make some chips, went back to sleep. When they leave town without me i can't take my couch naps cause it's not as comfy without them there. Humans are made for communities. Humans are made for best friends. Humans are made for napping with someone nearby who loves you.

what you don't get is science exists because people can love. medicine exists because people love each other enough to want each other to live long healthy lives. astronomy exists because someone loved the stars and the planets enough to track them through their ever changing position in the darkest night. science exists because humans are curious little creatures and we want to know the world around us and understand it like it does us. we know stars and planets worlds away, we've sent cameras worlds away, all because we love the universe, and we also put love in those satellites!! we sent the sound of a 100 languages, lovely messages, the sound of rain and a laugh, all out there just in case there's someone in the universe looking for us like we do them, and so that they know that they were never alone, and we sent them the most simple loving things we could find.

science exists because people can love

I guess one of the things about my politics is that I'm a principled pluralist in basically every regard, and as far as I can tell this isn't something that's in vogue anywhere on the political spectrum right now. I run up against nationalists by believing in the value of diversity-for-diversity's-sake; I run up against "wokeness" for believing this extends not just to a narrow and rigid selection of identity categories, but to all aspects of the human condition, including ones that might be considered rather ugly; I run up against technocrats of all sorts (leftist, liberal, rightist) for actively opposing the desire to build a socially optimized society, in favor of one that accommodates a wide range of people and things and communities. I just like the world, I think it's beautiful and awe-inspiring and amazing in all its chaos, and I fundamentally don't want to destroy that. I feel like I'm constantly repeating this on here because somehow it seems like deeply held pluralist values are just really rare.

On the other hand, I'm conscious of the ethical burden this sort of thing places on society. There are, in fact, things I am fully against—various forms of violence and suffering and so on—things I truly believe have no place in the world. And this leaves me conflicted! A truly pluralistic society would, at some level, have to accommodate these things too. But of course pluralism isn't my only value, it's tempered by many others, and in the end there are some things I don't want society to accommodate. But deciding precisely what these things are is hard: from a utilitarian perspective, everything that isn't ruthless optimization for the Good is, in some sense, evil. I am actively opposed to taking things that far, but if I have any ethics at all (which I do), the line must be drawn somewhere. I think that precisely where to draw it is the single biggest philosophical struggle that I have, politically speaking.

Anyway, just trying to articulate this again. I feel very... unusual in looking at things this way.

this search for the essence of who I am

being in love with someone but not romantically

I need someone that loves me thoroughly. Through and through the easy and the hard. Someone who is unconditionally compassionate towards me. So that my heart may find rest. So that I can dwell in safety. I need true kindness and support. I need to bathe in their honesty, sip from their reassurance. I need effortless celebration of the glory of who I am. I need to be gripped firmly, not tightly. No noise, no chaos. Balance. Ease. Healing. Reception. Through and through.

-jamera naquai | Through & Through

Winter sunsets in Soweto, June 2022.

Wits University, June 2022

Check out this article I wrote on Makhafula Vilakazi, the National Arts Arts festival and why you should go to the festival and why you would not want to miss out Makhafula’s performance this coming Saturday

My eating habits have been actual rubbish. I’ve lost a lot of weight in a very short period and I’m not stopping. I don’t know how to.

the stars and the universe love you

Winter

So this is a tree outside my home, the single biggest indicator of the change of season. This tree has really helped me a whole lot over the years. Before I go outside or even check the weather forecast, I look at this tree and it indicates how warm or cold it it. Since I am a creature of warmth, it only indicates how cold or colddd it is. The slightest movement in its branches means I take a jersey and coat.

It is the beginning of winter now. The last Autumn leaves have fallen. The streets are quieter. Smoke is starting to fill the air in the evenings ekasi. Hands in pockets. Necks deep inside coats and scarfs. You see the taxi’s mist filled because they are stuffy inside and no one dares to open the windows in the morning. No one wants those piercing stares and under breath murmurings.

Everything is really bare. Hibernation is in full effect. Birds too are scarce. Stray dogs are not wondering about in the streets. Even the loved dogs are not barking as much. It is cold.

I like the winter the though. Perfect time to sort of unwind and reset. Much like this tree in a few months, I hope for prosperity, richness, fullness, abundance, growth and health.

Nature really is something truly beautiful and spectacular.

Self-Care

Take pictures of the sky, sing from the top of your lungs, chase someone around the house, cry.

Make a heartwarming meal, make a playlist of your favourite songs, make love to your favourite person, cry.

Give time to your people, drink as many fluids as feels good, live in your authentic life, cry.

Praise God, celebrate your achievements, exercise your body, cry.

Take care of your mind, take care of your belongings, take care of your heart, cry.