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just a little (they/them) guy that likes things
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real talk: if john mulaney
and nick kroll made a romantic comedy about two schmucks who take forever to figure out they’re in love, When-Harry-Met-Sally style, they would PRINT money at the box office
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Honestly Nick could snatch John. Anna better watch out fr. Haha.
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good evening, tonight’s top story, nick kroll & annamarie tendler publicly declared war over john mulaney’s hand and heart
we now go live to Nick Kroll gloating on Instagram live about how John will be his husband by the end of the week, so stay tuned i guess
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WHAT HAVE I MISSED?!
good evening, tonight’s top story, nick kroll & annamarie tendler publicly declared war over john mulaney’s hand and heart
we now go live to Nick Kroll gloating on Instagram live about how John will be his husband by the end of the week, so stay tuned i guess
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Professor!Krollaney headcanons
tenured John, adjunct Nick
john is constantly mistaken for an undergrad, and has been for the last 15 years.
nick teaches courses that cross-list with history and environmental sciences
john teaches history of religion
john roars at his students if he catches them distracted and physically removes them from the class if they are on their phones. calls roll before class and marks down absentees. calls on people who never raise their hands, and if they don’t know the answer, leaves them standing until half the back rows is standing and the front rows are turned around in their seats watching them with pity
nick holds his classes outdoors on the quads when the weather is good. even if it’s a lecture class, everyone sits in a circle. if someone dozes off, he creeps up to them and puts a flower behind their ear.
everyone knows nick is in love with john, but john is Writing A Serious Book on Morality and has no time for dalliances
students brave enough to come to John’s office hours are astonished to discover he’s super helpful and sweet
as a consequence, the good students all have crushes on him, and the bad students drop out or eke out a C and hate him forever for being a hardass
john wins book prizes; nick wins teaching awards
nick is rumored to be ex-military, but no one knows what branch or even which military.
john is rumored to have danced ballet professionally, which is why he sometimes unconsciously stands with his feet in fifth position and smokes like a chimney
John’s comments on student papers: “Persuasive enough on merits but needs structural improvement. Focus and formulate. Don’t just spray ink at the reader like a panicked cuttlefish. B-”
Nick’s comments on student papers: “HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!! B-”
one day, john brings petunia to class, and his lecture turns into “And thus we see that the concept of dharma-yuddha, or ‘just war’ in the Mahabharata, cannot be mapped out fully onto the Western jus in bello… aw, who’s my good girl? who’s the best puppy?.. You guys can’t see over the rail but there’s a small dog here. I swear I’m not crazy.”
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headcanon: nick kroll has written “nicky <3 johnny” in permanent marker in every public bathroom he’s ever used
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Teacher!Krollaney HC
in honor of school letting out for summer lmao
nick teaches history and john teaches literature
the funniest fucking teachers
all of the students love them and also ship them
nick seems pretentious af
he is lowkey tho
nick has a bad habit of coming in hungover on mondays and thats why he just shows a video
but dont worry mr. mulaney is there to save the day
john is the nicest teacher ever
like hes the teacher thats a major push over
like he tries to be strict but he cant??
nick, on the other hand, does not give a flying fuck
hes not strict but will definitely yell if he needs to
“look, i dont care if you are on your phones, but if another teacher comes in, im yelling at you.”
they come to each others classrooms during their free period
no one actually knows if they are together or not until one day they come back from summer break and ask “do u guys wanna see our wedding photos?”
but honestly no one is surprised
they are constantly texting throughout the day
about everything and anything
they help each other grade and make lesson plans
for finals i feel like nick is that one teacher who gives a long hard test on the last day of school
john is like “draw me a picture of a duck and I’ll give u a 100!” (ive actually had a teacher do that tho)
but to make a long story short john and nick would make great teachers and the sweetest couple goodnight and thank you!
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no one:
me: i wonder how different john mulaney’s stand up would be today if he had married nick kroll?
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Please
hi i’m here to pitch a sitcom where john mulaney and nick kroll play a married couple and kate mckinnon and chelsea peretti play the lesbian couple next door thanks for coming to my ted talk
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Every time I think I’m over him, his smile reals me back in. I would still die for him.
May 14th 2019 Insta Live
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You’re 👏🏻Welcome 👏🏻
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Photo
Look, high waisted man, fem hips.
LOOK Y’ALL IT’S BEEN REAL
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Nick at John
bro you look so cute right now dude. dude you are so fucking adorable
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