love the word “rapscallion”. like not only are you a rascal but you’re also kind of spring onion about it too

Whoever invented "open in app" links that redirect you to the app store instead of actually opening the app even when you already have the app installed on your phone should be involuntarily turned into a beanbag chair

“vampirism is too romanticized these days” damn that’s crazy. I’m romanticizing it even more now though because you’re whining like this

i love when its sunnyyyy yaaaay i want to get married

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

Malcolm in The Middle was such a good show

Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit was INESCAPABLE in 2014 and rightfully so. it changed lives. give it a listen certainly the song of the summer

i think its so funny that alumni from schools like harvard and columbia that were there during the protests in the 60s-80s are expressing support for students currently protesting against the genocide in palestine, and random zionists that were NOT at these protests in the 60s-80s have the never ending audacity to tell these alumni "well thats different, what you protested was good and what they're protesting is bad." as if protesters against the vietnam war and apartheid south africa were not also demonized, arrested, brutalized, and even killed for their activism. history only remembers them fondly after the damage has already been done.

The sexual tension between a girl and not feeling real every time her birthday comes around

that “fbi agent watching me through my webcam” meme was a really weird way for all of us to cope with living in a horrifying capitalist surveillance state 

the cheesecake factory menu was written entirely by a blind elderly man named Zampastò and contains many references to culinary literature both classical and contemporary

Grandmas were so right about puzzles and knitting and crocheting and solitaire and reading slow and slippers and baking and watching deer in the backyard send post